Adult children of narcissists (ACON)

How many of us grew up with narcissistic parents?

Omg count me in. I'm the poster child for this group. I'm so glad you started it. Who wouldn't go on pills after growing up with narcissistic rage ruining your CNS for life? It's amazing I'm not on heroin.

Hi valiumnomore, when did you find out? I found out less than one month ago and I'm still in shock. Never could I imagine that after benzos and ADs, after quitting my job, I would find anything as scary as that. It took me five decades, can you imagine?

Hi valiumnomore, when did you find out? I found out less than one month ago and I'm still in shock. Never could I imagine that after benzos and ADs, after quitting my job, I would find anything as scary as that. It took me five decades, can you imagine?

 

Hi! I'm 51, we're the same age. I found out on FB looking for info on toxic parents. Check out these on youtube: Lisa A Romano, Richard Grannon, there are many. Very helpful.

Yep, I'm joining this group. I have known since 2016 about Mother. They both have NPD. Plus some kind of BPD maybe. Father also has OCPD. I've known about Father since I was like 12-14 yrs old.

 

Karyl McBride PhD "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers"

 

Danu Morrigan "You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother"

 

Suzan Forward "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life"

 

Read all three. I greatly recommend. Lots of tears on the way. With the first two. Well, it's better than denial.

Hi valiumnomore, when did you find out? I found out less than one month ago and I'm still in shock. Never could I imagine that after benzos and ADs, after quitting my job, I would find anything as scary as that. It took me five decades, can you imagine?

 

Hi! I'm 51, we're the same age. I found out on FB looking for info on toxic parents. Check out these on youtube: Lisa A Romano, Richard Grannon, there are many. Very helpful.

 

i like her a lot. very adept at decoding the narc's methodology and how to sidestep them.  also on youtube: Angie Atkinson,  and Dr. Les Carter @ Surviving Narcissism. i was born to 2 narc parents, mom covert and father overt. later she remarried to stepfather who is her flying monkey. so much abuse, so much sexual and psychological and physical abuse, 4 1/2 decades of gaslighting and lies, and several years of therapy....it's in my book. one day i may defy them all and just publish the damn thing! lol.

 

anyways thx for starting the support group. i was wondering if anyone here already had done so.

Yes, the gaslighting. It's incredible, isn't it. Mother is so good at it.

 

The problem is. I'm addicted to her. Even now, being Low Contact. She can be so witty and charming. Great sense of humor. And then she stabs you in the back.

 

I will never stop loving her. Despite all that she's done to me. I just need to keep my distance.

 

Now she scares the hell out of me. No Contact with Father since age 14.

 

She really projects her self-hate of me. But she can function well. And I'm barely alive.

Yes, the gaslighting. It's incredible, isn't it. Mother is so good at it.

 

The problem is. I'm addicted to her. Even now, being Low Contact. She can be so witty and charming. Great sense of humor. And then she stabs you in the back.

 

I will never stop loving her. Despite all that she's done to me. I just need to keep my distance.

 

Now she scares the hell out of me. No Contact with Father since age 14.

 

She really projects her self-hate of me. But she can function well. And I'm barely alive.

yes Estee, i relate.

 

i am low contact w/mine as well.

eventually she'll use her very last weapon against me, and cut me from having contact with my last living family member who ia mclose with. i know it. i see it coming.

that won't soften the blow but at least it will be the end of having to deal with mom. sigh. she's scapegoated me fromt he entire family over the years. but you know, it isn't about me.

it's because narcs don't see their children as individuals. they are seen as extensions of themselves.

 

so when i didn't turn out to be the exemplary extension of who she pretends/wishes she was  of herself...she made me the enemy. i was afraid of her for decades.

when i made my stand against her authority and abusiveness, she couldn't take it. i was 40 then.

 

some years have passed and she is aging and crippled physically. she shows early onset dementia signs for many years now. she is quickly approaching her own time of helplessness, but has driven away all who might care for her in old age. as my cousin says "she made her bed."

 

it would be very easy to be hoovered back into her life with pitiful cries to take care of her/please don't throw me in a  nursing home, etc. but when the time comes, i won't be sucked back in to more abuse and control.

 

so here i am! lol

 

 

I wouldn't be able to leave Mother alone if something happened to her. We were "best friends" until she talked me into the divorce in 2011. I cannot forgive her. We didn't want a divorce. Husband went nuts. His father drank himself to death a few months after.

 

She lives in a big house. I guess I'd go and live there with her if Father leaves her. I mean if he dies. He needs her like oxygen. He won't leave her otherwise. He's addicted to her.

 

As long as she has Father, she will cope.

 

Yes, she is terrible. She has talked me into ending my two most important relationships with men in my life.

 

She has always manipulated me. Completely. Influenced my career choices, which were all mistakes.

 

I should have gone to therapy, not to the uni. She put me on the BZD, so that I can function. And pursue those studies. I had different passions, interests. She gave the BZD to me and Father for years.

 

She told me I should always be single. So here I am, single. Alone. First I rebelled, had so many bfs. Then I just gave up. She says men are not important. Something secondary. That a "strong, independent woman" should be single. Yet, she's totally dependent on her husband.

 

She was furious when she learned I wanted to marry. She is obsessed with money and image. And education. I could go on and on.

 

She was so jealous of every single person to whom I got close in life. She is jealous of Kitty.

 

It's all very painful. I hate to say negative things about her. But I sometimes really wish I weren't born. Cause I'm afraid she may consider giving birth to a child as the worst mistake she has made in life. Cannot write more. I feel sick already.

How many of us grew up with narcissistic parents?

 

One parent, later a spouse. My awakening came from trying to figure out all the WTF moments.  Anyone who has endured the NPD, my heart goes out to you.

Omg count me in. I'm the poster child for this group. I'm so glad you started it. Who wouldn't go on pills after growing up with narcissistic rage ruining your CNS for life? It's amazing I'm not on heroin.

Me. My mom is a narcissist and was physically and psychologically abusive. She still is but I stopped talking to her about 4 months ago. The trauma that she perpetrated upon me has come up hardcore in benzo withdrawal. It's a nightmare

I wouldn't be able to leave Mother alone if something happened to her. We were "best friends" until she talked me into the divorce in 2011. I cannot forgive her. We didn't want a divorce. Husband went nuts. His father drank himself to death a few months after.

 

She lives in a big house. I guess I'd go and live there with her if Father leaves her. I mean if he dies. He needs her like oxygen. He won't leave her otherwise. He's addicted to her.

 

As long as she has Father, she will cope.

 

Yes, she is terrible. She has talked me into ending my two most important relationships with men in my life.

 

She has always manipulated me. Completely. Influenced my career choices, which were all mistakes.

 

I should have gone to therapy, not to the uni. She put me on the BZD, so that I can function. And pursue those studies. I had different passions, interests. She gave the BZD to me and Father for years.

 

She told me I should always be single. So here I am, single. Alone. First I rebelled, had so many bfs. Then I just gave up. She says men are not important. Something secondary. That a "strong, independent woman" should be single. Yet, she's totally dependent on her husband.

 

She was furious when she learned I wanted to marry. She is obsessed with money and image. And education. I could go on and on.

 

She was so jealous of every single person to whom I got close in life. She is jealous of Kitty.

 

It's all very painful. I hate to say negative things about her. But I sometimes really wish I weren't born. Cause I'm afraid she may consider giving birth to a child as the worst mistake she has made in life. Cannot write more. I feel sick already.

 

hey Estee,

 

it is crazy-making the way narcs make us feel. it is unfair.

 

i got sick too, and it took me exactly 40 years to get sick of it enough to do anything about it. maybe it won't take you that long?

 

my first attempt to stand up to my narc mom was when i became a teenager, but i didn't have enough strength to really stand until i guess 16 or 17. that's when she began to hate me. narcs cannot stand someone who is their supply to begin to pull away and stand on their own, especially to find other sources of love friendship affection and support.

 

your Kitty is a threat to your narc mom because Kitty gives you affection and comfort and love, wich she is raging against because it takes focus and need off of her.

 

on my 40th bday my narc mom refused to get me a card, or bake a cake, or even buy me a grocery store cupcake and stick a candle in it.

instead, she gloated in her having me captive, as she had flown me out to her state (actually my grandmother paid for it but mom took the credit  ) ...and while i sat up all night on my 40th birthday, i watched her in her kitchen baking about half a dozen pecan pies for the people on her mail route.

 

she obviously knew it was my special 40th bday and delighted in my suffering at seeing her take time to bake homemade pies for aquaintances and completely neglect me. what was i gonna do? i couldn't leave and fly back home, because the tickets were round trip, and i had no money for a one way ticket home.

she deliberately got me there and trapped so she could abuse me. i got my guts up right then and decided to make a break from her.

 

but last xmas i visited to see my grandmother one last time, since she is late stage alzheimers, and narc mom sabotaged every day that i was there (or tried really hard to.) she gave me qtips and (char)coal  damp absorbers in my stocking for a xmas gift. she literally gave me qtips and coal in my stocking!! lmao

 

narcs are so sneaky about insulting and hurting others but at the same time, their actions are obvious to their target. i just thanked her warmly (fakely!) and said "oh how THOUGHTFUL of you!" Later is stashed the qtips under my grandmother's sink and left the damp absorber there too. this is from a woman who always made special homemade gifts and taught me the same ethics, of using what ever talents or abilities you have to make thoughtful heartfelt gifts for others.  she knew her gifts were insulting and hurtful. but i refused to play the game and let her see my hurt.

 

my lesson from this is ongoing, and some days i almost give in to the urge to call her to ask for "forgiveness" for some sin that she has tried to impose upon me as having, but then i remember what i've learned about how narcs' minds work, and i stop myself. i am NOT an extension of her. i am NOT what she wants me to be. i am NOT at fault for the mistakes that she made raising me. i am NOT going to fall for her tricks and pushing my buttons anymore just so she can get what she wants and stroke her ego.

 

in order to heal, today i choose to eliminate toxic people from my life. she is toxic. she feeds on my failures. if i were to "keep her updated" on how much weight i've lost, or what mg i am at in my taper/s, or how do i feel at any given moment, she would only seize upon those things, that information, to gloat, to be jealous and compete with me, to grandstand, to manipulate, to triangulate the other people in my life to be against me, and to further alienate me from my friends and loved ones. she has a long history of doing just that.

 

today i chose me. i don't care what she thinks of me anymore. today my happiness does not hinge upon her approval and acceptance. for now i am concentrating on becoming healthy and learning healthy ways to cope, which are always opposite of what she brainwashed me to think were healthy or acceptable ways to cope and treat others. she is an energy vampire, and now she will seek a new supply because i won't give it. the grey rock technique helps with this a lot. 

 

 

Me. My mom is a narcissist and was physically and psychologically abusive. She still is but I stopped talking to her about 4 months ago. The trauma that she perpetrated upon me has come up hardcore in benzo withdrawal. It's a nightmare

 

hey foolscapfire

 

i agree it's a nightmare. the wd has made it so muchmore intense and partially because the narcs in my life KNOW i am vulnerable and have stepped up their games trying to take advantage of that. but i'm onto them now, so i'm learning how to sidestep their attacks.

 

the books in the post quoted here below really helped me.

 

so i started listening to audiobooks 

 

...to heal my trauma and anxiety (which caused me to take the first medication & "self medication")...

 

  because my withdrawal brain can't focus on the written page long enough to read a book, and because my eyesight is poor, and because i can relax and absorb the info when i'm just listening to someone's voice....

 

i hope this thread will be suggestions of audiobooks (no written books please, just audiobooks) that others have listened to that REALLY helped them with the process of healing. 

 

these can be audiobooks on trauma, complex ptsd, ptsd, narcissistic abuse, dealing with childhood and adult abuse, how to rethink (everything), how to become aware of one's physical and mental body cues/symptoms and use them to change behavior, dietary and supplemental tools to effect positive healing change in the body and mind, alternative and holistic healing practices, meditation/mindfulness, how to regain self-sesteem, how to forgive, finding new ways to support oneself/career changes, disability and caregiving, the way our bodies work, brain plasticity, supplements and foods and drug interactions, reintegration into society after isolation, securing healthcare/providers on limited or no income, naturopathic and ayurvedic etc healing methods...etc!

 

i'll start it off with my first real self-HELPFUL audiobook:

https://www.amazon.com/Unfu-Yourself-Your-Head-into-ebook/dp/B071F7C5NQ/ref=pd_sim_351_2/146-5893554-1405956?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B071F7C5NQ&pd_rd_r=5fdd62d6-7cd2-41dd-b8e6-311ef8c2d695&pd_rd_w=ho0ar&pd_rd_wg=Kyon4&pf_rd_p=90485860-83e9-4fd9-b838-b28a9b7fda30&pf_rd_r=GZT7PZMQFN5Z5Q455EPK&psc=1&refRID=GZT7PZMQFN5Z5Q455EPK 

 

1. "Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life (Unfu*k Yourself series)" Kindle Edition by Gary John Bishop 

 

my take on this audiobook: first of all, the author is also the narrator, and i LOVED his thick Scottish accent and his very frank to the point no BS or beatin around the bush style of speaking. it did not feel like a "book" being read. it felt like a bloke in a pub, or a really down to earth old soul, just telling me stuff. telling me things that i guess i knew in my heart but wouldn't or couldn't get to my conscious level of thinking. anyways, the things he explained, well, all i can say is my house is getting clean for the first time. like..ever.  i mean my actual home. i have been so unmotivated, or when i would get moments of motivation to clean, i would quickly get so overwhelmed and manic and confused that i'd give up midway between several tasks and nothing got done. so self- defeating. but for some reason, after listening to this guy speak to me, i just got up and started doing stuff. i started riding a bike again. i let go of a bunch of stuff that was weighing me down, mentally/emotionally and then physically. i started to eat better. this audiobook was so good i listened to it 2x. i wish he would narrate more books...it went by so fast!

---

---

UPDATE: 8/24/2019

have been listening to the audiobook below for a few weeks now...

it's very good, although i don't like the narrator haha!

however, even despite his voice getting on my nerves sometimes, i've still been able to turn off the inner critic/judge i have and listen and absorb the concepts.

 

it has made me say out loud "eff yeah!" and "YUP!!" and "that's me" and "that's Dad/Mom" and "oh crap i do this all the time..." and many times made me cry. good cry.

 

and it's helping me see exactly how my feelings that i try to hold back from expressing directly affect my outcome as in how things are going in my life.

little things, big things, in between and boring mundane things as well as really profound "omg" revelations that i have to just pause and listening to process what i just learned/realized. 

 

this will be a book i probably buy in print so i can actually go underline and circle and highlight quotes and parts that i don't ever want to forget. there's so much...i have to listen to a section and hit my pause or stop button to let it all sink in. i'll relisten because i am carrying on converstions in my head half the time after the narrator makes certain statements/oints that i don't hear the rest of what he said! lol

 

currently listening to:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Tao-Fully-Feeling-Harvesting-Forgiveness/dp/B07MJT865F/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1566668940&sr=1-2

 

2. "The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame" 

  Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Pete Walker (Author), Christopher Grove (Narrator), Tantor Audio (Publisher)

 

The price of emotional renunciation is a constant, wasteful expenditure of energy that leaves us depressed and taciturn, imprisoned in the apathy and ennui of the "seen that, been there, done that" syndrome. When we surrender and soften to our feelings, we reconnect with our inborn vitality and with the invaluable instinct and intuition that our feelings naturally carry. 

 

The Tao of Fully Feeling describes the middle ground of emotional aliveness that lies between emotional deadness and emotional explosiveness. It helps us to soften and relax into our feelings without exiling them or enshrining them. It guides us to be emotionally expressive in benign, intimacy-enhancing ways. 

 

The Tao of Fully Feeling teaches us to respond to our painful and potentially disruptive feelings in healthy ways. It illustrates the enriching aspects of the so-called negative emotions and helps us achieve the emotional flexibility whereby sadness easily mellows into solace, anger unfolds into laughter, fear evolves into excitement, jealousy opens up into appreciation, and blame gives way to forgiveness. 

 

The Tao of Fully Feeling refutes the black-and-white notion that blame is never justifiable. It describes safe, nondestructive ways of feeling and expressing blame - ways that ironically enhance our capacity to feel genuine forgiveness. 

 

When we authentically forgive our parents, we know what we are forgiving them for and what specifically was blameworthy about their behavior in the first place. When we forgive before we blame, we risk dragging the full weight of our childhood hurt and anger around forever, like an exhausted backpacker who is too dulled and over-trusting to notice that someone has put a boulder in his/her pack.

 

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Me, but it’s extremely complicated because I actually do not even believe it’s on actual purpose—it often looks that way though.

 

This same statement is true about all the members of my family (they are all covert and not overt.)

 

And here is the ultimate: I do not feel any human being who behaves this way is alright about it.

 

And that includes the one (C. B.) two (M. P.) long term physical and emotional (romantic) male relationships I’ve had in my life. And one short term (B. A.)

 

I know.

 

The last real sort of relationship I had in person, was before my taper. He was kind, he had a gambling problem but he was sweet and lovely otherwise.

 

...

 

I hate speaking on this all; but I have been thinking so hard about it for years now.

 

I have not had that many partners, physical or emotional or both. They’ve all been male. I was never abused physically until I was in my 20’s. It happened twice: it may have happened more, because I took rohypnol one night—I know!

 

And the reason I wonder; is so devastatingly complicated. It involves the spiritual...

 

Lord, have mercy on us all... because we have a narcissistic world (culture and society.)

 

so have you changed you mind about your mom? you said that you didn't actually believe she was a narc. but now you're saying she is? just want to clarify.

Me, but it’s extremely complicated because I actually do not even believe it’s on actual purpose—it often looks that way though.

 

This same statement is true about all the members of my family (they are all covert and not overt.)

 

And here is the ultimate: I do not feel any human being who behaves this way is alright about it.

 

And that includes the one (C. B.) two (M. P.) long term physical and emotional (romantic) male relationships I’ve had in my life. And one short term (B. A.)

 

I know.

 

The last real sort of relationship I had in person, was before my taper. He was kind, he had a gambling problem but he was sweet and lovely otherwise.

 

...

 

I hate speaking on this all; but I have been thinking so hard about it for years now.

 

I have not had that many partners, physical or emotional or both. They’ve all been male. I was never abused physically until I was in my 20’s. It happened twice: it may have happened more, because I took rohypnol one night—I know!

 

And the reason I wonder; is so devastatingly complicated. It involves the spiritual...

 

Lord, have mercy on us all... because we have a narcissistic world (culture and society.)

 

so have you changed you mind about your mom? you said that you didn't actually believe she was a narc. but now you're saying she is? just want to clarify.

 

It’s all up to God’s judgment and not my own. For now I classify all of them (my family) similarly: unsafe.

 

...

 

The only ones who aren’t have passed on. But! It’s so complicated—this is what I’m saying.

 

It’s way more complex than he/she/they are NPD spectrum.

 

It is that complicated; the behaviors can be called for what they are... I agree on this.

 

The judgement of the soul, I won’t do it.

 

Because this is an extremely complex matter, and there are narcissistic tendencies which: 1) come with human nature and being human at all 2) are rampant in modern human society and/or(?) culture.

 

there is a big difference between having narc traits and being a full blown narcissist.

 

many people who have grown up with narc traits ("fleas") often question whether they themselves are also narcs. if find yourself asking yourself the question "am i a narcissist?" then the answer is almost always a resounding NO. because true narcs do not see themselves as being defective or needing help in any form or fashion. they laugh at the idea as being preposterous and point the finger at others.

 

the true narc is unable to feel empathy, and only fakes it to gain what they want from their chosen supply/supplies. they are charming and deceive others, until they let the mask slip and then others can see them for what they truly are. they do not care if you live or die, but they can fake emotions easily. so they might appear to be loving or act interested in your words/conversation/life, but the true narc is only "buttering you up" to get you ready for the kill.

 

when you are finally aware of the fact that you are the supply for a narc, it is often way late in the game and they have already set you up to fall for their manipulations. pulling away from their manipulations often induces fear and feelings of guilt and shame, especially if it is the first attempt to distance oneself from them. narcs gaslight their victims to make them question their sanity and come back to the narc for more abuse.

 

they are experts at finding out your weaknesses and use them to push your buttons. they rage when their authority is threatened. they scapegoat the child who won't comply with their idealist wishes for themselves and by proxy their offspring.

 

they often use their spouse as their "flying monkey" to do their bidding. the flying monkeys will defend the narc to their death and beyond. the flying monkeys will go so far to even disown and alienate and abuse their own children if it pleases the narc.

 

there is much more but this gives a pretty clear idea of the true narc versus someone who simply has narcissistic traits. NPD is the new version of what was formerly referred to as BPD.

 

determining whether or not someone is a true narcissist is not a question of moral or religious/spiritual judgement. it is a simple set of characteristics that can be easily checked off of a list. their have been narcs since time began and always will be. it's kind of like identifying a pedophile: the pedophile is defined not by whether or not we think their actions and proclivities are morally or ethically right or wrong, but by what their actions and proclivities/sexual preferences actually are. in the same way, determining whether someone is a true narcicssist is not something that ought to cause guilt or shame or feelings of betraying the narc. it is simply peeling away the layers of the disguise they have carefully crafted, or recognizing their true identity when they let their mask slip on occasion.

I don’t fully agree. There is the spiritual, there is the body... the soul... the spirit.

 

We can look at the physical and do our best; but it’s like space or the like ocean (never going to do more than scratch the surface.)

Me, but it’s extremely complicated because I actually do not even believe it’s on actual purpose—it often looks that way though.

 

This same statement is true about all the members of my family (they are all covert and not overt.)

 

And here is the ultimate: I do not feel any human being who behaves this way is alright about it.

 

And that includes the one (C. B.) two (M. P.) long term physical and emotional (romantic) male relationships I’ve had in my life. And one short term (B. A.)

 

I know.

 

The last real sort of relationship I had in person, was before my taper. He was kind, he had a gambling problem but he was sweet and lovely otherwise.

 

...

 

I hate speaking on this all; but I have been thinking so hard about it for years now.

 

I have not had that many partners, physical or emotional or both. They’ve all been male. I was never abused physically until I was in my 20’s. It happened twice: it may have happened more, because I took rohypnol one night—I know!

 

And the reason I wonder; is so devastatingly complicated. It involves the spiritual...

 

Lord, have mercy on us all... because we have a narcissistic world (culture and society.)

 

so have you changed you mind about your mom? you said that you didn't actually believe she was a narc. but now you're saying she is? just want to clarify.

 

It’s all up to God’s judgment and not my own. For now I classify all of them (my family) similarly: unsafe.

 

...

 

The only ones who aren’t have passed on. But! It’s so complicated—this is what I’m saying.

 

It’s way more complex than he/she/they are NPD spectrum.

 

It is that complicated; the behaviors can be called for what they are... I agree on this.

 

The judgement of the soul, I won’t do it.

 

Because this is an extremely complex matter, and there are narcissistic tendencies which: 1) come with human nature and being human at all 2) are rampant in modern human society and/or(?) culture.

 

there is a big difference between having narc traits and being a full blown narcissist.

 

many people who have grown up with narc traits ("fleas") often question whether they themselves are also narcs. if find yourself asking yourself the question "am i a narcissist?" then the answer is almost always a resounding NO. because true narcs do not see themselves as being defective or needing help in any form or fashion. they laugh at the idea as being preposterous and point the finger at others.

 

the true narc is unable to feel empathy, and only fakes it to gain what they want from their chosen supply/supplies. they are charming and deceive others, until they let the mask slip and then others can see them for what they truly are. they do not care if you live or die, but they can fake emotions easily. so they might appear to be loving or act interested in your words/conversation/life, but the true narc is only "buttering you up" to get you ready for the kill.

 

when you are finally aware of the fact that you are the supply for a narc, it is often way late in the game and they have already set you up to fall for their manipulations. pulling away from their manipulations often induces fear and feelings of guilt and shame, especially if it is the first attempt to distance oneself from them. narcs gaslight their victims to make them question their sanity and come back to the narc for more abuse.

 

they are experts at finding out your weaknesses and use them to push your buttons. they rage when their authority is threatened. they scapegoat the child who won't comply with their idealist wishes for themselves and by proxy their offspring.

 

they often use their spouse as their "flying monkey" to do their bidding. the flying monkeys will defend the narc to their death and beyond. the flying monkeys will go so far to even disown and alienate and abuse their own children if it pleases the narc.

 

there is much more but this gives a pretty clear idea of the true narc versus someone who simply has narcissistic traits. NPD is the new version of what was formerly referred to as BPD.

 

determining whether or not someone is a true narcissist is not a question of moral or religious/spiritual judgement. it is a simple set of characteristics that can be easily checked off of a list. their have been narcs since time began and always will be. it's kind of like identifying a pedophile: the pedophile is defined not by whether or not we think their actions and proclivities are morally or ethically right or wrong, but by what their actions and proclivities/sexual preferences actually are. in the same way, determining whether someone is a true narcicssist is not something that ought to cause guilt or shame or feelings of betraying the narc. it is simply peeling away the layers of the disguise they have carefully crafted, or recognizing their true identity when they let their mask slip on occasion.

 

It's so depressing and scary. But yes, I think it's an accurate description. Extremely difficult to talk about it. When I read/listened to those books about mothers with NPD. I cried all the time. I rejected Karyl McBride's book before 2016, when I was still in denial. But then I found a community of women whose mothers have NPD. It all became clear. Our stories were so similar. It's a wound that will never heal. Never.

Some people have full blown natcissistic personality disorder and some of them are malignant narcissists. If we have been dealt the terrible cards of growing up with one of these, nobody has the right to deny our reality. We are not judging, we are finally discerning. At last we know what hit us and with information comes healing. At least partial healing. I doubt I'll ever really heal, the damage has been so deep. It's a miracle I'm even alive and being a productive member of society. Nobody will tell me what I grew up with. I know what I grew up with.

Estee, thank you for sharing this. 🧡

 

I understand that it is a good description; I do agree with that, that generally it is.

 

And I know that if I’m using that rubric, that the ex (second long term) is one,

 

...my family?

 

Not so sure—hopefully not!

And I am really sorry, that that happened to you valiumnomore.

Mon Pilote, I am not judging anyone. I am discerning. I have brown eyes. Nobody is judging me if they say I have brown eyes. It's just a fact. I have generalized anxiety disorder. If I go to the doctor and he diagnoses this then he's judging me? I mean I get it that we have to be kind to each other but not to the point of denying reality. What is, is.

And I am really sorry, that that happened to you valiumnomore.

 

Thank you dear one. I'm also sorry you had to endure so much. Who knows why, right? Then I always think of people who've had it way worse, like being sold to human traffickers by their parents, and I realize there are many different realities in the world, not only the loving parents, tight knit family reality. It still feels very unfair every time I see "normal" family dynamics. The members of "normal" families tell you "no, but I had problems with my parents too, you have to forgive". And I think, no you don't get it, these weren't "problems".

Oh good, I love you valium.

 

I know. I agree—just wish we could visit in person 🌿💓🌻❤️

Oh good, I love you valium.

 

I know. I agree—just wish we could visit in person 🌿💓🌻❤️

 

I love you too sweet Mon Pilote. Well keep that vision. Life is long, maybe God blesses us with a meetup sometime in the future, if I win the valium battle.

Oh good, I love you valium.

 

I know. I agree—just wish we could visit in person 🌿💓🌻❤️

 

I love you too sweet Mon Pilote. Well keep that vision. Life is long, maybe God blesses us with a meetup sometime in the future, if I win the valium battle.

 

Two thumbs up. A+