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any Friends of Bill W? (or Jimmy K)


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Lib, I am no expert ok, this is just my opinion, you haven't stopped drinking for very long, if you can, I would wait alittle longer before I started tapering.

 

Lib, you doin a'ight?

 

It's been a huge inspiration how many other "don't drink any more" BBs have piped up on your threads - I'm really grateful.

 

Kind Vibes

LC

 

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I am too. 19 yrs. I relapse 6 yrs ago. But have been sober again for 4 yrs.  :)

 

Hey Dehy,

 

Last night I shared (in general, e.g. "Medical stuff, possibly Problems other than Alcohol") By no means am I saying everyone try this - it's the last time I "bottomed" it was suggested I "own it" - it marked the beginning of Return. Only cause it 'Worked Before'. If nothing else, I no longer feel hiding and ashamed.

 

I'll have to learn slowly how to rightly integrate the 2 "things"... Only reason I opened this thread is - I never thought of taking "more Xanax" - but the beer cooler had become Monty Python's "Holy Grail"... I've come to accept those might be disturbing, until they're not again...

 

That said, I need to "Do the Things" that'll keep it from grabbing me. My brave Son shares the house, only surviving family - I got to seek support "in real life" where it's always been... 

 

Thanks for your encourage's  :smitten:

LC

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Hey ItShall -

 

WELCOME  :thumbsup:

 

I'm pretty new @ BB. First few days, I learned "search" doesn't work very well and even looked in "Faith Based", sadly most of Religion gets "Lost in Translation" for me...

 

Gave up and put "Freinds of" in Groups. It's serving as a Check in point, mostly, for folks who choose to "identify" ...

 

Friend of Bill W. ---<snip>--- I did only one and was able to stop at one. But I honestly can't remember the last time I picked up.

 

I've had ONE scary accident (slugged apple juice left in the floorboard) last summer. Afterward the thought "Some Cheap red would fix this" Just. Kept. Popping. Up... Took months to 'Get It', cause "More Xanax" never crossed my mind. Duuuuh.

 

I've since learned getting Sober mighta been "Detox Lite" compared to tapering out of Benzo hell.

 

Staying off since '88? Still going to meetings? HAD NO EFFECT ON:  I didn't know "for sleep, @ night, as prescribed" would lead to - here we all are?

 

One. Hour. At. A. Time - you nailed that.

 

THANKS for Stepping up... All I know is if ever I needed the "Spiritual Solution", somehow, it has to translate to "one hour"

 

LC

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Lost Cause, you are NOT a lost cause!!

     

I the 'LC' thing, the least boo-hoo thing I could pick  :-\ A burden to my FINE son who should be enjoying his young life... May I rot in HELL if he's stuck supporting a strung out looser.    Today he says "Mom, I'm not letting you go to the projects. We're gonna get through this till you can support yourself".

 

He can't get it - nobody without a Master Degree can make $16 an hour with ONE HAND. (broke my wrist last year, that's how all this started) Nobody can live on $800 a month. This should NOT be HIS "Stuff". All his life "Mom's in Recovery" was the only good thing he's had.  THAT HE WILL HAVE BACK.

 

Living with my own consequences, is right and natural. My son caught in the web of 'em, HP's gotta have a plan to help him.

 

You are indeed correct in saying that coming off alcohol is Detox Lite compared to benzo withdrawal. When I started my taper, I thought to myself...I got this! I've been through this before with alcohol. I was sooo wrong!

 

It amazes me how many people on BB were able to "move on" after Alcohol/drugs... But what's scary? I know 5 folks local, in the meetings, on the Benzo Bus!!. I'm not getting "in their business". If I make it out, if they need help they'll ask...

 

Yes one hour at a time. You may be feeling good at one time of the day and then your body is telling you something different later in the day...

 

Boy, howdy!

 

What I hate most is taking it DURING the day. YeccH! I'm pretty good most days till around noon. But then the 4-5 hour doses add up to "Too Darn STUPID" by evening... My ball-n-chain's a short-life (Xan) ... at least booze was BOOZ. demmit.

 

It's been less worse today... may be .1 less than yesterday.

 

Hang in there. Let it happen  :)

 

PS - if you've any inkling how I can help my son, or be less harm - don't hesitate to PM me. It's okay to be frank, I'm about as fragile as an anvil - and possibly as smart  :o

 

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... Going to the projects should not be an option. I think it would just push your stress into the stratosphere.

 

Thanks so much bro, that's not an immediate matter. I'm doing better with accepting my "stress". If I did NOT feel it, I'd still be in Denial. But I am real concerned to NOT make "my stuff" my son's deal... Maybe I'll find another Spun out Spinster Recluse to share house with.

 

Maybe Son meet's a lass with a young kid, who NEEDS a grandma, instead of going to the kiddy kennel. G*d will make a way...

 

What has happened to you, you did not ask for this to happen. You're a victim of uncontrollable circumstances. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone encounters suffering to some extent during the course of their life. No one is exempt.

 

As for the Xanax withdrawal during the day, I believe most benzos are prescribed to be taken more than once a day. You may find relief if you take a small dose at the same time each day before the withdrawal symptoms set in.

 

I'm working in that direction. Now that I know I'm on "Direct Taper" will check in @ that Child Board, I'm sure I'll need some tweaks from the "Old Guard" here.

 

How's your Day been?

LC

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I'm pasting this HERE,  a perfect, succinct response to a Q? on Alcohol & Benzo's. Credit: FloridaGuy

 

Benzos are cross tolerant with alcohol and they are used to help people get through alcohol withdrawal, so I would think that the opposite would apply as well. I wouldn't stake my life on it though. Benzos and alcohol are the only two drugs that can kill you if you withdrawal incorrectly so if you are taking a benzo you need to do everything possible to avoid cold turkeying.

 

MUCH better than my cog-fog could hammer out...

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YEP!  Here I am!  Glad there are people like us on here.  I don’t feel so alone and I’m grateful to have the principles of The program of Bill W to help get me through this.  It’s one heartbeat 💓 at a time. 

 

~meems  :smitten:

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YEP!  Here I am!  Glad there are people like us on here.  I don’t feel so alone and I’m grateful to have the principles of The program of Bill W to help get me through this.  It’s one heartbeat 💓 at a time. 

 

~meems  :smitten:

 

Here with ya Meems, and DD too.  :)

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97 is the year I began my friendship with Bill.  Been friends ever since.  Had no idea this shit would ever happen.  Struggled so much with whether to do a Benzo.  But was so sick - you know- those of us with problems other than alcohol. Or at least I did.  This is wayyyyyy harder.  I struggled with the “cravings” a few times but knew what to do.  Just like they told me when I was new.  Hit my knees and ask for the obsession to be removed.  And it was.  Now I struggle with acceptance of my taper and as well as acceptance of what is happening in my brain.  Typical Alkie I can spend a day scouring google trying to find a magic remedy to healing GABA receptors in the Brain.  Surely there must be some quick fix.  Ugh.  Trust the process.  I’m not gonna die.  I had a friend in the rooms who used to say to me, whenever I was in an obsession,  “where are your feet”?  I would say “right here”. And she would say “well that’s where you need to be.  Right here, right now”.  So I’m holding at 5.  I’m not at 2.  I can’t obsess what 2 will be like or what jumping will be like.  Where I will be or be feeling.  I just got be here now.  I don’t need to think about that today.  Just go to be here tapering and holding at 5.  And having trust in something greater than myself. 

 

Love ❤️ ya

~meems

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97 is the year I began my friendship with Bill.  Been friends ever since.  Had no idea this shit would ever happen.  Struggled so much with whether to do a Benzo.  But was so sick - you know- those of us with problems other than alcohol. Or at least I did.  This is wayyyyyy harder.  I struggled with the “cravings” a few times but knew what to do.  Just like they told me when I was new.  Hit my knees and ask for the obsession to be removed.  And it was.  Now I struggle with acceptance of my taper and as well as acceptance of what is happening in my brain.  Typical Alkie I can spend a day scouring google trying to find a magic remedy to healing GABA receptors in the Brain.  Surely there must be some quick fix.  Ugh.  Trust the process.  I’m not gonna die.  I had a friend in the rooms who used to say to me, whenever I was in an obsession,  “where are your feet”?  I would say “right here”. And she would say “well that’s where you need to be.  Right here, right now”.  So I’m holding at 5.  I’m not at 2.  I can’t obsess what 2 will be like or what jumping will be like.  Where I will be or be feeling.  I just got be here now.  I don’t need to think about that today.  Just go to be here tapering and holding at 5.  And having trust in something greater than myself. 

 

Love ❤️ ya

~meems

 

Great post Meems and very true.  :)

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Hey Guys (Mary! Yay! so good to see ya pooping in)

 

I went to laundromant. Slammed. Couple hours later, went back - Nope. There's only one out here, size of an OLD 7-11 store, 18 washers, dozen dryers. grrrrrr... I am powerless over Laundry-mat...  :tickedoff:

 

Went back at 6, STILL slammed. Jayze, whole day shot circling a red-neck laundry like a buzzard. But I could hit the East side Group for 630, only 10 miles ...

 

Well they were slammed too! like I've never seen before. Over 30 in the litte basement room. The Force always wins. 

 

I just needed to Challenge my indifference, see faces. Sit. Still. Make an effort to care (with 20 from women's m.a.t. rehab... all I can say is it's gettin worse out there) Listen.

 

And a handful of home-crew, run the gauntlet of handshakes & pats ... no words required  :smitten:

 

And one more time, (do NOT eyeroll over 'baby-daddy', LISTEN) A couple folks said some things that pieced even 'Cog-Fog'

 

Like maybe I needa get some paper. a pencil. and Do What Never Failed Before. Buckle down on #1.

 

I been wearing' myself out fightin' shit that aint my battle.

 

Aint nobody gona translate the book for me!

 

Much Love  :smitten:

 

LC

 

 

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Hello friends! I met bill about 12 years ago.

 

Welcome!

 

I see from your sig you cold turkey. Ever since I found out this Alprazolam I'm on is the "most dangerous of all".

 

and I "have to taper off" (or siezures, worse brain damage etc) I've been ... you got to be kidding me.

 

I kicked alcohol (4L of wine every day) no "Rehab". Just meetings. It took about 6 white chips to make 30 days but I didn't have a stroke! Or another drink.

 

The "reservation" now is I don't want another stroke - I had one 8 years sober, from  :laugh: being pregnant!

 

but I was 30 then, I'm 61 now... hmmm... All I know is I want OFF THIS STUFF. I never even liked it.

 

It made me want to drink.

 

Hope you hang with us

 

LC

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Hi Brazil, welcome.  Glad you are here.  Getting off Benzo, I should speak for myself, in sobriety has got to be one of the hardest if not hardest things.  By the grace of my higher power I have not wanted to take a drink or use speed but have had the obsession and cravings at times for updosing.  But that was removed.  Now I obsess on ME.  Ha.  My taper withdrawal, symptoms, the drama in my head about my withdrawal, as we hear in the rooms the “oh my god, oh my god , oh my gods”.  So take a recovering alcoholic mind F*ck and put it together with a recovering Benzo user mind f*ck and what do you have? A giant cluster F*ck.  Yes I have quite a potty mouth.  Some things haven’t changed in 22 years. 

 

ODAT

~meems

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take a recovering alcoholic mind F*ck and put it together with a recovering Benzo user mind f*ck and what do you have? A giant cluster F*ck.  Yes I have quite a potty mouth.  Some things haven’t changed in 22 years. 

 

;D ;D

 

Meems you are a HOOT

 

Oh that obsess on me, I, me my - and 'pour me' symptoms. My fear(S). Obsession - "I must be in control". (wtf ??? ) Of symptoms?

 

Symptoms controlled by a CHEMICAL? Then I obsess I'm controlling IT (the Benzo) "wrong".

 

"how's that working for you" says that little bald Dr. in my head... The Force be with our looping thoughts...

I must Seek The Force, every dose - if I truly cannot NOT swallow it,    may The FORCE take the pill.

 

Going back to the 12 & 12 and notebook now.

 

HOPE EVERYONE IS LESS WORSE  :smitten:

 

LC

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Called my Sponsor today...

 

Have had same one over 26 years, there's times I call often (she let's me know) and times we check in every few weeks.

 

We had a good talk. 5th and 10th... she never "suggests" outside her experience, but ... WILL tell me if I'm lying to myself, which today she did not.

 

Now 3 days of "within set limit". For now I must accept that it's unwise to "wanna jump now" and get my DT's over with.

 

Need to gain some discipline and clarity. Then see how I withstand a deeper cut.

 

"The Human Will Unaided" never worked before.

 

This is a different surrender, but SURRENDER I must

 

:smitten:

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  • 3 weeks later...
Popping in here! Drank daily for years, got Librium for with Medawar and here I am. Had no idea about any of this...Benzos and they’re danger, them and GABA and alcohol...ugh. Only 50 some days sober and trying to get off this Librium garbage. 3 days into taper and it’s scarily fast. Hope it goes ok
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Hi Maddox and WELCOME

 

You're not the only one "they didn't tell" about benzo. When my Pdoc said my sleep tabs were potentially habit forming, I thought he meant - like cigarettes?

 

OOoops

 

LC

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 years later...
Wondering why this thread died on the vine. It kind of suits my situation... I believe I became dependent on ativan due to numerous alcohol detox's using benzos. I am 10 days out and I learned from reading here that my current symptoms are absolutely due to benzo withdrawal.
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