6 weeks off benzos!!! Happy Halloween!

It was hellish for the first few weeks.  I've been in a blessed window for the past week.  This followed a brutal wave that literally brought me to my knees praying for relief. 

My anxiety went through what I thought was the roof ( I didn't know about benzo withdrawal yet) when I found myself caregiving for my elderly mother, working full time at a very stressful job and having major surgery a couple of years ago.  I was having clusters of panic attacks everyday.  I was already on ADs for chronic depression & anxiety.  I saw my psychiatrist who prescribed Ativan .5mg 2xday and it was a huge relief. My anxiety shot up again and I began having cluster panic attacks again so I went on Klonopin .5mg 2xday. 

I began reading about the long term effects of bentos which scared the *%&# out of me and since I was starting to feel better I asked to taper off.  I didn't know about BB until I was already almost done with the taper.  In retrospect of course I wish I'd tapered more slowly. It was the miserable WD symptoms that had me scouring the internet for support and led me to BB. 

So, it's been 6 weeks and I'm currently in a window.  My blood pressure has come down after scary spikes during WD.  My heart palpitations happen just a little each day as opposed to pounding out of my chest for hours.  I have a little head pressure everyday - again nothing like it was.  And I feel hopeful now, in contrast to the terrible sense of doom and decay I had for several weeks where I had times I felt I didn't want to live if it was going to be in the state I was in.  I thought death would be a relief. Very scary stuff.

I know my suffering has been relatively short compared to many on here and my heart goes out to everyone suffering on this journey.  I know another wave may come for me.  But I'm still amazed by our strength and I'm optimistic for the healing of all of us.

Brighterday

Good for you Brighter.  yes, this does bring us to our knees.  Sure does make one appreciate windows!  To this day, I am grateful to not be suffering in the darkness of acute.  I say my thanks everyday even if in a wave.  We know all too well how bad it can get.

So happy to hear you are getting some relief and on your way to healing!

Brighterday,

I can definitely relate to that sense of doom, fear of death, not wanting to live in this condition that you mention. It is good to see someone get through it, it gives me some hope. I just keep working on my taper to give myself a chance at healing. I think I struggle with the duration aspect of it all. I've had symptoms for a year now after being healthy all my life and still have four more months of tapering. It's amazing that some were able to persist this way for years and then heal. So glad you are doing much better now.

Tom

DoveLuv and Tom,

Thank you both for your kind replies. Somehow I missed seeing them until just now.

Not surprisingly my window was followed by a wave. But it's less intense. Time to power through with self care and as much optimism as I can muster.

Thanks again