Does depression/ anxiety run in your family?

So I think the whole mental health struggle runs pretty deep in my family. I feel like why the heck did this happen to me? Then I think of my mother. She's struggled for years been through the worst if the worst. We never even really can get somewhat of a straight answer if what's wrong with her or what went wrong. My dad always said it's the xanax but then it went from one thing to another crazy situation and always more pills. She started out years ago just taking xanax but then started getting worse and worse so just kept going back to the doctors and getting more drugs. I think she was so miserable she just started taking anything she could even illegal drugs to try and cope. I always thought I would get ahead of this and it wouldn't happen to me. But being my mother's daughter all I knew was pills as an answer. I guess I would have ever know what I know now without going through this bullshit! I hope I can help other people now. I also have an aunt that hasn't left the house in over 10 years been to multiple doctors and just says she wants to die. This is just all so crazy! Sorry about the rambling post I just wanted to get it off my chest and see what others could tell me about this being hereditary. I have had so much hurt going through everything I did and do with my mother. I've lived with a broken heart it's been so upsetting but then again and especially now I have to realize it probley wasn't her fault. It was the doctors and the pills! God Bless and thanks for reading. XOXO

My mom had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression. I think I inherited some of that from her, but always thought it was weird that it didn’t really manifest itself at full force until my mid 30’s. Then my brother informed me that my mom had a problem with Klonopin, so that’s likely where most of her issues came from, and that’s when I realized most of my crap is due to the Benzos as well. I’m praying that once I’m off and healed, I can go back to just having normal human amounts of anxiety and depression.

Thanks herasaybenz. Yes I think my mom suffered then hit tolerance to xanax at one point and things went haywire and didn't get much better.

Hi Sunshine2020,

Oh, God yes!

My Dad is a really bad worry-wart. He's been on benzos for his spinal injury for over 30 years, so he was put on them through no fault of his own. Sadly, I can see the damage they have caused. They have actually messed his mind up, and he cannot see that they have.

My Mum is a bad worry-wart and has a lot of anxiety, mainly due to her disability and the fact that hardly anyone visits our house.

It is a sad environment. The house is nice and well kept, but my parent's disability circumstances do make life difficult.

I have always suffered badly from anxiety, and sometimes depression.

It started in Year 12 when I was 18/19.

Classmates of mine would play in the yard and stuff, and I remember just sitting on a bench eating lunch on my lonesome. I would retreat into the library to ease my mind off everything.

My exams destroyed my wellbeing. I flopped at every one of them in Year 12, yet in Year 11, I aced them (yeah, what the Hell?). I knew I was in big trouble.

I scraped through my High School Certificate.

Really, I should have repeated Year 12 with easier subjects, but I think my school geared people up to go to University more than a trade college.

I opted for the trade college because Uni was far too expensive for me at the time, and I didn't have a job.

I then got a job at 20 at a McDonald's. It wasn't the greatest job, but at the time, it paid well and covered the bills.

I was able to get into a multimedia/graphics course at the trade college, and almost passed it. But there were a couple of subjects that were downright impossible to pass, unless you cheated somewhat (I remember one particular subject wanted 10 essays in 8 weeks, yep, you heard right).

At McDonald's, I would literally tremble and my heart would beat put of my chest every time I was to man the drive-thru. It was stupidly busy, and I would panic that I would stuff up someone's order, or stuff the computer up, or have a customer on the speaker I can't hear or understand.

However, I loved doing maintenance or the kitchen area. To me, it was fairly easy rote stuff, like sweeping out the toilets, cleaning up the walk-in fridge and making burgers/fries/drinks in between cleaning. Customers always came first.

I found that when I got older, my ability to do night shifts and complete the tasks on time waned. My health took a big tumble last year, so I quit with 10 years in the bag.

I now work part-time at a gaming venue. I was lucky to get this job, but it's hard due to my obvious benzo struggle. Lucky for me, the gaming job is easy and low stress.

When I studied multimedia/graphics design, I would have to leave the class due to RLS and spasms which weren't related to my current benzo use. This ramped up if I used a computer when I was overtired, or if I had a night class (which was plenty).

I cannot sit on a PC past midnight. I can no longer play my Playstation 2 or Xbox. I just get too tired and I used to spasm a lot in my right leg and fingers. I thought I had photosensitive/focal epilepsy, yet I was tested for this, and the test came back clear. I wonder whether the testing was 100% right, and if I have a form of sleep-deprived epilepsy (yes, there is such a thing).

The benzo has cushioned this somewhat.

Funnily enough, my sister is as cool as a cucumber. She works a high-pressure job and has just gone through a divorce. She drives 100km out of Adelaide to just north of Peterborough most weekends to meet her farmer boyfriend. I'm not sure how she handles it all, but she's into drinking herbal teas and has a ton of friends to support her through everything. She's incredibly lucky.

Dave. 

Hey Dave!

 

      Thanks for the response. I'm sorry for your troubles but it sounds like your doing fairly well. It sucks to see your lived ones struggle. My mom is on like 15 different scripts. She doesn't function all that well she mainly stays in her bedroom and colors. It kills me to know what she has been through. I just did a cut and feel like I'm dieing. Everything hurts! I got desperate and took some dust at the bottom of the bottle. Some of my pain has subsided. It's just crazy that these can cause all this chaos. I hope you are doing well. Hand in there and again thanks for the response!!

Hey Dave!

 

      Thanks for the response. I'm sorry for your troubles but it sounds like your doing fairly well. It sucks to see your lived ones struggle. My mom is on like 15 different scripts. She doesn't function all that well she mainly stays in her bedroom and colors. It kills me to know what she has been through. I just did a cut and feel like I'm dieing. Everything hurts! I got desperate and took some dust at the bottom of the bottle. Some of my pain has subsided. It's just crazy that these can cause all this chaos. I hope you are doing well. Hand in there and again thanks for the response!!

 

Your words reminded me of something I used to think about a long time ago, I used to marvel at how much power a liquid in a bottle (alcohol) held over me.  But I compare that to a little bit of dust at the bottom of a bottle and its truly unfathomable how helpless we are to these chemicals.  I'm sorry you're suffering and sorry to hear about your Mom, I'm sure it's difficult to see her like this. 

Thanks Pam that really hit home. Mr mom and I are born on the same day and have always have an amazing bond. But something happened when I was about 17 and I lost my mom then she's never been the same. I've been told I need to go to grief councling cause it's lije I'm grieving her yet she's still alive. I can't wait to be free from these benzos it's been a very rough road.

                          XOXO

                                  Ariel