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A cold-turkey Sunday. Please, help.


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Hello,

 

First of all, I'm not a cold-turkey veteran like you guys, but will have to suffer a cold-turkey day tomorrow. From 50 mgs of lorazepam (Ativan) taken together in a state of panic as my last dosage 10 hours ago. I updated my signature like that because that was the highest tolerable dose I could tape off of. However, I messed everything up again, and I will try to stabilise and gradually taper off lorazepam, but my question is this: what am I to expect tomorrow until Monday? Will I survive?

 

See, I have money, I even have lorazepam stashed at the local package delivery office, but tomorrow is SUNDAY, so they aren't working and I couldn't get the money before that  :( On Monday, I'm also seeing my psychiatrist who will prescribe me the necessary pills. It's a total screw-up (pardon my language) the way I got myself into this trap at the end of the weekend.

 

Drugs that I have for tomorrow:

1) quetiapine (Seroquel)

2) valproate/valproic acid

3)gabapentin (Lyrica)

 

Please, I'll take any advice you give me. I'm hoping that the valproic acid might prevent any possible seizures, but am clueless about everything else. Lyrica never seemed to do anything as many times as I had tried it, but I'll give it a shot tomorrow if need be and I feel as though I'm dying...

 

I just remember the horrifying w/d symptoms from 10 years ago (heart palpitations, chest tightness, hyperactive sensitivity to sound and image, and the worst one - electrifying waves through my body). So, please, how can I prevent or at least curb some of the symptoms until Monday.

 

Thank you in advance,

BenzoMutant

 

P.S. I'm not messing with you about the dose. 50 mgs of lorazepam, hence the fear of what's going to happen tomorrow when it's 0....

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I am so sorry, my only real advice is go to the er if you get scared, is there anyone that can stay with you, just to kind of watch you?  I wish I had more ideas, hope you get some.  Mary 🍀🍀🍀
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Thanks, Mary 5588 :)

 

I appreciate the genuine concern. My mother might be at home, but she might admit me to a facility, and I've already been to one. I'd rather die if that's what's in store for me. I was doing so well until 2 weeks ago, and I was planning my first taper. :(

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Thanks, Mary 5588 :)

 

I appreciate the genuine concern. My mother might be at home, but she might admit me to a facility, and I've already been to one. I'd rather die if that's what's in store for me. I was doing so well until 2 weeks ago, and I was planning my first taper. :(

 

I'm sorry, but we can't have you having a seizure either, anymore else, think! 

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Hello,

 

First of all, I'm not a cold-turkey veteran like you guys, but will have to suffer a cold-turkey day tomorrow. From 50 mgs of lorazepam (Ativan) taken together in a state of panic as my last dosage 10 hours ago. I updated my signature like that because that was the highest tolerable dose I could tape off of. However, I messed everything up again, and I will try to stabilise and gradually taper off lorazepam, but my question is this: what am I to expect tomorrow until Monday? Will I survive?

 

See, I have money, I even have lorazepam stashed at the local package delivery office, but tomorrow is SUNDAY, so they aren't working and I couldn't get the money before that  :( On Monday, I'm also seeing my psychiatrist who will prescribe me the necessary pills. It's a total screw-up (pardon my language) the way I got myself into this trap at the end of the weekend.

 

Drugs that I have for tomorrow:

1) quetiapine (Seroquel)

2) valproate/valproic acid

3)gabapentin (Lyrica)

 

Please, I'll take any advice you give me. I'm hoping that the valproic acid might prevent any possible seizures, but am clueless about everything else. Lyrica never seemed to do anything as many times as I had tried it, but I'll give it a shot tomorrow if need be and I feel as though I'm dying...

 

I just remember the horrifying w/d symptoms from 10 years ago (heart palpitations, chest tightness, hyperactive sensitivity to sound and image, and the worst one - electrifying waves through my body). So, please, how can I prevent or at least curb some of the symptoms until Monday.

 

Thank you in advance,

BenzoMutant

 

P.S. I'm not messing with you about the dose. 50 mgs of lorazepam, hence the fear of what's going to happen tomorrow when it's 0....

 

I highly suggest that you take some of your medical paperwork that proves the amount of Ativan you’re on to a local ER or urgent care & try to get a suitable amount to last you until you can access your stashed meds. Going from 50 mg of Ativan to 0 can be fairly dangerous IMO & incredibly ill advised. Even though it can take some time (days to weeks) for the full affects of withdrawal to kick in, that jump is going to be incredibly hard on your CNS & it is very possible that you can do some very harmful damage to yourself. I really think that you would be much better off in the company of medical professionals rather than just going about this on your own. Even if you just have to hang out in the ER until you can be seen by your psychiatrist would be safer than jumping that far. I have personally gone from 12mg of alprazolam in one day to 0mg for the next week to two weeks & it was a living hell. But 50mg? And you say this was a one time dose while in panic? Have you been taking 12.5mg daily since June before this? No matter how much you have been taking or how quickly your body metabolizes the drug, with that drastic of a drop? You can potentially send your CNS into an extremely intense & severe wave of shock. I would suggest at the very least consulting with an advice nurse or nurse practitioner & seeking some sort of professional medical advice ASAP.

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Are these “brand” or Research (RC) meds, or a bit of both..??

 

Sorry, Its beyond me to speculate on the effects of a day or two of sudden abstinence, but my thoughts will be with you...

 

 

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I’m actually a little confused by ur sig. So, r u saying that u take 12.5 mg of Ativan, 3 times a day? If so, your psychiatrist prescribed you 37.5 mg of Ativan per day?
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Yes, 37.5 mg a day and I was going to taper from that. He didn't have a choice with me. It's not his fault. I updosed fairly quickly the  last few months. I put myself in detox voluntarily (back then I was on diazepam 180 mg), and the doctors discovered I had a hypermetabolic liver, so he switched me to Ativan, which is not metabolized by the liver. And it worked. Except that some external stress piled up and before I made my first cut (2.5 mg) to go down to 35 mg, I took more. That was a a couple of weeks ago. Since then I've been trying to stabilize. But yesterday I reacted with panic.

 

My psychiatrist really isn't to blame. His other patients are never on such doses, but I had to do it like this. I called him. He told me to calm down and keep taking Zyprexa, and that he'd be available in the late afternoon. The problem is whether I can get anything from a pharmacy on a Sunday. The prescription is not the problem. It's the damn day :(

 

I even have freshly arrived Ativan from a local dealer at a delivery service office, which won't open until when.... lemme guess... MONDAY. I'm yelling at myself  >:(

 

I know it's my fault. Right now it's okay. I'm just shaking a bit. That's the only symptom so far.

 

 

edit: profanity

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Yes, 37.5 mg a day and I was going to taper from that. He didn't have a choice with me. It's not his fault. I updosed fairly quickly the  last few months. I put myself in detox voluntarily (back then I was on diazepam 180 mg), and the doctors discovered I had a hypermetabolic liver, so he switched me to Ativan, which is not metabolized by the liver. And it worked. Except that some external stress piled up and before I made my first cut (2.5 mg) to go down to 35 mg, I took more. That was a a couple of weeks ago. Since then I've been trying to stabilize. But yesterday I reacted with panic.

 

My psychiatrist really isn't to blame. His other patients are never on such doses, but I had to do it like this. I called him. He told me to calm down and keep taking Zyprexa, and that he'd be available in the late afternoon. The problem is whether I can get anything from a pharmacy on a Sunday. The prescription is not the problem. It's the damn day :(

 

I even have freshly arrived Ativan from a local dealer at a delivery service office, which won't open until when.... lemme guess... MONDAY. I'm yelling at myself  >:(

 

I know it's my fault. Right now it's okay. I'm just shaking a bit. That's the only symptom so far.

 

 

edit: profanity

 

Good luck 🍀🍀🍀

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Thank you, Mary! I'm going to need it...  :(

 

I managed to sleep through the hours before the shrink. In fact, I slept better than up to now probably because the architecture of my sleep wasn't affected by the pills. However, I'm starting to have an irregular heartbeat.

 

I'll let you know how it went. I pray there will be an open pharmacy or that he might have something just to last through the night until tomorrow.

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Thank you, Mary! I'm going to need it...  :(

 

I managed to sleep through the hours before the shrink. In fact, I slept better than up to now probably because the architecture of my sleep wasn't affected by the pills. However, I'm starting to have an irregular heartbeat.

 

I'll let you know how it went. I pray there will be an open pharmacy or that he might have something just to last through the night until tomorrow.

 

Ok, keep us posted  :)

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Guys, for those are still following... The worst has happened. I really did not see this coming.

 

I had a terrible spell of withdrawal while waiting for my psychiatrist. Then it passed and I had to wait for 3 hours near a cafe before my appointment. It was mellow and manageable. Then I met with my shrink and he prescribed lorazepam (Ativan) for tomorrow, and I'll order it tomorrow, and to help me get through the night gave me 5 x 2 mg pills clonazepam (Rivotril), except that it was this generic crap that they sell here where I am, not the actual Rivotril by Roche. With Rivotril 4 mg is enough. I TOOK 10 MG and my withdrawal GOT WORSE. I'm at the end of my tethers, and have no explanation as to what happened. Either I was given a placebo or the pills were pass their expiration date.

 

Can 24-30 hours of no benzos induce such a state? It's not like it was a week or something, so that we consider this reinstatement. For pete's sake, how can it get worse? I dunno if I'll be able to manage it till tomorrow, and can only hope the lorazepam will fix this.  :'( I'm really sorry that I'm complaining. It's been an hour since I took it, maybe sometimes it stays longer in the stomach before it's absorbed. I just ate some ice-cream with lots of milk (milk always amplified the effects of benzos for me, maybe for others as well).

 

Well, that's it. Another nightmarish night might be in store for me. Had I known this would have happened, I would never had disposed of the Rivotril I had a month ago. That's right, I was so angry at myself for constantly failing at every corner that I desperately threw away about 15 pills of Roche's Rivotril in the garbage bin. I'm a total disappointment today.

 

I want to extend my gratitude to Mary5588, who's been really supportive of me today. Thank you!

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Guys, for those are still following... The worst has happened. I really did not see this coming.

 

I had a terrible spell of withdrawal while waiting for my psychiatrist. Then it passed and I had to wait for 3 hours near a cafe before my appointment. It was mellow and manageable. Then I met with my shrink and he prescribed lorazepam (Ativan) for tomorrow, and I'll order it tomorrow, and to help me get through the night gave me 5 x 2 mg pills clonazepam (Rivotril), except that it was this generic crap that they sell here where I am, not the actual Rivotril by Roche. With Rivotril 4 mg is enough. I TOOK 10 MG and my withdrawal GOT WORSE. I'm at the end of my tethers, and have no explanation as to what happened. Either I was given a placebo or the pills were pass their expiration date.

 

Can 24-30 hours of no benzos induce such a state? It's not like it was a week or something, so that we consider this reinstatement. For pete's sake, how can it get worse? I dunno if I'll be able to manage it till tomorrow, and can only hope the lorazepam will fix this.  :'( I'm really sorry that I'm complaining. It's been an hour since I took it, maybe sometimes it stays longer in the stomach before it's absorbed. I just ate some ice-cream with lots of milk (milk always amplified the effects of benzos for me, maybe for others as well).

 

Well, that's it. Another nightmarish night might be in store for me. Had I known this would have happened, I would never had disposed of the Rivotril I had a month ago. That's right, I was so angry at myself for constantly failing at every corner that I desperately threw away about 15 pills of Roche's Rivotril in the garbage bin. I'm a total disappointment today.

 

I want to extend my gratitude to Mary5588, who's been really supportive of me today. Thank you!

 

You are welcome, I just wish there was something I could to.  Sending you lots of healing thoughts

🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

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Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I'm extremely emotional right now, so I'm blabbing cliches. I think the pills kicked in, but the exhaustion right took its toll on me. Plus, clonazepam is the most destabilizing of all benzos. I can't stop crying. But I'll stop. I have to.
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I have also taken crazy amounts through out life. You should be ok. Even with a short half life you will still have plenty of ativan in your system to tide you over til tommorow. If I were you i would make a huge cut to taper from besides the insanely high dose you are on. Else wise you will be tapering for a long time and make it worse because of your length of time using. Good luck.
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Thanks for the concern, Windwalker.

 

The clonazepam kicked in with a delay of one and a half hour and it was insanely destabilizing. Tomorrow I hope to stabilize on Ativan. I was stupid to take 10 mg at once. I underestimated the toll of 30 hours of cold-turkey could have on my brain. Now I'm up for another fluctuation until tomorrow. It was just so weird that the first 4 mg didn't work at all.

 

I was going to disagree with you, but maybe you know what you're talking about (in regards to the Ativan staying in my system). It's just the withdrawal symptoms felt as though there was no benzo in my system at all - heart palpitations, derealization and panic/anxiety. Maybe that's what I get from such high doses.

 

If there's one thing I learnt today, and once I get back in shape so I can contribute and help other users (following the rules and guidelines I have tried to memorise by heart this time), is that fluctuations in benzo recovery are a killer and can make you go crazy.

 

Sorry for the alarm, I just panicked. This should be added as a mental note - abrupt cessation of benzo even for one day may cause everything in the brain go haywire, so that when you take a dose (I'm sure my brain must have already downregulated some of the GABAergic receptors, but I just didn't time it right) after that it may not work immediately. It's either cold-turkey all the way or by tapering safely as most users have experienced both here.

 

Thanks for all the support!  :)

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Finally, some peace!

 

I managed to get my lorazepam from the delivery office and immediately took 25 mg, which finally extinguished all withdrawal symptoms. I'm starting to suspect lorazepam acts on specific GABA subunits that other benzos don't, hence the withdrawal last night that clonazepam couldn't fully fix, but just destabilised me even more. I feel fully functional now (ready to work, read, etc) and, believe it or not, I can withstand that dose. It is my default dose now. Tomorrow I have to begin tapering immediately though. I also managed to cash in my prescription, so I'm load and stock with lorazepam that should last for 3-4 weeks provided I go back to to 37.5 mg a day and begin tapering every week by 2.5 mg until I reach 25 mg or 22.5, then start tapering by 1.5 mg until I get to cuts with 1 mg, etc.

 

What I learnt from my own experience (I know with benzos it's strictly individual): I've come to the conclusion that lorazepam (Ativan) is the cleanest and purest benzo with the least side effects and unlike clonazepam and diazepam, it doesn't make me emotionally unstable. It just puts the breaks on withdrawal. Right now I'm reminded of some users on the forum who actually had quite a different experience with Ativan, so maybe that discovery is strictly applicable to my brain chemistry.

 

I want to thank everyone for the support! The two days of HELL are over, and I don't wish that to befall anyone, not even my worst enemy.

 

You cold-turkey guys, I don't know how you survived. You deserve a medal of fortitude and god-like stamina.

 

Thanks, Mary5588 and thanks, easydoesit45! I wish there was a bow emoticon (lol) to express how much worse it could've been without your words the last 2 days.

 

And now, I have to be serious about doing it the right way.

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All these insane amounts of BZD act paradoxically. And you achieve the effect opposite to the one expected.

 

Okay, so you took 50 mg of lorazepam on Sat. Which equals 500 mg of diazepam. Well, well. My highest dose was 700 mg, I think. I didn't want to OD. I was trying to go back on an SSRI. Had a terrible anxiety. And couldn't fall asleep.

 

I used to take up to 200 mg of diazepam (in the form of a combo of Valium and Ambien), when I was trying to get off Seroquel for sleep. Ended up in psych ward for 8 days, as an allegedly "suicidal" case. Which I wasn't. Psych ward is no fun at all.

 

They CTed my Ambien, which at the time could equal 100 mg a night (50 mg diazepam). They left me with 40 mg diazepam for a start (4 mg lorazepam). I got out on 20 mg diazepam (2 mg lorazepam) for sleep only. Not a single seizure during all that time. I refused the anticonvulsants. But I have a high seizure threshold.

 

Had to increase the diazepam to 40 mg (equivalent of 4 mg lorazepam) and taper from that amount. Didn't touch zolpidem (Ambien) after the hospital, although had a stash at home. Mixing benzos is nonsense.

 

Lorazepam's half-life is of 10-20 hours. All this talk about a very quick metabolism seems a bit far-fetched to me. You talk about all this BZD poison as though it were what? Oxygen? Water?

 

The only interesting thing here. Is what feelings did you experience when you took those 500 mg diazepam (50 mg lorazepam). What made you so self-destructive. The rest is secondary.  The numbers just don't impress me anymore.

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Dear Estee,

 

I also voluntarily committed myself to a psych ward/treatment center (if you could call it that) in February. I came out after a rapid detox with 50 mg diazepam per day as per recommendation by the doctors, even though I tried to reason with them not to lower it from 60 mg (when I entered my dose was around 200 mg), and that was a week-long detox. I just knew I wouldn't make it that fast, and I was right. Subsequently, I upped to 80 mg, then back to Rivotril, etc. I stop here, as you said the numbers don't impress you.

 

I took the 50 mg last Saturday in a state of panic because I had nothing left and taking 5 mg even 4 times a day DID NOTHING. Also, I'm prone to self-destructive behaviour, and when I'm sober-minded (like right now), I don't perceive hostility coming from everywhere. But usually I feel totally abandoned and alone, and have a long history of abuse from random people who mind-fucked (pardon my language) with me.

 

When I took the 50 mg I felt despair at the prospect of what was going to happen the very next day.

 

Today when I took the 25 mg, I felt NORMAL. Not euphoric, not high, just normal and back to my real self. The best way to describe it is as though my identity came back (while before it was in limbo). I know you're trying to help, but I'm planning to take another 25 mg this late afternoon (I think I know my brain and body better than anyone now; I feel absolutely functional now), so I can achieve my goals tomorrow: quitting smoking (which immediately lowers my threshold), and stabilizing on 3 doses of 12.5 mg during the day. Then I'll make my first cut on the 29th of July and proceed with a smooth taper every Monday. I can tolerate one week cuts.

 

It may seem a bit far-fetched to you, but trust me, 4 doctors examined me. And, yes, lorazepam's half-life is longer for me than diazepam because it bypasses the liver. It's my liver that metabolizes the benzos so fast, while lorazepam is excreted directly through the kidneys without any metabolites.

 

In general, I'm self-destructive when I feel like I lose total control over my life. There are days, even weeks, when I'm in full control at almost every aspect of it, and then BAM - someone or somebody hurts me and I wasn't vigilant (if I had been, maybe I wouldn't have taken it to heart), and I numb the pain with the opposite - total chaos and lack of control. I may even slip into a depression.

 

Thanks for asking!  :)

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Finally, some peace!

 

I managed to get my lorazepam from the delivery office and immediately took 25 mg, which finally extinguished all withdrawal symptoms. I'm starting to suspect lorazepam acts on specific GABA subunits that other benzos don't, hence the withdrawal last night that clonazepam couldn't fully fix, but just destabilised me even more. I feel fully functional now (ready to work, read, etc) and, believe it or not, I can withstand that dose. It is my default dose now. Tomorrow I have to begin tapering immediately though. I also managed to cash in my prescription, so I'm load and stock with lorazepam that should last for 3-4 weeks provided I go back to to 37.5 mg a day and begin tapering every week by 2.5 mg until I reach 25 mg or 22.5, then start tapering by 1.5 mg until I get to cuts with 1 mg, etc.

 

What I learnt from my own experience (I know with benzos it's strictly individual): I've come to the conclusion that lorazepam (Ativan) is the cleanest and purest benzo with the least side effects and unlike clonazepam and diazepam, it doesn't make me emotionally unstable. It just puts the breaks on withdrawal. Right now I'm reminded of some users on the forum who actually had quite a different experience with Ativan, so maybe that discovery is strictly applicable to my brain chemistry.

 

I want to thank everyone for the support! The two days of HELL are over, and I don't wish that to befall anyone, not even my worst enemy.

 

You cold-turkey guys, I don't know how you survived. You deserve a medal of fortitude and god-like stamina.

 

Thanks, Mary5588 and thanks, easydoesit45! I wish there was a bow emoticon (lol) to express how much worse it could've been without your words the last 2 days.

 

And now, I have to be serious about doing it the right way.

 

So glad you are okay, BenzoMutant :D.  No scaring us like that again!! :smitten: :smitten:

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Thanks, Mary5588. I don't even deserve your support, but thank you...

 

Somebody, I won't mention any names, said it's not about us, it about others, and that hit me hard.  Judgement free zone....we do better when we know better  ;)

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