Author Topic: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!  (Read 1596 times)

[Buddie]

My anxiety started three years ago. My father has MS, and he had gotten very sick, spending some time in the hospital and then in a nursing home (he eventually came home). At this time I was also graduating from college and feeling very lost, confused, scared, etc. I wasn't ready to be an "adult." I suffered my first anxiety attack driving over a bridge. I was stuck in horrible traffic leading up to it and started thinking about how I was trapped, and there is no way to get off the bridge. By the time I was in the middle of the bridge I was shaking, hyperventilating and my vision was going black. I was so scared I slammed on my brakes in the middle of the free way bridge. After a few seconds I was able to pull it together enough to keep going, but once I was able to pull over and stop my panic attack finished.

This led to me being afraid to drive on bridges, then it led to me being afraid to drive on freeways, then being stuck in traffic, then being in turn lanes....to now, where I can't drive at all.

My anxiety was horrible for about a year, and then seemed to get better. I was myself again, except I still couldn't drive. Then last summer the anxiety started back up, full force. I'm not sure why. And now it's just horrible - and I know why. First I had an ulcer (we think). I am still in pain, nothing seems resolved, and I'm terrified it's something worse (ie cancer). Then my dad got really sick with pneumonia. The doctor actually told my mother that she thought he was going to die within a day or so. To make it even worse he was totally delusional and angry. It was a miracle, he survived, but it took a long time. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks, then a nursing home for several months. He is finally back home now.

A month or so after he came home my health (from all the stress I think) went awry. I went to the ER with a rapid heart rate and constant heart flip flops (PVCs). I was hospitalized because they couldn't get my heart rate down. It was at 150, resting. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and had all kinds of tests done. They couldn't find anything that would be causing my heart to be freaking out. So I was given a beta blocker and released.

The beta blocker has been working. My heart rate is down, but jumps upon standing, walking, etc. I've had all the heart tests done and everything has come back okay. Just a rapid heart rate and PVCs and PACs. The doctor has told me to start exercising again, but I'm terrified my heart is going to just stop or something. Good ol' anxiety!

Anyways, so here I am with this horrible anxiety. Over everything! My dad's health, my mom's stress (she cares for my father) and my own health. And on top of it all, earlier this year, before all hell broke lose, my boyfriend proposed to me.

So I have all this pressure, stress and guilt. I feel so guilty that my fiance has to be with me. We should be planning our wedding, having so much fun. I'm so lame now! I'm going to start therapy. I really need it! I've put my life on hold long enough. I also need an endoscopy, though I'm terrified to have one. Has anyone had one done? Is it horrible?

I just wanted to share my story. It's hard for me to talk about, so I thought this would be a good start.
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[Buddie]

Re: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2010, 12:37:00 am »
Welcome to the forum !!!!!!! My second big panic attack had me in the ER with 180 heart rate. Doc's said I had AV node tachycardia and gave me meds. After test they figured that it was panic, sent me to a shrink who put me on Xanax, a month later I was sucking them down like pez so we when to Klonopin....... that was 20 years ago. Fear is a horrible thing, I would like to suggest you find a good shrink that will help you with the panic and things will get better.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2010, 01:13:32 am »
I'm glad you are going to start therapy, [...].  You've been trying to deal with all these stressors by yourself or by leaning on your fiance and neither of those work long term.  Have you gotten any leads on a good counselor? 

I have had 2 endoscopies and they weren't pleasant but they weren't horrible.  Mine were some years ago so they may not do it like this anymore but they numbed my throat so I wouldn't feel anything when the tube went down.  I think I had a little sore throat afterwards but not even as bad as when I get a cold.  Why does the doc want you to have an endoscopy?

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2010, 04:26:00 am »
I'm glad you are going to start therapy, [...].  You've been trying to deal with all these stressors by yourself or by leaning on your fiance and neither of those work long term.  Have you gotten any leads on a good counselor?  

I have had 2 endoscopies and they weren't pleasant but they weren't horrible.  Mine were some years ago so they may not do it like this anymore but they numbed my throat so I wouldn't feel anything when the tube went down.  I think I had a little sore throat afterwards but not even as bad as when I get a cold.  Why does the doc want you to have an endoscopy?



I have been trying to deal with all this stress by myself and it's not working. It just got to be too much. I do have a few leads on good counselors. So now I  just need to get the courage to start calling around and getting in there. I'm anxious about it, but I know it needs to be done.

About the endoscopy - starting last November I've been having stomach issues. I finally went to the doctor at the beginning of January, and was diagnosed with a duodenal ulcer (based on symptoms). I was on antibiotics and a protein pump inhibitor (PPI). I've been on a PPI since then (so it's been almost 8 months) and I'm still having stomach problems. An ulcer should have healed by now. I'm terrified it's cancer, thank you anxiety, even though I'm young. I'm scared to have an endoscopy, but of course if it's something serious, the sooner it's caught the better.

Blah.  :pokey:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2010, 04:47:03 pm »
I would bet that the stomach issues are from the anxiety. Hang on and you'll be ok  ;)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Sharing my anxiety story - any comments, insight, etc. is appreciated!
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2010, 08:21:33 am »
My heart rate is normally high like 90's - low 100's.....I went to the ER once cause my heart rate jumped to 200 and it was a full blown panic attack after tests...Not fun so I totally understand how you feel.....And yes those PCv's are horrible, but they will pass
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.