Author Topic: What we say here, and how we say it, matters  (Read 2231 times)

[Buddie]

What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« on: October 12, 2019, 05:15:27 pm »
For those of us in Benzo world, hope is oxygen. Hope is what makes us sign up to fight another five minutes, another hour, another day. We donít know when our individual wars will end, but we have to believe that they will. There is a fine line between the right to speak ones truth and the rights of others to make it safely to the other side. This forum is a serious place. Lives are in all our hands. We are not social media. Arguments about whether or not everyone heals are not the same as the political ranting back and forth on Twitter. There are consequences. If you have had the experience of responding to a member in crisis, I think you will agree that this type of conversation can be very dangerous. We all have fears, and do need to express them and ask for support. But, we cannot speak about our fears as if they were facts. I have been a member since summer 2018. Over the past few months, I have noticed more and more posts that begin with a Doomesday thesis statement, followed by cherry picked and questionable supporting evidence. If someone is claiming expertise on magnesium, well, we will survive. What I am talking about is the kind of statement that kills hope. Not everybody heals, permanent damage, Ashton said so (read that more carefully). Someone is reading what we write. We donít know who they are, or what they are facing. Please, when you post about those fears that plague us all, choose your words with them in mind. It is so much safer, and honest, to say that you are afraid that not everyone heals, rather than that you have concluded. We all are good people and no one wants to do harm. I am proud to be a member of this community. And, I am so very grateful to all of you. Espy
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2019, 06:55:45 pm »
I literally just edited out something I had posted right after reading this because what I had to say was just so morbid. And so unhelpful. Thank you for the reminder of others feelings, Espy. It's hard to know the line.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2019, 07:04:24 pm »
I think hope is important, but not based on claims. Because then hope becomes a balloon filled up only with air, and one day it will be dead. I prefer to support with the good things I have learned the last 8 years (5 years taper + 3 years med-free), like that we never know, that there is this factor X, which can be positive for us. Or I mention strategies and learnings, articles, studies. But I do not lie when it comes to things which did not get better, because it is important, in my eyes, that we do not do the same things doctors do: Saying you will be fine, just do this or that or nothing.

The most important thing for me is, when people come to BenzoBuddies:
Inform yourselves and learn how to deal with information. Find your own way to handle information and find your own way how to live life even in horrible times. Learn from people who have already done that, or from even sicker people who have to deal with a disease for their hole life, cause they are wise in it and the real heroes. And also learn a proper conversation, democracy of opinions and tolerance.
And sometimes, appreciate that things trigger you. Why? Cause you will learn. Either to not open topics which might trigger you, or to decide will I wonder about this information or not.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2019, 07:50:01 pm »
[...].. I read your post before you deleted it.   It's totally fine, lovie.   I responded, too.

About hope:

It's more than hope.  It is belief.   What we believe matters.   It matters more than anything, in my old lady opinion.   Belief is the reason that a double blind protocol had to be established with scientific research.   Researchers began to see that what they 'believed' would happen did, in fact, happen far outside statistical norms.   I'd talk about quantum theory here but our eyes would glaze over with boredom.

So, we have to BELIEVE in our eventual return to full health.   We hold on to that like the lifeline that it is.   How do we do that?   I think it's helpful to see that others have gone before us and returned to their true self.  I wish I'd had that when I went thru this hell.   But.. I didn't have you guys.

Yes, of course, post about everything you are going thru.  It helps sooo much if you know that someone else has been there,... or even if someone else is listening.   But, find your hope, lovies.   Hug it to your heart and hold on tight.   I have seen so much compassion on this site.  Keep up the great work.

Libs
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2019, 07:55:43 pm »
thanks, [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2019, 10:28:28 pm »
For those of us in Benzo world, hope is oxygen. Hope is what makes us sign up to fight another five minutes, another hour, another day. We donít know when our individual wars will end, but we have to believe that they will. There is a fine line between the right to speak ones truth and the rights of others to make it safely to the other side. This forum is a serious place. Lives are in all our hands. We are not social media. Arguments about whether or not everyone heals are not the same as the political ranting back and forth on Twitter. There are consequences. If you have had the experience of responding to a member in crisis, I think you will agree that this type of conversation can be very dangerous. We all have fears, and do need to express them and ask for support. But, we cannot speak about our fears as if they were facts. I have been a member since summer 2018. Over the past few months, I have noticed more and more posts that begin with a Doomesday thesis statement, followed by cherry picked and questionable supporting evidence. If someone is claiming expertise on magnesium, well, we will survive. What I am talking about is the kind of statement that kills hope. Not everybody heals, permanent damage, Ashton said so (read that more carefully). Someone is reading what we write. We donít know who they are, or what they are facing. Please, when you post about those fears that plague us all, choose your words with them in mind. It is so much safer, and honest, to say that you are afraid that not everyone heals, rather than that you have concluded. We all are good people and no one wants to do harm. I am proud to be a member of this community. And, I am so very grateful to all of you. Espy

That was a great post Espy, wonderfully stated.  Cousin [...] 💜💜💜
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2019, 10:31:29 pm »
I literally just edited out something I had posted right after reading this because what I had to say was just so morbid. And so unhelpful. Thank you for the reminder of others feelings, Espy. It's hard to know the line.

[...], your post was very heartfelt, it is hard to know the line, but you quickly realized it when you saw it.   :):thumbsup:  [...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2019, 10:40:56 pm »
This post really bothers me.

As a protracted person (apparently second class and *scary*) the truth, while sometimes scary, is what I'm most interested in.

People are suffering in some cases for years.  Do not those people deserve support too?  Can you not wrap your mind around being this sick for this long challenges any thoughts of 'hope'???  I totally agree with what Marigold said.

I feel this is just more silencing by people who want to wield their power for their own benefit.

This is a diverse 'community' and as long are folks are speaking from their experiences and hearts, who are you to insist on 'correct content'?

It's not just about you.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2019, 10:43:28 pm »
This topic has been on my mind for some time, mostly because of my own issues of bwd. I've had 2 strokes as a result of bwd, one recently where I've lost 80% of my vision and both verified by Dr's that bwd has caused them. I feel if i post my experience it could be triggering for people and I've even thought of deleting my sig for this reason. But this alienates and isolates me and puts my truth under the rug. I try hard not to mention it in my posts but sometimes it's necessary. I feel like a leper in many ways.

I do think Espy is absolutely right in what she's saying but [...] is right too and  at what point does the line get crossed? I also think that this forum is made up of people who are in the biggest horror show on earth, if we have to sugar coat that then the forum loses its purpose imo.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: What we say here, and how we say it, matters
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2019, 10:57:50 pm »
I have made the experience that the ones who suffered much more than I did - gave me more hope, than others, telling me, it will all be over after the first year.

Its about what do I want to hear?
If I want to hear that withdrawal will end soon and will not last forever, anything else will scare me and kill my hope.
If I want to hear different experiences and how people deal with it and cope, and learn new strategies or get an impulse for my own life - then my hope will never die, it will be a candle which I can relight even if it was gone for a minute.

That is what I wanted to say - and with that in mind the hole debate of will we heal, will we all heal, shall we talk about the ones who do not heal and so on is not necessary.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.