Protracted healer

[[Buddie]]

NIKE it’s hard as a nurse to realize everything you did as a nurse or stood for was a lie. It’s hard to ever trust your own profession after enduring such unrecognized torture!!!  you will recover but you will never be blind folded again !!

[[Buddie]]

You may have already answered this, but at what point (how many years) did the burning sensations/chemical rushes in your brain get better?

I get surges of chemical rushes that feel like they are burning my brain several times throughout the day (sometimes are worse than others, like sometimes I get a break) and I am almost at 4 years out for comparisons sake. Can feel torturous.

[[Buddie]]

Oh and BTW. There is a woman who co wrote the Ashton manual who does a podcast about bwnzo and drug damage recovery. She isn't on here but would love to interview you. Her name is Geraldine B. People need your story bc some are severe like you and have no hope.

I love Geraldine's Podcast! Highly recommend it for all benzo-injured, their families and/or friends who care about them.

[[Buddie]]

JBreezy:  my intrusive invasive thoughts almost seemed as if something other than myself had control of my brain and body. I was simply a bystander watching it all. TALK ABOUT TERRIFYING. I now realize why someone who may be even slightly mentally unstable prior to taking or withdrawaling from these drugs wouldnt be able to handle ANY of this. Mine lasted about 2.5 to 3 years... every single bit of it is gone.  I have full charge of my brain and life.  Please hold on. Life is beautiful on the otherside of this!!

This describes exactly how I feel. I never experienced any mental symptoms or anxiety before stopping meds. Have literally tried everything to help without success. Did your intrusive thoughts  gradually ease of their own accord. I'm 29 months off, little improvement, but am getting rapid cycling symptoms recently. Been doing exposure therapy for over year made no difference. Just need bit hope it will eventually improve!!

[[Buddie]]

Can I ask you what type of fillings did you have?  Did you have the common fillings that people have.  I have a few fillings from cavities since I was a child.  I wonder if this is what could be causing my fatigue depression and some anxiety.  I have had all these since about the age I got these fillings.  However due to benzo withdrawals all these are much worse.  The fatigue and depressionis the worse for me, I can't function hardly at all, I can only work once every 3 or 4 days.  I have been this way since about the time I started xanax back in 2015.  What helped your fatigue if any.

[[Buddie]]

How did you find acceptance in EVERYTHING that happened to you? I know you carried guilt bc of your child and husband. Likely shame. How did you go from that to quote feeling like a bad a$$‽
How did you cope going around town to places you used to go to and people you knew before? I find it dang hard to cope even going for a decaf latte as the mom who this happened to. How did you know you were mentally healed? You should go on the inner compass fb q and a. They would even blur you out

[[Buddie]]

JBreezy:  my intrusive invasive thoughts almost seemed as if something other than myself had control of my brain and body. I was simply a bystander watching it all. TALK ABOUT TERRIFYING. I now realize why someone who may be even slightly mentally unstable prior to taking or withdrawaling from these drugs wouldnt be able to handle ANY of this. Mine lasted about 2.5 to 3 years... every single bit of it is gone.  I have full charge of my brain and life.  Please hold on. Life is beautiful on the otherside of this!!

Thank you for responding. Yes, the mental is exactly that. No control and just watching it happen. Like stuck in an evil introspective meditative state.

I am still on another drug which I am halfway off now. I know real healing doesn't start until off everything. 

I had general anxiety before this but nothing close to what I am experiencing now.

I have no idea how you survived it. I'm ready to give up. Thanks for the encouragement.

This is exactly how I feel, makes me hope I am not going completely
mad. Nothing I have tried eases it.

[[Buddie]]

I wanted to come back one last time and let everyone know that I am 100 percent healed now. It has been 2 years with ZERO symptoms remaining. I am able to eat and drink whatever I want. I had Covid for the second time with no set backs. I have even had a few beers in the last year.  Life is so good and I never thought I’d survive.  Please hold on. If I can heal anyone can!

[[Buddie]]

I wanted to come back one last time and let everyone know that I am 100 percent healed now. It has been 2 years with ZERO symptoms remaining. I am able to eat and drink whatever I want. I had Covid for the second time with no set backs. I have even had a few beers in the last year.  Life is so good and I never thought I’d survive.  Please hold on. If I can heal anyone can!

Thank you so much for coming back to update us!  So happy to hear you're symptom-free and thriving !!!

[[Buddie]]

I am so happy for you. Your story gives me hope as I am a very severe case though rarely on BB anymore.