Author Topic: Sensorimotor OCD  (Read 171 times)

[Buddie]

Sensorimotor OCD
« on: October 01, 2019, 10:57:35 pm »
As most of you know I am struggling hardcore with extreme anxiety and OCD related symptoms.  I have had generalized anxiety and ocd tendencies for many years but was functional somewhat.

Ever since my rapid taper 9 months ago I have been living in psychological hell.  Every mental symptom possible I have.  Right now I am trying to understand whether I am still going through withdrawal or my anxiety and OCD has just got out of control due to me feeding it.

Right now I am struggling with sensorimotor OCD of blinking.  But I don't actually need to control my blinking.  It's just the awareness that follows me around like a demon.  It would happen a lot in acute but would go away.  The hyperawareness of thinking has always been there and my biggest symptom along with rumination, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, etc. 

I feel like I am back in acute with old symptoms that I thought went away.  I have been on remeron for a month and it never helped.  My mind tortures me that I need to get off of it but I don't know how.

At this point I don't know if I am still in withdrawal or not.  I practice everything I have learned from research on how to deal with these symptoms but they never go away.  Just wax and wane in intensity.

The only thing that I am still doing which I shouldn't it reassurance seeking (this post).

Has anyone that has/had the severity of symptoms I have benefited from intensive therapy?  I don't want to waste the money if its just withdrawal and nothing can be done.  Has anything else helped?  I'm not talking about basic anxiety.  I'm talking 24/7 feeling like you are being ***** by your mind.

I want to beat this but at 9 months of severe acute I'm loosing hope.

BTW the way I was so much worse before I went into the psych ward and was put on remeron.  I was having 24/7 extreme SI urges for months.

Any advice would be appreciated


Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sensorimotor OCD
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2019, 11:46:53 pm »
Is it ocd youíre experiencing or rumination? Iím experiencing brutal rumination. Canít be in the present moment. Are you also experiencing head pressure? Visual disturbances?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sensorimotor OCD
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2019, 11:52:20 pm »
It's different from rumination.  Even though rumination is always there as well.  It's like my brain has been hijacked and I can't be in the present moment because I'm just bombarded with negative anxious thoughts and earworms.  Things I don't want to think about and have nothing to do with what I am doing at the time. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sensorimotor OCD
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2019, 01:04:48 pm »
I suffer also from horrible OCD thoughts.

At first, it was OCD about my psychical health. Then OCD about mental health. Then comes the relationship OCD.

I drove myself nuts yesterday because I was SURE I had to dump my boyfriend because I didn't love him and immediatly after entered a panic attack and sudden doom and sadness because my body and mind were reacting just like if I effectively dumped him and lost him. I rarely feel so much anxiety.

I just can't let go of these thoughts and I'm so scared of ruining a very good relationship with a very good person because of this.

I don't know if it's benzo related. I always had some intrusive thoughts, just like everybody, but I have kind of an obsessive personnality where I could drown myself in a new thing until I was bored. I'm becoming crazy and I can't allow my boyfriend to suffer for nothing. Don't know what to do. I know I like him a lot because when I don't have these thoughts I have an overwhelming sensation of warmth while being with him. Plus, no one ask me to be madly in love after just 2.5 months!

They say on the internet that meditation, mindfulness and exposure therapy works against OCD. Still not sure about how to do it. I'll ask to my therapist next time I see her. I'm taking St John's wort since last week and I'm waiting to see if it drives the intrusive thoughts away. I'll tell you.

Best wishes...
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sensorimotor OCD
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2019, 07:08:18 pm »
You are beyond mentally strong to be facing such distress... After 9 months, if i was you i would reinstate on benzos for life if need be rather than deal with what you are...  Not that I'm too far off. Going in third month but realizing a lot of this stuff was already there... The benzos just might have blown them off to the surface
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sensorimotor OCD
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2019, 07:37:27 pm »
You are beyond mentally strong to be facing such distress... After 9 months, if i was you i would reinstate on benzos for life if need be rather than deal with what you are...  Not that I'm too far off. Going in third month but realizing a lot of this stuff was already there... The benzos just might have blown them off to the surface

They benzo turned on me within a month so reinstating this far out would probably just make me 100 times worse. Thanks for looking out though.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.