3 months free of oxazepam!

Well, I have to say that it was not easy, and I still don't understand how I somehow succeed to make it until 3 months out. Anyway, I'm happy to claim this milestone because things are slightly better now

 

When I jumped, all hell broke loose.

 

First month was a nightmare.

 

Here is what I suffered from:

 

• 
  - Motion sickness while in transports: I had it while being a little girl, then it vanished for 20 years
  - Dizziness / vertigo
  - Agoraphobia: mostly like a fear of having a panic attack when I was out
  - Incoherent fears
  - Panic attacks
  - Tachycardia
  - Depersonnalization / derealization: I even not recognize myself while looking at me in the mirror, or didn't recognize my hand.
  - Severe anxiety when hearing some dark words
  - Hypersensibilization (lights, sounds...)
  - Neck pain
  - Low tension
  - Vivid dreams (well, I always had vivid dreams but these one are nasty)
  - While sleeping was never a problem, I had a broken sleep
  - Not able to feel "connected" to other people, including my cat
  - Not able to work (but able to travel abroad for holidays  )
  - Not able to concentrate on a movie or a video game
  - Paresthesia
  - Brain fog
  - Hypocondria
  

 

I can add a good few windows and since I still had hope of not suffering a lot from withdrawal, everything was easier to challenge.

 

During the 2nd month, things were slightly better. I suffered from the following symptoms:

 

• 
  - Vertigos / dizziness
  - Less agoraphobia but still scared to go out of my confort zone that I tried to expand during the first month with many walks outside
  - Broken sleep
  - Headaches
  - Paresthesia
  - Brain fog
  - DP / DR
  - Muscles spams (really weird)
  - Anxiety
  - Intrusive thoughs that drives me crazy
  - Crying spells when feeling emotive by a movie of something cute ( )
  - SEVERE depression spells lasting only a few hours but driving me on the verge of madness
  - Hypocondria
  - Brain fog
  - Tachycardia and air hunger
  

 

I had a window lasting 10 or 14 days. I was able to work again and even starting a new relationship. I had a HUGE setback while having my period with depressive spells. TBH I felt that I was feeling better nonetheless but this sudden, depressive state in the middle of this 2nd month was so nasty I thought I would never make it.

 

The 3rd month, it was WORSE than what I experienced before for the first part.

 

• 
  - Very nasty depressive spells, horrible feeling.
  - SEVERE dizziness and vertigo NON-STOP
  - Intrusive thoughts
  - Neck pain
  - Huge anxiety about everything
  - Hypocondria
  - Panic attacks, the come back
  - Air hunger
  

 

While I had less symptoms than previously, they were much more severe and I thought that all my progress has been erased. It was worse during my period. Then, the last week of this 3rd month, I caught a cold and had fever for a few days. It was the best days I had since last april. I finally was able to just lay down and binge-watch series, be in the present and not fear about what would come next.

 

I wish I could be sick much more times.

 

So here I am now, at 3rd month free of benzos (and AD I took only 5 weeks).

 

I sleep very good with sometimes only a wake-up with a lot of panic in the middle of the night. I still have vivid dreams, but it looks like what I had before, just more scarier sometimes because I'm still processing my last break-up that led me to medication, the fear of loosing my family or my cat... I'm grateful for being able to sleep mostly peacefully at night. I still don't take naps since I usually wake up from them in a panic state, and it's only in the evening that my brain wants to shut down. Otherwise I feel that I'm tired but that half of my brain just DOESN'T WANT to shut down.

 

I have no more DP/DR. But I still have the feeling that something is not right in my brain, like if it was all messy and dirty, full of spiders webs, which prevents me from being able to focus 100%, to select the right memories I need.

 

What bothers me the most at this point is the depressive state I tend to fall into, in a VERY nasty and severe way, the dizziness and the anxiety. I'm so bothered by these 3 symptoms that I even purely FORGOT TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE for the whole week-end.

 

I'm seeing a therapist since month 2 and will begin St John's Wort next week. Being patient in this process is the most hardest thing I ever did and I feel despair almost each day, even if it's for a few minutes. I also stopped going a lot on BenzoBuddies and only read the success stories section. I hope that it will help to make this bad memory (me taking meds) fade away quicker.

 

I'm also super scared of suffering from depression, or GAD, or BOTH. Benzo withdrawal is really like an hypocondriac disease, but I really fear that I have to put a "mentally unstable" sticker on how I see myself now.

 

Wish me luck for my full recovery 

Congratulation Skalliz....wish you a speedy recovery. 

Wishing you good luck Skalliz! You've done a ft taper - but then again thankfully you weren't on benzos for long. You will heal.

 

I jumped off oxazepam a week ago. My sxs are anxiety and depression. Hope they will lift soon. Some days are better than others. You can follow my post jump log on the Process Log if you are interested.

 

 

Hi Lilly !

 

Happy you commented here, it seems oxazepam is not widely use amongst BB. I read your post jump log, good job so far! I'm happy your psychiatrist supports you. Therapy is excellent too, it saves me during dark days.

 

Stay strong, we can do it 

Hi Lilly !

 

Happy you commented here, it seems oxazepam is not widely use amongst BB. I read your post jump log, good job so far! I'm happy your psychiatrist supports you. Therapy is excellent too, it saves me during dark days.

 

Stay strong, we can do it 

 

Thank you❤ Yes we will!

I think it's always good to remember that you are not "mentally unstable ", although i know it feels that way, you have a neurological injury from taking a prescribed pharmaceutical medication. You WILL heal, read East Coasts success story, she will inspire you. Hang in there, you are doing great!