1st Time EVER, Short-Term, poly-Rxs then sudden C/T by Drs.

I joined Benzo Buddies last month but have been too nervous to post. I finally posted yesterday in the Introduction section. Today I’m taking courage to share my story. It’s not extraordinary or mind blowing. It’s a short-term story that ends like us all. In withdrawal. But it’s certainly changed my life. I need continued support from the BB Community. Honestly, I’m just looking for encouraging words from those who have either been through or are going through this life altering process. I was also nervous to post because, while I was poly-drugged, I am only a short-termer (about 1 and 1/2 months for all prescriptions - Xanax, Gabapentin and Ambien). Many have endured years and I feel like I shouldn’t even post or complain. But this is a very scary lonely process. I completely lacked true knowledge of the physical, mental/psychological, emotional, and yes spiritual impact of Benzodiazepines. I have NEVER been through anything like this in my life. BUT I am glad I found this community. Reading success stories gives me hope.

My story:

For the most part, I live an ordinary life. Work, family, church, spend time with friends. Just easy going. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, never been high, never been drunk, reasonable diet. Very simple life, maybe even boring to some. But that’s okay. That’s just my temperament.

I had my 1st EVER anxiety attack in July 2019 due to work life, family life, social life stress which sent me to the hospital. I had an IV of 1mg of Ativan and then I was put on Xanax, 0.25 2xs a day...(Never been on a psych prescription IN MY LIFE). Over the next 4 weeks I had paradoxical effects, (along with multiple physiological and emotional effects) and became severely ill along with sleeping issues. Had several doctors visits that pretty much said I was healthy or the symptoms would go away. If I wanted to, just stop taking the Xanax. I WAS NOT tapered off the Xanax, I was told by the psychiatrist the dosage was as low as it could go. I was immediately put on an anti-convulsion medication Gabapentin (just in case I had mild withdrawals) and Ambien for sleep (10 mg...way too high...smh) THE DAY AFTER I was taken off the Xanax. I was then taken off both of those medications approx 10 days later due to more health decline and another hospital visit. I did not know that essentially I was cold-Turkey cutting ALL  of these medications, one after the other and I was not given proper education or preparation. As a result, sudden and extremely painful physical withdrawal. I’ve lost over 30lbs since July, tremors, spasms, nausea, not being able to hold down food, terrible burning headaches, nerve pain throughout my body, insomnia, waves of anxiety and depression...I, like many of you are enduring the most physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually trying time of my life.

I pray for strength daily. I also sometimes need a reminder from those who have recovered from this. I have looked at just about every YouTube video about Benzo withdrawal, acute and post acute. Some are helpful because I know now that I am not alone. Some however, seem to only feed my insecurity that this will never end....BUT, I am looking for encouragement through this storm here at Benzo Buddies. I have also decided to keep on going, push through, soldier through this Cold-Turkey process. I have been able read and re-read over the taper and C/T success stories. Diet, exercise, refraining from isolation and are some themes that seem to motivate me. The diet and exercise part is really hard right now because I still have challenges with eating and I experience daily fatigue. (And I still have to work every day). I know everyone’s timing for healing is different. But I won’t look back! I can’t. And while I have respect for doctors I am choosing to refrain from switching to another Benzo and tapering at this point. Though I am only a short-termer I HOPE be accepted! I hope to be encouraged! Thanks for reading.