Physical depression for last month or so

Ive got this physical sinking feeling of pure sadness in my stomach and chest. I have no hope or joy or even single shred of happiness for the last month. I'm not living with my wife ATM and im sick sick sick. Bedridden or in agony trying to stand up because my central nervous system is damaged. I think I'm feeling down because I never get any better. I stopped believing everyone can heal and worry if this is permanent lately. I'm 22 months off and got nothing to show for it.

you havent made any improvements at all?

I'm worse than when i jumped cus i took other meds.