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Sigh sigh and sighhhhhh.  I am going to ram my head on a wall if I don't date someone soon.  I'm running out of time!

 

 

You're never out of time. My mom is 76 and she's still in the dating game. :thumbsup:

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Yeah, but this is years of not dating (most of my life actually) and since I want to have a family the chances kind of go down with age because women in their 20s are pickier about age differences now.
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Midnight sorry to hear you haven't met anyone. The right person will come along. Women can have kids after their 20s, most women have kids in their 30s and some even their 40s. Maybe try finding a woman closer to your age, you might find one who has more in common with you and who is looking to settle down and start a family like you desire. I know when I was in my 20s I was not looking to settle down and especially no way to kids, I was looking to have fun and party in my 20s. I know everyone is different, I am just speaking from my own personal experience.
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I don't think it matters much what age I look for, as it doesn't seem many my age are interested either for the most part.  i definitely do NOT want the partier type, but some women in their 20s are more settled than others.  Either way I'm rpetty stuck.  And now i feel liek I've lost all of my online friends and I never am as at peace with my family as I wish.  It feels like I am not truly close with anyone anymore.  Even online  :(
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I thought I was gettign happier lately, but now I'm close to being truly depressed.  It's extremely sad to have no friends or girlfriend and no hope of any either really.  It's kind of devestating.
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Midnight have you tried joining any local clubs or sports or anything in your area? Might help you to meet some new friends and even some dates. You gotta get out there and change the situation, you can do it  :thumbsup:
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I go play at a gym/club.  It does benefit me, but haven't made any friends or met any women.  If I did I would be too shy to make anything of it though.  Hmm I don't know what to do because it's been so many years of the same problems and I've felt this same way for years and years, so obviously I don't get much closer to figuring out how to stop the current pattern.
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  • 1 month later...
It can be hard to do this without friends. I found that the people I had been hanging out with the last couple of years were not the best quality friends. Either they were also taking benzos, doing drugs or drinking heavily. I decided it was time to meet new people so I called one of my old buddies from school and started hanging out with him and his friends and now we do fun, productive, healthy stuff. But it was hard work to make friends. I actually had to go out instead of just staying home. I know how hard it is man. For years I just wanted to hide inside of my benzo shell. Just keep at it. I agree with the posters about volunteering somewhere doing something you might like. You're sure to meet some like-minded people there.
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I almost started hanging out with one of my friends from school days also, but I'm honestly unsure if we would get along now.  He apparently had been on drugs and said he turned everything around now, but you never know if they really do or not.  I have a feeling he's still a lot more outgoing and the partier type while I'm more relaxed and don't like huge parties and 100 people talking in some loud room and whatnot.

 

I wish I could make myself make the necessary changes, but it depressingly feels like I'm never going to take any step.

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What's even more annoying is I don't even have ONLINE friends anymore.  That's how i kept from going insane the past decade is all my online friends.  Now none of them talk to me more than 10 minutes per week and I don't make new ones either.  One women is online ALL the time and just ignores my IMs.  On this site everyone ignores my threads so I just stopped posting.  On a dating site I'm on most women ignore me totally also.  I don't really know how to make the type of online friends I used to have because I guess it was weird flukes that I made any in the past.  Usually they found ME instead of me finding them.
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Hey Buddie,

 

I can relate to not being the party type of guy. I was that guy for many, many years and now after this, I am not that guy. Most of my friends would probably think I am boring now. :) That is ok with me. :)

 

I know you say many people don't post to you here, maybe reach out and post on a few blogs? Always freel free to post on mine, we don't talk about benzo wd all the time, alot of times it is goofy stuff, light hearted stuff. When I first arrived here, that is sort of how I built some friendships, I started a blog and just bounced around and met people. I can't say I have gotten along with everyone, there are always a couple people in whatever situation that we won't connect with, but I have made many good friends on this site, so it was worth the chance of reaching out. I found after I reached out to people and posted on a few blogs, they started posting on mine and it all snowballed from there.

 

Maybe take that chance....even if you just post on my blog, you will see a pretty interesting cast of characters that post there..maybe you will connect with some of them?

 

TC

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i agree with TC and i was into partying for many, many years till all this hit the fan this past year.  i became isolated because i was trying to taper off the meds and didn't want to be around people and couldn't partake in the partying.  it has been very difficult.  but now i really have no desire to 'party'.  i am way into being healthy and exercising.  yoga is turning out to be very, very good for me.  but i am struggling in the friend dept. as well.  but i know i am on a different path now and that eventually i will make new friends and keep finding ways to socialize that i feel comfortable with.  it is a lot of change but i feel that it is good change.  i don't have a partner either and it has bothered me for a long time but now i really just want to be healthy and to feel very good.  my focus has changed and that has freed me from feeling down about not having a boyfriend. i am just accepting the fact that i have not been in the right place along my path to be with that person.  perhaps it will happen this year, i don't know.  i am just going to keep striving for optimal health and see what happens.  i hope this helps.  just know you are not alone in this struggle.
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I'm in a weird situation in that i feel I missed out by never being the partying type.  So half of me wants it now and half of me doesn't.  Or I guess more than half doesn't.  And since I'm mostly only interested in women in their low 20s.... it's not likely I'll find any who DON'T party all the time.

 

TC, I posted in a few at one point, but got out of the habit.  I'm not complaining.  Just using it as an example on how few people I interact with even online.  I've always been having a lot of online enemies due to people getting mad at my opinions too.  In fact one woman I was friends with on THIS site turned into a psycho nutcase solely because she thought I "wasn't trying" enough to do various life changes.  As if it affected her whatsoever.

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Midnight,

 

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a member here.

 

I wanted to add earlier that if you don't reach out to the blogs, you could check out the off topic section. There are posts on movies, music, pets, sports..various other stuff. That way, if you just want to chit chat and not focus on the benzo stuff you have another option. :)

 

TC

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Yeah I forgot there was an offtopic area here.  I actually ran/run a site where all of the forums are general discussion types because that's indeed what I like.  My site became basically dead as everyone left though so I've defnitely been looking for other sites to post about general things on until I figure out a way to get my sites back on track.

 

By the way the member I was referring to left the site or I may not have even mentioned it.  And she kept saying all these things i felt I eneded to respond to then she got mad I emailed her to respond when she kept emailing saying things that eneded responses.  ahhhhhhhh.  Anyway.

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Anddddd yet more women on that dating site ignoring me.  It eventually makes me stop contacting anyone because if you're rejected EVERY time then why bother.  Either they must think I'm ugly or too old.  Who knows.  A lot of times people emssage on that site just looking for friends, so that makes it even more depressing when people ignore because they apparently think you're so horrible you're not worth getting an answer to some simple question.  lol  I'm going to end up being 100 years old and never having got serious with anyone.
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Blah.  This one girl I met on another site similar to this has ignored me for literally months.  In the past she has done similar thigns then out of nowhere when SHE has a reason she will IM me and act like she likes me again.  I really should just delete her now.  I guess it's just a reminder that some people posting on sites regarding their mental struggles may have some other issues.  She really makes no sense.  one day she acts all nice then suddenly for months she ignores me when I IM her.  She practically begged me to date her in the past.
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Get out of your house, get a job, and stay off the computer for a while. You need to make some moves and stop avoiding life if you are not suffering any w/d symptoms.

 

 

I just read through your blog and noticed that you hardly ever mention benzo w/d and everything is about meeting a girl or dating or meeting new people. How the heck are ya gonna do that by staying home ?  Maybe you should seek some counseling to help with meeting new people and meeting girls.  Just a thought...couldn't hurt right ? I see a therapist and many other people see them for different reasons. They can be a great help.  I mean...so far you are still in the same position. So maybe trying a different approach would be a good idea.

 

Make yourself a promise to get out and meet people. Getting a job would gaurantee meeing new people and getting paid ...that way you feel a sense of accomplishment and self confidence. Give it try.

 

Chrisw

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Get out of your house, get a job, and stay off the computer for a while. You need to make some moves and stop avoiding life if you are not suffering any w/d symptoms.

 

 

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:  right on, Chris!

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Chris, I go to group therapy and have gone to some therapists over the years, but they really end up not doing much.  I talk a lot and interact with people in group, but it hasn't translated into much in the real world.  A lot of my problem is when I do get out situations don't come up where I talk much to anyone.  So if I do get out more it's just me going out and being bored trying to figure out something to do and nobody interacting.  I do agree about the job, but it sure never seems any easier to make that move.  I have some people interested in me doing work for them online, but that of course doesn't get me out around people.

 

Yeah I don't mention withdrawal much anymroe because I "think" most symptoms are finally gone.  However some of my normal life symptoms are thigns which withdrawal sufferers deal with also so I still post here some and also occasioanlly do post about others' symptoms.

 

I just think it's sad how many people act like friends and really aren't.  On here, in real life, wherever.  It sucks to have to just up and delete someone I've been supposedly good friends with for 4 or 5 years online, but I'm tired of dealing with her and if she can't be mature enough to answer an IM for months then why bother with her.  It's ALWAYS me IMing first.  She freakin asked me to MOVE TO HER STATE a couple months ago and then  the evry enxt day ignored my IMs yet again.

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Just to claridy... I say I have no symptoms, but some days I oddly am impulsive and making weird choices and obsessive.  So i don't know if that's a lingering effect or what exactly.
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Midnight, I have to agree with Chris. Since what you are doing right now isn't working for you,  its time to shake things up and try something new. I would get out there and try and find a job and you will surely meet people. I know office romances and friendships are very common! Just give it a try, what do you have to lose?
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