Author Topic: What we say here, and how we say it, matters  (Read 2240 times)

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2019, 03:15:39 am »
Many people seem to have lost their manners, their sense of caring for others who might just feel WORSE than you.

Where are the manners and caring for people who have been dealing with painful, debilitating symptoms for much LONGER than others? This works both ways.

If you are in the unfortunate position of still being sick after a few years off you have to deal with the added insult of denial coming directly from the only source of support you have- the benzo community. Then on top of that you are made to feel like you need to shut up or go away because you are scaring people.

Imagine how that feels.

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People are allowed their opinions and if you done care for them click off and go somewhere else.

Except when your opinions are scary?

Quote
When I managed (after many wrong turns) to find BB my world began to turn around, slowly but surely. I got my REAL education about benzos here.

A "real" education about benzos includes the possibility of protracted symptoms and some other things that I won't mention because they might be considered "too scary".

There are people on the protracted board who are very upset because they feel like they have been lied to or misled about the possible protracted nature of this illness. They feel like they made poor decisions based upon the false hope that everyone heals within a year or two, or whatever.

Whenever this subject comes up another thing that is never mentioned is the fact that if we sugarcoat the truth about these drugs that's just more people who will never know how bad it can be when they are first prescribed these drugs. If the public truly understood what these drugs can do to the human body prescriptions would undoubtedly plummet and the problem would be mostly solved.

If all you do is brood about it and feel angry, scared, helpless, you will NOT heal as well as someone who forces themselves to remain optimistic no matter what. Call it faking, call it whatever you like, but this stuff really does work and I am living proof of that.

This is easy to say when you are completely healed.

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Here on BB it is so important that we all try to upport each other, even if we don't agree on everything. You have a right to YOUR opinions, so does Espey, and so do I. They ARE just opinions, not written in stone.

The things is, this thread seems to be about people not having the right to express certain opinions or even lay out facts, if they are deemed to be triggering by some.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2019, 03:43:09 am »
IDK but I have a sense that the OP is talking about people who are creating unnecessary drama about this dramatic situation, not trying to tell us how to speak when we talk about how we're doing.

There are always going to be people who have a need to dramatize which is ridiculous of course because this situation requires no added drama.  I've seen people screaming and posting and posting and screaming and hollering since forever.  It's just how those people communicate and nothing we can do about it.  It is their choice to do what they do.  Unfortunately for them, they will be avoided because that behaviour just isn't trustworthy.  Most folks are working hard to maintain calm and dignity in this horribly stressful situation and I appreciate that the majority are like that.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2019, 10:42:08 am »
Many people seem to have lost their manners, their sense of caring for others who might just feel WORSE than you.

Where are the manners and caring for people who have been dealing with painful, debilitating symptoms for much LONGER than others? This works both ways.

If you are in the unfortunate position of still being sick after a few years off you have to deal with the added insult of denial coming directly from the only source of support you have- the benzo community. Then on top of that you are made to feel like you need to shut up or go away because you are scaring people.

Imagine how that feels.

Quote
People are allowed their opinions and if you done care for them click off and go somewhere else.

Except when your opinions are scary?

Quote
When I managed (after many wrong turns) to find BB my world began to turn around, slowly but surely. I got my REAL education about benzos here.

A "real" education about benzos includes the possibility of protracted symptoms and some other things that I won't mention because they might be considered "too scary".

There are people on the protracted board who are very upset because they feel like they have been lied to or misled about the possible protracted nature of this illness. They feel like they made poor decisions based upon the false hope that everyone heals within a year or two, or whatever.

Whenever this subject comes up another thing that is never mentioned is the fact that if we sugarcoat the truth about these drugs that's just more people who will never know how bad it can be when they are first prescribed these drugs. If the public truly understood what these drugs can do to the human body prescriptions would undoubtedly plummet and the problem would be mostly solved.

If all you do is brood about it and feel angry, scared, helpless, you will NOT heal as well as someone who forces themselves to remain optimistic no matter what. Call it faking, call it whatever you like, but this stuff really does work and I am living proof of that.

This is easy to say when you are completely healed.

Quote
Here on BB it is so important that we all try to upport each other, even if we don't agree on everything. You have a right to YOUR opinions, so does Espey, and so do I. They ARE just opinions, not written in stone.

The things is, this thread seems to be about people not having the right to express certain opinions or even lay out facts, if they are deemed to be triggering by some.

 :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #23 on: October 13, 2019, 03:05:21 pm »
I did not want to write that post. Something happened that made me do it, even knowing it might be misinterpreted. The posts that concerned me were Not made by protracted members. They were made by relative newcomers. They were not about terrible suffering or long healing time. They were opinions disguised as fact. That is all I was talking about. If I invalidated or attempted to silence anyone, then I failed in my attempt to try to protect us all. I know how much people have lost to this nightmare. I lost everything I truly valued 17 months ago. Why would I not believe you? Espy
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #24 on: October 13, 2019, 04:15:16 pm »
I did not want to write that post. Something happened that made me do it, even knowing it might be misinterpreted. The posts that concerned me were Not made by protracted members. They were made by relative newcomers. They were not about terrible suffering or long healing time. They were opinions disguised as fact. That is all I was talking about. If I invalidated or attempted to silence anyone, then I failed in my attempt to try to protect us all. I know how much people have lost to this nightmare. I lost everything I truly valued 17 months ago. Why would I not believe you? Espy

I thought you were very clear Espy. 

Opinions disguised as fact can, and has been for me, scary at times.  I know you have and are going through your own struggle to heal. 

Keep sharing your thoughts and I know you believe everyone else is allowed to as well. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #25 on: October 13, 2019, 04:39:03 pm »
I did not want to write that post. Something happened that made me do it, even knowing it might be misinterpreted. The posts that concerned me were Not made by protracted members. They were made by relative newcomers. They were not about terrible suffering or long healing time. They were opinions disguised as fact. That is all I was talking about. If I invalidated or attempted to silence anyone, then I failed in my attempt to try to protect us all. I know how much people have lost to this nightmare. I lost everything I truly valued 17 months ago. Why would I not believe you? Espy

I'm also sorry [...], I thought that could have been what you meant and then got confused by other posts that were made... maybe that is what some others were referring to also. In those cases, I agree. It's a bit ridiculous lately, but I guess who am I to judge and how would I stop them? But for the sake of discussion, yes I absolutely agree and so it is a good post to make for the reasons you stated. It's so annoying, and that's my opinion--I agree. I really hope you don't feel totally attacked and can rebound from this, I know you have been and are going through an incredible amount too. So sorry Espy, a hug from me (only if it's welcome.) Hope the day gets better, or if it's evening then hope it's a better evening and day tomorrow.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2019, 05:02:45 pm »
I like the sentiment here a lot. I think it is important for those who are scared of these permanent damage threads to understand what even people like Ashton meant by this. She did not mean acute withdrawal forever. To put this in context anyone  who has ever been physically injured in life understands his. If you break your leg, it heals. It heals BUT there is permanent damage. By this I mean, it heals and you can walk again but sometimes when it rains you feel some slight discomfort. That is what we are talking about here. You would!ít amputate your leg and give up all hope of walking again because of the prognosis of occasional slight discomfort when it rains! I think people here these things and because of our fragile state in severe withdrawal we hear and think the worst.

Most of us will heal one hundred percent. The ones that Ashton said may not will have the equivalent of the mild discomfort of an old forgotten injury that doesnít affect your life in any way.

Please hang in there everyone. All wounds heal!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2019, 05:31:53 pm »
No one needs to apologize to me. I am in this hell too. We are all facing more than any human being should ever have to. You are all part of my family. I am not hurt. This was never about me. I send you all my love. Espy
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2019, 05:32:51 pm »
Good discussion and a much needed one.

We have a lot of new members from the Lisa Ling special. The newbies will take awhile to settle in, to learn the established guidelines and find their Ďgroupí.

They will also take our example. We all need to ask ourselves what that example will be.

Do we scold and throw rules and dos and doníts at them or do we gently guide them?
Do they need to know right off the bat they may have a long and/or complicated recovery or to take it as it comes?

The team is looking at Ďtoneí as well. It has changed, perhaps due to social media, perhaps societal changes...we donít know either, but we are experiencing a high incidence of uncalled-for and unsupportive posts. They donít all come from the newbies, but some of the newbies will take on the tone they are receiving from established members.

This is a good time to think about the tone we set.

Are we still this: or are we this when supporting others?  :pokey:
Iíve just come from a year away from the forum and I see a lot more of the latter than I used to.

Our purpose here is support.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2019, 06:08:19 pm »
IDK but I have a sense that the OP is talking about people who are creating unnecessary drama about this dramatic situation, not trying to tell us how to speak when we talk about how we're doing.

The thing is, who is to say what is "unnecessary drama"? If some people had their way, certain subjects would be off limits. Does everyone benefit if we limit the discussion to only things that can't upset the most sensitive people? I think not.

It seems to me that a lot of these types of threads are started by people who are early in the process who are scared and trying to seek answers. Protracted people are familiar with the true extent of the damage these drugs can do but most of us still agree that despite the fact that this can last a very long time that it is possible to heal and that the vast majority of people continue to improve over time, and most of us are pretty good about providing some encouragement by expressing this opinion whenever the subject does come up.


Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.