Anyone wish they weren't here anymore ?

I am just so weary of nearly 7 months of this, I have amazing husband so wouldn't actually do anything, just wondered if others sometimes felt the same. Was improving but hit awful wave with new symptom couple weeks ago. I know everyone says it takes time, but this consumes me 24/7 as my symptoms are purely intrusive thoughts. I turned into this pathetic person, friends can't understand why I'm not healed. Just wondered if others feel sense of hopelessness? It's affecting my husband and I feel really guilty as become very dependent on him for constant reassurance

Hello Leann

 

Hey don’t worry so many of us have these thoughts from time to time during this process, I mean come on it’s horrible so why wouldn’t we feel like giving up sometimes , we won’t and we will get through it. I’m at 5 months and feel like I’ve been getting worse but it’s just that symptoms change some go some get better and some new ones appear it’s all part of the process.

 

My husband has been my constant throughout this nightmare and I know it effects him it must be hard because they can’t possibly understand but they love us and will be there through thick and thin, time is a great healer and we’ll get there.

 

Get out in the fresh air for walks, write down things you have achieved no matter how small, you will be amazed at the end of a week what you have done and you’ll see you are doing better than you think.

 

It’s hard I know only to well but it’ll pass.

 

PO

I'm semi housebound as developed irrational fear may have injured strangers in the street so walks bit of an ordeal. Was OK travelling in car with husband driving, but latest symptom is am now fearful even when he is driving. No professional help here from NHS, have spent about £600 on various therapist none of whom really helped. Think will have to resort to anti depressants if no improvement in next 2-3 months as just feel I have no life. If anyone else managed get past this please chip in. I never had and ocd, anxiety before zopiclone but terrified if I don't take some sort meds will have it forever

I suffered terribly from 3 months post withdrawal until 15 months. At the lowest point during post withdrawal I wished the same as you.  I decided to give myself a year to improve before I did anything drastic. I’m much better now at 29 months and living a decent life. While not completely healed, things are bearable and symptom free days are more frequent. You are still in the early stages, give yourself more time. It will get better.

I'm semi housebound as developed irrational fear may have injured strangers in the street so walks bit of an ordeal. Was OK travelling in car with husband driving, but latest symptom is am now fearful even when he is driving. No professional help here from NHS, have spent about £600 on various therapist none of whom really helped. Think will have to resort to anti depressants if no improvement in next 2-3 months as just feel I have no life. If anyone else managed get past this please chip in. I never had and ocd, anxiety before zopiclone but terrified if I don't take some sort meds will have it forever

 

Many if not most of us go through a period of not being able to drive or ride in a car except when we absolutely have to. 

 

I always have loved driving, but when I went through w/d and recovery years ago I remember feeling like I’d lost that love of driving for good.  I hadn’t...it came back in time just like everything else that was temporarily lost.

 

It all comes back..this is a long waiting process, but it all does come back

Yes. Most of the time I feel this way. It's one of my worst symptoms. You definitely aren't alone. I don't have a husband or any support and am a single mom to four teenagers. I keep pushing on for them because they've already lost so much already but like others, I feel like  I'm giving myself a timeline in my head and hoping and praying things improve by them. I keep telling myself not to act in a permanent way for a temporary problem but sometimes the symptoms are so severe and when there seems to be no end in sight, it feels as though it will never go away. So I rely on those that have gone on before us to tell us it gets better. I really feel that these drugs cause mental and psychiatric problems when there are none and then exacerbate the ones that might have already existed. Not sure if that's true, but that's what I have observed in myself and from listening to others. Let's stick together and support one another and keep fighting the good fight for the lives we deserve.

I do feel for you with no partner to help must be tough. Does help that others feel like this. I've just had a one of session with therapist I've seen in the past, she's not against people taking anti depressants to help OCD symptoms. So I'll see how it goes maybe review things at 9 months. Very difficult when no professionals you can go to. Hoping this is just a bad wave.

Yes I feel that way I always said I’d give myself a year to see if anything improved

How long have you been off. Not sure my husband could stand it if I waited for a year. We don't really have any life can't do anything much. Managed to get away for 2 days this year that's been it. The therapist seemed in favour of meds if things don't improve. Everyone trying label me as having OCD not withdrawal.

How long have you been off. Not sure my husband could stand it if I waited for a year. We don't really have any life can't do anything much. Managed to get away for 2 days this year that's been it. The therapist seemed in favour of meds if things don't improve. Everyone trying label me as having OCD not withdrawal.

 

Hi Leann,

 

I’ve seen some posts that will probably have helped you greatly. I am replying to you because of what you said “not sure my husband could stand it if I waited a year”. All the stuff I have experienced, seen and read tells me that you cannot impose your own timeline on your recovery. I worry that if you do this you are building up pressure that you just don’t need. At M7 I was at my lowest point because it just wasn’t improving. Now at M12 it is way better. I’m still getting symptoms but I can live with them and not let them bother me like they used to.  I can’t say what is best for you but I’m so pleased that I’m now not putting any medicine into my body any more. I am living a life of whole food, exercise, relaxation and 8 hours sleep (sometimes!). What can my mind and body do but respond positively to this?

Leann, try to stay in the game. I am sure it will improve soon. Mine did.

 

Best wishes

 

G

Constantly terrified.  Just want the suffering to stop.

 

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation - Revised Policy

 

How long have you been off. Not sure my husband could stand it if I waited for a year. We don't really have any life can't do anything much. Managed to get away for 2 days this year that's been it. The therapist seemed in favour of meds if things don't improve. Everyone trying label me as having OCD not withdrawal.

 

Hi Leann,

 

I’ve seen some posts that will probably have helped you greatly. I am replying to you because of what you said “not sure my husband could stand it if I waited a year”. All the stuff I have experienced, seen and read tells me that you cannot impose your own timeline on your recovery. I worry that if you do this you are building up pressure that you just don’t need. At M7 I was at my lowest point because it just wasn’t improving. Now at M12 it is way better. I’m still getting symptoms but I can live with them and not let them bother me like they used to.  I can’t say what is best for you but I’m so pleased that I’m now not putting any medicine into my body any more. I am living a life of whole food, exercise, relaxation and 8 hours sleep (sometimes!). What can my mind and body do but respond positively to this?

Leann, try to stay in the game. I am sure it will improve soon. Mine did.

 

Best wishes

 

G

Thanks I'm just so worried will end up with permanent OCD if I don't do something to make things better. Just feel really despondent as I was feeling bit better but last couple weeks felt worse than when I started with more symptoms. I' nearly 7 months off so have taken note of what you said. Just can't believe these thoughts will ever disappear of their own accord. Haven't made any definite decision but just feel really low at moment

I'm semi housebound as developed irrational fear may have injured strangers in the street so walks bit of an ordeal. Was OK travelling in car with husband driving, but latest symptom is am now fearful even when he is driving. No professional help here from NHS, have spent about £600 on various therapist none of whom really helped. Think will have to resort to anti depressants if no improvement in next 2-3 months as just feel I have no life. If anyone else managed get past this please chip in. I never had and ocd, anxiety before zopiclone but terrified if I don't take some sort meds will have it forever

 

Hi Leann

 

The NHS offer cbt there will be a waiting list but if you get your name down for it you’ll get free sessions up to 20 in my area, I’ve just started it, it’s early days but the last session was interesting and she will work on replacing negative thoughts with more rational constructive ones, our brains are full of fear atm they will pass, learning some strategies to help can only be a good thing.

 

PO

I'm semi housebound as developed irrational fear may have injured strangers in the street so walks bit of an ordeal. Was OK travelling in car with husband driving, but latest symptom is am now fearful even when he is driving. No professional help here from NHS, have spent about £600 on various therapist none of whom really helped. Think will have to resort to anti depressants if no improvement in next 2-3 months as just feel I have no life. If anyone else managed get past this please chip in. I never had and ocd, anxiety before zopiclone but terrified if I don't take some sort meds will have it forever

 

Hi Leann

 

The NHS offer cbt there will be a waiting list but if you get your name down for it you’ll get free sessions up to 20 in my area, I’ve just started it, it’s early days but the last session was interesting and she will work on replacing negative thoughts with more rational constructive ones, our brains are full of fear atm they will pass, learning some strategies to help can only be a good thing.

 

PO

 

Leann,

 

Got to be good advice - these are the professionals

It’s been four months since I jumped, and I’m at exactly the same spot. I was doing better, but now I’m in a wave, insomnia, chronic constipation, cramps and weight loss. Every doctor I’ve seen, ends up telling me to see a psychiatrist, which I haven’t, but the thought of an antidepressant is not far from my mind.

I feel for my husband who is retired and healthy and we could be having a better quality of life instead of seeing doctors for all these scary symptoms.

Oh, well, some venting with people that know what this feels like.

Hanging in there.

Tried CBT doesn't work, think maybe if you previously had OCD might work but not in Drug withdrawal. Because it is caused by a chemical imbalance not a behavioural issue it unfortunately won't work. They just seem to tell you not to do what you are doing, don't keep checking etc. seems to be flavour of the month with NHS probably lot cheaper than seeing a proper therapist. Sorry to be negative but several others on this site have said the same.

It’s been four months since I jumped, and I’m at exactly the same spot. I was doing better, but now I’m in a wave, insomnia, chronic constipation, cramps and weight loss. Every doctor I’ve seen, ends up telling me to see a psychiatrist, which I haven’t, but the thought of an antidepressant is not far from my mind.

I feel for my husband who is retired and healthy and we could be having a better quality of life instead of seeing doctors for all these scary symptoms.

Oh, well, some venting with people that know what this feels like.

Hanging in there.

I'm the same my husband been very patient but he ends up with not much life either. Tried CBT that was hopeless, also see a couple of therapist nothing really helped. Gp apparently referred me to psychiatrist, goodness knows when will get appt. will see how it goes, but as very difficult to say how long it will be until a full recovery gets to the stage you can't stand it anymore! I did see a therapist yesterday who seemed in favour anti depressants short term said unlikely to get addicted and withdrawal shouldn't be bad, but know opinions are divided.

I’m being pressured by family to go on medication lately. They are really worried and it’s taking a toll on them. Haven’t stabilized in almost a year due to incorrect tapers etc. They don’t understand what kind of hell this is. An AD is what put me over the edge in the first place. They say that I’m just afraid of taking pills. They don’t understand that my fear is warranted due to my past experiences. I feel like one wrong move at this point and I’m done. My mother started to cry yesterday saying I should pull myself together and move on with life. Lately I’ve been going through this symptom where I literally feel like I’m going insane. Mind races and I convulse at every intrusive thought. It happens so fast that I’m not even aware of what I’m thinking.

Very difficult to know what to do. I did take anti depressants years ago for 6 months and gradually weaned off and was fine. Just like you feel dreadful. Had bad day today and took hydroxine( anti histamine) which had get from private GP as mine refused give me any. Really calmed me down, which makes me think maybe I should try meds just for few months. Tried CBT which is useless when your brain is so scrambled up by the meds. Have to do what you think is right option for you, depends how desperate we get, I have been suicidal at times. Good luck it's your body you make the decision.

Hi The Greek, can you not go back to your doctor see what they recommend, while looking at your past history. Think it is difficult for family to understand when symptoms go on for so long. But you need to go back to a doctor get more advice befor making a decision.  I've no experience of coming off anti depressants only zopiclone so don't know maybe others can advice you?

I am just so weary of nearly 7 months of this, I have amazing husband so wouldn't actually do anything, just wondered if others sometimes felt the same. Was improving but hit awful wave with new symptom couple weeks ago. I know everyone says it takes time, but this consumes me 24/7 as my symptoms are purely intrusive thoughts. I turned into this pathetic person, friends can't understand why I'm not healed. Just wondered if others feel sense of hopelessness? It's affecting my husband and I feel really guilty as become very dependent on him for constant reassurance

I felt the same for a long time but the great thing about this process we call withdrawal and recovery process is that it ends and we can get on with our lives. I’m not done yet but I’m near the end. My waves are weak now and my emotions have returned along with my intrest in life. I’m actually looking forward to things again and I am fully functional in life. If you look back and read some of my posts over the last couple of years you will see I was bad for a long time. This will end in a great way. Hang in there.

I’m afraid because I’ve had bad reactions in the past and I know once you get on that train to pillville there’s no coming off. I took SSRI which landed me on a benzo which might lead me to antipsychotic and so on. I’ll take the damn thing if it makes me feel normal but what if I walk around like a zombie. I can’t take that feeling at all. That’s why I got off my day dosing of K. I’m so difficult when it comes that I had a really bad leg injury last fall and the prescribed some opioids  1000mg a day. I took them twice and that was it.

Yes.  I'ts all that's on my mind.  Symptoms are too extreme.