Loved ones suffering because of my depression

I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for almost 15 months now. Windows and waves from the start but for the last three months (during taper) I felt depressed and anxious every day - until last week, I finally got four good days. Then I was hit by a huge wave yesterday. It was awful - and what makes it worse is to watch my loved ones being so disappointed. They were hoping (as was I) that I was finally on the right track. I have nightmares almost every night about my husband leaving me although I know he won't, it just hurts so much to see him suffer because of me. I am 8 days from being benzo free and titrating Lamictal (also on Duloxetine and Quetiapine) feeling that the addition of L is my last hope. I have been trying to do everything right. Doing a CBT course, seeing a shrink, doing yoga, being there for my two teenagers etc. but still feeling guilty. I am exhausted. Does anyone relate?

Yes, I relate. My marriage is on the rocks. We started going to marriage couseling when this whole benzo thing started and stopped a few months ago. I even found out that she has been lying and hanging out with some guy from work. We are on the brink of divorce. The only reason I can even forgive her is because we lost our 9 year old daughter last summer and I understand that she needs to feel happy and that I am so sick I can not be there for her. I am in no way delusional enough to believe that this is in any way my fault. She effed up big time here. All I am saying is I can understand how we ended up here. By default we end up very self involved in benzo withdrawal because no one else cares enough to help us because our pain is invisible to them. Only other benzo survivors can relate.