Fear over Books and Television

Did you go on Cymbalta during withdrawal, or where you already on it?

 

Gloominess kind of goes with depression...

I have a very similar problem. Can't watch TV or read books, and am very sensitive to any kind of stimulus.  It started with aversion to violent TV and then spread to everything. I had to leave my job because my symptoms were too severe, so there went a means of distraction as well as my financial security. I have a very difficult time finding distractions. I will have to try some of the things that were suggested here. Sometimes going for short drives helps, and walking somewhere peaceful as well.

I have a very similar problem. Can't watch TV or read books, and am very sensitive to any kind of stimulus.  It started with aversion to violent TV and then spread to everything. I had to leave my job because my symptoms were too severe, so there went a means of distraction as well as my financial security. I have a very difficult time finding distractions. I will have to try some of the things that were suggested here. Sometimes going for short drives helps, and walking somewhere peaceful as well.

 

Tom, I'm wondering why you didn't slow down your taper. Do you think tapering more slowly would allow you to be more functional?

You people will relate to this. Back when I was still in acute benzo wd, I saw something on TV that horrified me SO much and disturbed me SO much, I just turned off my TV and left it off for...hmm....6 years. The thing that did this tome was a video of a man abusing a kitten. I happen to love cats and that vision was just way too much for me, back then, and it would have the same effect NOW.

I also began to see what I "thought" were violent subliminal messages in several crime shows I used to watch( CSI for one). I simply stopped watching TV all those years and only resumed about 8 months ago. But I only watch (or actually listen to) the Today Show in the morning. Its a ritual now to listen, while I play with my beloved cat Bear. On occasion I watch HGTV or Animal Planets, but that's it and I do not miss it at all. Life is better WITHOUT TV!!!

 

Tom, my heart goes out to you. I know you have suffered greatly, as some of us do. I always envied those who healed in a month or two or three. Took me three damn years, but I did heal, and so will you. You might want to read my new Success Story, "Eastcoasts Trip Two". I did not have an easy wd.

east

 

I have a very similar problem. Can't watch TV or read books, and am very sensitive to any kind of stimulus.  It started with aversion to violent TV and then spread to everything. I had to leave my job because my symptoms were too severe, so there went a means of distraction as well as my financial security. I have a very difficult time finding distractions. I will have to try some of the things that were suggested here. Sometimes going for short drives helps, and walking somewhere peaceful as well.

 

Tom, I'm wondering why you didn't slow down your taper. Do you think tapering more slowly would allow you to be more functional?

 

Hi Valiumnomore

 

I think the problem is that I began tapering from a point where I was already not stable. I was on 1.5 mg xanax and was having tolerance withdrawal for several months before I realized what was going on. Somehow I managed to keep working for those months until it became impossible. When I approached my doctor about tapering, he switched me to only 4 mg of valium instead of the equivalent 30. Those three or four weeks were all about fighting off seizures. I found a new doctor who prescribed me 15 mg to taper off of, but even that did not make me stable. It did feel better than 4 mg though. That doctor insisted on seeing me every two weeks, decided how much I had to cut, and would then prescribe only the next two weeks of meds. After that I went back to my original doctor and he decided he was okay with me tapering from the 13 or 14 mg I was on, I could decide the taper rate, and he would only need to see me every three months. From that point I just tapered according to the Ashton Method, but have realized that was too fast. A couple of months ago I slowed it down, but I have never been stable. I am down to 5.6 mg and at this point I think I could hold forever and still not stabilize. I could be wrong, that is just what it feels like. There is also a strong desire to be done with the taper so real healing can begin. At my current rate, my last dose will be on the last day of February. I think it all comes down to the fact that I started tapering from an already unstable amount. Hopefully my current rate will ease some of the symptoms the rest of the way.

You people will relate to this. Back when I was still in acute benzo wd, I saw something on TV that horrified me SO much and disturbed me SO much, I just turned off my TV and left it off for...hmm....6 years. The thing that did this tome was a video of a man abusing a kitten. I happen to love cats and that vision was just way too much for me, back then, and it would have the same effect NOW.

I also began to see what I "thought" were violent subliminal messages in several crime shows I used to watch( CSI for one). I simply stopped watching TV all those years and only resumed about 8 months ago. But I only watch (or actually listen to) the Today Show in the morning. Its a ritual now to listen, while I play with my beloved cat Bear. On occasion I watch HGTV or Animal Planets, but that's it and I do not miss it at all. Life is better WITHOUT TV!!!

 

Tom, my heart goes out to you. I know you have suffered greatly, as some of us do. I always envied those who healed in a month or two or three. Took me three damn years, but I did heal, and so will you. You might want to read my new Success Story, "Eastcoasts Trip Two". I did not have an easy wd.

east

 

Thanks Eastcoast

 

I did read your new Success Story and want to thank you for it. It is nice to have a little hope when it seems scarce. So glad you healed, especially after going through so much. There have been times when I've thought about giving up, the most scary times have been when that seemed like the logical thing to do. But seeing that you went through so much and recovered gives me the hope and logic that I must have a chance too. Do you remember a point where you actually realized that there was improvement? That must be amazing to realize you can improve and to begin to experience it. I probably still have a way to go before I see improvement since I still have to finish my taper. When I read success stories I always wonder when they first began to see the light.

 

Thanks for your input and help. I wish you (and Bear the best of everything life has to offer. Take care -

 

Tom

UUgh, I have a problem with watching tv too. I think the previous poster is right, it seems to go along with agoraphobia which is what I have and a very sensitive nervous system. I really want to do something about it, but I don't know what to do.

Since posting this I've noticed that there will be a few times a day when I can pick up a book and spend some time reading. Nighttime especially. I use to read for hours every day: in cars, trains, during meals, in bars, in classes, in bathrooms, all the time. So I think that my ability and interest in reading is a (perhaps) useful barometer for healing. That kind of small measure of success as a daily gauge for recovery might be true of many of us.

 

 

As a followup, two useful and connected questions in recovery might be: what is it you enjoy doing most that you were not able to do at first in withdrawal, and when and with what frequency were you able to return to it? That might be a helpful thought or through-line for people to follow during their recovery. 

 

Healing for me wouldn't be riding a motorcycle or climbing a mountain; those wouldn't be useful markers for my success. Healing for me would be the ability to sit quietly by myself and be at peace (and read, of course). Whereas for someone else it might be watching tv without getting triggered, or spending time with their friends/family without being scared/self conscious, or it could be riding that motorcycle, or cooking, or keeping up with news again, anything really. Something that others might not think of as life changing, but that you might do any or every day, and that brings you enjoyment, even joy. Something that isn't built around self-improvement (like exercise), though it could be that too if it's your thing. But definitely not something that you would have to force yourself to do.

 

That thing that you use to do when you were you, and that makes you feel like you again.