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Fear over Books and Television


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Does anyone become filled with anxiety when you try to watch television or read a book?

 

I use to love both, but now I can't handle more than a few seconds of either. It makes it so so so hard to fill the day.

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YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.

east

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YES. I actually stopped watching TV during WD. The violence, the negativity, just became way too much for me. I did not watch TV for several years because of this. I already had enough dark and negative thoughts in my mind. Did not need to add to that. Believe it or not I only resumed watching some TV a few months ago. And you know what? Seven years of NOT watching TV was truly a GOOD thing, a nice thing. I had to find other ways to pass the time.

east

 

Same for me. Stopped watching TV completely. Cut back my online reading to only a couple local news and weather reports. Can't handle the stress. I get too worked up. I am getting better, though. I was much worse a few years ago. So maybe I'll be able to get back to where I was, though I'm not sure I want to. TV is all propaganda or pornography, and often both, mixed together into one tempting toxic brew. Who needs that?

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So what did you all do instead? because I walk all day in a circle.

I go to work. When things were really bad, I worked overtime. I used to work 80 hours a week. Anything to avoid going home, which is where I always felt worst. It was hard holding down a job through all the withdrawal and recovery, but it would have been harder not having a job. I'm sure of that. And then, when I'm not working, when I'm at home relaxing, I come on BenzoBuddies. Or I do crossword puzzles online. Or read Wikipedia articles about ancient Romans or whatever. YouTube has lots of things to watch, like music videos and discussions about benzo withdrawal, old movies and old tv shows when they didn't use to be so stressful, things like that. And of course, there are plenty of chores to do around the house, and people to get together with, phonecalls and texts, grocery shopping, or just driving through the mountains, looking at cabins, trying not to hit the deers and the bears. You find lots of things to do when you decide you're through paying $100 a month for cable tv trash.

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Only watch Food network mute the commercials and I watch the Weather Channel for forecast try to read light fiction but it's hard  I  only see what's going by computer
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So what did you all do instead? because I walk all day in a circle.

I go to work. When things were really bad, I worked overtime. I used to work 80 hours a week. Anything to avoid going home, which is where I always felt worst. It was hard holding down a job through all the withdrawal and recovery, but it would have been harder not having a job. I'm sure of that. And then, when I'm not working, when I'm at home relaxing, I come on BenzoBuddies. Or I do crossword puzzles online. Or read Wikipedia articles about ancient Romans or whatever. YouTube has lots of things to watch, like music videos and discussions about benzo withdrawal, old movies and old tv shows when they didn't use to be so stressful, things like that. And of course, there are plenty of chores to do around the house, and people to get together with, phonecalls and texts, grocery shopping, or just driving through the mountains, looking at cabins, trying not to hit the deers and the bears. You find lots of things to do when you decide you're through paying $100 a month for cable tv trash.

 

Redevan, hi. My main issue with fear is that it doesn't let me sleep. I'm facing nights of no sleep. Did this happen to you and could you still work? How? Or some people have this terrible fear but for some reason they sleep even if it's 3/4 hours...

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Redevan, hi. My main issue with fear is that it doesn't let me sleep. I'm facing nights of no sleep. Did this happen to you and could you still work? How? Or some people have this terrible fear but for some reason they sleep even if it's 3/4 hours...

 

I did have lots of trouble sleeping. Usually I could fall asleep with no problem, but then I'd wake up after a couple hours and not be able to get back to sleep. I couldn't nap at all for a couple years. I really don't know how I kept going. I guess I had no choice. We do what we have to do, and we keep hoping it will get better. It usually does. Sometimes I still have problems sleeping: like last night, for example. That was because I ate something I shouldn't have eaten. I knew it shouldn't eat it, but I forgot. Then when I went to bed, I remembered, because my heart was racing and pounding, which hasn't happened in a long time, and I thought, What's up with that? And then I remembered. Do you know what I ate? Kroger Crunchy Raisin Bran cereal. I don't know what's in it, but it always causes that same problem. So look at what you're eating. Maybe you can improve your sleep if you find some food is revving up your symptoms.

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Redevan, hi. My main issue with fear is that it doesn't let me sleep. I'm facing nights of no sleep. Did this happen to you and could you still work? How? Or some people have this terrible fear but for some reason they sleep even if it's 3/4 hours...

 

I did have lots of trouble sleeping. Usually I could fall asleep with no problem, but then I'd wake up after a couple hours and not be able to get back to sleep. I couldn't nap at all for a couple years. I really don't know how I kept going. I guess I had no choice. We do what we have to do, and we keep hoping it will get better. It usually does. Sometimes I still have problems sleeping: like last night, for example. That was because I ate something I shouldn't have eaten. I knew it shouldn't eat it, but I forgot. Then when I went to bed, I remembered, because my heart was racing and pounding, which hasn't happened in a long time, and I thought, What's up with that? And then I remembered. Do you know what I ate? Kroger Crunchy Raisin Bran cereal. I don't know what's in it, but it always causes that same problem. So look at what you're eating. Maybe you can improve your sleep if you find some food is revving up your symptoms.

 

Thank you redevan. Will do. Did you have many nights of two hours sleep while working?

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I still watch TV but I am very picky about the content I watch.  I like watching educational stuff on youtube too.  I listen to audiobooks and play video games.  For me, doing puzzles, non-internet puzzles was a great thing to do during withdrawal.  I like jigsaw puzzles, sudokus, and crosswords. 
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Redevan, I wont forget that you were very supportive to me early on. I found your words comforting and they turned out to be true.

 

Fear was my very worst symptom. Unrelenting, intense, irrational fear ruled me for over a year. I found that distracting myself was the only thing that helped at all. I had bad "benzo brain" back then and I struggled to even find something that would distract me. I finally settled on stringing teensy tiny beads, and that's what I did for months.

 

Sleep? Not at all for entire year. Nope, that isnt an exaggeration.  Its the real truth. What finally did help me was listening (not watching) sleep hypnosis videos on YouTube. It too about a month for the hypnotic suggestions to sink in, but once they did, those videos worked like a charm. I STILL listen to them if I cant sleep well. And they still do work.

Simple but so easy.

east

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Thank you redevan. Will do. Did you have many nights of two hours sleep while working?

 

I think I actually had a couple years of two or three hours of sleep at night, while I was working double shifts. Yeah, I did not feel good all day, but staying home wouldn't have helped. I couldn't sleep. I was going to be awake and anxious - but less anxious at work than at home. So that settled that. Go to work, feel bad but better than at home, and make some money for your trouble. That's what I did. Look at my signature. That's the big lesson I've learned through all this torture. Recovery is what happens when you're busy doing other things. Try to stay busy. It won't kill you. You're stronger than you know.

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I had this. I think it is akin to agoraphobia. The fear of everything external. Ad the shower, mailbox, music, grocery store etc. This is normal, but nasty.
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Redevan, I wont forget that you were very supportive to me early on. I found your words comforting and they turned out to be true.

 

Fear was my very worst symptom. Unrelenting, intense, irrational fear ruled me for over a year. I found that distracting myself was the only thing that helped at all. I had bad "benzo brain" back then and I struggled to even find something that would distract me. I finally settled on stringing teensy tiny beads, and that's what I did for months.

 

Sleep? Not at all for entire year. Nope, that isnt an exaggeration.  Its the real truth. What finally did help me was listening (not watching) sleep hypnosis videos on YouTube. It too about a month for the hypnotic suggestions to sink in, but once they did, those videos worked like a charm. I STILL listen to them if I cant sleep well. And they still do work.

Simple but so easy.

east

I had this. I think it is akin to agoraphobia. The fear of everything external. Ad the shower, mailbox, music, grocery store etc. This is normal, but nasty.

 

The only thing we have to fear is FEAR ITSELF. So said FDR. (And no, "Fear Itself" was not his pet name for Eleanor!) We are afraid of nothing, which means everything. We're hypervigilant. I always thought about that one Eagles song that had that lyric "every morning I wake up and worry, what's gonna happen today?" Remember that one? That lyric kept going through my head all the time. That was my life in a lyric.

 

I never tried hypnosis. I should have thought of looking for that on YouTube. Great idea. I'm doing ok now, but people who are still in the thick of the battle might want to try that.

 

Do you have any url's to share, eastcoast? For YouTube vids?

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Redevan, I wont forget that you were very supportive to me early on. I found your words comforting and they turned out to be true.

 

Fear was my very worst symptom. Unrelenting, intense, irrational fear ruled me for over a year. I found that distracting myself was the only thing that helped at all. I had bad "benzo brain" back then and I struggled to even find something that would distract me. I finally settled on stringing teensy tiny beads, and that's what I did for months.

 

Sleep? Not at all for entire year. Nope, that isnt an exaggeration.  Its the real truth. What finally did help me was listening (not watching) sleep hypnosis videos on YouTube. It too about a month for the hypnotic suggestions to sink in, but once they did, those videos worked like a charm. I STILL listen to them if I cant sleep well. And they still do work.

Simple but so easy.

east

 

Those videos piss me off because I feel they're for normal people, not for benzo withdrawal. The only ones that seem to help me are Baylissas. Which ones do you recommend?

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Redevan, I wont forget that you were very supportive to me early on. I found your words comforting and they turned out to be true.

 

Fear was my very worst symptom. Unrelenting, intense, irrational fear ruled me for over a year. I found that distracting myself was the only thing that helped at all. I had bad "benzo brain" back then and I struggled to even find something that would distract me. I finally settled on stringing teensy tiny beads, and that's what I did for months.

 

Sleep? Not at all for entire year. Nope, that isnt an exaggeration.  Its the real truth. What finally did help me was listening (not watching) sleep hypnosis videos on YouTube. It too about a month for the hypnotic suggestions to sink in, but once they did, those videos worked like a charm. I STILL listen to them if I cant sleep well. And they still do work.

Simple but so easy.

east

 

Those videos piss me off because I feel they're for normal people, not for benzo withdrawal. The only ones that seem to help me are Baylissas. Which ones do you recommend?

 

Incorrect. Mind over matter has a place for everyone not suffering from depersonalizing depression.

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Yes, I don’t watch much TV, but if I do I’m very selective about the content. Anything mildly disturbing will throw me off. I stick to feel good stuff.
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Thank you redevan. Will do. Did you have many nights of two hours sleep while working?

 

I think I actually had a couple years of two or three hours of sleep at night, while I was working double shifts. Yeah, I did not feel good all day, but staying home wouldn't have helped. I couldn't sleep. I was going to be awake and anxious - but less anxious at work than at home. So that settled that. Go to work, feel bad but better than at home, and make some money for your trouble. That's what I did. Look at my signature. That's the big lesson I've learned through all this torture. Recovery is what happens when you're busy doing other things. Try to stay busy. It won't kill you. You're stronger than you know.

 

Redevan this is so encouraging. I'll take notice. Of course I'm 51 so I don't know if physically I'd survive two years like that without ending up in hospital for some physical condition, a stroke or something, and then of course in  a hospital they'd completely ruin my taper. I also have a 13 year old daughter with no support from the father or basically anyone (except a little from my mum but not much because she can't). So I feel a very very slow taper is needed for me avoiding going back into acute where I would not be capable of dealing with a serious problem if my daughter falls ill or something like that. But I'll remember your words instead of freaking out when I'm in that fear state. Or I'm freak out but remember your words anyway.

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I can't watch anything. Jeopardy sets me off. Nature shows. Anything. I just sit in a chair all day, or pace back and forth. I think that having PTSD and then going through withdrawal has set me up for a kind of double whammy of pain. Everything is triggering, and once I'm triggered the withdrawal symptoms won't let me calm down. It's a vicious vicious cycle.
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Quiet, this is quite normal for someone in benzo wd. I felt the exact same way. I used to like watching crime shows like CSI. But early in wd, I began to be super sensitive to all of the violence on TV. The thing that made me turn OFF my TV for several years was watching a news sow that showed a man abusing a kitten. That did it for me and I did not watch TV for several years. And I did not miss it at all. Benzo wd makes one super sensitive to things like this, and its always best to avoid upsetting stuff.

I am not sure where you are in benzo wd. How long ago did you get off, and how did you do it? I went CT and all hell ensued. I felt just as you do now. I didn't know how to fill the minutes and hours, so I often just paced back and forth. Back then I had to use a walker (long story on that!) but I sensed I had to  keep moving and be busy.

What really does help is distracting yourself. This can be just about anything, just something that gets your mind OFF bwd and onto something else. I strung tiny beads for weeks. Someone else on BB did coloring books. Another person slowly unraveled a sisal rope, which took weeks! I love that one. The point is to get your mind OFF benzo wd and onto something else.

Quiet, I am 69 and started this journey at 62. If I can heal, anyone can.

Please read my new Success Story. I tried to detail what I went through, because being on benzos for thirty years is an enormous disaster and it almost did kill me.

Hang on, friend. This does get better.

east

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I’m only 3 months off. I did a pretty rapid taper, couple of months, so I know there is a lot of pain waiting for me. During my taper and for a month I felt like I was walking through a wall of fire. I had to quit my job and I’m extremely depressed. I keep trying to find something to occupy my time but most everything is repellent to me. I read your success stories, you really ran the gauntlet. I worry because I know that all the problems I had before this, the ptsd, sleep issues, anxiety, depression, etc., will just be waiting for me. I wonder how people who have those issues even know when the benzo symptoms are done and their old ones take back over. I’m trying to find something to occupy my time but I find every activity repellent.
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I’m only 3 months off. I did a pretty rapid taper, couple of months, so I know there is a lot of pain waiting for me. During my taper and for a month I felt like I was walking through a wall of fire. I had to quit my job and I’m extremely depressed. I keep trying to find something to occupy my time but most everything is repellent to me. I read your success stories, you really ran the gauntlet. I worry because I know that all the problems I had before this, the ptsd, sleep issues, anxiety, depression, etc., will just be waiting for me. I wonder how people who have those issues even know when the benzo symptoms are done and their old ones take back over. I’m trying to find something to occupy my time but I find every activity repellent.

 

Don't be so gloomy. I started to get way better after 3 months. But if you are feeling depressed, consider an AD. Cymbalta and Remeron were very helpful for me.

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