Should I reinstate?

I’m six months off after a very abbreviated taper and then a week of detox.  I’m in utter hell.  Trying to work, have two young kids, and it’s killing me.  It’s the suicidal thoughts that are scaring me and making me think about reinstating. 

 

My psych doc is actually pretty knowledgeable concerning benzo withdrawal.  She thinks my taper was maybe too much too fast.  Went down from 3mg Of Klonopin a day (after 18 years use) to nothing in less than 4 months.

I will be done with month 5 tomorrow. I currently feel the worst I have since jumping with a couple of days feeling I was right back at the beginnng. In my opinion I would not reinstate. Just remember it will pass. I just try so hard to distract myself. I’ve been back to work since month 3 and some days I don’t even know how I made it another day, but I keep going. Do your symptoms get better towards the evenings?

Djej,

 

Reinstating carries no guarantees.  There are more reports on bad outcomes than there are on good ones, but it could be that the good reports never got posted because the members left this forum.  We never know what happens to people who leave.  Did they heal?  Did they join another forum?

 

Before you make the leap to reinstate, just weigh the risks.

 

Sofa

That's where I am at right now.  The problem is you will never know.  I came across a buddy who did multiple cold turkeys and rapid tapers. Lasted 8 months or so and reinstated.  Tapered slowly for 2 years and now is fine.  There are others who reinstate and it doesn't work at all and they have a crapload of new symptoms.  Or you could wait it out and end up extremely protracted for 6,7,8,9,10 years anyway.  No one knows how it will work out. I say trust whatever your intuition is telling you.

That's where I am at right now.  The problem is you will never know.  I came across a buddy who did multiple cold turkeys and rapid tapers. Lasted 8 months or so and reinstated.  Tapered slowly for 2 years and now is fine.  There are others who reinstate and it doesn't work at all and they have a crapload of new symptoms.  Or you could wait it out and end up extremely protracted for 6,7,8,9,10 years anyway. No one knows how it will work out. I say trust whatever your intuition is telling you.

 

This will not necessarily happen, by the way. It could, it has happened, but is not common.

Thanks everyone.  I’m right around 180 days and worse off than I was in the acute phase.  Months 4-6 have been far worse for me than months 1-3 after jumping.

 

My doc said something interesting.  She’s very careful with benzos and trying to get several patients off benzos who have been on them 30+ years.  First, she thinks my rapid taper and detox was the wrong way to go which shouldn’t surprise anyone here.  But, she’s also condoning me taking a dose of Klonopin here and there if things get rough...like once a week maybe.  She actually said that may help train my brain to know it doesn’t need them every day and it won’t stunt my recovery at all.  When she is getting people off benzos, instead of just tapering them to small amounts and then jumping, she wants her patients to start taking them every other day, then every three days, 4 and so on.

Thanks everyone.  I’m right around 180 days and worse off than I was in the acute phase.  Months 4-6 have been far worse for me than months 1-3 after jumping.

 

My doc said something interesting.  She’s very careful with benzos and trying to get several patients off benzos who have been on them 30+ years.  First, she thinks my rapid taper and detox was the wrong way to go which shouldn’t surprise anyone here.  But, she’s also condoning me taking a dose of Klonopin here and there if things get rough...like once a week maybe.  She actually said that may help train my brain to know it doesn’t need them every day and it won’t stunt my recovery at all.  When she is getting people off benzos, instead of just tapering them to small amounts and then jumping, she wants her patients to start taking them every other day, then every three days, 4 and so on.

 

You can get away with that depending on the half life of the drug.

For all of you guys struggling at the six month mark, my experience was just the same. I was way worse from months 4-7 than I was months 1-3. In fact I joined BB in M4 because I was so desperate. Then it started to improve. I started to feel that I could cope even if sometimes I felt dog rough. I’m in M14 now and I still have symptoms some days but bit by bit it has got better. Don’t give up, the feeling of recovery could come tomorrow and if it doesn’t it could be the day after.

This is scary. I'm 8 months out and losing hope too. I was rapidly tapered off as well. The brain fog, dp and suicidal ideations are constant each day.

I guess I still don't feel like reinstating is a good idea. I've heard so many stories on here of people who have gone back on and had adverse reactions and the second time coming off was harder. I've also seen people on here do everything right and taper down to the smallest amount as well and still have a ton of symptoms. I don't know if there is a right answer.

Thats interesting she told you to take Klonopin here or there. I did find while taking it which is common. I kept upping my dose over time. I assume if I took one the next day the w/d would be even worse so I would keep taking it and possibly just build up tolerance more and more. It would be nice to feel somewhat normal again.

I jumped a year and a half ago, got hit real bad and decided to reinstate and I held for a year and a half, and just started tapering again about a month (or more?) ago and have had relatively easy time so far. It was hard to be patient and hold but it has worked out well for me so far.

Hello DJE

 

Sorry to hear you are struggling.  Because I have experienced what you are I say this with utmost respect for you, your family & your health - please talk to you psychiatrist about the suicidal thoughts and get their guidance.  Ask them what they recommend.  They

could say to reinstate and slow taper or discuss other options for you. 

 

 

 

 

I’m also in a weird position because I have suffered from major depression for many years.  Sadly, I get little relief on that front from most meds.  Abilify helps a lot but I can’t handle it right now or else I get too anxious/panicky.  On a tiny dose right now which isn’t really a therapeutic dose.  This is where a lot of the suicidal thoughts come from. 

 

I think I’m wise enough not to have so much pride in beating this that it may cost me my life.  I would much rather reinstate and do a proper taper. 

If you do decide to reinstate let us know it goes.  Sofa is probably right about people reinstating and not reporting back.  You mostly only hear about the negative things not the positive.

I reinstated over 1 month ago after things got really bad to a point where I couldn't function or live really. My last taper was about 3 moths and in hindsight I should have up dosed, stabilized and then did a 1-2 year taper. I am trying to hold at 0.5K for 3 months, cross to V and then start a very long DLMT.

 

Your Psych sounds like one of the rare good ones, I would do what she says.

How does one even reinstate? How do you figure out what dose to go back on and then slow taper off of?

I tried from ~6mg/day to C/T (literally overnight) which lasted 3 long-ass weeks. I absolutely couldn't go any further - no chance I could go another day. My Dr. yelled at me for even trying such a stunt. Less than a year later, I went the rapid detox route, which may have been a bit hasty but that was over 3 years ago - still off that shit. That's an extreme example but indicates there are limits either way. Agreed though, it may backfire - no way to really tell. Doesn't usually seem to end well. To say "it will pass" though is ill-advised - no one knows that and it never did for me - 3+ years, counting. Of course everyone is different. Good to see you've sought guidance with professional help.

I had finished my 10 months taper in February '19 and had to reinstate in may. I reinstated at 1 mg of k that was the original dose I had taking for 4 months in 18' due to a bad reaction to an antibiotic.

I hadn't  been exposed to benzos that long compare with some guys here in BB (7 months, first Lorazepan and then Clonazepan).

Although I wasn't feeling that good during my three months off, mainly psychological symptoms like Intrusive thoughts and DP/DR it was when I took L-theanine supplement when HELL hit me. I felt so bad that under pressure of my psychologist and wife I didn't have other option than reinstate.

I got somewhat back on my feet two weeks after. Immediately after a week of reinstatement i had cut 0.250 mg. Then I started a slow taper. After 5 months now I'm at 0.375 and just switching to DLMT.

This time after reinstatement I have more physical issues than the mental compared to my previous taper. One of the more frustrating feelings is that I have to start all over again but the fact that I did it before helps.

Yes, it's a very personal and tough decision to make. BUT it's NOT the end of the world! At the very beginning I felt very guilty and that made the situation worst. Here in BB reinstate is a very bad word and some members with good intention show the bad side of the experience and in many ways it is. That may influence psychologically in one decision. I 've seen people going on and off of this drugs without issues mainly because they don't know or dig too much about this drugs.Be here at BB too often and reading bad stories won't help. Read about the successful stories and come here for advice and support.

Whatever you do I strongly recommend to start a taper plan immediately after reinstatement. More larger cuts doses at the beginning like indicated in the Ashton manual seems to be OK at the beginning, that's what I experienced on both tapers. Just make sure you go slow at half way.

Hope this helps.

Regards!

 

 

 

How does one even reinstate? How do you figure out what dose to go back on and then slow taper off of?

 

In my case I did what my psych said to do, I was so bad that I surrendered completely. Then I slowly learned that the minimum dose of .5 divided in 3 doses every 5 hours made me normal; then I take my Remeron and I sleep a good 9 hours. I am of the fortunate ones that find complete relief, but then again my diagnosis is GAD and Panic Attacks, so perhaps my withdrawal was really that condition, just made much worse by the Benzo withdrawal.

Just an update...I did not reinstate.  My wife flat out said she would divorce me if I did.  That’s twice now she has talked me out of it.  I think getting off Remeron has given me more willpower. 

Good on you djej!

 

Things became worse for me at approx 6 months.  I have felt your despair.

 

Now, at nearly 8 months things are showing real signs of healing. 

 

Good on your good wife, too. 

 

Dee

Thanks deadwoodgone.  Months 4-6 for me have been utter hell.  Symptoms just chronic and unrelenting.  Much worse than 1-3 where there were scary moments but more isolated.