Never "Stable" since Day 1. Will it get better once off?

I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance that this was all worth it! I've been tapering for over two years, 1 1/2 being methodically. I have been extremely symptomatic from day 1! But I was also pretty bad for two years prior due to interdose w/d and tolerance.

 

I have literally lost 2+ years of my life to this w/ most days being pretty bad. My question:

Has anyone been this crappy all throughout their taper and actually recovered once off? 

 

Updosing is obviously not an option as I've tried it in the past. But symptoms keep getting worse! Please somebody tell me that the hell my poor body has been through will be worth it because I'm truly getting discouraged!

 

@ .5 mgs to go and I feel worse now than I did at 2.0 mg!!

 

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

PS:  Sorry, I probably should have posted this in the Withdrawal and Support thread.

Following. Lori I am in the same boat and have the same questions. I feel like the answer is going to be that it is all worth it as I see so many that are Benzo free and happy on this board. I don’t feel like they would be here encouraging others if it wasn’t true.

 

Pearl

I actually tried to take this down. The answer is kind of a given, hence no responses. It was a weak moment of desperation on my part. Just feeling crappy and sooooo tired of it.

 

Today? Crazy pulse/heartbeat in ears that is driving me crazy. Every time I move. I feel like my blood pressure must be through the roof but it's not. Ugh!  Just really exhausted from so many physical symptoms. 

 

 

I never was ‘stable’ once I started tapering, although most of my taper was pretty reckless. I had a 24/7 headache that didn’t go away until the day after I jumped.

I actually tried to take this down. The answer is kind of a given, hence no responses. It was a weak moment of desperation on my part. Just feeling crappy and sooooo tired of it.

 

Today? Crazy pulse/heartbeat in ears that is driving me crazy. Every time I move. I feel like my blood pressure must be through the roof but it's not. Ugh!  Just really exhausted from so many physical symptoms. 

 

Hear ya.  Mine pounded and pulsed in my left temple and ears. My BP was through the roof, 185/85 at one time. Came down to normal within a few months after I jumped.

 

You’re making good, steady progress, Lori. You’ve come a long way and not far to go...hang on, you’ve got this.

 

I'm not quite off yet although close and it got harder when I got down to 1 mg Ativan, then really hard once I got down to 0.5 mg then still hard but seemed like all of a sudden I was down to 1/10 mg and I accidentally forgot to take the bedtime dose, but I still slept.  You might just need to slow down a bit if you can't handle it toward the end. The last little bit can be the worst as far as during the taper.  I've read quite a few success stories lately even from people who were bed bound. Maybe go to that part of BB and read some of them.  Hugs!

I actually tried to take this down. The answer is kind of a given, hence no responses. It was a weak moment of desperation on my part. Just feeling crappy and sooooo tired of it.

 

Today? Crazy pulse/heartbeat in ears that is driving me crazy. Every time I move. I feel like my blood pressure must be through the roof but it's not. Ugh!  Just really exhausted from so many physical symptoms. 

 

Hear ya.  Mine pounded and pulsed in my left temple and ears. My BP was through the roof, 185/85 at one time. Came down to normal within a few months after I jumped.

 

You’re making good, steady progress, Lori. You’ve come a long way and not far to go...hang on, you’ve got this.

 

 

Thanks, Challis!! I know I'm going to sound like a big baby right now, but I just burst into tears reading your response. I'm simply exhausted!.... from EVERYTHING this taper is! But incredibly grateful for your words of encouragement! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

 

Lori

I’m cheering you on, kiddo.  Been where you are now. It was worth every minute of suffering to get my life back, let me tell you. Worth. It.

 

I’m cheering you on, kiddo.  Been where you are now. It was worth every minute of suffering to get my life back, let me tell you. Worth. It.

 

 

 

 

Praying... and again, Thank you!  I truly needed to hear this today!

 

Lori

Lori,

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and sending you supportive hugs virtually.  When I first started on BB, you were one of the first few people who reached out to me when I was so scared and told me not everything I read on here is going to happen to me! That my story could be very different from others. So I have held onto that advice and tell myself positive things when I feel so rotten!!! It is so easy when we are in such grief and suffering to have those thoughts and feelings consume us.  It is natural! But as I have read, so many people who are now free have a much better life now!! Some may still have some withdrawal symptoms, but all of them are happy that they are off!!! You are so close and you have worked so hard!! Hang in there as you keep making your way to freedom!! ❤ BLL

I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance that this was all worth it! I've been tapering for over two years, 1 1/2 being methodically. I have been extremely symptomatic from day 1! But I was also pretty bad for two years prior due to interdose w/d and tolerance.

 

I have literally lost 2+ years of my life to this w/ most days being pretty bad. My question:

Has anyone been this crappy all throughout their taper and actually recovered once off? 

 

Updosing is obviously not an option as I've tried it in the past. But symptoms keep getting worse! Please somebody tell me that the hell my poor body has been through will be worth it because I'm truly getting discouraged!

 

@ .5 mgs to go and I feel worse now than I did at 2.0 mg!!

 

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

PS:  Sorry, I probably should have posted this in the Withdrawal and Support thread.

What's your taper rate?

Lori,

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and sending you supportive hugs virtually.  When I first started on BB, you were one of the first few people who reached out to me when I was so scared and told me not everything I read on here is going to happen to me! That my story could be very different from others. So I have held onto that advice and tell myself positive things when I feel so rotten!!! It is so easy when we are in such grief and suffering to have those thoughts and feelings consume us.  It is natural! But as I have read, so many people who are now free have a much better life now!! Some may still have some withdrawal symptoms, but all of them are happy that they are off!!! You are so close and you have worked so hard!! Hang in there as you keep making your way to freedom!! ❤ BLL

 

I'm so sorry... I never said Thank You for this!! Very much appreciated! 💕

Lori,

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and sending you supportive hugs virtually.  When I first started on BB, you were one of the first few people who reached out to me when I was so scared and told me not everything I read on here is going to happen to me! That my story could be very different from others. So I have held onto that advice and tell myself positive things when I feel so rotten!!! It is so easy when we are in such grief and suffering to have those thoughts and feelings consume us.  It is natural! But as I have read, so many people who are now free have a much better life now!! Some may still have some withdrawal symptoms, but all of them are happy that they are off!!! You are so close and you have worked so hard!! Hang in there as you keep making your way to freedom!! ❤ BLL

 

I'm so sorry... I never said Thank You for this!! Very much appreciated! 💕

 

❤Hope you are hanging in there!

I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance that this was all worth it! I've been tapering for over two years, 1 1/2 being methodically. I have been extremely symptomatic from day 1! But I was also pretty bad for two years prior due to interdose w/d and tolerance.

 

I have literally lost 2+ years of my life to this w/ most days being pretty bad. My question:

Has anyone been this crappy all throughout their taper and actually recovered once off? 

 

Updosing is obviously not an option as I've tried it in the past. But symptoms keep getting worse! Please somebody tell me that the hell my poor body has been through will be worth it because I'm truly getting discouraged!

 

@ .5 mgs to go and I feel worse now than I did at 2.0 mg!!

 

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

PS:  Sorry, I probably should have posted this in the Withdrawal and Support thread.

 

Hi Lori!

 

I did a fast taper accidentally and reinstated and I’m not stable, I’m on the beginning of this long trip and I feel terrible if I don’t cut and a small cut is a hell. What do you think? Can anything help to stAbilise or just decrease the withdrawal Symptoms. I’m really afraid of it. I’m almost nonfunctional now. How could I go further. I can’t decrease the Klonopin. After your long journey what should you do if you were in my shoes? Do you have any advice? What was the reason, thar you weren’t stable?

 

Thank you

Enikő

I guess I'm looking for some kind of reassurance that this was all worth it! I've been tapering for over two years, 1 1/2 being methodically. I have been extremely symptomatic from day 1! But I was also pretty bad for two years prior due to interdose w/d and tolerance.

 

I have literally lost 2+ years of my life to this w/ most days being pretty bad. My question:

Has anyone been this crappy all throughout their taper and actually recovered once off? 

 

Updosing is obviously not an option as I've tried it in the past. But symptoms keep getting worse! Please somebody tell me that the hell my poor body has been through will be worth it because I'm truly getting discouraged!

 

@ .5 mgs to go and I feel worse now than I did at 2.0 mg!!

 

 

Thanks!

 

Lori

 

PS:  Sorry, I probably should have posted this in the Withdrawal and Support thread.

 

Yep! It's not a consistent symptom...well no. I've had dizziness my entire taper. I actually can't tell if it's blurred vision or dizzy (brain fog).

But every day it is SOME symptom. But for me, it helps to get up and go outside.

 

I was on my couch a lot last week due to a violent attack of vertigo (still not sure if I can blame that on the klonopin taper). I went outside yesterday and it was as if I woke from a coma. So I know if I can muster the energy to just get up and out, I will feel better. But every day it's a huge pep talk to get stuff done. Like dishes, sweeping, laundry...stuff that used to be so easy are a constant struggle.

But I keep a positive attitude. Last night I was able to bike several miles so I'm not letting this beat me.

 

We are healing Keep up the good taper!