No progress? 50 days cold turkey

Some days i wake up and it's the same thing. Severe brain fog to the point where i think of something and it's instantly lost (this has been progressively worse and no sign of hope, ever single day). Girlfriend is noticing im "always tired" and i'm not saying much. I know for a fact if i take a benzo (low dose) this all will be gone. I'm still fighting, but i can't be as creative as i once was about a year ago. I never tapered but i just went cold turkey off .5 mg of xanax from taking it for about 6 years. I'm always confused and can't come up with great ideas as i once did. I'm 28 years old, i need reassurance this WILL get better. At this point i'm thinking of taking one pill if things are THAT bad. Any input on this or will it damage my recovery process? I have no humor anymore and i can't take in information. Should i opt for a antidepressant? I need help.

Also was brainstorming....Does the recovery rate patch up the damage that was done during benzo use and still live with them? Or do you completely recuperate everything that has happened?

My input based on your medical history: You have about 30-40 days of more Acute like symptoms and then things will greatly improve. Hang tough and know that this recovery will be worth it.  Keep hydration up and be OK with just resting.  Creativity comes back! 

You will be fine!!! Be patient and get used to the fog and fatigue. It will last for more months, but it will dwindle to a mere nuisance. BTW, if you think that taking a benzo will clear your head you will likely be disappointed. Reinstatements are often horrible failures. Good luck and congrats!!!!

Agree with Keagan... acceptance helps. 

 

I'm 68 and took prescribed benzodiazepines for decades.  The recovery was long, which is to be expected after long term use.  But I am fine these days... I'd go out on a limb and say 100%.

 

You'll get there... it just takes more time than you'd think.

This process WILL take much more time, so be prepared for that.  I only took Ativan 9 weeks then I CT'd off it.  It's been 363 days since my last dose.  The first 25 days were hell for me.  I remember being better at 50 days than I was at 200 days, go figure.  I actually forget a lot of the details and timelines, which concerns me, because I used to remember them and today my memory escapes me.  So, in a nutshell, things have improved VERY SLOOOOOOOOWLY.  I feel about 1% improvement per week.  Two steps forward, three steps back, two forward, one back, etc...  I've watched a lot of videos of testimonials and read a lot of stories, and it seems that for a large percentage of us, the magic number/time for healing is about 18 months.  For some it can be about a year, but for many it's much longer.  I've seen a lot of people say 22 months as well.  I wonder why 22 months??  Very strange amount of time, but it is what it is.  So I'm hoping for 18 months or less, but maybe 22 months for me.  I remember about 36 hours of time (about a week or two ago) where I said to myself (and I quote) "Wow, I actually feel like myself for the first time in over a year".  I have forgotten what normal is.  This nightmare has become my new normal, and that is sad!  That day was one of the best days of my life I thought, and yet I realized I simply felt "normal".  But when that day comes that you realize YOU ARE BACK, is very encouraging (even if it only lasts hours). I've had a dozen days where I felt close to being normal, but I finally learned not to expect it to last.  Some might say that's a negative attitude, but trust me, I was positive the first 10 times, only to be disappointed over and over.  It's better for me to avoid the disappointment and just go with the flow.  Those days are the ones that will get you through this nightmare.  I was in a major depression mode for about 20 days (off and on) and I was worried that I might take my own life (I wasn't suicidal, but anxious about the possibility of it).  And then just a week later I feel totally normal??  You will start to question whether it's the benzo or not, don't worry - it IS the benzo!!  What a strange process this is.  Hang in there! 

In my case I’ve only felt normal 3 times in the past 15 years. This is why I’m considering medication. I left my condition untreated and suffered for years. Derealization brain fog etc. What I’m waiting for on the other side is more brain fog ! Yikes

I agree with Challis. Hang on and do not give up no matter how bad yo feel. If one reinstates, you would only be adding more misery on top of existing misery. Many people reinstate thinking it will take away their symptoms, and if often does NOT. Not sure why but I have seen this many times here on BB.

I certainly understand why you think about "just taking one pill". I felt that for months on end but since I had destroyed my "personal stash" I could not do it. I am SO glad I couldn't.

Benzo wd is something one just has to endure, and learning new ways to deal with anxiety, fear, etc., are necessary and  actually quite easy to do. Almost everyone on BB used to think that if something wasn't quite right, we had to reach for yet another pill. This was something I had to face and deal with, and in the end, what I was told on BB turned out to be dead right on. As long as I DO NOT reach for another pill, and as long as I make myself feel positive, I will do just fine. This from someone with a thirty year history of nightly benzos in enormous doses!

There is nothing fun about benzo wd. It can feel like a living nightmare and that is how it was for me. But in the end, you will find out that what you have been told here on BB is quite true, and you WILL heal and you WILL feel so much better.

east

I had coping methods to deal with my anxiety but chemical anxiety is beyond methods. I was a fully functional human being now I feel like I’m actually losing my mind. A few days ago I was driving and all of a sudden I felt disoriented crazy thinking and felt like stopping the car and running like a mad man down the street. I’ve experienced some pretty extreme states in the past but that was otherworldly. The only Relief I can still manage is at home at night.