Horrible wave of insomnia

Back when I cut my main medication (topamax) I was fast tapered and I had severe insomnia. I was up with night of no sleep. I dont mean nights with 2-4 hours of sleep or 4-5 hours of sleep. I had weeks of zero sleep, I thought i would die. I had several patches of time with zero sleep and the longest was 9 days.

 

But after that it started getting better gradually. And by late spring I started sleeping 4-5 hours a night. But in june when I finished my xanax taper I had a bout of insomnia and I just figured it was from jumping from the xanax but it seems to be getting worse.

 

last saturday night I slept the best i had ever slept. It was like 7-8 hours of good sleep so the next evening I cut my topamax by less than 1 percent and this week i have paid for it. I have not slept more than 1 or 2 hours a night for 4 nights and this is with taking seroquel. It feels like someone has pulled the top of my skull off and stuck a flare in it.

 

Could this be a wave from last fall's  fast taper or the result of jumping from the xanax? Any opinions would be appreciated. Thanks

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

Ocean,

 

This just happens sometimes. It's easy to spend hours agonizing about what the causes are but there's a certain arbitrary nature to wd. Waves and windows rise, crest and fall in our lives just like they do in the ocean. The only thing we know for certain is that they're temporary. My guess is that all of this is just a natural wave that will pass on its own. Try not to stress so much about the topamax taper and just stick with your plan. Your sleep will rise, crest, and fall. It's a great sign that you were able to sleep 7-8 hours that one night. I understand how awful the zero nights are and they can leave you feeling traumatized and fearful it will happen again. Try to declaw that monster by telling yourself that even though you don't like zero (or very short or microsleep only) sleep nights, you will come through them and they will pass. Just like the words from Dune: "Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me." Let your fear of insomnia pass over and through you rather than setting a nice table for it and making it lunch.

 

MT

Ocean,

 

This just happens sometimes. It's easy to spend hours agonizing about what the causes are but there's a certain arbitrary nature to wd. Waves and windows rise, crest and fall in our lives just like they do in the ocean. The only thing we know for certain is that they're temporary. My guess is that all of this is just a natural wave that will pass on its own. Try not to stress so much about the topamax taper and just stick with your plan. Your sleep will rise, crest, and fall. It's a great sign that you were able to sleep 7-8 hours that one night. I understand how awful the zero nights are and they can leave you feeling traumatized and fearful it will happen again. Try to declaw that monster by telling yourself that even though you don't like zero (or very short or microsleep only) sleep nights, you will come through them and they will pass. Just like the words from Dune: "Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me." Let your fear of insomnia pass over and through you rather than setting a nice table for it and making it lunch.

 

MT

 

Thank you, this was very useful. I have nights of zero sleep too. Do people work having slept nothing for days?

Valiumnomore,

 

Yep, people keep working without sleep. I never would have thought it possible and prior to wd I would have called in sick or something. I learned to go to work and just grit my teeth and bear it. I had a lot of days I felt like I was "white knuckling" it, just surviving. Fortunately, because of my CFS, I only work part-time anyway but I did lower my expectations of how much I would get done during wd and reduced my workload a bit. I didn't take on as challenging of work whenever I could control it. I was quieter more since I had less trust of what was going to come out of my mouth. There are many, many BB who've worked with high power careers and little or no sleep so trust that it can be done.

Valiumnomore,

 

Yep, people keep working without sleep. I never would have thought it possible and prior to wd I would have called in sick or something. I learned to go to work and just grit my teeth and bear it. I had a lot of days I felt like I was "white knuckling" it, just surviving. Fortunately, because of my CFS, I only work part-time anyway but I did lower my expectations of how much I would get done during wd and reduced my workload a bit. I didn't take on as challenging of work whenever I could control it. I was quieter more since I had less trust of what was going to come out of my mouth. There are many, many BB who've worked with high power careers and little or no sleep so trust that it can be done.

 

MTFAN thank you so much for this answer. It makes me less fearful of insomnia and how it will affect my life. My mother is a nurse and she says you can't live with one hour sleep. It's true it's not every night but when it happens for a couple nights I think it'll be every night and I get very scared. I work teaching English to adults in one to one classes, so keeping my mouth shut is impossible. I wish when I was laid off from the bank, that I had chosen translations instead of teaching. I could totally do translations in this state, but teaching... I'm afraid I'll do something weird or aggressive after no sleep. You seem to have come off of a LOT of meds. Congrats for your hard earned freedom.

Valiumnomore,

 

I was taught in nursing school and in my psych training that this kind of sleep deprivation would kill you. So very wrong. It just makes it very difficult to concentrate and manage your emotions so your performance won't be your best. There's such a thing as "good enough parenting" and that's what I would strive for at work: to do "good enough" or "do no harm." It wasn't great but often I found I had more empathy than usual...except for people who complained about how awful their sleep was when they were getting 6-7 hours:-0

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

Ocean,

 

This just happens sometimes. It's easy to spend hours agonizing about what the causes are but there's a certain arbitrary nature to wd. Waves and windows rise, crest and fall in our lives just like they do in the ocean. The only thing we know for certain is that they're temporary. My guess is that all of this is just a natural wave that will pass on its own. Try not to stress so much about the topamax taper and just stick with your plan. Your sleep will rise, crest, and fall. It's a great sign that you were able to sleep 7-8 hours that one night. I understand how awful the zero nights are and they can leave you feeling traumatized and fearful it will happen again. Try to declaw that monster by telling yourself that even though you don't like zero (or very short or microsleep only) sleep nights, you will come through them and they will pass. Just like the words from Dune: "Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me." Let your fear of insomnia pass over and through you rather than setting a nice table for it and making it lunch.

 

MT

 

Sorry I havnt been bak to the thread, this hasnt been a good week. I'm on like day 6 of this insomnia. The night before I got some sleep only because I took some seroquel but last night I didnt take anything  and I was up all night with zero sleep.

 

I am trying not succumb to fear but its hard after a week with no sleep. I dealt with this last year and when almost 2 weeks with only 1 night of sleep. I thought i was thru the worst of it and now I am right back in it. 

 

I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I am wonder if there are others who have multiple nights with zero sleep. I read where people have a few hours a night or a couple hours here and there but I dont recall people saying they have multiple with zero. And to be clear I dont want anyone else to have zero sleep but it does help to put the mind at ease when going thru this.

 

Thanks again for replying.

Ocean,

 

This just happens sometimes. It's easy to spend hours agonizing about what the causes are but there's a certain arbitrary nature to wd. Waves and windows rise, crest and fall in our lives just like they do in the ocean. The only thing we know for certain is that they're temporary. My guess is that all of this is just a natural wave that will pass on its own. Try not to stress so much about the topamax taper and just stick with your plan. Your sleep will rise, crest, and fall. It's a great sign that you were able to sleep 7-8 hours that one night. I understand how awful the zero nights are and they can leave you feeling traumatized and fearful it will happen again. Try to declaw that monster by telling yourself that even though you don't like zero (or very short or microsleep only) sleep nights, you will come through them and they will pass. Just like the words from Dune: "Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me." Let your fear of insomnia pass over and through you rather than setting a nice table for it and making it lunch.

 

MT

 

Thank you, this was very useful. I have nights of zero sleep too. Do people work having slept nothing for days?

 

Are you having multiple nights of zero sleep or are you able to catch up the night after a zero hour night? Mine will go for days with zero sleep and like now I dont know if I'm coming or going.

 

I hope you get some rest soon and your insomnia stops raging. Good luck and and I hope you heal soon.

MTfan had insane insomnia. Here is her success story http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=219611.0

I’ve been in the thick of it the past 4 weeks, although without any zero nights. I was sleeping 4-6 hours most nights, sometimes more, occasionally less, and then had a bad setback on the 5th. Now I’m sleeping 1.5-2.5 hours a night. The insomnia that these drugs can cause is unreal. I didn’t even know it was possible to sleep so poorly before my withdrawal began.

MTfan had insane insomnia. Here is her success story http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=219611.0

I’ve been in the thick of it the past 4 weeks, although without any zero nights. I was sleeping 4-6 hours most nights, sometimes more, occasionally less, and then had a bad setback on the 5th. Now I’m sleeping 1.5-2.5 hours a night. The insomnia that these drugs can cause is unreal. I didn’t even know it was possible to sleep so poorly before my withdrawal began.

 

I appreciate it. When I had to go thru this last fall it was bad enough but it was at the beginning of my WD and I wasnt so worn out from all of this. Now when I have to go thru the insomnia its harder to go thru since I have been dealing with WD for around a year now. This just wears you down.

 

I never knew that a person could have such horrible sleep either. I mean I try to stay positive and I never want to sound negative because I dont want someone else to read one of my posts and lose hope but this insomnia can really mess with your mind.

 

I hope it gets better for you and you start getting the sleep you need. Good luck.

Valiumnomore,

 

I was taught in nursing school and in my psych training that this kind of sleep deprivation would kill you. So very wrong. It just makes it very difficult to concentrate and manage your emotions so your performance won't be your best. There's such a thing as "good enough parenting" and that's what I would strive for at work: to do "good enough" or "do no harm." It wasn't great but often I found I had more empathy than usual...except for people who complained about how awful their sleep was when they were getting 6-7 hours:-0

 

MTfan sorry for not answering before. I hadn't seen this till today and it is SO encouraging 

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

 

HI Ocean! Our cases are different. I had to updose because it wasn't the sleep only. My posts of a month ago can tell you how was. Then I added trazodone AND gabapentin and still wasn't sleeping. Finally a week ago after all that I'm sleeping most nights and I regret nothing. Of course you're not going back on benzos. Maybe after a while it will get better like MT said?

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

 

HI Ocean! Our cases are different. I had to updose because it wasn't the sleep only. My posts of a month ago can tell you how was. Then I added trazodone AND gabapentin and still wasn't sleeping. Finally a week ago after all that I'm sleeping most nights and I regret nothing. Of course you're not going back on benzos. Maybe after a while it will get better like MT said?

 

I hope it does get better. But I have a taper to finish I hope its not this bad the whole way every time i cut.

 

Im glad you are sleeping now. Its amazing how wonderful a night of sleep feels after a round of extended insomnia. I'm glad you are healing.

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

 

HI Ocean! Our cases are different. I had to updose because it wasn't the sleep only. My posts of a month ago can tell you how was. Then I added trazodone AND gabapentin and still wasn't sleeping. Finally a week ago after all that I'm sleeping most nights and I regret nothing. Of course you're not going back on benzos. Maybe after a while it will get better like MT said?

 

I hope it does get better. But I have a taper to finish I hope its not this bad the whole way every time i cut.

 

Im glad you are sleeping now. Its amazing how wonderful a night of sleep feels after a round of extended insomnia. I'm glad you are healing.

 

Have you tried all the OTC stuff like benadryl? Trazodone does help. Of course it's another med to taper but I'm hoping not nearly as bad as benzos. Can you hold your taper until sleep improves? That's what they do in the long hold support group.

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

 

HI Ocean! Our cases are different. I had to updose because it wasn't the sleep only. My posts of a month ago can tell you how was. Then I added trazodone AND gabapentin and still wasn't sleeping. Finally a week ago after all that I'm sleeping most nights and I regret nothing. Of course you're not going back on benzos. Maybe after a while it will get better like MT said?

 

I hope it does get better. But I have a taper to finish I hope its not this bad the whole way every time i cut.

 

Im glad you are sleeping now. Its amazing how wonderful a night of sleep feels after a round of extended insomnia. I'm glad you are healing.

 

Have you tried all the OTC stuff like benadryl? Trazodone does help. Of course it's another med to taper but I'm hoping not nearly as bad as benzos. Can you hold your taper until sleep improves? That's what they do in the long hold support group.

 

I havnt taken benadryl in a while. When  i was going thru the insomnia back in nov I tried benadryl. I remember one night I took benadryl, trazodone and hydro--something other another all at once to get to sleep. It did not touch the insomnia. As time went on i didnt need to take all that to be put to sleep.

 

Actually last night I got some sleep. I'm hoping the insomnia will ease up a little and let me get a little sleep. These zero sleep nightts were killing me. 

Did Topamax help you sleep?

 

Why did you have to taper it?

 

I was on topamax for epilepsy although I had very few seizures when the doctors put me on it. I was kinda thrown on it when I was young and the doctors never wanted to get me off.

 

I tapered it because I have been on it so long and I think i was starting to have problems with it,.

 

HI Ocean! Our cases are different. I had to updose because it wasn't the sleep only. My posts of a month ago can tell you how was. Then I added trazodone AND gabapentin and still wasn't sleeping. Finally a week ago after all that I'm sleeping most nights and I regret nothing. Of course you're not going back on benzos. Maybe after a while it will get better like MT said?

 

I hope it does get better. But I have a taper to finish I hope its not this bad the whole way every time i cut.

 

Im glad you are sleeping now. Its amazing how wonderful a night of sleep feels after a round of extended insomnia. I'm glad you are healing.

 

Have you tried all the OTC stuff like benadryl? Trazodone does help. Of course it's another med to taper but I'm hoping not nearly as bad as benzos. Can you hold your taper until sleep improves? That's what they do in the long hold support group.

 

I havnt taken benadryl in a while. When  i was going thru the insomnia back in nov I tried benadryl. I remember one night I took benadryl, trazodone and hydro--something other another all at once to get to sleep. It did not touch the insomnia. As time went on i didnt need to take all that to be put to sleep.

 

Actually last night I got some sleep. I'm hoping the insomnia will ease up a little and let me get a little sleep. These zero sleep nightts were killing me.

 

I'm so glad you slept last night? I didn't say I'm healing, as I have these new drugs and the updose  . I did say I'm sleeping more, which is welcome because I was going crazy.

Sorry. To me sleep is part of healing. That's all i meant.  But I am glad that you are sleeping which will maybe lead to the healing. Not sleeping is beyond miserable and it takes so much from you.

 

Well, I hope you heal soon, how's that :] And i hope you continue with the improved sleep.

 

maybe you will improve enough to be able to get off the trazodone and gabapentin and it wont be that hard. I'm not sure what the circumstances were for getting on them but I understand having to take other medications. I hope you are able to make them short term medications.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

Sorry. To me sleep is part of healing. That's all i meant.  But I am glad that you are sleeping which will maybe lead to the healing. Not sleeping is beyond miserable and it takes so much from you.

 

Well, I hope you heal soon, how's that :] And i hope you continue with the improved sleep.

 

maybe you will improve enough to be able to get off the trazodone and gabapentin and it wont be that hard. I'm not sure what the circumstances were for getting on them but I understand having to take other medications. I hope you are able to make them short term medications.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Ocean. I'm so happy you slept last night! You're dose of xanax is actually close to my dose of Valium. Are you still on Topamax? Don't know what that is. I'm planning to finish the benzo taper before getting rid of the gaba and trazodone. I'm honestly doubting if this is possible because I updosed and still feel so bad and it was a big updose. But I'll do everything in my power and ask God to help me and you too.

Sorry. To me sleep is part of healing. That's all i meant.  But I am glad that you are sleeping which will maybe lead to the healing. Not sleeping is beyond miserable and it takes so much from you.

 

Well, I hope you heal soon, how's that :] And i hope you continue with the improved sleep.

 

maybe you will improve enough to be able to get off the trazodone and gabapentin and it wont be that hard. I'm not sure what the circumstances were for getting on them but I understand having to take other medications. I hope you are able to make them short term medications.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Ocean. I'm so happy you slept last night! You're dose of xanax is actually close to my dose of Valium. Are you still on Topamax? Don't know what that is. I'm planning to finish the benzo taper before getting rid of the gaba and trazodone. I'm honestly doubting if this is possible because I updosed and still feel so bad and it was a big updose. But I'll do everything in my power and ask God to help me and you too.

 

Actually I jumped from xanax back in June. I started having a few problems after that. And some of the insomnia problems started then. But I think most of my problem is the topamax -- yeah Im still on it but  i am off about 80 percent of it. The problem is that even small cuts are causing huge problems. So this taper might take a while. Or I just might rip the band-aid off one day.

 

Like you I finished the benzo before I started tapering the topamax again. Hopefully your gaba and trazodone will go well and wont be that stressfull. Maybe you will stabalize after the updose and that will give you a break and a chance to rest. I know that rest is the one thing we all need.

 

I appreciate you saying that you would pray for me. I will also pray for you. I hope you get well and your tapers go well.

 

Good luck.

Sorry. To me sleep is part of healing. That's all i meant.  But I am glad that you are sleeping which will maybe lead to the healing. Not sleeping is beyond miserable and it takes so much from you.

 

Well, I hope you heal soon, how's that :] And i hope you continue with the improved sleep.

 

maybe you will improve enough to be able to get off the trazodone and gabapentin and it wont be that hard. I'm not sure what the circumstances were for getting on them but I understand having to take other medications. I hope you are able to make them short term medications.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Ocean. I'm so happy you slept last night! You're dose of xanax is actually close to my dose of Valium. Are you still on Topamax? Don't know what that is. I'm planning to finish the benzo taper before getting rid of the gaba and trazodone. I'm honestly doubting if this is possible because I updosed and still feel so bad and it was a big updose. But I'll do everything in my power and ask God to help me and you too.

 

Actually I jumped from xanax back in June. I started having a few problems after that. And some of the insomnia problems started then. But I think most of my problem is the topamax -- yeah Im still on it but  i am off about 80 percent of it. The problem is that even small cuts are causing huge problems. So this taper might take a while. Or I just might rip the band-aid off one day.

 

Like you I finished the benzo before I started tapering the topamax again. Hopefully your gaba and trazodone will go well and wont be that stressfull. Maybe you will stabalize after the updose and that will give you a break and a chance to rest. I know that rest is the one thing we all need.

 

I appreciate you saying that you would pray for me. I will also pray for you. I hope you get well and your tapers go well.

 

Good luck.

 

Hi Ocean! Thanks for your prayers <3

 

Why don't you hold the topamax until you're well out of the benzo wds? You've tapered quite fast. Congratulations for being off. It's totally normal you have insomnia after that taper. I'd hold the other drug until you're feeling better, but that's just me.

Sorry. To me sleep is part of healing. That's all i meant.  But I am glad that you are sleeping which will maybe lead to the healing. Not sleeping is beyond miserable and it takes so much from you.

 

Well, I hope you heal soon, how's that :] And i hope you continue with the improved sleep.

 

maybe you will improve enough to be able to get off the trazodone and gabapentin and it wont be that hard. I'm not sure what the circumstances were for getting on them but I understand having to take other medications. I hope you are able to make them short term medications.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Ocean. I'm so happy you slept last night! You're dose of xanax is actually close to my dose of Valium. Are you still on Topamax? Don't know what that is. I'm planning to finish the benzo taper before getting rid of the gaba and trazodone. I'm honestly doubting if this is possible because I updosed and still feel so bad and it was a big updose. But I'll do everything in my power and ask God to help me and you too.

 

Actually I jumped from xanax back in June. I started having a few problems after that. And some of the insomnia problems started then. But I think most of my problem is the topamax -- yeah Im still on it but  i am off about 80 percent of it. The problem is that even small cuts are causing huge problems. So this taper might take a while. Or I just might rip the band-aid off one day.

 

Like you I finished the benzo before I started tapering the topamax again. Hopefully your gaba and trazodone will go well and wont be that stressfull. Maybe you will stabalize after the updose and that will give you a break and a chance to rest. I know that rest is the one thing we all need.

 

I appreciate you saying that you would pray for me. I will also pray for you. I hope you get well and your tapers go well.

 

Good luck.

 

Hi Ocean! Thanks for your prayers <3

 

Why don't you hold the topamax until you're well out of the benzo wds? You've tapered quite fast. Congratulations for being off. It's totally normal you have insomnia after that taper. I'd hold the other drug until you're feeling better, but that's just me.

 

yeah thats what im doing now is holding. I have to take a break for a while and get some rest. I appreciate your words, I'm hoping its normal from the benzos, if not this will  be a long miserable taper.

 

I appreciate it. I hope you heal soon as well. Have a great weekend!

 

 

Can we bump this thread? How are we doing fellow insomniacs? I was sleeping much better but tonight here I am. 4 am here and I haven't had one second shut eye. It's the fear stopping me from sleeping.

I’ve been on vacation for almost two weeks and have been sleeping a little better. I’ve been getting 3-4 hours one night and then 1.5-2 hours the next mostly. Still not good, but it’s a slight improvement. I really hope I don’t regress when I resume my normal life. Hang in there! Don’t let one bad night discourage you and make you forget about the better nights.