Lord help me.

Long story short I have been on Ativan for the last 10 months, starting at 2mg 3x a day, I have cold turkeyed a couple times and went back on and I have tried weaning and no success. I recently weaned down to .5mg 2x daily but I could not handle my anxiety and I took more than I was supposed to. My doctor cold turkeyed me, and I went to the E.R. trying to get more and the doctor wrote a script but the pharmacy refuses to fill it. The last 2 days have been the worse days of my life. I went on Ativan because I have a fear of losing my memory/mind and going crazy. It's all I think about. It's been like this for years. It is finally happening. Yesterday I was unable to recognize my own room, I was unable to talk, I was unable to understand my mom or anybody, and I laid in bed waiting to die. My mom rushed me to the E.R. they gave me a shot of Ativan and I was able to talk to her and go home and sleep. Today I woke up very confused and unable to think and what I mean by unable to think I mean it felt like pieces of my brain were missing. I told my mom I need to go back to the E.R. before it gets too bad..but on the way there I again thought I was going to die. I was struggling to think of a single word and hold onto it. My brain felt like it was on fire. At the hospital I lost my "inner voice" it completely disappeared and I said ok this is it..I'm finally dying..or my brain is finally dying..that's all I could think about. I try to tell the doctor's that I am completely losing function in my brain and they say yeah withdrawals will do that to you.. umm excuse me? What happens when I completely lose it and can't recover from it from a shot of Ativan? I am truly terrified. I am getting by on 1 mg of Ativan today but I still feel like half my brain is missing. There is a very scary empty feeling in my head. Please please please help me someone. I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 21st, but I don't think I can make it til then, and if I do I think I need to be stabalized on 2mg or more again so that I can function..if I can make it...I have prepared to say goodbye to everyone as I feel I won't survive this. Comforting thoughts please.

Check yourself into a detox if you can. Let them put you on something else to ease the withdrawals and you don't have a seizure.  Hopefully by then you will be in time for your psychiatry appointment so you can safely get off the Ativan.

Sorry to hear your story, I had the similar experience that failed for cold turkey and doctors from the hospital insisted that was not caused by the withdrawal. I had have to laid in bed for one month could not go to work until I read the Ashton Manual, I took one week to get stabilized and started my tapering,  so far it’s not too bad for me so I believe you can totally survived on this battle, just find the right way and be patient 

“ Reinstatement after withdrawal? Many benzodiazepine users who find themselves in this position have withdrawn too quickly; some have undergone 'cold turkey'. They think that if they go back on benzodiazepines and start over again on a slower schedule they will be more successful. Unfortunately, things are not so simple. For reasons that are not clear, (but perhaps because the original experience of withdrawal has already sensitised the nervous system and heightened the level of anxiety) the original benzodiazepine dose often does not work the second time round. Some may find that only a higher dose partially alleviates their symptoms, and then they still have to go through a long withdrawal process again, which again may not be symptom-free.”

 

Quote from The Ashton Manual Supplement 2011

 

I truly believe that you are in this situation, but trust me it’s truly caused by the withdrawal and no physical damage to your brain. You can take a higher dose then wait for stabilizing, sometimes it will take weeks so don’t lose hope

Can you show the pharmacy this paper? https://www.benzoinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Withdrawing-Prescribed-Patients-Brochure.pdf?

 

Maybe they would give you the Ativan.

 

They are really irresponsible!!! That is the WORST thing to do. I feel really bad for you. They ought to be reported. I really hope you get the help you need. You DO NOT deserve this. :'(

I cannot find any detox centers in my area that will accept my insurance and not treat me like an animal. I got the pharmacist to give me .5mg, enough for a couple days. Hopefully I can make it work to get to the psychiatrist and then I think I am going to reinstate on a higher dose if it will help me stabalize. I can't go through months of withdrawals like this, it will kill me. I am so scared. I hate to start all over again but I would rather be comfortable than be in this much agony. Thank you all for the help and support. I appreciate it.

This is NOT how doctors and pharmacies are supposed to operate now. They are so far behind the times that it's terrible. I hope you get the amount of pills you need to do a proper taper. Please give them the paper from the Benzo Coalition. This is how tapering should be. GOOD LUCK!!!

Good Luck God Bless You

Live for Love, I was on over 2mg klonopin for 5 years. I took it daily, abusing the drug too, snorting it, drinking while on it, taking other drugs on it, etc.. I stopped entirely 1 day, no taper, on September 2018. I am by no means undermining your experience or recommending this as a strategy; I just want you to use this as a logical/practical reference point for your unique situation.

 

After 2 weeks, my withdrawal began and for about 6 months I thought I was going to die. I hallucinated for weeks, experienced extreme psychosis, panic attacks, shortness of breath, vision issues, racing heart/heart palpitations and the list goes on. I also thought I had lost my mind and would never recover it. After not even a year, I'm doing WAY better. I have recovered most of my cognition and physical health and being somewhat on the other side, can see that those thoughts were exactly that, just thoughts and are a part of the paranoia and fear that accompanies this process.

 

That is the 'disease' and the anxiety and fear talking to you. I believer you will survive this. It will not be easy as you know, but you WILL absolutely make it regardless.

 

I hope this is well received and I'm here if you need support-

Great insight.

I’m in a similar situation feeling like I’m losing my mind. I’m in tolerance withdrawal and interdose withdrawal and I came off a breakdown followed by bad reaction to SSRI then CT 2 months into daily benzo use to stabilize me. Every day that goes by I feel like I’m losing it. My Psychiatrist put me on Remeron to stabilize me but I think it’ll take me over the edge. If I go to the hospital will they try to stabilize me? How will they do it? What will they give to me at a detox center?

Greek, please consider getting a coach before going to a detox center.  Someone who can support you through this process.

Where do I find  a coach?