It's not possible

I've realized that I am worse than 95% of people on this forum.  I'm not downplaying anyone's suffering by any means but my symptoms are beyond torture.  I have 1000s of thoughts flying around in my brain every minute.  I just went for an hour-long walk and my thoughts are bouncing from one topic to another.  It has been like this for 11.5 months straight now (including my fast taper). 

 

Nothing exists outside of my head.  The symptoms change in intensity all throughout the day but I am NEVER distracted from them. 

 

It's like trying to distract while someone is talking to you non-stop.  My thoughts are so LOUD and provoke so much fear.

 

I keep searching this forum trying to find someone who has been through this a survived.  But so far no luck. 

 

I am considering trying a reinstatement to maybe have a little relief because either way, I don't see myself surviving this.

 

Sorry for the constant negative posts lately.  I'm so desperate.  I really don't fight to thoughts and let them be there.  The hyperawareness OCD makes every thoughts feel intrusive and the panic/fear/angry it provokes is non-stop and tormenting. 

 

Edit: Removed statement against forum rules.

I'm so sorry, this is just awful for you, i had something similar for the past 6 weeks but figured out it was due to taking aspirin. This is such a horrendous experience but I'm not sure that reinstating will help.

Southern star - I'm sorry to hear you are going through it too. At the beginning I thought all of this was normal and that everyone that rapid tapered or CT went through this. Now I am realizing that is not the case. I just don't know what to do anymore to survive this.

The only thing I can think of that is preventing me from healing is smoking cigarettes as it has an influence on the GABA/glutamate system.

I'm no expert but i don't think smoking would be causing it imo, it seems to be a very common sx in bwd, i also had it from month 4-9 and it did fade away, by a year off it was gone but then i was hit with other horrible sxs. Years ago i asked an old Polish woman how she survived after the Holocaust, she told me "you just keep on living until one day you feel alive again ". I'm living day to day with this mantra.

Do you feel head pressure as well? Have you tried Homeopathy? The remedies work on an energetic level, so I don’t think they would actually mess around with the healing of gaba receptors.

I'm no expert but i don't think smoking would be causing it imo, it seems to be a very common sx in bwd, i also had it from month 4-9 and it did fade away, by a year off it was gone but then i was hit with other horrible sxs. Years ago i asked an old Polish woman how she survived after the Holocaust, she told me "you just keep on living until one day you feel alive again ". I'm living day to day with this mantra.

 

What symptom are you referring to?  Sorry, I am a little confused. Wow, that's a great mantra to live by.

Mostly godawful depression, non stop crying jags, hot sweats  muscle aches, neuropathy, severe fatigue, adrenaline surges, toxic wake ups, endless list.unfortunately they've come back recently especially the hot sweats night and day. I find i can just about cope with the physical stuff if the mental crap has eased up.

Do you feel head pressure as well? Have you tried Homeopathy? The remedies work on an energetic level, so I don’t think they would actually mess around with the healing of gaba receptors.

 

In the first few months I had serious head symptoms.  I had a bizarre symptom in which I would lose awareness every 10 seconds for a few seconds or so.  It lasted 2 weeks straight. It was terrifying.

 

I had excruciating headaches. It felt like my brain was trying to shut down at times. It felt like my brain was moving in my skull. Pushing and pulling.

 

I tried bach flower white chestnut once.  Never Again.

I am going through the same thing. Jumped off about 3 weeks ago, Getting worse every day. My poor brain is just like a train at full speed. Nothing slows the thoughts down. Also, the tremors and discomfort are relentless. Thinking about a slow tapper. I jumped off at 5 mgs. Wow, this is very hard. I c/t' off pain meds and this is more brutal in some ways,

The only thing I could say because I also suffer from this symptom is to find something that takes awareness from the mind. I’m at work and my mind just pulverizes me all day, I feel like my brain is a muscle that has gone into spasm, but I come home at night and lay down and put my awareness on my body and breathing. It’s a coping method I learned a long time ago and it takes patience and practice. It’s acts as a little oasis in my daily torment and gives me hope. The more you do this the more you’ll intuitively get better at it the more your symptom will decrease. Put your hands on your solar plexus to add to the feeling of body awareness. I also say a prayer over and over again. Just by reciting this in my mind over and over again it stops all the other thoughts. Hope this helps. Also check out  YouTube videos on Dr. Claire weekes, or check out WonderBro.

I am going through the same thing. Jumped off about 3 weeks ago, Getting worse every day. My poor brain is just like a train at full speed. Nothing slows the thoughts down. Also, the tremors and discomfort are relentless. Thinking about a slow tapper. I jumped off at 5 mgs. Wow, this is very hard. I c/t' off pain meds and this is more brutal in some ways,

 

I would really consider reinstating.  What kind of taper did you do before?

The only thing I could say because I also suffer from this symptom is to find something that takes awareness from the mind. I’m at work and my mind just pulverizes me all day, I feel like my brain is a muscle that has gone into spasm, but I come home at night and lay down and put my awareness on my body and breathing. It’s a coping method I learned a long time ago and it takes patience and practice. It’s acts as a little oasis in my daily torment and gives me hope. The more you do this the more you’ll intuitively get better at it the more your symptom will decrease. Put your hands on your solar plexus to add to the feeling of body awareness. I also say a prayer over and over again. Just by reciting this in my mind over and over again it stops all the other thoughts. Hope this helps. Also check out  YouTube videos on Dr. Claire weekes, or check out WonderBro.

 

I really do everything in my power not to react to the thoughts, feelings, and sensations and just let them be there. They are just so relentless and morph all the time its really terrifying because you start to get used to feeling a certain way and then it changes.  I'm tried doing body scan meditation the other day but my brain just sucked me into daydreaming with my thoughts.  It feels like if i don't snap out of it I will be sucked into my thoughts forever.  I know its irrational but I can't control anything.  Makes me wonder if i have brain cancer or something because this shit doesn't feel normal.  Even for withdrawal.

Keep on practicing the body scan medication until it works

If your headaches went away after the first few months, maybe this will go away soon too. That's a really good sign actually. I would look into some alternative treatments before reinstating. If you have money you can buy yourself a lot of time by trying some stuff. Maybe a different kind of medication besides benzos.

If your headaches went away after the first few months, maybe this will go away soon too. That's a really good sign actually. I would look into some alternative treatments before reinstating. If you have money you can buy yourself a lot of time by trying some stuff. Maybe a different kind of medication besides benzos.

 

My symptoms have morphed so much over the past 10 months. I forgot about a lot of the physical symptoms.  I was actually put on Remeron a month or so ago in the psych ward along with Seroquel for a week.  The remeron has stopped the pacing akathisia I had but hasn't done anything for the mental symptoms.  My psychiatrist wants me to try Luvox instead but I read that you need to get off everything and let the brain heal.  My intuition tells me that the hyerawareness OCD isn't going to go away. I just need the dam racing thoughts and earworms to stop.  Everything I read and watch just repeats in my head like a parrot. 

I keep searching this forum trying to find someone who has been through this a survived.  But so far no luck. 

 

I am considering trying a reinstatement to maybe have a little relief because either way, I don't see myself surviving this.

 

I guess you missed me.

2 + years ago I gave up 8 mg a day of clonazepam in 6 weeks.

On my bad days I took an additional 4, 8, 16 mg's.

Yes I had some issues but I didn't let them get to me.

My advice.

Tuff it out. It will pass. Most important!

Be Positive in your outlook.

Keep Telling yourself your going to beat clonazepam. Worked for me.

 

 

 

I keep searching this forum trying to find someone who has been through this a survived.  But so far no luck. 

 

I am considering trying a reinstatement to maybe have a little relief because either way, I don't see myself surviving this.

 

I guess you missed me.

2 + years ago I gave up 8 mg a day of clonazepam in 6 weeks.

On my bad days I took an additional 4, 8, 16 mg's.

Yes I had some issues but I didn't let them get to me.

My advice.

Tuff it out. It will pass. Most important!

Be Positive in your outlook.

Keep Telling yourself your going to beat clonazepam. Worked for me.

 

I'm sorry but I hate when people like you comment on my threads or other peoples telling them to tuff it out of think positive when you barely even suffered withdrawal.  I'm looking at your posts and you had muscle twitches and a headache. Are you kidding me?

 

My brain creates scenarios in my mind that I have no control of.  And guess what?  I have to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again like have had to every second or every day for 11 MONTHS STRAIGHT.

 

edit: content

I'm sorry but I hate when people like you comment on my threads or other peoples telling them to tuff it out of think positive when you barely even suffered withdrawal.  I'm looking at your posts and you had muscle twitches and a headache. Are you fucking kidding me?

 

Yes I had a massive increase in head pain.

8 mg clonazepam reduced the pain back to normal.

OK that's done.

 

Muscle twitches. Yep. Put up with them for 5 days and then took another 8 mg and they stopped.

OK over and done.

 

As for bad thoughts.

I have bad thoughts normally. So any additional ment I needed to resist them some more.

As for dealing with mind issues. I have the most massive head pain which reaches beyond brutal for over 23 years

Every single day.

And I will not tell anyone of some of the thoughts I've had and sometimes still do.

So I get it.

 

   

 

 

 

My brain creates scenarios in my mind that I have no control of.  And guess what?  I have to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again like have had to every second or every day for 11 MONTHS STRAIGHT.

 

edit: content

I keep searching this forum trying to find someone who has been through this a survived.  But so far no luck. 

 

I am considering trying a reinstatement to maybe have a little relief because either way, I don't see myself surviving this.

 

I guess you missed me.

2 + years ago I gave up 8 mg a day of clonazepam in 6 weeks.

On my bad days I took an additional 4, 8, 16 mg's.

Yes I had some issues but I didn't let them get to me.

My advice.

Tuff it out. It will pass. Most important!

Be Positive in your outlook.

Keep Telling yourself your going to beat clonazepam. Worked for me.

 

I’m not sure to what symptoms you are referring, but it’s virtually impossible to not find someone who has similar symptoms you are having and survived.  Read the success stories. 

 

Sofa

As soon as I wake up all the stuff I have read about benzos races throught my mind. Posts on here, things I read in the facebook groups, conversations I have had, imaginary conversations I have will have. It just jumps from one this to another.

 

I have come across anyone who has these symptoms.

 

All I hear is people have earworms of songs.

 

It's the most annoying symptom of all time.

 

It's like everything I have ever read or watched about benzos is on repeat in my head

If your headaches went away after the first few months, maybe this will go away soon too. That's a really good sign actually. I would look into some alternative treatments before reinstating. If you have money you can buy yourself a lot of time by trying some stuff. Maybe a different kind of medication besides benzos.

 

My symptoms have morphed so much over the past 10 months. I forgot about a lot of the physical symptoms.  I was actually put on Remeron a month or so ago in the psych ward along with Seroquel for a week.  The remeron has stopped the pacing akathisia I had but hasn't done anything for the mental symptoms.  My psychiatrist wants me to try Luvox instead but I read that you need to get off everything and let the brain heal.  My intuition tells me that the hyerawareness OCD isn't going to go away. I just need the dam racing thoughts and earworms to stop.  Everything I read and watch just repeats in my head like a parrot.

 

If you read that here, keep in mind no one here is an expert and everything you read here is an opinion unless it’s backed up with links to valid research.

 

If you believe the OCD isn’t going to go away, I would give the psychiatrist’s recommendation a try. It might help, and you do need some help with this. It’s serious and you’re not getting much help here.  We are only a peer support forum and cannot give medical advice, only laymen’s opinions.

I had this for 17 month and never found anyone else with that symptom, either. It was absolutely horrific. I am very sorry you got this, too. Do not worry too much about the smoking factor I would say. This symptom will pass!

When I had quietness in my head for the first time after so many months, I felt like new born. I couldn't believe it really ended, but it did. It will for you too.

I guess you missed me.

2 + years ago I gave up 8 mg a day of clonazepam in 6 weeks.

On my bad days I took an additional 4, 8, 16 mg's.

Yes I had some issues but I didn't let them get to me.

My advice.

Tuff it out. It will pass. Most important!

Be Positive in your outlook.

Keep Telling yourself your going to beat clonazepam. Worked for me.

 

I’m not sure to what symptoms you are referring, but it’s virtually impossible to not find someone who has similar symptoms you are having and survived.  Read the success stories. 

 

Sofa

 

To drive home my point that maybe some or many of these symptoms and self-induced.

After 2 years of no clonazepam tonight I took 8 mg clonazepam and a glass of alcohol.

Sure i feel a little euphoric but that's it. I wouldn't drive but I sure could go ride some roller-coasters.

Go for a walk around the neighborhood, except it's raining. And I'm sitting here writing. 

I write here so others like me don't feel like outcasts because their lives aren't falling apart with the blame being placed on benzos.

Tomorrow if needed ai could go back to 8 to 24 mg a day of the dreaded clonazepam without a care in the world.

Other posters need  know it's not all doom and gloom.

 

 

That’s the problem with this medication and it’s withdrawal symptoms. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT! Advice and encouragement is great but we must listen to our own intuition and body and go from there.