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Reinstated due to scary symptoms worsening, please help


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Hi, I am the son of the person who created this account. She wanted me to post for her. She has been in c/t withdrawal from flurazepam and restoril for 8 weeks, and has had a wide variety of symptoms that have come on, and some have gotten better, while others are getting worse. The past several nights she has had very disturbing anger and rage, and it is now carrying over during the day for the last 2 days. She is throwing and slamming things like the phone  . I know it is against policy to discuss that, but feel I needed to state that it what she has felt. It has come to the point where it seems she may be in immediate danger. She was up all night the last 2 nights, and I was awake with her monitoring her. She says she can't lay down, she paces the house, yells and cries out that this isn't fair, and has thrown things across the room. Being concerned, we talked, and decided to take a dose of klonopin that her PCP gave her a few weeks ago, but she hasn't touched. She took 0.25mg at 7am today, and another 0.25mg at 3pm. Did we make the right decision in reinstating? I have seen many say to stay away from inpatient psych, which is why we decided to try to maybe stabilize on the klonopin and then taper, but there are so many conflicting views. I am confused and just want to do the right thing for her. She doesn't want to take a cocktail of meds, so she does not want to be admitted to psych, but she is scared and I am very concerned for the first time during this withdrawal. I cannot stay up with her every night and am not sure she is safe. Please help. If reinstatement is necessary, is 0.5mg per day the correct dose to start? That is equivalent to 15mg of flurazepam, which is half of her dose.

 

edit: content

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

 

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KLou,

Oh what an awful situation for both her and you. How old is she? What other meds is she on?

 

I agree with you that she may be a danger to herself and even to others at this point. I also think that reinstating her was probably a good idea, due to extreme reaction she has had.

I need to know a bit more in order to advise you the best. Her age, other meds, psych history, past illnesses/disease. All of this are clues in trying to figure out what has happened to her.

Most of all, how long did she take benzos? What made her go CT off? Did she decide to do this, or did her doctor  decide she should?

What you described does sound like benzo wd, but its just a guess. I think you are very right about her being a danger to herself, and possibly to other people.

People in extreme distress often talk about harming themselves. And benzo wd is  a huge distress for some people. What was her normal dose BEFORE? You gave her a very low dose (wise of you!) and if it calmed her down a bit, it was the right thing to do. I so admire you for keeping a level head here and trying to help her. I am sure you are very scared and want to do the best for her.

My best suggestion is for her to start a taper off, which it sounds like you have already started this.

The frustrating thing about this stuff is that NO one knows what you should do. No one is that knowledgeable about benzos, not even Dr Ashton. ALL of this is guesswork, and isn't that a terrible shame? BB exists as a place where one can get some sort of answers and ideas, but NO ONE can tell you exactly what will happen.

Your Mom's story intrigues me. I am 69 now but went CT off a ton of benzos back in 2012. My wd was simply awful and perhaps extreme, but I did survive and heal and am now so much better.

My story can be read on my new Success Story (Eastcoasts Trip).

KL, I cant PM but do want to hear from you. Please visit me on my SS, which of course IS public, but few people stumble on it.

east (Annie)

 

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Hello KarolinaLou,

 

I'm so sorry your mom is having such a rough time. I stopped ativan cold turkey for a medical test, as suggested by my doctor. I was not on a very high dose nor was I taking benzos for as long as your mom, but the cold turkey was brutal. I was a big mess.

 

Benzo rage is quite common. However, your mom and those around her need to be safe. Contacting a professional who can deal with thoughts of harm and self harm is important.  Whether she can speak to someone on the phone or see them in person, this would be a good step to take. 

 

Reinstatement in your mom's case was probably the right thing to do.  How did she feel when she took the klonopin?  I would suggest you allow her the time to stabilize before starting to taper. There is a chance she won't stabilize but it may work for her.  It can take sometimes up to 2-3 weeks to stabilize.  From that point, I would suggest a very slow taper, her cns is extremely compromised right now.

 

As far as the dose, it is usually suggested to find the lowest dose possible based on the alleviation of some of the strongest symptoms.

 

This is a very hard time for both of you, I'm so sorry.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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KLou,

Oh what an awful situation for both her and you. How old is she? What other meds is she on?

 

I agree with you that she may be a danger to herself and even to others at this point. I also think that reinstating her was probably a good idea, due to extreme reaction she has had.

I need to know a bit more in order to advise you the best. Her age, other meds, psych history, past illnesses/disease. All of this are clues in trying to figure out what has happened to her.

Most of all, how long did she take benzos? What made her go CT off? Did she decide to do this, or did her doctor  decide she should?

What you described does sound like benzo wd, but its just a guess. I think you are very right about her being a danger to herself, and possibly to other people.

People in extreme distress often talk about harming themselves. And benzo wd is  a huge distress for some people. What was her normal dose BEFORE? You gave her a very low dose (wise of you!) and if it calmed her down a bit, it was the right thing to do. I so admire you for keeping a level head here and trying to help her. I am sure you are very scared and want to do the best for her.

My best suggestion is for her to start a taper off, which it sounds like you have already started this.

The frustrating thing about this stuff is that NO one knows what you should do. No one is that knowledgeable about benzos, not even Dr Ashton. ALL of this is guesswork, and isn't that a terrible shame? BB exists as a place where one can get some sort of answers and ideas, but NO ONE can tell you exactly what will happen.

Your Mom's story intrigues me. I am 69 now but went CT off a ton of benzos back in 2012. My wd was simply awful and perhaps extreme, but I did survive and heal and am now so much better.

My story can be read on my new Success Story (Eastcoasts Trip).

KL, I cant PM but do want to hear from you. Please visit me on my SS, which of course IS public, but few people stumble on it.

east (Annie)

 

Hi East,

 

Thank you so much for replying. I have seen some of your posts in browsing the forums, and I know you have a lot of experience and are very knowledgeable. To answer your questions, she is 60 years old, and currently takes no other meds, although she did stop taking tramadol around the same time she stopped the benzo, but she wasn't on it daily. She has no history of psychiatric complaints besides situational depression that coincided with my dad going through tough times and then again when he passed away in 2009. She has no history of psych illness, and the only disease she had was high blood pressure, which has resolved with dietary changes and retirement.

 

She was put on flurazepam at 30mg nightly for insomnia in 2010, which was several months after my father passed. Prior to that, she had tried lexapro and prozac when he was unemployed and angry; he did have a history of depression and anger due to his dysfunctional family. His family also made my mom feel like she wasn't good enough, and they verbally abused her, my dad, and I. She was on the flurazepam daily for 7-8 years nightly, and cut her dose to once every other night about a year and a half ago. Looking back, we now know she began experiencing some withdrawal symptoms with that cut such as night sweats, depression and anxiety along with GI distress. She went off flurazepam in May due to the manufacturer stopping production of flurazepam. She was switched to restoril 22.5 mg, which she took for 2-3 weeks nightly before going c/t on June 15 because she didn't like the side effects.

 

She began experiencing severe night sweats and anxiety, as well as insomnia, shortly after stopping restoril. Then, she started having panic attacks at night, which rolled over into the daytime. She started having severe lows abdominal pain, myoclonic and hypnic jerks that woke her up, fear that something is seriously wrong with her and that she is going to die, fear of leaving the house, etc. She was prescribed trazodone for the depression that ensued, which didn't agree with her, and then elavil at patient first, which landed her in the ER with suicidal ideation the next day, which she hadn't had and didn't have again until the last few nights. We tried xanax 2 weeks ago at the request of her PCP but she said it made her depressed.

 

Now, she is telling me she doesn't want to take the klonopin because she says it made her feel more depressed today. We have taken 2 0.25mg doses today, and I am unsure if she should take another tonight or wait until tomorrow, if I can even convince her to take it. I don't know what to do. The rest of my family thinks there is something else going on and I feel as though they want her to do an inpatient admission. The thought of this scares me, as 2 of the hospitals in the area have reports of sexual assault and/or harassment against patients, and another private psych hospital has reports of insurance fraud and keeping patients with good insurance longer because they have way more beds than any of the other facilities within the local hospital network. We could ask for a bed within the local hospitals, but I know they'd just put her on a bunch of meds, and she doesn't want that. I don't feel as though there is another option if she is a danger to herself or me. I know you can't tell me what to do, but I am exhausted and feel stuck. I just need some advice. Thank you.

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Hello KarolinaLou,

 

I'm so sorry your mom is having such a rough time. I stopped ativan cold turkey for a medical test, as suggested by my doctor. I was not on a very high dose nor was I taking benzos for as long as your mom, but the cold turkey was brutal. I was a big mess.

 

Benzo rage is quite common. However, your mom and those around her need to be safe. Contacting a professional who can deal with thoughts of harm and self harm is important.  Whether she can speak to someone on the phone or see them in person, this would be a good step to take. 

 

Reinstatement in your mom's case was probably the right thing to do.  How did she feel when she took the klonopin?  I would suggest you allow her the time to stabilize before starting to taper. There is a chance she won't stabilize but it may work for her.  It can take sometimes up to 2-3 weeks to stabilize.  From that point, I would suggest a very slow taper, her cns is extremely compromised right now.

 

As far as the dose, it is usually suggested to find the lowest dose possible based on the alleviation of some of the strongest symptoms.

 

This is a very hard time for both of you, I'm so sorry.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

 

Hi pianogirl,

 

Thank you for replying. We have called hotlines a few times, but I am not sure who to call regarding this. She has a 24 hour hotline through a counselor she is seeing, but she is worried if she relates the thoughts of harm, they will contact the authorities and commit her to the psych ward.We tried the suicide hotline once and had a horrible experience. The person on the other end did not help us and basically hung up. Do you have any other suggestions for who to call? We have called multiple psych offices for appointments, but the earliest available from any of them was August 28th, so we have made 3 appointments with 3 offices and are at the top of the cancellation list for another. I feel so stuck and don't know how to help her. I don't know if inpatient is the proper route but I want her to be safe. She is not the type of person to have rage and has never hurt a fly, let alone had thoughts of hurting herself.

 

The klonopin seemed to help her sleep this morning, but she became angry after the second dose, so I am not sure if I should give her more. She told me she doesn't want to take it again because it made her more depressed today. It doesn't seem like she is much worse to me, but I don't want to do anything that's going to make these thoughts worse. But, I do want to see if it alleviates her symptoms. The anger has lessened somewhat today and she was able to control it. I am lost at this point. I feel like no one knows what to do. I am being very positive and gentle with her, but safety is now a concern, as I am staying up all night.

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Hello again,

 

What a difficult situation.  I'll give you a link to our self harm resources, it's terrible you haven't gotten more help from the ones you called.  It's wrong on so many levels.

 

Unfortunately, there are not that many doctors who really understand and validate benzo withdrawal.  It may take some time to find one who understands benzo withdrawal and will validate it. It took me a long time to find such person, but I finally did.

 

It appears that the klonopin is not working. Actually benzos caused depression for me, something I had never experienced before. Once off the drug and in recovery this terrible symptom did ease up and disappear.

 

Sadly, there is no quick fix for your mom.  You also need to take care of yourself. Staying up all night to keep your mom safe is going to exhaust you. Are there any other family members you could ask for help, someone who is kind and caring and willing to learn about the withdrawal process?

 

I understand your mom's unwillingness to take more medications. I am also ultrasensitive to drugs and experienced many side effects, even some of the rarest ones, when doctors tried to solve my issues through medication.  For me, getting off the drug and healing was the only 'drug' I needed.

 

Self-Harm Resources

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Pianogirl,

 

Thank you so much for the link, and for responding. I made the mistake of giving her two more 0.25mg doses of the klonopin last night, as it was that, or the ER. It made her sleep most of the night, and it lessened some of her dark thoughts, as well as her GI distress and anger/rage. So, there was noticeable symptom relief. However, her depression worsened severely and she woke up this morning feeling like she wasn't present in reality. She stopped caring about anything and did not want to leave the couch. I had to cook her breakfast, which hasn't happened yet. It has gotten better throughout the morning, and I was able to sleep last night. The odd thing is that when she has to speak to someone on the phone she snaps out of the depression and is normal. I am wondering if being in this house all of the time is a factor.

 

Thankfully, an appointment opened up today for a psychotherapy MD who specializes in medication dependence and addiction, so we are hoping that this brings us some relief. Unfortunately, she seems to need a depression medication for the time being, as she will not be able to reinstate. I guess it's a good thing in the sense that taking the k for one day hasn't destroyed her progress, but I know it is a slight backslide because she did take a benzo. I feel bad for giving it to her.

 

As far as other family members go, they are trying to help, but her family members are telling her she isn't doing enough to help herself and are saying she can't be so co-dependent. They mean well, but don't understand, even though I have given them the Ashton manual and other resources. They believe she has a psychiatric illness that is underlying and that this isn't only benzo withdrawal. The ED doc we had said the same thing, as did an NP we saw when we were considering a partial hospitalization program. No one seems to believe us, and that has gotten her down. I have asked her sister to stay so I can get some rest, but I am not sure if that will happen. If she is given meds today, I know someone needs to monitor her considering she had depressive reactions to both trazadon and elavil. Neither of us wants her to be on meds, but it may be necessary to ensure she is safe. I know she can taper once the withdrawal gets better.

 

Do you have any thoughts or experiences with adding antidepressants? The NP we saw wanted to add seroqel and an anti-depressant. My mom would eventually want to stop taking these meds altogether. I appreciate your help. Just having support gives us relief. Thank you.

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Pianogirl,

 

Thank you so much for the link, and for responding. I made the mistake of giving her two more 0.25mg doses of the klonopin last night, as it was that, or the ER. It made her sleep most of the night, and it lessened some of her dark thoughts, as well as her GI distress and anger/rage. So, there was noticeable symptom relief. However, her depression worsened severely and she woke up this morning feeling like she wasn't present in reality. She stopped caring about anything and did not want to leave the couch. I had to cook her breakfast, which hasn't happened yet. It has gotten better throughout the morning, and I was able to sleep last night. The odd thing is that when she has to speak to someone on the phone she snaps out of the depression and is normal. I am wondering if being in this house all of the time is a factor.

 

Thankfully, an appointment opened up today for a psychotherapy MD who specializes in medication dependence and addiction, so we are hoping that this brings us some relief. Unfortunately, she seems to need a depression medication for the time being, as she will not be able to reinstate. I guess it's a good thing in the sense that taking the k for one day hasn't destroyed her progress, but I know it is a slight backslide because she did take a benzo. I feel bad for giving it to her.

 

As far as other family members go, they are trying to help, but her family members are telling her she isn't doing enough to help herself and are saying she can't be so co-dependent. They mean well, but don't understand, even though I have given them the Ashton manual and other resources. They believe she has a psychiatric illness that is underlying and that this isn't only benzo withdrawal. The ED doc we had said the same thing, as did an NP we saw when we were considering a partial hospitalization program. No one seems to believe us, and that has gotten her down. I have asked her sister to stay so I can get some rest, but I am not sure if that will happen. If she is given meds today, I know someone needs to monitor her considering she had depressive reactions to both trazadon and elavil. Neither of us wants her to be on meds, but it may be necessary to ensure she is safe. I know she can taper once the withdrawal gets better.

 

Do you have any thoughts or experiences with adding antidepressants? The NP we saw wanted to add seroqel and an anti-depressant. My mom would eventually want to stop taking these meds altogether. I appreciate your help. Just having support gives us relief. Thank you.

 

Hello again,

 

How did the appointment go?

 

You asked my opinion about AD's. I can only speak to my experience which was pretty negative. I am extremely sensitive to medications and even at very small doses, I suppose not even therapeutic, I had severe reactions.  However, there are those who find AD's helpful. There is a start up period for any of these types of drugs. Some are very stimulating so anxiety can increase until the body adjusts.  I can't really tell you if they would work for your mom, we're all different.

 

As far as expecting family to understand, most won't. My husband was my 'rock' during withdrawal but he still didn't get it.  If someone has not experienced withdrawal, they really can not understand the breadth and depth of symptoms and the length of time for recovery.  If a family member can just help out, be there so your mom isn't alone and make sure she eats, that's enough. Saying that your mom needs to do more to get better is counterproductive. This has nothing to do with what your mom is or is not doing.  Her central nervous system needs to recover. 

 

I tell people the cns is like a piece of electronic equipment. When all the wires and connected properly, the unit works. When one wire is not in the right place, the unit doesn't work.  The cns is like this.  All the parts of the system need to find balance.  It can take time and there is really nothing we can do to hurry the process.

 

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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I know, this is not much help. But I'm so sorry, you are having a hard time. And we understand what you are going through. Both my mom and I are trying to get through this. And sometimes, I want her to post for me.

 

Do you get help and support from other family members? Most things, that need to be done in a home, have to wait. If not, maybe a private company can help you? But when we are very ill, then it can be difficult to accept people we don't know. Especially if you are very scared, and anxiety. We are not ourselves.

 

And I want to send a big hug!

 

:smitten:

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You are in a very, very tough situation. I do sympathize with you. Your mother is fairly young and her prognosis should be fine, IF eventually you can get her off benzos. 60 is too young to just give up. Piano Girl gave you some really good support and advice and I also agree with her.

The problem with seeking in person help is that most mental health (or physical health) doctors don't know much about benzo withdrawal. However, if you feel your mother might harm herself OR someone else, you just have to take her to see a physician.

 

Where do you live? If in the USA I can advise you a lot better. I worked on an acute psych unit for several years and in a detox place for a year. Few in those fields know the real truth about benzos. I AM an RN and I did not know either. Well, now I sure do. When I went cold turkey off benzos and SRIs, I had the exact same fear: that I would be forced to go inpatient. And I KNEW the laws here in the USA. One cannot be forced to go inpatient unless they clearly show they are a huge danger for themselves or someone else. But I cannot advise you well if you live in some other country.

 

Can you tell me a bit more about her? What other symptoms is she having? What is her current, total med list? Is she functional at all? Can she take care of herself at all ( ie cook and prepare food, get to the bathroom, all those necessary daily activities of living-)??? How much are you doing FOR her?

I am so sorry you are stuck in the middle here. Your other relatives haven't a clue, but your Mom is extremely lucky top have you trying to look after her.

 

I started my own journey when I was 62, after thirty years of nightly benzos. All holy hell ensued when I was forced by a decent doctor to go cold turkey off all my psych meds. My doctor, like most, had no idea what benzo wd can be like, but I am not angry at him. I know that that I was SO addicted to benzos, going CT was my ONLY chance at living normally. I was that far gone back then. My wd was ugly yes, but once I began to heal, life became so much better.

 

Please keep us informed. I am concerned for both of yoou.

east (Annie)

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You are in a very, very tough situation. I do sympathize with you. Your mother is fairly young and her prognosis should be fine, IF eventually you can get her off benzos. 60 is too young to just give up. Piano Girl gave you some really good support and advice and I also agree with her.

The problem with seeking in person help is that most mental health (or physical health) doctors don't know much about benzo withdrawal. However, if you feel your mother might harm herself OR someone else, you just have to take her to see a physician.

 

Where do you live? If in the USA I can advise you a lot better. I worked on an acute psych unit for several years and in a detox place for a year. Few in those fields know the real truth about benzos. I AM an RN and I did not know either. Well, now I sure do. When I went cold turkey off benzos and SRIs, I had the exact same fear: that I would be forced to go inpatient. And I KNEW the laws here in the USA. One cannot be forced to go inpatient unless they clearly show they are a huge danger for themselves or someone else. But I cannot advise you well if you live in some other country.

 

Can you tell me a bit more about her? What other symptoms is she having? What is her current, total med list? Is she functional at all? Can she take care of herself at all ( ie cook and prepare food, get to the bathroom, all those necessary daily activities of living-)??? How much are you doing FOR her?

I am so sorry you are stuck in the middle here. Your other relatives haven't a clue, but your Mom is extremely lucky top have you trying to look after her.

 

I started my own journey when I was 62, after thirty years of nightly benzos. All holy hell ensued when I was forced by a decent doctor to go cold turkey off all my psych meds. My doctor, like most, had no idea what benzo wd can be like, but I am not angry at him. I know that that I was SO addicted to benzos, going CT was my ONLY chance at living normally. I was that far gone back then. My wd was ugly yes, but once I began to heal, life became so much better.

 

Please keep us informed. I am concerned for both of yoou.

east (Annie)

 

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately, I had to admit her to an inpatient facility a few days ago. We saw a benzo wise doc who started to reinstate her on valium a few days before I took her in, voluntarily. She is under the care of a benzo wise doc in inpatient who is continuing her valium dose to attempt to stabilize her. She was not safe at home. I tried for 8 days to manage the situation because I did not want to take her to a psych hospital, but I felt I had no choice due to some of the things she was doing and saying to me. She had been having those dark thoughts that there was no other way out for weeks, but they got way worse in the lat 10 days. It broke my heart to do it. She is extremely depressed and wants to give up. She is not herself, at all. It is a pretty scary place to be. She is around a bunch of patients that are true psych patients, and she is scared. The doc says she doesn't belong there, but she is convincing herself that she does. I don't know what to do. He says he is hoping she stabilizes on valium soon so that the rage and anger gets better, but it has been 5 days on 20-30mg of valium, and her symptoms have no begun to lift. She was started on an AD (effexor) today, as the doc was reluctant to start her on one because he follows the Ashton method and does not want to medicate her. These symptoms are so unlike her. My mother wouldn't hurt a fly. It seems like psychosis. I am trying to stay positive but visiting her and speaking with her on the phone is hard because she constantly tells me she is never getting out of there and just says negative things. She was becoming a danger to herself and me, though, but I still feel as if I did the wrong thing. I appreciate all of your replies. I am hoping things get better soon. I am thankful that we found a benzo wise doctor who has used the ashton method on hundreds of patients, and that he called the hospital and has his pupil with benzo withdrawal, her inpatient doc, following her care. I really don't know what to do here.

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I would put my trust in the doc if he’s experienced in the Ashton method. Valium is long-acting and takes up to two weeks to fully work in her system.  Try to hang in there and reassure her that this is all temporary and for her long term benefit.

 

And please remember to take care of yourself...it’s terribly upsetting to see a loved one go through this process, but there’s not much you can do except be strong and reassuring when you talk with her. 

 

:smitten:

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Hello again,

 

I know this has been tremendously difficult for you, my heart goes out to your mom and to you.

 

Right now it's important that you mom is safe. You've done really well to find a doctor who is experienced with the Ashton Method, that is a big positive.

 

As Challis stated, it may take a while for your mom to stabilize. Additionally, some AD's can be stimulating at the start and create more anxiety until the body gets used to the medication.

 

Hang in there, it's still very early in the reinstatement. You've done the best you can and we all hope for the best for your mom.

 

pianogirl :smitten:

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My entire heart goes out to you and your Mom tonight. What a tough situation. I am very impressed with how yo have handled it. It does sound as if in patient is the safest choice for her right now. But doing that must have been really difficult for both of you.

Most psych facilities know not much about benzos and I can say that because as a nurse, I worked in a psych hospital and also in a detox center. Benzo wd was treated just as they treated ANY addictive drug wd. And benzo wd IS quite different, because of all the mental withdrawal symptoms that can occur.

 

I will tell you a bit of my story. I am now 69 years old. I took benzos for thirty years for insomnia. Because I am a nurse I knew they were addictive. What I did NOT know was how bad benzo wd can be for some. Now I know. I was forced to go cold turkey by my Primary Care doctor, and also forced to go inpatient. The unit I was placed on had NO experience with benzo wd, and treated me like they would ANY patient. Humiliating and NOT helpful at all. My insurance refused to pay and four days later I was discharged in full blown cold turkey withdrawal. I was hallucinating with all t5 senses, seeing things, hearing things, feeling things, tasting things, smelling things...that were NOT real. I was by then SO paranoid I was sure that hospital was going to come back and drag me back to the psych unit.

Now, I know that all of this is not unusual for benzo wd. It took me 3 years to heal, but heal I did. My journey began in 2012 and now I am fully healed, fully functional and SO much happier now. Life became so much better off benzos and SSRIs.

Your Mother need to get stabilized a bit, and having her in a relatively safe place is the best thing for her. She needs to be watched carefully, in case she becomes a danger to herself. Once stable, a plan of care will emerge, and you will know what her next step is.

I am so impressed with the care you have demonstrated for her. You have done a truly good job and none of it was easy for you to do.

Kudos to you!

east

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Thank you Challis, piano girl and east coast!

 

I really needed the encouragement you all are giving me tonight. I have been doubting whether or not I am making the right calls, as this is uncharted water for me. I know that stabilizing can take 1-3 weeks, depending on circumstances. It has been 5-6 days, and her valium was upped to 35mg/day this afternoon, after her outpatient doc spoke with her inpatient provider. I am so thankful that these two guys are benzo wise, and that the OP doc has done this for a few decades, and is teaching her other doc for several years now. They have ben collaborating on her care plan over the phone, and making decisions together. She was doing better when I visited her tonight, and told me she is fighting with everything she has. She hasn't said anything like that in weeks, and that is comforting considering she has constantly talked about giving up. The psychosis is there, but I saw a glimpse of her for the first time. This depression is brutal.

 

Challis - thank you for reminding me to take care of myself. I haven't been doing a great job with that. I am calling out of work all week to clean up her house, inside and outside, for her return home to a well maintained and clean environment. My family has been very willing to help, and we are making her house look nice. I know environment is one piece of the puzzle when healing, and hers has been cluttered and disorganized for some time. Trauma tends to do that to a person.

 

Pianogirl - I appreciate your kind words on the replies you have sent us. You are encouraging and positive, which is what is needed at this time. Your advice has been helpful and reassuring, to say the least. I am hoping once she is back home, I can convince her to talk to you all on here about her journey. She has been reluctant, but I feel that attitude will change.

 

Eastcoast - your story sounds terrifying, but a gleaming success! I read your success story, and I know you are a strong and courageous woman for making it through what you did after 30 years on a benzo. I worked in healthcare for a short period, and actually got out because I witnessed too many instances in which money, ego, etc came before the health of the patient. It amazes me that doctors do not recognize benzo withdrawal as a real thing. And, you're absolutely right...60 is young. I have been telling her that, but the depression and cognitive fog has been hindering her ability to hear that and believe it. Her goal is to get off of all meds, eventually, but she is scared. The c/t brought her to this point because apparently she hadn't processed a large amount of trauma she has endured while taking the Dalmane, since it blunted her emotional response and suppressed her REM sleep, which helps us process the events we go through. Over the last 2 weeks, all of the things she was traumatized by in the last decade while on Dalmane began to resurface. She has been through a lot in a short time frame, and her brain couldn't handle all of these things returning at once. She just wants the pain to go away. I am hopeful that she will stabilize over the next week or so, and I can get her home. Thank you for telling me I have handled this well. I am trying my best.

 

Hope to talk to you all soon, or to have my mom reach out. She is going to need the support offered on BB, for sure.

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