Confused

Everything is dream like, I have severe paresthesia and skin/muscle weakness all the time, limbs and joints get floppy like. bit into my cheek while trying to watch tv and only realized when I tasted blood and noticed my face was swollen. My brain is tissue too, so I guess that's also numb. Eyeballs are numb and burn. shooting pain in extremities, right leg severely weak at times which causes me to limp. Cant focus on any task for a reasonable length of time... get a host of usual stuff like agitation, nausea, headaches, agoraphobia etc. which I can deal with to a certain extent, but the physical stuff can be very overwhelming.

 

The numbness and pain is almost unbearable at times, how can one have numbness and pain at the same time? , it really scares me to be this unwell. I"m a clean recovering addict with heart disease, so I know what its like to be sick and benzos are the worst hands down. Had to quit a job 2 months ago when my contract ended (option to renew) as I became so ill, everyone thinks I'm crazy. Been dependent on family the last bit and I hate the fact I'm no longer independent. Do I start looking for work in this unpredictable, unwell state, or focus on recovering for a bit. Struggle to do tasks around the house let alone anything else. This helpless feeling exacerbates everything.

Thank you for listening

no one else to talk to about this stuff

"everything is dream like." Yes I absolutely know that feeling... People call it derealization/depersonalization but I have described it as living in a dream or an extended bad trip. I am also a recovered addict so I understand what you are going through. I know how helpless it can feel and I can't imagine moving back home..that must be rough but you're also fortunate to have that as an option! Although I know it sucks still... I would try and find a job still as it can be a really good distraction and keep you feeling somewhat normal.

 

I was able to stay in my role as my employer knew everything... and they were very understanding and forgiving of the situation. I'm here daily if you need to talk about anything.

 

Congrats on getting off, once your symptoms start to clear up you'll realize how worth it all of the suffering is and be glad you made the decision to jump.

 

na- 

blue, what you are feeling is normal for benzo wd. Why? Because benzos work on your brain, specifically, your Fear Center. Benzos sort of numb it. But when you go off benzo, your brain OVER reacts, but causing a ton of weird, painful, scary symptoms. What you are feeling is Classic Benzo Withdrawal.

Personally I would not try to look for work right now. But you have to do what YOU think is good for you. When I went CT off benzos, I already had Disability to live on. In other words, a bare minimum of money to exist on. Well, that is what I did. I got food at food banks then. Since I could not eat much, that was fine.

Please know this: what you are experiencing is completely normal. I KNOW you feel crazy, insane, scared to death. So did I, seven years ago when I began this journey. I truly, truly, thought I was insane, and considered going to the ER and requesting being sent to inpatient psych. My paranoia of doctors prevented me from doing that, thank GOD. I decided to tough it out, and maybe 3-4 months later I found BB and began my real healing.

 

It helps if you understand that all your symptoms originate in your brain.  And your brain is already trying to heal itself. There is nothing you can do to make this go faster. ONLY time does that. Distracting yourself is maybe your best weapon.

Please keep in touch with us. You deserve support and help, just as I did.

 

neoapostle, nice post, supportive and kind. Good job.

east

Thanks, one feels so alone at times, it really helps someone gets it. Felt really exposed sharing what I did,

wish my employer would've been that cool about it. My previous job was so physically demanding,besides all the other aspects. tried to negotiate with my employer to lighten the work load a bit, but he pretty much told me to get lost. Can do some carpentry and have a small job soon using this skill, it will help.

My family have researched a bit so they kind of get it, yeh I'm quite fortunate I guess

Crushing paranoia, sadness and depression today, have a fractured rib 3 weeks in and it hurts like hell. thank you, you're very kind

Thanks, one feels so alone at times, it really helps someone gets it. Felt really exposed sharing what I did,

wish my employer would've been that cool about it. My previous job was so physically demanding,besides all the other aspects. tried to negotiate with my employer to lighten the work load a bit, but he pretty much told me to get lost. Can do some carpentry and have a small job soon using this skill, it will help.

My family have researched a bit so they kind of get it, yeh I'm quite fortunate I guess

Crushing paranoia, sadness and depression today, have a fractured rib 3 weeks in and it hurts like hell. thank you, you're very kind

Carpentry that's so cool man! You should definitely lean into that and use it as a distraction/small income source in the meantime  that's awesome that your family is researching stuff, show them Colin's first quote in "the repository" section after you read it. That will help them understand the symptoms and will help you understand a bit of the science behind what's happening.

 

It's temporary, remember that. Just take it easy on yourself and continue to buy your time and you'll heal. I would take this as a chance also to look at what/who really belongs in your life and start to purge/pursue those things. That way, when you heal you'll awaken to a new and BETTER life around you and the suffering will have actually been a good thing for you 

 

na- 

Thanks man, the repository is extremely helpful and interesting... Its true what you say, trying to use this for the good in many aspects of life, the intrusive memories and thoughts can be positive at times, causing me to confront and deal with certain issues and hurts. Benzos, drugs, aren't present to numb and distract any more.

Its very difficult as you know but trying to turn it into something positive gives you some motivation and hope things will get better. 

 

I see your profile pic is a bike, I own a motorcycle and fiddling, servicing it can be a healthy distraction sometimes, not been able to ride much as I have not been really in control of all my faculties at the best of times.

 

Peace