Jump to content

Need help desperately, so sick


[Ma...]

Recommended Posts

pasting for Lilgma

Hey guys

Valium and me.....don’t agree.

 

After crossing to Valium 19 mg in October, from lunesta and Ativan, I was able to get to 11 mg of V by January. Maybe too fast, but it was the schedule set up for me on bb. It was very rough. I had no windows, sick the whole time.

In January I did 2 rounds of antibiotics for pneumonia, so I held my taper. I ended up holding for 7 mo, getting sicker with each day. It was suggested I resume my taper. I started with a cut of .02 ml using  vodka solution. I’ve been so sick after each tiny cut. I had a couple partial windows after holding again for several days. - Still  with symptoms, but brain pressure, headache , nausea , anxiety let up enough for me to function.

After holding again for 6 days, I made a cut of .04 mg on Monday and Tuesday and .02 last night.

I am so so sick today. All symptoms. Head pressure and migraine incredible. Last night I had a brain zap that left the right side of my head numb and my right ear deaf for a minute.

 

I’m going super slow. I’ve only been able to go down 1/2 mg in a month. That’s not very much on 11 mg. I’m having acute symptoms with such a long way to go. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like at the lower doses. I have not felt well in 4.5 yrs since going into lunesta tolerance. I just can’t do this anymore. I know a few of you have heard this song and dance before, but it is getting really serious.

 

Question- Is it feasible to go back to Ativan?

I was reading Rosegals success story today.

After being on ativan for 17 yrs, she crossed to Valium with very bad results. She held the V from April 2014 to June 2015. She stopped the Valium, reinstated Ativan 1 mg and resumed her taper from there. It sounds like she had so much less trouble going that route.

 

I’ve been awake since 1am. Valium does nothing for sleep or anxiety.

I can’t imagine doing a 3 yr taper on the V being this sick. I’m 2 minutes away from going inpatient. I’ve said that before, but I just can’t do this on my own anymore. In almost 5 yrs I’ve had only a handful of ok days. I’m at the end of my tether. If the drug was gone, I could be patient and wait for healing. I don’t have it in me to go through much more. I’ve aged 20 yrs. I’ve lost weight and muscle tone. I’m weak. I look and feel 100 yrs old.

 

I know I’m not the only one suffering , by far, on this forum, but if I can’t even taper the damn Valium, I see no future for me.

 

I don’t want to get kindled further. I’ve been on a lunesta, several Xanax pils, Ativan , and now the Valium in the last couple years. I wish I would have upped the Ativan to ditch the lunesta.

Hindsight is 20/20.  I went with the first suggestion after my first post on bb. I didn’t have a clue how to use the forum in my foggy state and did zero research. I’ve made so many mistakes during this process. All because a sleeping pill pooped out on me.

I want a do-over

 

Thank you, Lil xx

Page 3

The fight of my life made me stronger rosegal

>Report This Personal Message<

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Mary

Couple of mouth ago i tried a generic valium

Called assival teva this mounth i changed the generic to diazepam crescent made in the uk me to

Hated the valium (teva) too and quit after one month of use but now after being on the diazepam (crescent) my body tolerate it very well and i actually feel much better after nine months of torture and misery maybe you have an option to switch brands it can make all the difference in the world i feel it is like a different drug

I wish you all the best

Stay strong

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I will tell you that back in 2004 I tried crossing to V from K and it did not work for me. I felt awful and then I was on 2 Benzes for a few months trying to drop the V. I am glad that I did. I guess my body was so used to the K and it is much stronger. Once dropped the V and stabilized on the K, I did much better. That is my experience. I know there are many here who have done well with the crossover, but I have know quite a few from past forums that couldn't do it either. We are all different.

I do believe that somehow you need to stabilize. It should not have to be this tough, especially for so long. If it were me and I am speaking from what I have been through, I would probably give it a try on the Ativan. It might the answer to getting stabile and then resuming a taper.

Don't give up hope as there are always other options.

I hope and Pray that you feel better soon!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jondoe and Dana,

Thank you so much. You have me in tears right now. Good tears!

 

Jon, I do take the Teva brand. It’s all I’ve ever taken in Valium. I know when some people are switched from Valium to diazepam, they have a hard time.  Some people don’t have a choice because of insurance reasons. I don’t care what it costs. I’ll sell my house.

 

Dana, thank you!! You don’t think there’s a kindling issue?  It didn’t happen to you anyway?  I know we’re all different. The Valium was only good when I first crossed over as I’d been sick from tolerance to Lunesta for close to 4 yrs by that point. It was relief. But as soon as I began tapering, I felt like I was right back in tolerance again.

Thank you for the prayers. That means so much to me.

 

I’d love opinions from anybody else who has done this. I can’t afford another mistake. But I tell you, there’s no way of getting off this Valium. My BP spikes are 200’s/100’s. My brain pressure is bad. I fear I’ll have a stroke or a seizure. I would expect these symptoms if I ct’d. But not reducing .5 mg from 11 in 8 months.

 

Thank you so much ❤️ Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mary,

I am so sorry you are suffering so badly☹!!!! Hopefully a switch will work better for you!!!!! If you want to try the Ativan, at this point being so sick for such a drawn out time, you have nothing to loose!  Hopefully you can get some relief!!! I wish you nothing but the best if you switch as you deserve to have a smoother taper since you have been going through this fight for so long!!! Please hang in there and know I am thinking of you and sending well wishes your way!! ❤🤞🏻

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Marry,

 

Zoloft and Trazodone might help me to deal with the anxiety and insomnia during my tapering, don’t know if they can help you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I  well remember Rosegal’s struggle with Valium. It was super depressing for her. The switch back allowed her to finish tapering  and last I saw before I closed my FB account she was doing great.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mary,

 

I’m so sorry you’re struggling this bad, love.  I understand and empathize so much.  After crossing to Valium and having such a struggle with it (not that I wasn’t having a struggle with K in such tolerance), I read Rosegal’s entire blog.  Seems she tapered down to 2mg Valium or something ( ?) before going in and getting back on Ativan, doing an initial updose.  It seemed she struggled badly the whole time on V and did better as she tapered her “home drug”, Ativan.  I sent her a PM about it when I was considering crossing back to K but never heard back.  I saw the difference in her posts when she crossed back and tapered A.  It was clearly much better for her.  And you know I’ve struggled a lot with Valium, even though I’ve kept on daily tapering with holds as needed.  Am holding at a crossroads again with it, too.  I’m so sorry you’re not tolerating Valium well, either.  It’s awful to suffer with acute symptoms throughout taper, I’m so with you.  Love you and please keep us updated on what you do.  Holding your hand. 

 

Uni ❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to thank everyone for responding, it's complicated but the question was for Lil, she was so sick, I copied and pasted it for her on here to get more support and opinions, I really appreciate all the responses that were to me and didn't mean to confuse anyone, she was too sick and really needed some support.  Love you all and thank you for your help, Mary.......
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi all. This is Lilgma. Thank you all for your responses. I so appreciate it. Mary was helping me out as I was not feeling well enough to post. Didn’t know how to copy and paste in my brain fog.

 

Still not sure which route I’m going. I’m seeing the dr next week. Either I try the brand Valium or go on a different benzo. I’m not sure how well the Ativan actually worked for me as I was in tolerance to lunesta at the time and so sick.

I talked to the insurance company about the brand Valium. It would be $700 a month. But they are sending forms to my dr. If he says that I can’t tolerate the generic, and they approve me for the switch, it would be $70 out of pocket. Big difference.

 

But how much of a difference would it be going from generic to brand?  I know the switch worked pretty well for Jondoe.

I’ve taken Xanax in the past. It worked best for anxiety and made me feel “normal”.

Would I be kindling myself horrible? Would it be much harder to taper from?

I’m so confused right now.

Like I said before, if the drugs were gone, I could wait this out much easier. But with 10+ mg to go, I’m really scared. Feels like acute to me. Every tiny taper puts me in a bad place.

 

Trying to type with little ones by me. Hope this makes sense.

Thank you all very much. ❤️Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lil, you know I am kind of at a loss , but before I took Xanax , which has such a short half life, I think I would research klonipin, which is still strong like Xanax but has a longer half life but not as long as Valium.  I really don't know what to say about the Ativan, since you don't really know how it was working.  I do know I hope you find your way, love you, Mary 💜💜💜💜
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Mary

That’s an idea that Mom gave me too.

I’m trying so hard to hang in there. I appreciate you’re help. You’re an 😇 angel. 😘

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m in the same boat with Valium. I’m cutting in acute and only down 1 mg in like 8 months. I’m starting to taper again tomorrow but also thinking about going back to Ativan bc I’m a slow metabolizer of Valium and it’s been horrific for me. I fear though that I’m so destabilized that it might just make things worse. I’ve held many times with little to no help. How would one cross back to Ativan from Valium?  I read rosegal’s Blog too and curious though I know she wasn’t as destabilized.  How does one cross back from a long acting Benzo to a short acting one?  You would have withdrawal from the Valium? 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Buddy, I’m so sorry for you too. I don’t know!!! I know that nobody can give us a definitive answer. It’s all trial and error. I’m so worried that another drug change could further destabilize us, though it seems it couldn’t possibly get any worse. What if a drug change didn’t work? Will we get further kindled?

What is your current dose of V and what are your symptoms? Are you taking the Teva brand? When did you crossover?

I’ve only reduced 1/2 mg in 8 mo. I’ve never stabilized. I have had a few partial windows. It’s disheartening to me when I read others held for a couple weeks and stabilized and continued taper with no issues. Happy for them, of course. But I don’t remember what it’s like to feel good. It’s been so many years. I have all physical and mental symptoms. The dp/dr, head pressure and anxiety are cruel and scary. 

 

How does someone know they’re a slow metabolizer? It’s been suggested to me that I’m probably a fast metabolizer. What does it even all mean? I just know that Valium has never alleviated any of my symptoms.  xx Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

May 2018 I was on k for 2.5 weeks and felt sick i stopped it and had a panic attack and burning all over and my idiot doc said I should switch to Ativan to get off the Klonopin which made me sicker and then said Valium would be the key. I’ve been sick on it since the beginning and unfortunately, trusted him and did a direct crossover which killed my GI and other issues so I’ve only dropped from 12.5 teva to 7.98 in over a year. I got halted in October with hyponatremia where they gave me generic in the hospital for 3 days and I became electric. Since then I do .01 or .02 cuts and have terrible sxs there remain. I’ve been told I’m way too destabilized/injured to move again but I took a genominde test and I’m a slow metabolizer of Valium which scares me. I have burning from head to toe, GI Issues, electrical breathing, rapid aging and massive muscle wasting, teeth chipping, hair loss, massive agitation, blurry vision. I’ve aged 20 years in one now doing daily micro cuts but can hardly bare to be in my own skin. I’m living with my parents and trying to survive each day. I’ve begged my doc to switch me back or to something else but he says the injury is there and if I cross it will cause more injury and I will be in even deeper Valium withdrawal.  I spend most of the day covered in ice and I try and walk when I can and dunk myself in a neighbor’s pool. I don’t know how I will get down off this drug with these sxs and how the acute sxs continue to stack. I’ve done long holds and nothing works. I think with the first doc switching me around it caused a lot of injury and I got sicker and sicker and just needed to jump but now I’m stuck and my doc said there’s no way I would survive a CT. I don’t know what to do. I’m paradoxical, injured but dependent and sick on and coming off it. Since December I’ve only dropped 1 mg so I need to keep going now. Most people say I just need to come off the Valium whatever way I can. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Did rosegal do a slow crossover to Ativan?

 

 

 

Buddy, I’m so sorry for you too. I don’t know!!! I know that nobody can give us a definitive answer. It’s all trial and error. I’m so worried that another drug change could further destabilize us, though it seems it couldn’t possibly get any worse. What if a drug change didn’t work? Will we get further kindled?

What is your current dose of V and what are your symptoms? Are you taking the Teva brand? When did you crossover?

I’ve only reduced 1/2 mg in 8 mo. I’ve never stabilized. I have had a few partial windows. It’s disheartening to me when I read others held for a couple weeks and stabilized and continued taper with no issues. Happy for them, of course. But I don’t remember what it’s like to feel good. It’s been so many years. I have all physical and mental symptoms. The dp/dr, head pressure and anxiety are cruel and scary. 

 

How does someone know they’re a slow metabolizer? It’s been suggested to me that I’m probably a fast metabolizer. What does it even all mean? I just know that Valium has never alleviated any of my symptoms.  xx Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

 

Buddy 8, I just want to say I am sorry for your suffering as well!!!! Thinking of you!!!❤

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you have the most gruesome taper and still heal?  My doctor seems to think so and offered to come to my house if things get really bad. I just don’t want to end up in the hospital again bc it set me back so much and injured me even more. My doctor said even very severe cases can heal.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

BLL- thank you so much!

I hope you’re doing ok. You’re so close to the end. Yay!

I’m glad you were able to stabilize and continue your taper. I hope it’s mostly symptom free. 💕Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Buddy-

Sounds like your symptoms are same as mine for the most part. And then some. I’m sure I’d have chipped teeth if it weren’t for my mouth guard which I forget often to use at night. When I don’t use it my teeth hurt. Besides the mental and physical symptoms, this has also ravaged my body. My skin has aged years. I did lose much hair but it started growing back and I got it chopped short. Now I’m going through round 2 of hair loss. My nails have deep grooves. I’m 61. Four yrs ago, I had some skin aging from years of sun worshiping and being on the back of a motorcycle all summer for years,  but I didn’t look my age. Now I look 80. - from my toes to my hair that has started turning gray since taking these drugs. And yes I’m vain. Of course feeling healthy again is #1, but I hate the way I look besides the way I feel.

 

We’re going to get through this. And yes, of course we can heal after going through a horrendous taper. Many have. Bella comes to mind. She had a terrible taper and was housebound for 3 yrs. She’s good to go!!  Do you read the success stories? Some start out pretty frickin scary, but end with success. And we will too! It’s going to take us longer than some but we will get it done.

 

My dr doesn’t know much about benzos- just what he’s researched for me on Ashton and benzos.org

Your dr sounds more benzo wise. Would you advise against me trying a different benzo? I’m going to try and get the brand Valium first, rather than switch  If that brings no relief, then I may try different benzo all together. But now I’m nervous about what your dr said about switching.

 

I believe that rosegal did a direct cross from V to Ativan.

 

❤️Lil

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can you have the most gruesome taper and still heal?  My doctor seems to think so and offered to come to my house if things get really bad. I just don’t want to end up in the hospital again bc it set me back so much and injured me even more. My doctor said even very severe cases can heal.

 

That is true Buddy, we all heal, it may take time and a lot of patience but we heal.  Have you read

1.parker post:

 

A paragraph from Parkers post, explained so well

 

The process to reverse this takes a while.  GABA receptors have to UPregulate and effectively "reopen" or "grow back".  Glutamate receptors must DOWNregulate, or effectively "turn off" or "prune back".  And IN this mix, all the smaller monoamines (neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine) must somehow find a way to synthesize in the mix.  Through weeks and months the body is rebuildling millions of neurons, and changing pathways, rebuilding GABA, downregulating Glutamate, rebuilding serotonin, rebuilding dopamine, rebuilding norepinephrine.  And ALL the enzymes and hormones that need to be made are attempting to be made while this is going on.  Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR streel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

 

2. Ashton , do we heal

 

Do benzodiazepines cause structural brain damage? These results have raised the question of whether benzodiazepines can cause structural brain damage. Like alcohol, benzodiazepines are fat soluble and are taken up by the fat-containing (lipid) membranes of brain cells. It has been suggested that their use over many years could cause physical changes such as shrinkage of the cerebral cortex, as has been shown in chronic alcoholics, and that such changes may be only partially reversible after withdrawal. However, despite several computed tomography (CT) scan studies, no signs of brain atrophy have been conclusively demonstrated in therapeutic dose users, and even the results in high dose abusers are inconclusive. It is possible that benzodiazepines can cause subtle changes which are not detected by present methods, but on the available evidence there is no reason to think that any such changes would be permanent.

 

These will help to understand.........good luck Mary 💜💜💜💜

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...