Author Topic: What we say here, and how we say it, matters  (Read 2234 times)

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2019, 11:09:07 pm »
Quote from Marigold

"If I want to hear different experiences and how people deal with it and cope, and learn new strategies or get an impulse for my own life - then my hope will never die, it will be a candle which I can relight even if it was gone for a minute.

That is what I wanted to say - and with that in mind the hole debate of will we heal, will we all heal, shall we talk about the ones who do not heal and so on is not necessary."

I think we can all agree with that Marigold  :smitten: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2019, 11:53:29 pm »
For those of us in Benzo world, hope is oxygen. Hope is what makes us sign up to fight another five minutes, another hour, another day. We don’t know when our individual wars will end, but we have to believe that they will. There is a fine line between the right to speak ones truth and the rights of others to make it safely to the other side. This forum is a serious place. Lives are in all our hands. We are not social media. Arguments about whether or not everyone heals are not the same as the political ranting back and forth on Twitter. There are consequences. If you have had the experience of responding to a member in crisis, I think you will agree that this type of conversation can be very dangerous. We all have fears, and do need to express them and ask for support. But, we cannot speak about our fears as if they were facts. I have been a member since summer 2018. Over the past few months, I have noticed more and more posts that begin with a Doomesday thesis statement, followed by cherry picked and questionable supporting evidence. If someone is claiming expertise on magnesium, well, we will survive. What I am talking about is the kind of statement that kills hope. Not everybody heals, permanent damage, Ashton said so (read that more carefully). Someone is reading what we write. We don’t know who they are, or what they are facing. Please, when you post about those fears that plague us all, choose your words with them in mind. It is so much safer, and honest, to say that you are afraid that not everyone heals, rather than that you have concluded. We all are good people and no one wants to do harm. I am proud to be a member of this community. And, I am so very grateful to all of you. Espy

Espy, this is a really wonderful post to read tonight. I too have been concerned about a strange change in mood I sense on BB perhaps in the last year. It feels as if we are losing faith in what we read on the forum. It seems we have moved off the basic principals OF this great forum. Many people seem to have lost their manners, their sense of caring for others who might just feel WORSE than you. Criticizing or making nasty comments to someone you do not agree with is NOT a BB thing. None of us will agree on everything! People are allowed their opinions and if you done care for them click off and go somewhere else.
When I first stumbled onto BB back in 2012 I was a total wreck of a woman, I weighted 85 lbs, I had been forced to go into a "rehab" for WHAT? I don't know. All they did was confine me. I wasn't given meds, wasn't advised on what was going on, and no one every ASKED me what I felt or thought! I was utterly relieved when I was abruptly discharged on the 4th day and sent home in full blown wd, hallucinating with all five senses and  paranoid and crazy as a bat in hell. I can laugh about that now but back then, no way. I was utterly terrified. When I managed (after many wrong turns) to find BB my world began to turn around, slowly but surely. I got my REAL education about benzos here. It was difficult to figure it all out and I still don't know some stuff. But I survived, and here I am now, fully healed, healthier than I have been in many years. No longer anxious or depressed. Benzos caused that! Isnt that terrible? How come this old nurse did not know this stuff? Horrifying to me.
What I loved about BB was the non judgemental support I got. Yes, when I first joined, CT people were sort of frowned upon, looked on as maybe "street addicts" and "really addicted" people. Addiction IS addiction even if your drugs were legally prescribed. I ignored that stuff and focused on learning what I cold do or try to relieve my many ugly symptoms. I got SO much wonderful suggestions here, things I STILL use if needed to handle ordinary stress.
Please, people, treat each other gently and kindly even if you do not agree on something. NO ONE knows everything about benzos. We all just try to guess and deal with the results of taking these darn drugs.
Bb should be a safe place for those in big trouble. Lets dedicate ourselves to THAT.
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2019, 12:32:26 am »
Espy, more people should read this thread. You hit it right on, lady. The Doomsday stuff is such a huge error for people to make. If all you do is brood about it and feel angry, scared, helpless, you will NOT heal as well as someone who forces themselves to remain optimistic no matter what. Call it faking, call it whatever you like, but this stuff really does work and I am living proof of that. While ON benzos I slowly became negative, angry, lost, depressed and ore anxious. Because I didn't know benzos can DO that I assumed I had mental health issues. My self esteem slowly went downhill and so did my overall health. Turned out it was all benzos. Amen to that.
Here on BB it is so important that we all try to upport each other, even if we don't agree on everything. You have a right to YOUR opinions, so does Espey, and so do I. They ARE just opinions, not written in stone.
If you frequently post really negative stuff ('swe never really heal' etc) you are doing a huge disservice to yourself and many others here. The brain in BWD (or ON benzos) is not a fully functional brain. It tends to be highly suggestible and when one reads some "doomsday" post, it sets in motion all the stress chemicals, hormones, etc, in a reaction to something scary. Please try NOT to frighten your fellow sufferers, guys. ALL of you are decent people, caught in the throes of something you never knew cold occur. Well it can and sometimes does. Let your "good person" light shine out, not your sad negative one.
[...]
Wish I had thumbs up emoticons but I haven't for several years. Weird.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #13 on: October 13, 2019, 12:34:14 am »
Espy, more people should read this thread. You hit it right on, lady. The Doomsday stuff is such a huge error for people to make. If all you do is brood about it and feel angry, scared, helpless, you will NOT heal as well as someone who forces themselves to remain optimistic no matter what. Call it faking, call it whatever you like, but this stuff really does work and I am living proof of that. While ON benzos I slowly became negative, angry, lost, depressed and ore anxious. Because I didn't know benzos can DO that I assumed I had mental health issues. My self esteem slowly went downhill and so did my overall health. Turned out it was all benzos. Amen to that.
Here on BB it is so important that we all try to upport each other, even if we don't agree on everything. You have a right to YOUR opinions, so does Espey, and so do I. They ARE just opinions, not written in stone.
If you frequently post really negative stuff ('swe never really heal' etc) you are doing a huge disservice to yourself and many others here. The brain in BWD (or ON benzos) is not a fully functional brain. It tends to be highly suggestible and when one reads some "doomsday" post, it sets in motion all the stress chemicals, hormones, etc, in a reaction to something scary. Please try NOT to frighten your fellow sufferers, guys. ALL of you are decent people, caught in the throes of something you never knew cold occur. Well it can and sometimes does. Let your "good person" light shine out, not your sad negative one.
[...]
Wish I had thumbs up emoticons but I haven't for several years. Weird.

 :thumbsup: :thumbsup:, there ya go [...]  :D
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #14 on: October 13, 2019, 12:54:54 am »
It's a really different experience when someone recovers before they become protracted, what do you all suggest we do when we are years out? I'm curious. Also, what should I do about the fact that I feel benzodiazepines gave me cancer?

I'm just wondering, I remember years ago I didn't see near the amount of member efforts to police other's ability to express themselves fully.

Maybe just each to their own, let other people live the way they need to because there are people here who don't match the description of healing by a year, we do exist and some of us aren't perpetually peppy people. There are many kinds of people, histories and personalities here. Who's life is more valuable, a newcomer beginning a taper or someone who has been here for years and isn't recovered who gets blamed and disbelieved on levels and for time periods some of you have and will never experience?

That's great if you feel better after a year of being off, what about the rest of us? Some of us have what may actually be permanent damage and we get blamed for our conditions constantly, when in reality we all know that a drug should never have the power to inflict disabling and debilitating symptoms for years.

What some of us feel is attack is what other's feel is defense for our even more marginalized conditions. While the OP has a good argument and makes sense in some of the things she is saying, and I have nothing against her, there are equally valid arguments for every stage of healing that would support the freedom of expression for any mood/thought/feeling and the free exchange of truthful and honest information and stories that may not fit neatly into making any sense as "fake it 'till you make it" sentiments. What some here find supportive language and posting, others find intensely aggressive, judgmental, assumptive, dismissive, prescriptive, divisive, controlling, marginalizing and arrogant.

The statement that "what we say here, and how we say it, matters" is certainly accurate but it applies both/in all ways.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #15 on: October 13, 2019, 01:20:32 am »
I doubt that I would have sounded "positive" summer before last when I decided to drink above the lethal limit of alcohol instead of posting for support, seeing as there is no support but BB for benzodiazepine withdrawal (I am not going to use FB or the like), because of the intensity and severity of my protracted symptoms.

Those symptoms flared before relapse, they flared before that night but I was protracted and I doubt I would have had the capacity to sound uplifting and "positive."

For the record, I don't even believe the words positive or negative have any meaning unless we are talking about protons or neutrons. The words "positive" and "negative" when used to describe human speech and behavior are intensely subjective, unscientific and wholly ineffective and meaningless in my opinion. If any true depth in application of thought is applied to these ridiculous terms in relation to human expression and experience, nothing at all of any value or in terms of realistic and logically sound and accurate worth could be practically adapted, surmised or found defensible. There are simply too many  layers of complexity in the human experience and human psychology and circumstances, to deem or judge  someone or something they say or do as "positive" or "negative.” To truly be capable of judging one would need to be omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 04:22:35 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2019, 01:24:32 am »
Very interesting discussion.   I can see both sides. 

Here's the question that I have:   If I am the sum total of ALL my experiences to date in my life including benzos.. and there is no time frame for what comes after benzo withdrawals.. how do I assign something to a long-term or protracted outcome?   For instance, just in the last six months I have found it almost impossible to sleep during the night.. BUT I sleep okay in the day.   I think that's called cicada rhythm? 

My husband has it now, too.   He was never on benzos.  He just likes sleeping with me.  (thank goodness!)   I know this seems like a minor thing to some.. and it is minor in my life.   But, still.. it is a change from before benzos.   I've had difficulty with sleep all my adult life, long before the Xanax.  During withdrawals, I went from the maybe six hours a night to no sleep.. sometimes for days.

Soo now I sleep in the day.   Big deal.. so what.   Right?   And rather than accept it as a protracted outcome and blame it on the benzo... I think it's maybe just me.   The me that's always been.

So.. my uninformed question is:   Is it called protracted if it has a debilitated effect on your life?   Is it something you never experienced before benzos?   And why should I talk about it as if it was a longterm problem for me?   Because it really isn't.   I think it's probably just me. 

Forgive my stupidity, please.  It really is an effort to understand.   
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 01:30:30 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2019, 01:54:35 am »
@Libbie..
Simply, -Its just nice to hear from another “nocturnal”...

Validating, thanks,,

Vamp..
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #18 on: October 13, 2019, 02:00:00 am »
Cantly...   :D

Heck.. maybe I should have been a day sleeper all along.

(I love that squiggly eyed smile.   It's so me)
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 03:57:09 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2019, 02:09:05 am »
The spirit of hope is good for us all.  I would think it is especially needed for those whose struggles have been the longest and hardest.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.