friends

Have you lost friends and family along the way?

 

Shania

Family still here all friends gone. Last year I bought me a tea cup chihuahua she’s the only friend I need

I've always been a loner, and only a few real friends. But right now I'm grateful for that, they wouldn't understand.

 

My sisters are my best friends, but now we have hardly any contact. They are sad, and we miss each other so much. They usually call, but it's hard to try to be happy. And it can also be completely wrong: "Now you feel better, let's have a party and dance!" But that's the last thing I want to do. 

Yes, I forgive them.

Shania, how nice to hear from you again. How are you doing now? Any better or still slogging it out?

 

Because of my stupid behavior while on benzos, I alienated all my best friends and family members. Back then, I could not SEE my owen behavior. I assumed it was normal and it definitely was not. One friend told me I was slurring my words and acting drunk. I thought she was full of crap. But she was RIGHT.

Fast forward to post cold turkey. As I very slowly healed, I spent a lot of time trying to make amends with my sisters and several friends. It took a long time for my sister to even consider forgiving me, but eventually she did. One friend never bothered to respond. The other was writing me a letter when she died of a pulmonary embolism. Her son found her, with my letter beside her. OMG, can you imagaine? I kept telling her, "Sandy, I loved you but both of us had drug problems. You alcohol, me benxos.zZ" IZ sure wish she had finished that letter and not died. I still miss her.

 

I, too, have long been a semi loner. I actually like my own company now that I am off benzos. But I also know that benzos wounded me in ways I still don't quite get. I no longer feel the need to make new friends much, and prefer being with my cat, Bear, over most humans. Dealing with a very bad cold turkey wd off benzos wounded me deeply and caused what I assume to be a form of PTSD. The utter horror os what I went through still staggers me and I will never be able to describe what I really went through. People,. this stuff is for real! Benzos can and will destroy you if you let them.

 

Shania, I cannot Pm now, due to something I did wrong, but I would love to chat with you again. You can find me on ny NEW Success Story and I'll bump it up for you. I know you have had a really bad time with this stuff.

east (Annie)

Definitely I've lost friends along the way. I dream about getting back together with them and finally telling my story, but I doubt if they'd have the patience to hear.

 

Family is still hanging in there, but I put them through hell, especially my son. Since they now see that I'm getting better, they're beginning (I think) to believe this has all been due to recovery from benzos.

Absolutely. My niece, who is more like a sister to me, moved away in March.... the beginning of my taper. She told me once when I told her how bad I was doing that she cold/turkeyed from Klonopin just fine and implied these issues were imagined or that I was exaggerating. She found out she was pregnant right after moving (we grew up together, did nearly everything together) .... she never calls or texts. Her responses to me got sarcastic. I messaged her one night because I was very close to going to inpatient psych because I was extremely suicidal. Instead of comforting me, she told me how mentally messed up I was,  how I cost my parents so much money, etc. She came to visit last month.... I couldn't even go to her baby shower because I was so sick. I went over afterwards... we said maybe 10 words to each other. She's didn't even message me when she found out I was being forced to detox.

 

My Mom has to come over the days my boyfriend works because I'm too scared to be alone. She's tired of it. I can tell she's doesn't want to be here, and she's so tired of my anxiety and panic. My parents pay my bills.... I am completely useless. Last month I woke up and legitimately thought I was having a heart attack. I called 911.... I absolutely didn't think it was just panic. I was certain it was bad. Of course,  it was a panic attack. So now I have an ambulance bill and ER bills.  They're very upset at me for it. When things get really bad, I want to go to the ER, but I get yelled at. The ambulance bill came today. Thankfully, it's only $200 because of my insurance, but I got a lecture.

 

My boyfriend and I just moved in together in March.... the entire time I've been a wreck. He has to deal with my constant panic, depression, and withdrawal. He has been awesome, but I can tell he gets fed up. I couldn't wait to move out of my parents house.... but this withdrawal has made it very difficult and I feel so guilty. I love him so much and I'm so afraid he'll leave me for somebody with their stuff together.

 

I'm currently having a major panic attack. I asked for help and got told that I cannot get another $120 bill. It makes me health anxiety worse because I'm afraid I'll actually be dying and nobody will believe me.

 

All of my friends are online. I do hang out with some of them every once in a while, but I don't let people close enough to be really close friends. I feel like they all think I'm secretly an addict (like,  seeking out benzos and not just being dependent, but buying them off the streets and stuff.) I talk very openly on social media about this withdrawal. I've always been very open about mental illness. But still, I feel like people don't know about post acute withdrawal and they just think it's me jonesing for benzos and that I actually am this mentally unstable at all times.

 

I feel like a huge burden.

This topic is an important one, and one I still have not resolved in my own life. I would like to hear what you guys think is the real reason your friends/family became alienated from you. Was it your behavior? Your attitudes? I have thought a lot about this in my own case. I think benzos made me be NOT sensitive to other peoples needs and wants. Back then, it was all about ME, and in doing that, I pushed away some really good friends and my family as well. I also know that back then, at the very end, I often slurred my words and this frightened people.

 

Most of us do have minor or major psych issues to deal with and that is part of why we ended up on benzos. I know quite well what MY cause was, but it is not something that this forum wants discussed.

 

Ali, some people can get off benzos without a bit of trouble. BB exists to help those who do. I was one of them, and so are you.

 

So much of getting off benzos is, in the end, facing our real problems without taking a drug to ease the pain. Sometimes, that can feel almost too much to bear.

But I also can tell you that seven years later, I am SO glad I stuck it out. No matter HOW bad it was, I DID heal. And am now so much healthier and happier. Its been a long road back to sanity.

east