Slow taper after long hold- in dire straits

Hi all-

Would like some advice please.

After C/O from Ativan and lunesta to 19 mg of Valium in oct, I was able to reduce to 11 mg by Jan following a schedule that was set up for me by bb. - not easy.

In Jan I was put on 2 rounds of antibiotics for pneumonia. I held my taper but kept getting sicker everyday, even after the pneumonia was cleared.

I ended up holding taper for 7 mo, then started back up using DLMT. I started by reducing.02 ml a day. Tried .03 & .04- too much. Held many days. I’ve only been able to reduce .48 ml in 36 days.

I have every symptom, anxiety, panic, BP spikes (200’s/ 100’s) head pressure, headaches, nausea, boaty, insomnia being the worse. Oh, and the dp/ dr.  I was no where near stable when I started tapering again, but it was suggested that I continue on.

I’m really at a loss now as to what I should do. I would think that at a pretty high dose of Valium 10.3mg, I would be able to stabilize and continue on slowly. But it just gets worse with each cut.

I’m getting out most days by force. I walk with my skinny wobbly legs even though dizzy and lightheaded. Then some days, like today, I can barely get out of bed.

I’m pretty sure my body just doesn’t like the Valium. It does nothing to help with anxiety or sleep, and I take 8.3 mg at bedtime.

Maybe it’s the liquid vodka solution that’s making things worse?? But it’s definitely the easiest and most accurate. Maybe it’s wd catching up after rapid taper in the fall??

Is Librium a better benzo for anxiety and sleep? But I’ve been on the major 4 benzos and don’t think I can handle another change.

Surviving Antidepressants suggested I taper the remaining 4.3 mg Lexapro first, but I don’t have 2 yrs time to taper that as every benzo I’ve been on has turned on me in a short time of  use and I’ve experienced interdose/ tolerance Wd.

I guess I just need a hand to hold and some suggestions as to how I proceed.

My blood pressure is a major concern. I’ve been through the wringer in 4.5 yrs. Hate to go through all of this and end up with a stroke. I do take metoprolol 25 mg a day for BP, only after going into undiagnosed tolerance wd from lunesta.

Don’t know what to do. Fear is starting to rule.

Fast taper? Get off and suffer the consequences?

I appreciate any suggestions please.

Thank you, Lil