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It's actually scary how confident I feel right now.  If I would keep this attitude and be around the right people I would accomplish what Iw ant socially.  I'm not sure exactly how I've got myself feeling this way, but only thing I'm not confident about is my looks in general... although that's a big deal since women choose only based on looks and money.  Yeah they want personality, but only after they get some guy who looks perfect and is a millionaire.  :)
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although that's a big deal since women choose only based on looks and money.  Yeah they want personality, but only after they get some guy who looks perfect and is a millionaire.  :)

 

Your kidding me? You actually believe this?

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Your kidding me? You actually believe this?

Pretty much.  There are exceptions, but usually women  do seem to judge a lot more than men do.  Thus why on dating sites I'm not contacted too much and most every woman's "friends" are shirtless guys who worked on their abs.  From what I see over and voer it's pretty clear that despite men being stereotyped as judging on looks it's actually women doing it more than men.  I'll see tons of women who don't look good get flirted with and only the best looking guys do.

 

And as far as money it's pretty obvious on that too.  Rarely someone may want to date just tod ate and see what happens.  But usually they're automatically assuming negative things if you don't have a good job currently.  Many judge on what the job is, not just whether you have one.  And heck now women seem to go after sex even more than guys too.

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You're obviously not happy in your own skin because if you were, you wouldn't be talking like this. I bet your problem is self esteem because money and 6 pack abs are not the only way to get a woman. I don't know if your watching too much Bravo TV because your perception is wrong.

 

 

Chemistry my friend. If there is no chemistry, there is no relationship.

 

 

 

 

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You're obviously not happy in your own skin because if you were, you wouldn't be talking like this. I bet your problem is self esteem because money and 6 pack abs are not the only way to get a woman. I don't know if your watching too much Bravo TV because your perception is wrong.

 

 

Chemistry my friend. If there is no chemistry, there is no relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

I can't help but add here to this..  chemistry indeed.  Benzos = brain chemistry wackoland.  Thus one's chemistry while withdrawing from benzos might be too bonkers and acidic to mix with someone's base.  ::)

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I"ve never in my life been interested in a man for his money or his abs. And neither have any of the women I know. Sure, I appreciate a nice looking guy, don't you appreciate a nice looking woman?

 

But at 50 years old, I've been around, and I'll tell you, looks or money have never defined what makes a damn fine man.  

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Yes, but patterns change.  When I was young I did NOT think this way, but now society is different.  In general "most" people are more shallow now than even when I was 18.  And I'm mostly interested in women 25 or younger which means they're likely even more the way I described.  Although honestly I think as women get older they judge on job a lot more, but the younger ones judge on looks a lot more.

 

I'm basing it mostly from the tons of posts and interactions I see on dating sites.  Many people will flat out not even CONSIDER someone if they don't meet the dumbest of standards.  I can't think of any offhand, but it's just very discouraging.

 

I'm not totally happy with myself, no.  But I "mostly" am other than looks.  And some women claim I look good, but I just assume they're lying.  Too many online people tell me I'm ugly for me to believe otherwise.

 

This also comes after years and years of not dating and it being pretty clear women aren't interested.  So yes you have to doubt yourself when nobody is interested for years.  And it's not due to benzo WD that I feel this way.  I've thought this for a while.  Like I said... it's from reading posts on dating sites.  They always want men to make a certain income and to have his whole life planned out.

 

I personally can be a really caring person, but I feel like it doesn't matter because although I HAVE believed some women still choose absed on personality... it just is harder to believe it after so long of not dating.

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Yes, but patterns change.  When I was young I did NOT think this way, but now society is different.  In general "most" people are more shallow now than even when I was 18.  And I'm mostly interested in women 25 or younger which means they're likely even more the way I described.  Although honestly I think as women get older they judge on job a lot more, but the younger ones judge on looks a lot more.

 

I'm basing it mostly from the tons of posts and interactions I see on dating sites.  Many people will flat out not even CONSIDER someone if they don't meet the dumbest of standards.  I can't think of any offhand, but it's just very discouraging.

 

I'm not totally happy with myself, no.  But I "mostly" am other than looks.  And some women claim I look good, but I just assume they're lying.  Too many online people tell me I'm ugly for me to believe otherwise.

 

This also comes after years and years of not dating and it being pretty clear women aren't interested.  So yes you have to doubt yourself when nobody is interested for years.  And it's not due to benzo WD that I feel this way.  I've thought this for a while.  Like I said... it's from reading posts on dating sites.  They always want men to make a certain income and to have his whole life planned out.

 

I personally can be a really caring person, but I feel like it doesn't matter because although I HAVE believed some women still choose absed on personality... it just is harder to believe it after so long of not dating.

 

Let me see if I get this straight. Some women who've seen you in person think you look good but you assume their lying because some ONLINE strangers tell you you are ugly????  ::) In my humble opinion that is just plain nuts.  :idiot:

 

Of course, some women chose a person based on looks, or cars, or jobs or personality or most anything you want to name, just as men do.  I'll tell you a little secret about what women like:  a man who is genuinely interested in them and what they think, not just in feeding them a line and getting in their pants.  ;)

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No the women are online ones too.  I haven't socialized enough in real life to even be in a situation to be told that.  Since I mostly look online... my profiles and my looks are all they really have to go on.  I've had women who called me in the past say my voice is really sexy (I have a deep voice), but someone online obviously won't know that when deciding based on a pic and profile.  Plus honestly my voice annoys me when I hear it back on something.  I guess most people are that way though.

 

I'm the closest I've ever been to being confident and liking myself.  But as long as I keep going years with no dating I can't truly be confident that others will see me as worth dating.  I am basically confident in MYSELF as a person, but I am not confident that others will see it.  Simply because as long as you go without thems eeing it you can't rally believe someone will see it.

 

I'm looking for a relationship rather than random sex, I am ALWAYS honest (naturally rather than trying to force it like some guys... or the ones who fake it), and I'm much more in touch with emotions than most guys.  I'm also intelligent and funny.  I've really let my dissatisfaction with my looks ruin my social life my entire life.  If i did know some women were interested in me my confidence would skyrocket.  Yeah I know you're supposed to be confident REGARDLESS of others, but when it comes to confidence about looks you almost do have to have some good feedback to believe it.  If everyone says you're ugly you can't magically believe you aren't or then it's lying or denial.

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What's so frustrating is I am actually VERY confident that I can make a woman happy, but I never get the chance.  I can't force someone to know why to date me.  A lot of times online I'm actually accused of liking myself too much rather than someone saying I have low self esteem.  lol

 

I'm not so sure someone online will ever realize my positives that other guys don't have.  It can't be proven through a screen.

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Well midnight, we don't know much about you or your disability. Also,  being "ugly" is not a problem to get a woman. Maybe your going about meeting someone wrong and are too confident you are doing it correctly.
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I have a single friend who looks like uncle fester of the adams family. He is actually uglier then him because he weighs about 120 lbs more, sweats like pig, and has a lazy eye, which almost floats to the back of his head. :pokey:

 

He is single because he likes only 100 lb woman and when he flirts, he just nods his head. I'm sure he would treat a woman like gold, but no woman yet has reacted positively to his head nod in the last 30 years. He takes lexapro for the depression caused by the fear of never meeting someone......... when this can probably be fixed by lowering his visual expectations, and looking to more whats on the inside of a woman. Or this can be fixed by breaking out of his gang banger head nod. 

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I'm definitely very picky.  In certain areas.  The woman could still look ugly to others though.  Because I am less likely to care about the face not looking good by others' standards.  But yes I care about body frame and want someone thin.  Some may think well how can you be so picky about that if you don't look good yourself.  Well I am definitely thin though.  But really that's kind of a drawback for men if they're too thin.  I think women are so convicned that a guy must look big to be able to protect her that they won't go for skinny guys who aren't muscular.  In reality I think I would be stronger than the muscular guys if I needed to be because I have such an enormous amount of adrenaline and determination that it more than makes up for it and the bigger guy would be too in shock to handle it.  lol

 

Well even online I don't really end up meeting anyone.  On dating sites I keep waiting for them to contact me first.  Obviously that's not good for a guy to do because most women won't approach the guy first and chances are that if she does then she's likely a dominant personality which I am not into.

 

It just sucks knowing that I have better intentions than most guys and yet nobody knows or cares really.  They judge on assumptions.  Oh also I have a vision problem so in public I am even more nervous since I can't see someone looking at me from a decent distance away.  I am always afraid someone is waving at me or making eye contact and me not seeing it.

 

Another problem is I don't like women my age.  I look mostly for women in their low 20s and it's less likely that they will last in a serious relationship. I just want tod ate at least ONE young woman though.  Then maybe I would start considering ones my age.  But I don't want to feel like I am settling before I've ever even dated one!  I like the more relaxed and cheerful personalities and women who are odler tend to be more serious and whiney for the most part.

 

I've seen many guys who look bad and do have wives obviously.  But for me it doesn't happen.  And that goes back to money... maybe those guys had money.

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Another problem is I don't like women my age.  I look mostly for women in their low 20s and it's less likely that they will last in a serious relationship. I just want tod ate at least ONE young woman though.  Then maybe I would start considering ones my age. 

 

You Devil Dog You  :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm so discouraged.  I wonder how I will ever meet anyone.  Even on freakin datign sites everyone ignores me.

 

So now how can anyone NOT try to force a meeting into a relationship after this long of finding nobody?  think about it... if you go YEARS between girlfriends how can you keep from getting immediately serious and forcing things when you do find one?  You know if it doesn't work it's more years in a row dating nobody.

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If i did know some women were interested in me my confidence would skyrocket.

 

Of course we all need the feeling being approved of, I agree it does boost your confidence.

 

I have the same problems you do, Midnight. But I am a female - and meanwhile 56 years old. I didnt grow up here and yet I expected men here to act like they do in NY, outgoing and always coming up to you.  I never experienced this here and I too began doubting my looks (since I was 25). But I once read that German men dont do this, as they hate to bother anyone. (???) And it is still a mystery to me how men and women find each other here. I am very depressed due to this. I mean everytime I go out, the NY expectations are still with me that someone will approach me. But by now I look devastated, sad and desperate... and thats not attractive.

Sorry didnt mean to hijack your thread. Glad at least you found people you can talk to about this.

 

Elke

 

P.S. I wouldnt rely on dating sites if I were you. Go out and try to meet someone. Could it be you have depression because you have extremely high expectations on yourself you cant meet?

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Hi Midnight, I think the dating sites are a good idea. Maybe try approaching women more often, that have similar interests as you? I noticed you mentioned you only like to date younger women in their early 20s. How old are you? That may be part of the issue (not saying this in a mean way at all). A lot of women that I know that date older guys, usually only date them because they have money, not because they are attracted to them. Let's be honest, most young people (men or women) usually are attracted to similar young people. Also, younger people are not usually looking for anything serious, they want more "party fun times" and casual dating. I am not saying all, but most young people that I know are not looking to settle down in their early 20s and want to just date casually. Maybe try for dating a woman your own age, you might have more luck. Don't rule a woman out just because she is older ; )
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I'm in my low 30s.  I can't help it though because I just flat don't really click with women my age.  But yeah it seems like most women under 25 have started to want someone closer to their age wheras in the past they all seemed to want older guys.

 

I found a young woman on one dating site who seems perfect, but I doubt she will even answer me either ebcause of me being older or because of looks... I'm always convinced I look bad.  But anyway her profile claims she isn't into partying and she seems to be looking for someone similar to me, but I figure she will automatically not consider it with me.  Online you can't give a sense of your personality as easily so even though I believe we're each other's type, it wouldn't do much good knowing it if she doesn't see a reason to think so also.  :P

 

I indeed need to meet women in person instead of online, but while I'm not meeting them I figured online is better than nothing.

 

As far as facebook I haven't eben using it, but who knows.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well I feel like giving up really.  If you go your whole life never dating how are you magically going to suddenly date?  Obviously I won't have good social/dating skills and that's even IF IF IF any woman wants to date me which is probably a big nope.  I know good and well what I have to offer, but knowing it's their loss doesn't do ME any good.  And honestly I do want to date someone around 22 or 23 or maybe even 24 or 25.  But it doesn't matter who I want to date as far as that goes since none are interested in me.  Not to mention the fact that most women have 100 kids by age 24.

 

Anyway I joined a gym, but although I do interact more now, I still haven't had an actual conversation.

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It's actually scary how confident I feel right now.  If I would keep this attitude and be around the right people I would accomplish what Iw ant socially.  I'm not sure exactly how I've got myself feeling this way, but only thing I'm not confident about is my looks in general... although that's a big deal since women choose only based on looks and money.  Yeah they want personality, but only after they get some guy who looks perfect and is a millionaire.  :)

 

i just want you to know that not all women are like that. 

 

hang in there,

 

leslie

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[33...]

Oh I meet peple, but ya know..it's embarrassing when I have to turn to someone else, and ask.. if the person is real or not, especially strangers. Go figure..  :D

 

Keryn.

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Seriously or joking?  Someone in a group I went to sometimes thought all these things were happenign that weren't.  It was confusing being sure if certain things happened when he said it.  Would be scary to me.

 

Well I now spent several more hours at the gym and some guy asked me to play on his team in basketball.  I turned him down though because I was worried I wouldn't see passes well enough because of my vision.  But that was a golden opportunity to make friends with people.  They obviously saw me confident and making many shots on the goal I was using.  And so it was cool that they wanted me to play with them.  Honestly usually when the ball got away from me and someone threw it back the past few days I saw it fine every time so maybe I should have tried this.

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