memory

since I c/t my memory is horrible forgot about rent went to get it last night forgot about it until tonight went and paid it my mind is so bad I can't even remember the lords prayer on benzos there were thousands of lyrics in my brain I could remember pass words it took me from getting out of hospital May 2nd to July 12th to remember the password to my laptop and I think my mom helped me because that was the day she died I really feel my memory was better on benzos maybe because I wasn't in a depressed fog Thank You Elvis because all I can think of Is the song memories and your wonderful comeback show

your memory is definitely affected. All part of this

 

shania

kachina,

This is quite normal when one goes off benzos. Your brain is too busy healing itself right now, and memory issues are very common. As you heal, your memory will get better.

A human brain is so complicated, and our thoughts and our thinking are often hard to figure out, especially in benzo wd. Please just ride this out, because eventually you will heal and you will stat to make some sense about what has happened to you.

east

Um, Kachina, I totally relate. I forgot to pay taxes last year, apparently. The accountant sent the slips for me to mail in but my benzo withdrawal-addled brain didn't see tremor even compute what to do... so, oops. Except now I am being harassed by the IRS and even though I paid up, there is something else wrong... had to get my accountants involved.

 

Honestly, its far too much for my brain to handle right now. Memory is shot to shit!

Reinstated Ativan but I'll never be the same I'm alone and scared to death I need My Mother back but she's in heaven

Oh, kachina, I'm so sorry. I hope you start feeling better soon. I miss my mother, too, tremendously. She left us in 2007 and I miss her daily. We are so lucky to have had wonderful mothers. I believe they are watching over us.

 

I wish I could comfort you and let you know you know you aren't alone. Even though there are thousands of us in the same boat here on BB, its not the same as an in real life person to be there for you. But I am sending you my prayers for feeling better.

Reinstated Ativan but I'll never be the same I'm alone and scared to death I need My Mother back but she's in heaven

 

This brought me to tears. 

Your mother will always be with you in your heart.  Nothing can ever take that away.

She would want you to take care of yourself...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((kachina)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

That is a HUGE hug for you, ladybug. I know you are suffering and I wish I could  comfort you in person, but I cannot. There is something about benzo wd that does make one feel SO utterly alone. We don't have in person support. All we have in faceless online support.

I am quite sure you were crying as you wrote this entry. I can just feel your pain. So lost and SO alone.

kachina, I have BEEN in your shoes, 7 years ago when I went CT off benzos. I had alienated my family and most of my friends (benzo behavior did that) and so I went through wd mostly very alone. The utter fear and terror I went through almost made me reinstate, but my extreme paranoia of doctors back then prevent me from doing so.

 

Okay. Here you are. You reinstated, and that is NOT a big deal in light of what you have been through. Your plan could be to stabilize a bit and then start a taper off. You can and WILL heal from this, but it wont take away your deep sorrow over losing your Mother. ALL of us have to face this at some time. I sure did. I watched both my parents age and decline and then die. Terribly difficult.

Please just hang on. You are SO worth it.

east

I don't feel stabilized should I ask Dr. to increase dose this 1mg three times a day is what I've always been on but it's not working scared all the time so afraid I'm gonna flip out and end up in the looney bin already been 3 times I don't want to go again but I can't live with this terror so is going up to 2mg 3 times a day to much if Dr. will do it Sister says  I'm not acting right asked if I was drinking which I'm not just trying not to fall apart

My memory is soooo affected by this too!  A couple times a week I get worried that I am in early onset dementia/Alzheimer's.  I continue to deal with a plethora of things like memory.  I don't remember much of what I've done the day before, forget about any days prior to that.  I was journaling at first, because I thought that would help if I read over and over what I had journaled..  But I hit a road block early on (about 11 months ago) and I don't do anything now.  The more I was trying to exercise my memory, the worse kinds of intrusive thoughts I had to deal with, and they would go in circles 'round and 'round and the brain fog and anxiety got out of hand.  So I had to adapt to this whole process and I ended up just existing until I'm "better".  And so it's very frustrating this memory loss.