New and looking for info and support!

I'm on this strange and awful journey that I'd never expected, and looking for info and support on this board.

 

I'm a woman in my late 50s, and I've always been proactive about my health, trying to manage my depression and anxiety through my diet and exercise. Organic whole foods, gluten- dairy- sugar-free, I take no other meds (I think hard before taking tylenol), lots of water and walking.

 

But I started using diazapam/valium (5 mg) for severe spikes of anxiety, on occasion, since around 2011. For plane trips and hotel stays. Looking back, I realize that my little valium breaks quickly went from once a month to twice or even three times a month.

 

Last December, I had a medical scare and took 5 - 15 mgs/day for 4 weeks. I went off that cold turkey wo a problem (or so I thought -- except for that panic attack/anxiety spike that sent me back to the doc a few weeks later. hmmm.) I had another stressful event approaching so the doc wanted to give me more, but I requested getting an Rx of only 2 mg, because I didn't like the way 5 mg made me feel, and then, for 6 weeks in Feb/March, I took 2 - 4 (average of 3) mgs per day of valium.

 

So I tapered myself rather accidentally.

 

When I quit taking valium at the end of March (as I'd always done, just stopping, it cold since the stress was over-ish), about 5 days after stopping it, my anxiety spiked like it had never spiked before.

 

And this time, I googled the symptoms of benzo withdrawal, and took the time to learn about the dangers of benzos, and discovered yeah, I was in withdrawal. I read that I needed to taper, so I immediately took 2 mgs to try to balance things out.

 

And... paradoxical stimulant effect, anyone...? Yup. The anxiety and withdrawal symptoms immediately ramped up to a million. (I tried to stabilize for a few days, and it just got worse)

 

I did the math, figuring out how much V was still in my system, and it was pretty low, so I jumped. (I really didn't have a choice, the stimulant effect was gonna kill me.)

 

I had my last diazapam on April 4 (6 mos ago), but the withdrawal symptoms (mostly insomnia caused by a feeling as if a motor is running in my chest that makes me completely unable to sleep) remain. Currently they're worse than they've been for a while, recently coming at me in 3 - 7 day waves of awfulness, with shorter and shorter windows in between.

 

So that's me. I have a bunch of questions and hope to get some advice on managing this!

 

 

Hello and welcome to BenzoBuddies. We’re glad you’re here!

 

I'm so sorry for all the problems you've had with Valium. Sadly, your story is not that unusual. I'm going to give you links to a couple of boards where you will find members who can relate to your experience:

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

Cold Turkey, Detox, and Rapid Withdrawal

 

Also, please read the Success Stories. You will find that even those who have done rapid tapers do heal.

 

I’d also like to give you a link to The Ashton Manual. Dr. Heather Ashton was a pioneer in helping people get off of benzodiazepines. Her short manual is available free online. It contains basic information about benzodiazepines and tapering that is useful to both doctors and patients.

 

If you are able, please take time to add a signature (history of meds/doses, etc.) that will appear appear below your posts. It will help members give you relevant advice. Go to the top of the page and select profile. Then choose forum profile. Then insert your drug history into the text box. Remember to click change profile when you’ve finished.

 

Again, welcome!

 

Gardie

 

 

 

Thanks so much!

 

Yes, I used the Ashton manual extensively during withdrawal! It was VERY helpful! In fact, it was the info I needed to understand what was happening to me. I was pretty much on my own, w only my husband's help. (Most docs insist that one cannot become addicted to such lose doses of diazapam. Thankfully, my doc now *completely* believes me!)

 

Signature added, plus I should probably also add that I'm gluten-free, dairy-free (serious allergy!), caffeine-free, sugar-free, and rarely eat processed food.

 

Because I'm incredibly gluten sensitive and dairy allergic, I'm very used to cause-and-effect. If I accidentally get glutened, I'll feel XYZ. Drink lots of water and wait it out. (It took me 3 years of being carefully gluten free before the full results kicked in. So I've learned how to establish habits and also how to have faith that time will deliver a good response/outcome. I've got that going for me...)

 

But because I'm so cause-and-effect oriented, I tried hard, but have not been able to find a pattern to my benzo wd waves, which is frustrating as I'm sure you know. I've made charts, kept careful journals and sleep diaries.

 

The most success I've had is from EFT tapping (I both use a tapping app and am working with a therapist to handle some PTSD issues), and meditation. Recently, I've been focusing on acceptance. Instead of focusing on the anxiety of not-sleeping, I've been trying to accept that each night will be what it will be.

 

I'm curious about TMS. I've been thinking about trying it (medication-free depression treatment), but I'm leery about interfering with my brain's healing from the benzos. However, TMS has been used to help with addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Does anyone have any info or experiences with that? (And where's the best place to post this question...?)

 

Thanks so much!

Hi! I’d give a try on this board to see if there are posts re TMS: Alternative Therapies & Supplements

 

 

Thank you! Yes! And now that I'm a member here, I can use the search function and found a bunch o' posts about TMS!

Yay! Go for it.