Author Topic: Meeting People  (Read 8929 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2010, 11:25:23 am »
I always feel like nobody accepts me.  My parents kind of do, but that's of course not the same.

I feel exactly the same way. Today I was out with my mom and she gave me such compliments and it felt sooo great, that really builds me up. Then I talked to her about an actual problem that will be coming towards me: I must go to a clinic for withdrawal, I went last year and they tore me to pieces, always criticized me and I felt very unliked. I tried to talk to my mom about that too.She knows about my fear of what lies ahead.  But all I got was lack of compassion, understanding and the reaction: "You are making a fuss about this again and carrying on about this again! Canīt we talk about anything else?!" Well, that to me is inacceptance - problems ARE a part of life.

Elke
« Last Edit: September 04, 2010, 12:38:56 pm by [Buddie] »
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[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2010, 07:11:27 pm »
Yeah I would say that's pretty similar for me also.  My parents can be udnerstanding or they can be annoyed and seem to forget how hard some things are for me or people with bad anxiety.  People who don't have it as badly usually think "well I've gone through that too and I made it through it".  But they don't understand that not everyone "feels" to the same degree.  And not all people know how to handle things as well no matter how hard they try.

Depending on parents to improve the mood is not good either, so I wish I would somehow figure all of this out and get thngs how they should be.  I'm so discouraged.  The "real me" is an extremely caring and compassionate person.  But I don't even get to show it to anyone.  And then I depend too much on others to make me happy since I don't know how to get happy on my own apparently.  Or not for a long amount of time, anyway.
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[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #12 on: September 05, 2010, 06:25:35 am »
Hi [...],

I see a contradiction here. You say it is not good to depend on parents to improve your mood. Then you write that you depend on others to make you happy.

I think we need good friends to make us happy. We most importatly need people we know we can rely on. Right now the only person I know I can rely on is my mom. It doesnt matter to me that she is 85 years old, although I do get stupid comments sometimes from people when we are out. Before my dad died HE was the only person I could rely on. And by that I mean going out and doing things together that we enjoyed. Now maybe they need me just as much as both were old and reached out for someone to care for them in their old age.

But I have had many relationships, many so called friends - and sadly they were all unreliable.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2010, 05:53:16 pm »
I wasn't contradicting. I was saying it's not good in either case, thus I need to not depend on them as much (parents, friends, anyone else).  It amkes things much easier if you can depend on people, but I'm just saying it can go too far to where you can't do things for yourself if you had to.  And although I live on my own now and do some thngs for myself I still feel too codependant.

But either way I'm so depressed from loneliness.  I so badly wish I had sojem good friends and a girlfriend, but never happens.  I think people were meant to have companionship.  I'm just saying if you get too dependant on a particular person it can be bad also.  So just depends on the level of it.  And with me I care too much about others amking decisions for me.  It would be nice to have friends or be dating someone who accepts me for once.  And me accept them which is yet another problem.  And yeah I agree basically ALMOST all friends will let you/me/anyone else down.  Not many "true" friends show up for anybody.  More the type who say they'll always be there and then they never are when you need them.  lol
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[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2010, 12:47:53 am »
Are you still looking for some place to volunteer your time and talents, [...]?  I still think this is a great way to get back into the world when you haven't worked for a while.  It's easy to start feeling like you don't have the skills to make friends any more when you lose practice opportunities like you get at work.  And a volunteer job can sometimes lead to a paying job.  I'm just sayin'...  ;)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2010, 02:02:10 am »
We seem to have the same problem here. What is the cause? I dont know. I woke up this morning thinking about my lost friends and then about leaving here. I have nothing to lose. And I cant see myself sitting around here isolated and on the PC for the rest of my life.

Many people are lonely. They are satisfied watching TV all day. Like my mom said yesterday: Someone is talking and there is something to look at. If I didnt have my TV I would go crazy. She has accepted her fate and life. I cant do that I am somewhat older, but I cant accept that as being all to life. In a way I admire her ability to do this. But I am too restless of a person.

Once I get off the Benzos its going to be even more so. All my feelings will come back, all my energy.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2010, 03:54:43 am »
For years and years and years I've sat around watching tv constantly and using the computer constantly.  I accepted it enough to keep from dying I guess.  But wow it's really caught up to me now!  Now it drives me NUTS to keep doing that day after day.  And yet I do.  I'm extremely sad right now.  I've gone my entire life without strong companionship.  After a while practically anyone would stop being able to stand it, I think.  Yet people who are married (thus they don't need to look for someone for companionship) will go on and on about how you don't need someone else and can be happy alone.  Funny it's always those who are NOT alone themselves who say it.

But anyway now I am losing a lot of confidence in myself.  I'm starting to feel like hey even if I did meet people I am never going to make friends or mroe with them because I am so emotionally messed up and never accepted.  If a guy doesn't have a job and look great then women give him zero chance.  Meanwhile a woman doesn't need one or to look good to get plenty dates.  It's like I have to change my whole self and life or not be accepted by anyone at all regardless of my personality.  I don't know how I can feel good anymore with so much loneliness.

[...], I haven't been looking extremely much.  I've once again changed my sleeping schedule and so I've felt like crap for several days trying to adjust.  I'm so confused what to do anymore.  Sometimes I get so far down that I wonder how I will handle anything whether a job or volunteering or going anywhere at all.  I felt great until a week or so ago.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #17 on: September 07, 2010, 12:06:25 am »
For years and years and years I've sat around watching tv constantly and using the computer constantly.  I accepted it enough to keep from dying I guess.  But wow it's really caught up to me now!  Now it drives me NUTS to keep doing that day after day.  And yet I do.  I'm extremely sad right now.  I've gone my entire life without strong companionship.  After a while practically anyone would stop being able to stand it, I think.  Yet people who are married (thus they don't need to look for someone for companionship) will go on and on about how you don't need someone else and can be happy alone.  Funny it's always those who are NOT alone themselves who say it.

But anyway now I am losing a lot of confidence in myself.  I'm starting to feel like hey even if I did meet people I am never going to make friends or mroe with them because I am so emotionally messed up and never accepted.  If a guy doesn't have a job and look great then women give him zero chance.  Meanwhile a woman doesn't need one or to look good to get plenty dates.  It's like I have to change my whole self and life or not be accepted by anyone at all regardless of my personality.  I don't know how I can feel good anymore with so much loneliness.

[...], I haven't been looking extremely much.  I've once again changed my sleeping schedule and so I've felt like crap for several days trying to adjust.  I'm so confused what to do anymore.  Sometimes I get so far down that I wonder how I will handle anything whether a job or volunteering or going anywhere at all.  I felt great until a week or so ago.

You'll feel good again, [...], at least physically.  The mental/emotional stuff is something you need to work on, though.  You can't keep doing the same thing (ie, nothing) and expecting something different to happen.  If you want a more fulfilling life, you are going to need to take some risks and do some things differently.  And when you are trying to get back in the flow of life, take baby steps until you regain your confidence.  One of the nice things about volunteering is you don't have to keep doing it if it doesn't meet your needs and it gets you focusing on something besides yourself for a while.  I used to always worry that people were judging me, how I looked and how I acted.  In fact, they hardly were giving me a thought but were wrapped up in their own dramas.   ;) 
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[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2010, 04:32:16 am »
Now today I felt extremely great.  So weird how easily I can change.  I don't think it's benzo related.  I've just been that way a lot because I finally have something snap me out of feeling bad.  I guess this time it was exercise and visiting my parents and talking to some girl online... all got me back to normal.

Now need to somehow socialize more though.  I'm tempted to just be dumb and try to have sex with some random person.  I obviously get nowhere by looking for a relationship and not just sex..............

Anyway....
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[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2010, 09:12:35 pm »
Andddd still great.  But the absolute boreom is liekly why I soon go downhill again.  I am sitting here doing NOTHING and so frustrated to not be utilizing my gifts and good feelings to do something interesting.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.