Need opinions

I’m 16 months off. Yesterday am I had to take my youngest to the dr, after doing that it was too stimulation/overwhelming for me to be out so I come home and laid in my dark room for awhile. Then last evening I thought screw it im going to my sons football practice. So I went and I was only there for about 1/2 when the head fuzzy, vertigo ish brain feeelings started settling in so i Knew I needed to get home. While driving home the sun was starting to set. Since tapering any weather change or lighting change outside messes with me. Well I made it home and instantly the overstimulation feeling took over my brain, my husband was on the floor with me while I was rocking back and forth for god to take me. The overstimulation or whatever the f%& feeling comes over my brain whenever I’m out has got to let up. It’s beyond scary and in humane. Drs look at me like I have 10 eyes. It’s likr I can feel something wrapped over my brain, I feel vertigo inside my brain, I can’t make sense of anything. Plus many many more sympoms.  Anyone else experience this? It happens more Intensely the longer I’m out, less if just say I run kids to school etc. what the hell is ot?? I prayed and prayed for god to take me last night. There is no way wd is still doing this to me! Then my mornings have been scary lately, I feel like crap. Almost a delirium feeling. If I type in overstimulation or sensory overload I’m the only poster basically, so the leads me to believe it’s simething else.

 

Oh my ! You reminded me of me! I’m a mother of 4 and 3 living children . When I started my withdrawal in 2010 I cold turkey from about 40 mg of Valium not knowing what was going on like four days after cold turkey went into full-blown withdrawal! Went to the ER about eight times in six weeks they all told me I was a little bit crazy and needed psychiatrist!!! I knew exactly what happened I stop the Valium and I went into severe withdrawal  I let them know and they said it wasn’t possible.

 

Finally went to a psychiatrist after eight weeks of horror  I had a seizure right in her office she told me I was in full blown benzodiazepine withdrawal! Thank God for her that was the moment I started my fight it took some time I’m not gonna lie and that fight was the one of hardest parts of my life no sleep over 30 symptoms mental and over 50 physical symptoms the pain is indescribable the level of faith you have to have in your own body and brain for healing is out of this world! But YOU DO HEAL ! Yes it’s all withdrawal!  Your GABA receptors are down regulated and it takes time for it to reroute it self and regulate . And it will dear!

 

I am 100% healed I am nine years in I live a very full life no withdrawal symptoms other than muscle pain once in a while but big deal I don’t worry about that. You will be the best mother again you’ll be able to go to your children’s practice you’ll be able to take them to school bring them to their friends take yourself out to the mall come home and cook dinner start your laundry even have a glass of wine if you choose! Life gets so so so good you have to hold onto that it does happen !  I have a blog and if you want to go look back on my post you’ll see exactly what I went through and exactly how bad my symptoms were and I promise you sweet friend you are going to be so good again so happy so healthy and you will look back and say wow I did it! I did it because I’m that strong I got through every minute of every single day and you’re gonna be a different person trust me ❤️

 

~J

 

Thank you jaso19. You made my day responding with that post. I tried pm you but it’s blocked, you had the sensory overload?

Thank you jaso19. You made my day responding with that post. I tried pm you but it’s blocked, you had the sensory overload?

hi sweetheart! I’ll open my pm box it’s been closed for years lol and YES the sensory overload was debilitating!!! So I can completely understand you and how your feeling!  I just wish I had someone to tell me I would get through this when I was at my absolute worst crying on the floor in my kitchen or crying on the floor in my living room or in the bathroom holding on for dear life begging God to take my life !

Trust  me I know exactly how you’re feeling and all of it will go away  all those mental symptoms the fears the worries the disconnect the detached the sensory overload the feeling like you’re Imbalanced! You poor girl I know! Trust me honey I really know!

Oh my ! You reminded me of me! I’m a mother of 4 and 3 living children . When I started my withdrawal in 2010 I cold turkey from about 40 mg of Valium not knowing what was going on like four days after cold turkey went into full-blown withdrawal! Went to the ER about eight times in six weeks they all told me I was a little bit crazy and needed psychiatrist!!! I knew exactly what happened I stop the Valium and I went into severe withdrawal  I let them know and they said it wasn’t possible.

 

Finally went to a psychiatrist after eight weeks of horror  I had a seizure right in her office she told me I was in full blown benzodiazepine withdrawal! Thank God for her that was the moment I started my fight it took some time I’m not gonna lie and that fight was the one of hardest parts of my life no sleep over 30 symptoms mental and over 50 physical symptoms the pain is indescribable the level of faith you have to have in your own body and brain for healing is out of this world! But YOU DO HEAL ! Yes it’s all withdrawal!  Your GABA receptors are down regulated and it takes time for it to reroute it self and regulate . And it will dear!

 

I am 100% healed I am nine years in I live a very full life no withdrawal symptoms other than muscle pain once in a while but big deal I don’t worry about that. You will be the best mother again you’ll be able to go to your children’s practice you’ll be able to take them to school bring them to their friends take yourself out to the mall come home and cook dinner start your laundry even have a glass of wine if you choose! Life gets so so so good you have to hold onto that it does happen !  I have a blog and if you want to go look back on my post you’ll see exactly what I went through and exactly how bad my symptoms were and I promise you sweet friend you are going to be so good again so happy so healthy and you will look back and say wow I did it! I did it because I’m that strong I got through every minute of every single day and you’re gonna be a different person trust me ❤️

 

~J

 

 

Thank you, JASO, for your response. My symptoms are different on some levels as I can handle more stimulation now but mine is the weird DR stuff where I feel like i'm living in another world and everything looks so weird and unreal. I get dizzy and heavy-headed too. HI01, the lighting and weather does weird things to me too. Especially at sunset and night. It's like I can feel my brain shutting down. I'm trying to do my girls' laundry and vacuum and just have to take all day and try and do it while I'm feeling this way. Being a single mom is no joke and during withdraw, it's pure hell.

Yes doing by yourself is so hard! The DR is torture! I had the derealization and the depersonalization hard-core! You have to rest when you can do little by little when you can and make sure it’s the most important things because the smallest things become so overwhelming and exert your entire body.

 

For me I used to have a very heavy pressure in my head with it felt like a band wrapped around it that made it very difficult to even walk straight so feeling in balance made me nauseous and dizzy all of those head things ! But be easy On yourself because this is a injury and you need to not feel pressure to be on top of everything.  I know easier said than done!

 

I was home alone I had a 14-year-old son 9 1/2-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son when I started my withdraw and the amount of guilt that comes with that was horrible! I had to crawl to the laundry to do a load of wash because I couldn’t hold my bodyweight up for more than 30 seconds but I made sure I got that washed done and cried the entire time!

 

Along with making dinner while it wasnt a great dinner but I made something I know that much baths getting clothes ready for school the next morning it was absolute torture I feel you! 

 

Then when everyone went to sleep the goal was for me to actually be able to lay in rest but I couldn’t rest I had akathisia  I had insomnia racing thoughts intrusive thoughts electric shocks running through my body my legs felt like they were heavy like weights  were on them the pain that ran through my muscles were so extreme but I couldn’t take Tylenol because anything I took made my symptoms go crazy so getting through the night was torturous to !!!

 

This is all withdrawal and  our brains are just miss firing information that’s all and when it regulates it does it slowly but then everything starts to fire off properly and things are clearing up and you start feeling so much better you’re going to see that I promise ! It’s so beautiful!

 

Also children are forgiving so don’t feel too much guilt ! I promise they don’t remember much my oldest is now 22 my daughter is 18 and I am little guys 14 the other two almost don’t even remember

 

You are a Beautiful woman and a incredible mother who is fighting the fight of your life! You will Win! That I promise you sweet friend!

Hi Hl01.

 

I commented on this in your other post, but I think it got lost.

 

Anyhow, I experienced the same thing on my taper -- extreme sensitivity to sound and light. It was very distressing and very scary. It really limited my life. The bad news is that I never found anything to help it. The good news is that it eventually just ebbed away.

 

I hope this helps you -- knowing that someone else suffered from it, that it was strictly a taper-related s/x and that it did go away.

 

Katz

 

 

Yes doing by yourself is so hard! The DR is torture! I had the derealization and the depersonalization hard-core! You have to rest when you can do little by little when you can and make sure it’s the most important things because the smallest things become so overwhelming and exert your entire body.

 

For me I used to have a very heavy pressure in my head with it felt like a band wrapped around it that made it very difficult to even walk straight so feeling in balance made me nauseous and dizzy all of those head things ! But be easy On yourself because this is a injury and you need to not feel pressure to be on top of everything.  I know easier said than done!

 

I was home alone I had a 14-year-old son 9 1/2-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son when I started my withdraw and the amount of guilt that comes with that was horrible! I had to crawl to the laundry to do a load of wash because I couldn’t hold my bodyweight up for more than 30 seconds but I made sure I got that washed done and cried the entire time!

 

Along with making dinner while it wasnt a great dinner but I made something I know that much baths getting clothes ready for school the next morning it was absolute torture I feel you! 

 

Then when everyone went to sleep the goal was for me to actually be able to lay in rest but I couldn’t rest I had akathisia  I had insomnia racing thoughts intrusive thoughts electric shocks running through my body my legs felt like they were heavy like weights  were on them the pain that ran through my muscles were so extreme but I couldn’t take Tylenol because anything I took made my symptoms go crazy so getting through the night was torturous to !!!

 

This is all withdrawal and  our brains are just miss firing information that’s all and when it regulates it does it slowly but then everything starts to fire off properly and things are clearing up and you start feeling so much better you’re going to see that I promise ! It’s so beautiful!

 

Also children are forgiving so don’t feel too much guilt ! I promise they don’t remember much my oldest is now 22 my daughter is 18 and I am little guys 14 the other two almost don’t even remember

 

You are a Beautiful woman and a incredible mother who is fighting the fight of your life! You will Win! That I promise you sweet friend!

 

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the encouragement. My daughters are 17, 15, 15 and 11. I have been the glue that has held us all together when my former spouse left. I work as a therapist and thought of myself as a good mom, daughter, friend, etc. Now my life is unrecognizable.  I feel so guilty that I can't be there for my girls now and I think they are at the age where they are gone so much with friends but sometimes I think they are gone more because it's hard to deal with me being so chronically ill. It breaks my heart so much. I feel like I'm missing out on the last years they are home and not knowing how long this will last just consumes me. No more vacations, road trips, camping, going out to dinners, movies. I am so grateful I was  healthy for so long and I guess just mourning what is now lost. Thank you, friend for letting me vent.