Finally got off the stuff, then reality kicks back in

I had the most difficult

Time in my life coming off this medication. I made it 6 months, symptoms finally alleviating..and never ever thought I’d survive.

Then life happens. Two months ago. No one in my family ever wanted me to touch a benzo again, but 3 weeks ago I started taking Xanax. The night terrors, crippling depression, dysfunctional anxiety.

In such a short period of time I upped my dose quite (extra from family members). Only reason I’m able to come on here is because I took my nightly dose. It’s terrifying how this horrible medication is the only way I can Live. It’s so hopeless thinking I won’t

Be able to face life without falling back on this. I prayed to the

Gods id never touch it again if he/she lets

Me live. I’m in awe of myself

That I resorted back to it. I can’t go through this withdrawal again. The only hope I have is that it hasn’t been very long.

And yes, I have a doctor, just got a new therapist.

I’ve done very wreckless things with my life. My family can’t look at me the same.

This every happen to anyone? Ever think you just weren’t meant to beat it? Like they created Xanax for people as crazy as me

 

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Hi Emilyann,

 

You’ve had a rough time, I’m sorry.  I’m sure it’s upsetting to find yourself on Xanax again, please don’t judge yourself for it...no one here will do so either.

 

You’re first time around was a c/t off a huge dose of benzodiazepines, but a taper is a different process and will be easier on you. As you say, it’s only been three weeks, are you feeling like you’re ready to taper?

 

Challis

 

I’m wondering if it will be an easier taper

Since it’s been under a month of use

I should hope so, but you know how this goes...you have to try it to know. The good thing IMO about Xanax is that you can correct your dose quickly if need be. Can’t do that with long-acting benzodiazepines.

I’m wondering if it will be an easier taper

Since it’s been under a month of use

 

If I were you, I would definitely try taper!  A month isn’t really that long.  In fact, it’s just about the timeline a benzo can be taken without being so “addictive”.  Of course no benzos are better.

 

You can do this!

 

Good luck.

 

💜

 

 

We are rooting for you!

We've all done wreckless things in our lives, so don't let that part worry you. The only thing that counts is what you are going to do now. Focus on getting off as quickly as possible. Recommend you ask your doctor for depakote so you don't get convulsions (which can kill you). Get something for sleep (I use trazadone and melatonin). Then be aware that you will have good and bad days, and you need to not let life intrude....and vow to never use, no matter how difficult life gets. Remember what you went through to get off to motivate yourself to never use them again. Find alternative ways of dealing with it. Exercise regularly (I just walk 3 miles every day). Practice relaxation techniques, like meditation and distractions like watching a movie or work.

EmilyAnn, my heart goes out to you. I really do know how you feel. Defeated temporarily, ashamed and yet trying to be hopeful. Scared as heck.

Okay. Here are some ideas for you. You have found out how bad benzo wd can be. One thing I am not clear on is how you got off benzos the first time. Taper or CT? Whatever, you now know it can be kind of awful.

I wont lie to you. A taper of course is the safest way to get off. But a taper does not mean you wont have withdrawal symptoms. People do, and that is why BB exists. To help people get off benzos safely and as comfortably as possible.

I would suggest trying to learn how to design a safe (but NOT overly long or short!) taper. Slowly but gradually reduce your doses. And you also have to learn how to handle those awful wd symptoms. Fear, anxiety, trembling, shakiness, stomach upsets, itching skin and a ton of other yucky stuff. But people here on BB do know some tricks to help you cope with this stuff WITHOUT resorting to taking another darn benzo. Or any other drug, for that matter, unless its for diabetes or hypertension or heart disease.

Emily. I went CT off a thirty year habit of nightly benzos...for what I thought was chronic insomnia. My withdrawal was truly bad. So much so I still cant describe it. But...you know what? I am so glad I stuck with it! It took me over a year to feel semi human again and another couple years to become functional. But keep in mind how long I took these drugs, and though you don't know it, in doses that would overdose a normal person like you. That adds up to a really bad withdrawal.

You can do this! You will have the support of a whole lot of people here on BB. Just post your questions and concerns, and feel safe to tell us exactly how you feel.

east