Do you think this happened to you for a reason?

I can't get my head around why my recovery has been so severe for only being a short term user. 

 

The only thing keeping me going is that this happened for some reason and that it is related to karma somehow.

 

And making it through and surviving (even though I don't see it) dictates how I will be in the after-life.

 

Does anyone else feel this way or have anything similar?

I’ve been trying to find meaning in this myself. I just wanted an SSRI to get me through the Canadian winter blues and next thing I know I’m on benzos. There is way out. Many have done it before us and so shall we. I have a really bad anxiety disorder underneath all this benzo mess. I need to address that. I tried living with it, ignoring it but it was always there like a shadow. Just have to find a way to reset the baseline of my anxiety.

The Greek - I also had a bad case of generalized anxiety before.  I always thought mine was different. I had this "background" anxiety from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep.

This reminded me of Viktor Frankl and Man's Search for Meaning ... He was in a Nazi concentration camp!

 

"If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete."

I've often thought of what the reason is that I'm going through this. It's absolutely brutal. Oftentimes I think that there's some diabolical force that wants to keep me down. Maybe I've got a warped mind from being in this so long. Then I think that maybe we're all here for a purpose - to help others get free and to warn others about the dangers. To make it so others don't have the same fate.

 

I really don't know the answer...

that this happened for some reason and that it is related to karma somehow

 

It's tempting to think that. That our suffering "means" something. I've had friends who have suffered from MS, cancer and other debilitating illnesses also and it makes you wonder.

 

If suffering is "about" more than just a random throw of the dice, it might be about compassion. I'm a lot more compassionate to others who are suffering from anything than I was pre-benzos.

 

Remember the ancient mariner in that poem by Coleridge? He was suffering mightily, everything had died around him, he could not even pray, his heart was "dead as dust" . . . and then he looked into the ocean and saw that the sea snakes were suffering perhaps more than he was. And when he felt compassion for them, the world literally came alive for him again. I think about this from time to time.

 

Interesting idea, Failure. thanks for bringing it up. And thanks, too, Restoration. It was good to think about Viktor Frankel again.

 

Katz

that this happened for some reason and that it is related to karma somehow

 

It's tempting to think that. That our suffering "means" something. I've had friends who have suffered from MS, cancer and other debilitating illnesses also and it makes you wonder.

 

If suffering is "about" more than just a random throw of the dice, it might be about compassion. I'm a lot more compassionate to others who are suffering from anything than I was pre-benzos.

 

Remember the ancient mariner in that poem by Coleridge? He was suffering mightily, everything had died around him, he could not even pray, his heart was "dead as dust" . . . and then he looked into the ocean and saw that the sea snakes were suffering perhaps more than he was. And when he felt compassion for them, the world literally came alive for him again. I think about this from time to time.

 

Interesting idea, Failure. thanks for bringing it up. And thanks, too, Restoration. It was good to think about Viktor Frankel again.

 

Katz

 

Here you have the musical version of the poem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7zk4as9kzA

Yeah, I think about karma all the time. Is it something I have to atone for? Have we chosen this suffering to help others? It's a very interesting idea.

I'm just trying to figure out what kind of monster I must have been in a past life to deserve something like this.

I too ponder this.  Echart Tolle's words helped me understand.  Karma is not something we atone for.  The following article helps with my understanding.  Not pushing any ideology...just thinking.

 

 

https://ideapod.com/heres-great-explanation-karma-really-means-can-improve-life/

 

 

I'm just trying to figure out what kind of monster I must have been in a past life to deserve something like this.

 

This^^^

 

When I can step away from the pain and suffering and see the bigger picture I come to the conclusion that it just *is*.

 

I've found that when I wake up at 3:30 am mired in mental crap, I do Tonglen meditation.  Gets me out of my own suffering right quick.  I recommend it highly.

 

It's nonsense. Made up by people who like to torture other people. How can one be so cruel to tell a suffering being that it is all his or her fault because of mistakes in a former life?

I to-ta-lly hate the karma theory and all the spiritual and religious ideas behind it.

I think humans are egomaniacs...

 

For me.. I am not important, not special. I am as important as a fish in the sea. When I end, I will become a piece of nature again, it does not matter how I lived, I am just a particle of this planet. So it does not make me a better or worse person if I suffer from benzo withdrawal.

This gives me more peace than any religious or karma thoughts can...

 

Also I have seen people telling me that I am suffering because of Karma. And well, they enjoyed to tell me that. And I saw how cruel they were and thought, if Karma was real, they would end up in benzo withdrawal in the next life, how funny...

 

 

 

 

I'm just trying to figure out what kind of monster I must have been in a past life to deserve something like this.

 

Lol.....had the same freakin' thought earlier today.

I'm just trying to figure out what kind of monster I must have been in a past life to deserve something like this.

 

Lol.....had the same freakin' thought earlier today.

 

I hope we all had fun together at least :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Marigold

 

Love it.  You're right, of course.

 

Thanks.

 

Marigold:

 

it does not matter how I lived

 

 

Katz

It's nonsense. Made up by people who like to torture other people. How can one be so cruel to tell a suffering being that it is all his or her fault because of mistakes in a former life?

I to-ta-lly hate the karma theory and all the spiritual and religious ideas behind it.

I think humans are egomaniacs...

 

For me.. I am not important, not special. I am as important as a fish in the sea. When I end, I will become a piece of nature again, it does not matter how I lived, I am just a particle of this planet. So it does not make me a better or worse person if I suffer from benzo withdrawal.

This gives me more peace than any religious or karma thoughts can...

 

 

Marigold, You just described the fallacy of the karma theory.  Karma has nothing to do with atonement or paying a price for wrongs.  It's frustrating this bullshit is thrown around all the time.  It's more about what cookienose is talking about.  mindfulness, intention...meditation is a great way to get there.  Has absolutely nothing to do with religion.  Not saying that some religions don't exploit it's meaning.  Grrrrr.

I used to think spirituality was all Hocus pocus until I started to experience it for myself. During my first Reiki session a hawk came and landed on the window and stayed there for the entirety of the session.  Ever since my benzo journey started I often go for long walks completely out of my mind begging for a sign that I am not doing this for nothing and that I will recover. EVERY SINGLE TIME a hawk appears.  I have seen 100s of hawks over the past 9 months.  I like to think that someone is looking out for me. As I am typing this I just heard a hawk call.

Alright...Love the Hawk.  I was walking the river the other day and saw one swoop down and pick up a big trout.  It was incredible...really close to me.  Look up the native hawk symbolism.  You got some great stuff going on!  Interesting

DoveLuv - I have recently started looking into spirit guides and symbolism again. Spirituality actually got me into benzos again, unfortunately.  I was practicing astral projection and let my anxiety get the best off me.  I remember clearly my intuition telling me to choose the vistiril over the clonazepam.  Something was telling me not to do it!

It's nonsense. Made up by people who like to torture other people. How can one be so cruel to tell a suffering being that it is all his or her fault because of mistakes in a former life?

I to-ta-lly hate the karma theory and all the spiritual and religious ideas behind it.

I think humans are egomaniacs...

 

For me.. I am not important, not special. I am as important as a fish in the sea. When I end, I will become a piece of nature again, it does not matter how I lived, I am just a particle of this planet. So it does not make me a better or worse person if I suffer from benzo withdrawal.

This gives me more peace than any religious or karma thoughts can...

 

Also I have seen people telling me that I am suffering because of Karma. And well, they enjoyed to tell me that. And I saw how cruel they were and thought, if Karma was real, they would end up in benzo withdrawal in the next life, how funny...

 

I totally agree. The universe is not trying to send a message. The universe doesn't care.

 

And the people telling you that you deserve to suffer are just a**holes themselves. Nobody "deserves" to suffer. Not for anything.

FINAO,  Whoa..Iv'e never actually practiced anything other than meditation.  The native custom is just really interesting.  I take the good stuff from the symbolism and leave it at that.  We def don't want to put any thoughts in our heads that could cause our CNS to rev up.  Intuition is something else I am learning to pay a lot more attention to.  Difficult to do during w/d but I need to be able to trust myself again.  Yours was def spot on with the Vistaril.  No looking back...onward we go!

What's the point in suffering then? If it's for nothing then I know I pretty quick way out of it 

Its typical that when I say my opinion, like "it does not matter how I lived my life", people would react sadly like "oh, you think YOU do not matter" or angry like "oh! so you think you can act like you want and even be a bad person?"

 

I feel very connected to this planet. I feel at the same level like my dog, the trees in the forest, the wind. Nature has something spiritual for me. The fact that I am considering myself as not important enough to be better or in a higher position than a earthworm is, this does not mean that I do not care for anything. I am not sad, depressed or whatever negative, why should I? I have grown up with a solid and strong contact to nature and to animals and I just do not like the attitude and EGO humans have developed.

So, - what is it worth that my dog now has a tumor in the head and will die and is now suffering (until I put her down)? What is the point? Why do little children die right after birth, why is the rain forest dying?

It is the human who tries to find a sense in anything - nature just does not THINK like humans. Nature means feeling, not thinking. Thats why humans have invented religion and other theories because they just cannot handle the fact, that they will end and that pain and suffering just happens.

I feel free and happy with this opinion. I can let go. It is the opposite of overthinking and explanations for something we just cannot explain without judging.

Anything has an end and this finally makes the beauty of each being and each beauty.

Agree totally, Marigold.

 

Humans make everything about THEM.

 

I find a lot of peace knowing I'm just a small part of something quite large and beautiful.