7 weeks out and depressed

Hellos,

 

I’m almost seven weeks off Valium and feel like I have depression every day. I’m trying to do all the right things like light exercise, hot showers (even went in a sauna), eating healthy, going to bed early, etc. Nothing seems to be helping and it feels like it’s set-in to stay. I thought we were supposed to slowly get better, mine feels worsening. I tried a psychotherapist and they were so ignorant of benzos and ptsd I was gobsmacked 😶 - said “just don’t think about it” and “you weren’t taking much Valium anyway.” I’m not going back to that one.

remember what you are feeling is normal. I dont even call it depression its more than that. its like being down below sub zero. really brutal and dark. mine has lasted 6 months and has never lifted except i get a tiny bit of relief after exercise. im not even close to being off this stuff and ive lost my life. noone can tell u how long it will last but all that u do know is one day it will get better

remember what you are feeling is normal. I dont even call it depression its more than that. its like being down below sub zero. really brutal and dark. mine has lasted 6 months and has never lifted except i get a tiny bit of relief after exercise. im not even close to being off this stuff and ive lost my life. noone can tell u how long it will last but all that u do know is one day it will get better

 

so much yes! I feel that too, it isn’t even depression, it should have a different name to describe it. I’ve had major depression before but this is worse. The only thing that gives me a tiny bit of relief is heat as the ‘depression whatever’ makes me feel freezing - it’s sub zero for sure. Sorry to hear how long you’ve been feeling it for, you are brave and strong and I hope you find relief soon. Hi universe, look after us. ❤️

remember what you are feeling is normal. I dont even call it depression its more than that. its like being down below sub zero. really brutal and dark. mine has lasted 6 months and has never lifted except i get a tiny bit of relief after exercise. im not even close to being off this stuff and ive lost my life. noone can tell u how long it will last but all that u do know is one day it will get better

 

so much yes! I feel that too, it isn’t even depression, it should have a different name to describe it. I’ve had major depression before but this is worse. The only thing that gives me a tiny bit of relief is heat as the ‘depression whatever’ makes me feel freezing - it’s sub zero for sure. Sorry to hear how long you’ve been feeling it for, you are brave and strong and I hope you find relief soon. Hi universe, look after us. ❤️

 

its good to know its not just me. did u feel this while you tapered or only after u jumped?

I didn’t feel bad for the first couple of months of my taper, it was mainly physical at first, which I could tolerate. Then I got smacked in the face with the psychological stuff. So it’s been pretty steady for three months now and I’m getting so tired. Just in my opinion, totally not scientific, but I feel it’s not necessarily dose related or time of use related. I think we (I did anyway) get fixated on that too much and should just think “well hey this is going to be crap”. But that just came to mind. After jumping I’ve been worse - really detached and glum. A few mental health workers have told me it’s not the Valium anymore, but I know it is, it feels chemical.

I am 8 weeks out. The chemical depression started early in taper in summer, 2018. It got worse as time went on and is my worst sxs now. I have never felt like this at any other low time in my life. I have absolutely to will to do anything. I am in a total fog and any normal task is overwhelming. Even things I enjoyed before. I am so hoping that this is just post withdrawal and it will lighten a bit. I can’t even make myself do the things that can help depression. The thought of taking a walk is like thinking about climbing a mountain. Esperanza

I am 8 weeks out. The chemical depression started early in taper in summer, 2018. It got worse as time went on and is my worst sxs now. I have never felt like this at any other low time in my life. I have absolutely to will to do anything. I am in a total fog and any normal task is overwhelming. Even things I enjoyed before. I am so hoping that this is just post withdrawal and it will lighten a bit. I can’t even make myself do the things that can help depression. The thought of taking a walk is like thinking about climbing a mountain. Esperanza

 

I feel exactly the same way x

I hope it is not dependent on me being able to break this cycle myself. If it is, I am in big time trouble. The thought of doing anything overwhelms me and I am being hard on myself because I can’t push through. That, in itself, makes me feel even worse. Espy

Espy,

 

I totally get how you feel and also wonder how we’re supposed to get ourselves out of such a mess. Do we just sit and wait in between proactive strategies for some relief? I can’t figure it out. I used to have some sort of windows and waves, now I just have a wave. That’s not supposed to happen.

It makes sense to me that we would get depressed after this kind of trauma to our bodies and minds. Post stroke depression is very common. I think it is different from just being very upset because you had a stroke. I think it may be an actual brain change, but I can’t say that with certainty. I did read that this happpens to people who had  never experienced depression before the stroke. I think to not be depressed would be the exception in Benzo withdrawal, but it seems there is more discussion about other symptoms on the forum. I just know that this kind of depression is a very different thing. It is not sadness, or feeling negative, or losing all hope. It is just total deadness to me. It is the total lack of whatever gives us initiative. Initiative at the basic level is necessary for survival. Without it, people would not even feed themselves. I am certainly not there, but I am not able to do much. The longer it goes on, the more fearful I am. I posted about this on the post withdrawal support link,but had no responses. Was so hoping it was something that lessened after the first months. Love, Espy

It makes sense to me that we would get depressed after this kind of trauma to our bodies and minds. Post stroke depression is very common. I think it is different from just being very upset because you had a stroke. I think it may be an actual brain change, but I can’t say that with certainty. I did read that this happpens to people who had  never experienced depression before the stroke. I think to not be depressed would be the exception in Benzo withdrawal, but it seems there is more discussion about other symptoms on the forum. I just know that this kind of depression is a very different thing. It is not sadness, or feeling negative, or losing all hope. It is just total deadness to me. It is the total lack of whatever gives us initiative. Initiative at the basic level is necessary for survival. Without it, people would not even feed themselves. I am certainly not there, but I am not able to do much. The longer it goes on, the more fearful I am. I posted about this on the post withdrawal support link,but had no responses. Was so hoping it was something that lessened after the first months. Love, Espy

 

Espy,

 

I’m with you on that, it’s certainly one of the more distressing symptoms of withdrawal. I can handle most of the other stuff and tough it out, but when you’re crippled by negative thoughts, etc. it’s not a nice place to be at.

I hope you’ve had some replies to your question 

Everything you have both mentioned resonates with me. Depression is my number 1 symptom and I feel like the only one. It feels permanent