Author Topic: Meeting People  (Read 9089 times)

[Buddie]

Meeting People
« on: August 27, 2010, 09:47:08 am »
This is so frustrating.  I never meet people.  Or at least not to the point of being friends or finding a girlfriend.  I'm so BORED going year after year not dating.  This has always been the case, so not the benzo.  But when I was on the benzo it of course didn't help matters.

I want to bang my head on something due to the boredom!

Maybe someone will have suggestions, but all I know is I have no job and online sure hasn't turned into anything.  And heck... not having a job in itself will make a lot of women treat you like you're the plague.  It's like if you're not working you deserve to sit there alone until you die.  :p  Not like dating someone is marrying them.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2010, 02:57:57 pm »
I find the best way to meet people is to volunteer somewhere that I have an interest and some knowledge.  The second best way for me is to take a class for adults.  I usually like hobby type classed is  but even a more focused class should bring you into contact with other people of like mind.  I think the volunteering is great because you interact a lot with people that have similar interests and you meet the nicest people.  Gets you outside of yourself for a while and concentrating on helping other people.  The world isn't going to come to you, [...], so go out there and meet it head on!  :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2010, 02:10:36 am »
Yeah, good ideas.  I've eben told by my mom I should volunteer somewhere for ages, but I guess I am ALMOST as afraid of volunteer work as a "real job" I would be paid for.  I'm not sure if it's me being afraid of change itself or if I am worried I will be judged and hated or what exactly.  I guess both.  I have had my whole life feel like I am in conflict with everybody I care about at all.  I always feel that people think I'm stupid even though I'm intelligent.  More stupid about social things I guess.

Also as far as volunteering I kept worrying I would volunteer for something involving sick people then they would die and me be depressed due to ahving got close to them.  Some people can't handle that and I'm one who feels emotion easily.  So I would have to think of something to volunteer for that wouldn't set me uyp for that.  At least now while I am easily affected emotionally.

Taking a class was always recomended to me also.  I don't know.  I've got to figure all of this out.  I am getting depressed again due to being alone.  I've never had a great relationship, in my opinion, or even friendship since I was young.  So it's really getting to me at the moment.  I wish I could think of more to do for fun around here also and actually make myself talk to people, but it feels kind of hopeless sometimes.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2010, 03:25:40 am »
Sorry your having trouble with the boredom, and welcome to the forum. The chat here can be funny late night. I don't get out much, so I spend allot of time on the xbox :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2010, 11:58:05 am »
Thanks.   Yeah video games and watching tv is practically all I do lately.  About to make some new websites and do some programming for them soon so hopefully that will lead to something interesting.  Otherwise I need to think of things to do around people though.  Well and actually talk to them when I am indeed around them.  I'm the type who is extremely outgoing when around people I am comfortable with so me being shy around strangers is annoying.  And really since I keep not dating I feel like I have this huge side of me that I show to nobody because I don't ever quite feel accepted.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2010, 04:59:24 pm »
Yeah, good ideas.  I've eben told by my mom I should volunteer somewhere for ages, but I guess I am ALMOST as afraid of volunteer work as a "real job" I would be paid for.  I'm not sure if it's me being afraid of change itself or if I am worried I will be judged and hated or what exactly.  I guess both.  I have had my whole life feel like I am in conflict with everybody I care about at all.  I always feel that people think I'm stupid even though I'm intelligent.  More stupid about social things I guess.

Also as far as volunteering I kept worrying I would volunteer for something involving sick people then they would die and me be depressed due to ahving got close to them.  Some people can't handle that and I'm one who feels emotion easily.  So I would have to think of something to volunteer for that wouldn't set me uyp for that.  At least now while I am easily affected emotionally.

Taking a class was always recomended to me also.  I don't know.  I've got to figure all of this out.  I am getting depressed again due to being alone.  I've never had a great relationship, in my opinion, or even friendship since I was young.  So it's really getting to me at the moment.  I wish I could think of more to do for fun around here also and actually make myself talk to people, but it feels kind of hopeless sometimes.

One of the best things I did for myself when depressed was to get a dog.  Walking a dog or taking him to the dog park, there were always people who would ask about him or want to pet him.  Sometimes we'd get into real conversations.  The walking was good for me and has been scientifically proven to reduce depression better than most a/d's.  

I'm the same as you about getting too emotionally involved.  That's why, even though I love animals, I can't bring myself to volunteer at the animal shelter for more than office work and fund raising.  Going back to the kennels area is a killer.  If you like dogs but can't get one, the local shelter might have a dog walking program for volunteers.  You could still use him/her as a conversation started, get exercise and meet people.  A win win win!  Our women's shelter operates a thrift store and people volunteer to work there.  There are other kinds of organizations that run thrift stores as well, not just women's shelters.  There's an online volunteer clearinghouse where I live.  I enter my interests and it gives me suggestions based on the needs of various organizations.  One I'm seriously considering is teaching basic computer and Internet skills to older people at the Senior Center.  I like the idea of a structured setting and clear purpose.
http://www.serve.gov/

Maybe volunteering regularly would  help you get a job later.  First, you'd need to face down you fears of being judged or whatever and second you'd have a source for a referral for your work habits, reliability, etc.  Do think about it, [...].  You need to start doing something different or you are going to go on getting more of the same.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2010, 05:05:55 am »
Well on that site I found 2 thigns that would maybe be ok.  But one problem is that i don't drive and none are near me.  Would have to get a relative to take me to it or something.  I'm kind of depressed that I have to depend on others to even get me anywhere.  And I'm scrapped for money as it is so wouldn't want to be paying a lot for transportation of other types.

I'm just flat stumped as to what my next step should be in life really.  And even if I were to live to life expectancy I'm almost half way there and never even had a true "real" date!  That's driving me insane not having companionship for that long.  And trying to force the situation obviously usually causes it not to happen at all.  I'm not sure how I'll ever get what I want out of life.  As far as relationships go, I would probably be awkward at first in social situations.  ALREADY hard to find anyone to date as it is and then they'll be immediately gone since most people aren't understanding.  I'm actually a likeable person, but have to be comfortable.

People always say you don't need a relationship blah blah blah, but I guarantee that's NOT people who have never dated saying that!  Yeah go a year without one... who cares, but go your whole life without a good relationship and not so fun.

edit:  great... some places in walking distance from me apparently don't have job openings when I assumed they would.  I really ened a job pretty soon and with me not driving and having now ork experience it's a mess figuring that situation out.  That's why it's so hard to improve my life... I have to go through a lot of "thinking" to even "want" to find a job.  Then if I do finally get to that point well a job doesn't magically appear.  So then if I don't find one while my mind is right for it then I go back to not looking again.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2010, 05:17:56 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2010, 04:48:02 pm »
[...] volunteering is a great way to meet people and you don't know where it is going to lead either jobwise.  With me as you can tell by my user name I am a big hockey fan so I volunteered to do some hockey writing for a website and you know I have to say that I love it.  Through that site I have met many people here that are involved with hockey and a lot of my friends are ones that work at the local hockey arena.  I would have never known those wonderful people had I not volunteered.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2010, 07:13:48 pm »
Hello,

I could have written this post myself. I am having the same problem, though female. I grew up in NYC and men there are (in my memory) completely different from the country I live in now (Germany). I am used to men coming up and looking for contact with me and also expected this to happen here. But they dont and it has gotten me very, very depressed over the years.

I still find myself expecting this, like when I am downtown in a cafe and a man is sitting close to me, that he may talk to me and start a conversation. And every time no one does, I get more and more discouraged. I dont know if it is the German men or if it is me. But I cannot once in all the 30 years I have lived here remember any man ever not passing me by where I feel I am going unnoticed. So I too have wound up living a very, very lonely life.

All I have left is my mom. She is 85 years old. And here is an experience I had the other day. I drove her to the bank and suddenly a man walked up to us and said "Hello you two wonderful ladies, how are you today? What nice two ladies!" It almost knocked me down. I felt since no one ever said anything like that to me, it had to be my 85 year old mom who had drawn his attention!! My mom said "hes crazy", but for me who has thirsted for that kind of noticing in decades it was so surprising.

When I got home I asked myself what in the world I am doing wrong? Again it threw me into such despair and depression.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Meeting People
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2010, 04:20:44 am »
Interesting.  I've heard before that people in general in Germany don't express emotion as much and tend to be depressed more often.  I think some study claimed that.  But anyway interesting that it's different there.  trust me I wish in the U.S. that guys didn't have to practically always be the oens approaching the women!  That's why I never end up dating.  lol  But then again I am interested in women who aren't TOO outgoing... so if one did approach me I bet I would panick and think she would be controlling.  That would be my fear anwyay, but I'm sure some who would ask a guy out would not be overbearing... it's just what my brain originally assumes though.

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. Just some random times you'll be in the right place, I assume.  I honestly have no idea what I can do to end up in a good relationship.  I feel like I'm so socially inexperienced that women will immediately break up with me when I am awkward at first.  I do like young women, but I'm sure part of why they would even date someone older is thinking he's so confident and experienced and whatnot.

It's just so depressing feeling alone!  I was at a concert tonight and I got depressed partly because that's a setting that reminds you of your loneliness when you see everyone around with other people.  I really think I can be likeable, but yet I fear I'm never going to have the chance to BE liked because nobody ever ends up knowing me.

Hopefully we both figure something out.  I guess in my case I need to improve my self esteem still...  But I think it still goes beyond that too.  I'm so lonely that although I'm not desperate in one sense I am desperate in another sense...  I am not desperate enough to be friends or more with someone I don't like, but I am desperate to the point where if I DO find someone I like I'll just push to get it serious and that would ruin it.

I just think a LOT of my depression is due to this.  I always feel like nobody accepts me.  My parents kind of do, but that's of course not the same.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.