In a mess - help with a high dose

This happened without me really noticing - it was insipid.

 

I have tapered myself off a codeine addiction which is an acheivement - but I used benzos to aid sleep and anxiety.

What I have done is swapped one addiction for another.

 

My mistake was buying from the internet (my only choice) - they supply here high doses - 10mg diazepam, 2mg xanax. I thought these were 'standard' doses.

In the last 24 hrs I took 50mg diazepam and 4 mg xanax spaced over the day.

 

I am turning into an alcoholic too.

 

What a mess.

 

Can anyone suggest where to even start? I would say the dose today is the highest I have ever taken, so its built quickly.

 

I need to remain functional so tapering will need to be sensible.

 

How long have you been on benzos? Have you experienced tolerance?

About a year.

Yes, I have some tolerance, as one tablet used to do the trick.

I'm not qualified to give you an answer. I'm new to this hell. It seems to me that you should start to taper the benzo with the shortest half-life following the Ashton manual. Getting off two benzos at the same time don't seem to be feasible to me. That said, wait for more knowledgeable people.

ItalianGuy has given you a great suggestion unlikelyaddict, it would be best if you tapered the Xanax first as it's a short acting benzo.  Having the Valium on board while you do this will help, the The Ashton Manual will help you with equivalencies for the crossover.  If you're feeling too fuzzy to navigate the tables, let us know and we'll get your some numbers that you can get started with.

 

I see you're using alcohol too, it acts upon the same part of the brain as benzo's so it's probably not a good idea to continue doing that.  I gotta tell you, I quit alcohol a long time ago, long before I got mixed up with benzo's and quitting booze was a piece of cake compared to quitting benzo's.  I'm afraid you've jumped from the frying pan into the fire, these drugs are nasty. 

 

We'll be here to support you if you're ready to do this, most of our members aren't addicts, but we have a few who have made it out of this, no reason why you can't be one of them, right? 

 

Pamster

Thanks all that have replied.

Today is tough - I am maintaining dose now, not even tapering yet.

 

I spoke to a private GP and they said I need to find a GP that will trust my intentions and therefore issue the smaller tablets (I have 10s).

That way I can reduce 1-2mg every couple of weeks and do a slow taper. So I'm off to see a different GP in the hope they are the one.

Also booked in with drugs counsellor next week out of curiosity - will keep telling the story.

 

Off to judo now - I helps with the withdrawals and headaches surprisingly well!

I'm glad to see you being so proactive in getting help, and thrilled you're able to exercise, good for you!  I hope the counselors are knowledgeable about benzo withdrawal, if they aren't, maybe you can make it your mission to enlighten them. 

Since it hasn't been mentioned and I think it needs to be said I'll give the usual in case you weren't aware. Firstly, you may not know this but all those pills you buy off the internet are counterfeits made using home made pill presses in the US and/or China and most of the time especially now have fentanyl in them to make them much stronger. These pills are extremely dangerous. They aren't made with any exact dosing so you have no idea from one shipment to the next what or how much of anything you are getting. They are usually much stronger then as described. Secondly, you described yourself as turning into an alcoholic. Benzos + Alcohol is one of the more lethal combinations of drugs you could possibly do. Most benzo deaths are due to the consumption of alcohol, sometimes even low amounts. I'm glad you are speaking to some doctors and its important you are very honest with them about these substances because what you are doing many people have died from just the pills over the internet alone.

Thankyou - I have been as careful as I can and bought off local vendors actavis pills in box with instructions. I'm aware all these could be forged of course.

My current priority is to get prescribed diazepam. My doctor point blank refused and sent me to hospital. They were unable to prescribe anything so I have been referred to a drug and alcohol recovery service. My appointment is on the 9th Dec. I'm not sure what will happen then.

I have managed to drop 10mg to 70mg with a week of withdrawals - but nothing really nasty. I will drop 0.5mg at the end of this week and see how that works. There seems so little help in the UK and waiting times are long - its a very lonely journey.

I have stabilised my alcohol intake - I'm hoping to do more exercise as this helps both with withdrawal symptoms but also uses time I would normally be drinking in.

It looks like you've made some progress, good for you.  I hope your appointment in December is productive but please advocate for yourself by stressing that a slow taper is what will keep you functioning. 

 

If you're lonely in this process, you can come here and talk to us, we'll keep you company. 

Thankyou - I have been as careful as I can and bought off local vendors actavis pills in box with instructions. I'm aware all these could be forged of course.

My current priority is to get prescribed diazepam. My doctor point blank refused and sent me to hospital. They were unable to prescribe anything so I have been referred to a drug and alcohol recovery service. My appointment is on the 9th Dec. I'm not sure what will happen then.

I have managed to drop 10mg to 70mg with a week of withdrawals - but nothing really nasty. I will drop 0.5mg at the end of this week and see how that works. There seems so little help in the UK and waiting times are long - its a very lonely journey.

I have stabilised my alcohol intake - I'm hoping to do more exercise as this helps both with withdrawal symptoms but also uses time I would normally be drinking in.

 

 

Hey nobody here is going to judge you for what you’ve done. We all have our own issues and none of us is perfect. I’d like to help you out but I must admit I’m having a bit of trouble understanding your benzo history. I’m sure a team member can tell you how to create a signature. I know how to do one but I’m not very good at explaining things. Just like I know how to get to a certain store but don’t remember the street names....

I too purchased clonazepam from the internet.  Benzo never really did it for me so I didn’t realize I was physically tolerant until a year or so in of taking 1 mg for sleep.  Clonazepam has a ridiculously fast tolerance.  0.5 mg was insufficient so fast.  Then I started tapering off suboxone.  Dr forced me off of that forcing me to the internet again. 

 

I am 2 months away from being out of suboxone and depression and anxiety have been so bad for years of trying to taper that I can barely eat.  I have lost a ton of weight cannot do anything but work.  Not even able to do activities of daily living.  I lay down all the time when not working. 

 

I am 56 yrs old and have a severely deconditioned body.  I get nauseous when I eat and I don’t even want to eat and can’t seem to even prepare food for myself.  What really sucks is I am a medical professional in a small town and the hospital where I work is a monopoly.  My dr is there but I work there.  I don’t trust any dr or counselor to keep quiet because of my job.

 

Have been taking clonazepam 0.5 mg - 1 mg for 5 years now and am in probably malnourished also with no physical activity a body that is going downhill fast.  I spent all day until 3 pm in bed thanksgiving and today.  I feel worthless.  The depression is hell and I have isolated for years because of all of this. 

 

I have nowhere to turn except here.  I am barely functioning and need to taper.  I am also on high dose fioricet and 800 mg gabapentin at bedtime.  I have so many meds to taper off of that I am scared shitless.  I turned to the clonazepam and the fioricet to help with getting off suboxone now I’m in a mess.  Fioricet is prescribed but I found a way to get more from the internet.  It’s an f’n mess.  But I feel I need to get off the benzo.  Tapering a barbiturate like fioricet scares the hell out me too.  I was using that for migraines and to help with intolerable anxiety.  Kept using one drug to help with another.  I am so scared now.

 

If I go into treatment they will rapid detox clonazepam and fioricet and possibly gabapentin and my baby dose of suboxone 0.06 mg.  I feel that will send me over the edge and with such profound bodily weakness from not eating and laying down for years not to mention chronic back pain and severe migraines I don’t think I have the strength to complete rehab.  I have been once for opiates and they run You ragged and if you can’t hack it they’ll kick you out and keep the money.  I didn’t have the weakness and chronic back pain last time and I was only taking opiates then.  Help I don’t know wth to do.

You might want to start your own thread about this as your post may get lost in the shuffle....just trying to help.

Thank you so much.  I’m a bit desperate and new here.  I appreciate the advice

Thanks everyone who answered.

 

I am continuing to taper with some success - down to 1.5mg xanax and 20mg diazepam.

 

My GP referred me to an addiction service. They want to jump to 20mg diazepam and shut out the xanax. They also have informed the social services (I have kids) for a home inspection and going to evening groups and counselling plus weekly urine tests are mandatory which is a real pain to juggle with the job. Also very judgemental which has made me feel terrible.

I'll get there with or without them - but I warn others in the UK, help via the NHS will require you to jump through hoops. Shame my GP wasn't able to help directly.

 

Hopefully will be here next week with another 10% drop.