Just sharing...any guidance would be appreciated

 

I know that people on here have experienced the same thing I have but I need to talk about it. I was put on Clonopin 9/2004 when I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. I was rediagnosed in 2008 with Bipolar I Disorder and put on 6 mg Clonopin, 300 mg Effexor and 2000 mg Depakote. Over 11 years, I was continuously prescribed these medications by 6 different psychiatrists and one family doctor. I had different doctors due to changes in insurance. I ALWAYS followed my orders and took my medication as prescribed. And I still struggled with my mental disorder. In October 2018, I was driving home with my boyfriend from State College, PA. A State Trooper claimed I was swerving. I pulled over. We were both asked to exit the car. My boyfriend had his gun and his license to carry. A backup was called. The backup was a State Trooper and was the husband of the first State Trooper that pulled me over. My boyfriend was handcuffed immediately when the second Trooper arrived. Not sure why. He was sitting on the guardrail and watched as things unfolded. I was given a breathalyzer which I blew a 0.00. I was then given 2 field sobriety tests. I passed everything. I was then asked if they could search my car. I was compliant. I had nothing to hide. They found my prescribed medications in my bag, still in the bottles with the doctors name on them. My Clonopin said "may cause droziness". I was never told by any doctor not to drive. The Trooper asked if I would consent to a blood test. If I didn't I was told I would have to spend the night in Jail. I consented. After the blood test, I was fingered printed and my picture taken. My boyfriend was taken to another jail during this time. And my car was impounded. After I was done, my boyfriend was allowed to come get me. We got an Uber and came home. In December 2018, I received notification that I was being charged with TWO DUI's due to my prescription drug use, reckless driving and speeding. I had the option to do ARD which my attorney suggested. He said an expert in medication would cost at least $25,000. I am a single mom. I didn't have that kind of money. So I accepted. I was sentenced in April 2019 to 12 months probation. In light of all of this, my ex-husband decided I wasn't a fit mother to our 14 year old son. This began a custody battle. My son was taken from me and I was given supervised visits every other weekend by the Judge. At the end of April 2019, my case was successfully transferred to our Mental Health Treatment Court. One of the conditions of being accepted into this court was that I had to agree to come off my Clonopin and fast. I was weened off by my doctor within 8 weeks. I came off my last dose at the end of June 2019. I am glad I am off of this horrible medication. However, I am suffering beyond anything I ever imagined. Horrible anxiety, no sleep, feeling like I am going to have a heart attack, shaking, pain beyond belief, TMJ from clenching my teeth at night...you name it. I am told it will take 2 to 3 years for total withdrawal. And my new psychiatrist and psychologist said there are some things that will continue the rest of my life, like when I try to talk, my brain and mouth cannot function right.

 

Some positives about all of this is I have finally gotten the help I needed with DBT Therapy. Very intense but loving it. Also, being off the Clonopin is positive too. Even though I am experiencing all these issues, I am finally thinking clearly for once in my life. Also, I have my son back. My ex never wanted him in the first place. He was just bullying me. My son and I have a closer relationship than ever. And I have a man, my boyfriend, who has stood by me through all of this. Like he says, we are all messed up in some way.

Hi kb,

 

I'm happy to know you've regained custody of your son, but sorry to hear you're still suffering so many symptoms, unfortunately it's very common to still have withdrawal symptoms after such a fast taper.  I want to let you know however that none of us know when we'll recover, the timeline varies for everyone, so try not to think in terms of years for your healing, just do your best to focus on getting through each day. 

 

I'm sorry you had to go through so much, keep posting and we'll help you through this.

 

Pamster

Wait, your psychiatrist said some symptoms are permanent!  Like when talking the brain impairs at times, and i have this, so, this could be permanent damage?  That is devastating to know. Perhaps I'll consider CBT therapy as of tomorrow

My psychologist and psychiatrist both said some of the damage will can never be repaired due to the length of time I was on it and on the dosage I was on. I can regain some of my lost functions thru the DBT Therapy.  It is an intensive 18 month out patient program with weekly individual and group appointments.  I might be dead if I hadn't started this.

 

I fought through all of this and I did get my son back.

 

Has anyone experienced tooth problems after coming off Clonopin? I never had issues and now I do, cavities, root canals,  pain...you name it.

I'm glad you're working with your Dr's to get through this and the DBT therapy sounds amazing, but I feel it's also important to educate yourself fully about what you're going through, have you had a chance to look at The Ashton Manual?  We are our own best advocates and working in conjunction with our health care providers produces the best results, so informing ourselves as best we can will produce the best outcome.  This is an excerpt from the Dr Ashton:

 

Do benzodiazepines cause structural brain damage? These results have raised the question of whether benzodiazepines can cause structural brain damage. Like alcohol, benzodiazepines are fat soluble and are taken up by the fat-containing (lipid) membranes of brain cells. It has been suggested that their use over many years could cause physical changes such as shrinkage of the cerebral cortex, as has been shown in chronic alcoholics, and that such changes may be only partially reversible after withdrawal. However, despite several computed tomography (CT) scan studies, no signs of brain atrophy have been conclusively demonstrated in therapeutic dose users, and even the results in high dose abusers are inconclusive. It is possible that benzodiazepines can cause subtle changes which are not detected by present methods, but on the available evidence there is no reason to think that any such changes would be permanent.

 

There is so much unknown about how benzo's affect us and the wreckage they leave behind, the scientific community is still learning and so are we.

 

I'm sharing these thoughts with you because I feel you need hope in your life, hope for a full recovery, hope for a full and happy future. 

 

Pamster

 

 

Thank you Pamster. Any info is so helpful. DBT Therapy has been a godsend to me.

 

I'm sitting here as I reply so anxious because I have to have a tooth extracted. Like I mentioned previously, no tooth issues until I went off Clonopin.  Could all just be a coincidence but I'm not sure. Only thing I'm sure about is being totally happy I'm off the Benzo!

Oh dear lord. I read your first post and my heart went OUCH for you and your BF. You did not deserve the treatment you got. You complied with the police, your tests were normal. I really am distressed about this as it should NOT have happened. But it did.

What happened to you would not have happened if the powers that be had more knowledge. But they don't.

What you are currently experiencing sounds like normal benzo wd to me. Severe anxiety, insomnia, shakiness, balance problems, pain....you name it and it can happen in benzo wd.

 

Look. I am a medical professional, and even I did not know how weird benzo wd can be for some. That came as a huge shock to me.

Someone telling you this is permanent is utter nonsense, utter BS.

I would suggest you read my current Blog, but only the first few pages. I tried to tell everyone what I went through, as I was, like you, forced to go off Klonapin and 2 SSRIs. AND Ambien. Utter hell ensued. My wd was awful, and I had to cling to life many times. My only hope was here on BB, so I pretty much lived here for about 2 years. Slowly learning WHY I felt so awful turned out to be one of the best weapons I had, and BB provided me with that information. I know right now you arent up to reading confusing articles on this, but you will be able to soon.

 

May I ask where you live? I am in Florida, USA, and I got a DUI years ago. Worst thing I ever went through except for benzo wd. A night in a freezing cold jail, no food, no blanket, and my cell mates were two drug addicted hookers who laughed at me. Took me two years to work this one out, including way too much money. But I did learn from this. I will never drive drunk again. DUH!

 

I know you think you are a hopeless case. So did I. But you are not. Nor was I. I had to struggled for about 2 years juyst to feel like a human being again. But it slowly got better and better. NO ONE can tell you for sure how long your benzo wd will be. There is no way to know that. Don't let "fearmongers" scare you. You can and will heal, as long as you do some of the things people here suggest to you.

 

Feel free to private message me if you need some more private support.

east

My heart aches for you and for all of Us who have found the safety to post on BB's.  I am so new and raw right now but I am in here all sorts of sideways at times.  But I am sorry for each of Us and our life's that have been thrust into this place.  Stay strong 💪💜

You stay strong too. We are all here for each other.

This is such a sad story.  I am so sorry for you.  Hang in there.  Yes, it will take time but the symptoms do go away, it may take months to notice how the symptoms slowly stop, hang in there.

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I can personally relate.

My story is vastly different from yours. But I ended up in the same legal mess as you. While I was still on benzos and SSRIs, I went to a bar after work. I drank too much, and admit that. ZI refgused a ride home, got in my car, and about 30 second later blacked out. I nit the median strip, knocked over a large street sign and totally my car. Cops came. I was given a breathylizer: NOT legal limits, duh! I was taken to jail, still wearing my scrubs from my nurse job at the local prison. Spent the ight in a freezing cold cell with 2 hookers who laughed at me because I was crying. My then boyfriend bailed me out in the morning, I wentt home and vowed to never drink and drive again.

Odd, that I did NOT admit or see that my damn benzos played a big role in this. Maybe not so odd, as benzos certainly mess up our logical abilities. For me, this was live or learned. I chose to learn.

So, you ar6e not alone in this. I would bet there are  a lot more people on BB who have similar tales to tell.

I had to learn NOT to be ashamed of myself and that I needed to stop drinking.

What will you learn from this?

east