Author Topic: Fear of death or of going insane  (Read 756 times)

[Buddie]

Fear of death or of going insane
« on: July 17, 2019, 01:57:38 am »
Does anybody else suffer from a phobia about dying? I have a severe fear of traumatic death. Not really of cancer or long term illness, but of sudden, tragic incidents. Mainly heart attack, stroke, or aneurysm. It developed during my first panic attack in 2012. I was completely fine and suddenly believed I was dying. It's gotten worse since then. I've been to the ER countless times thinking I was having a stroke or heart attack. I also have a huge fear of losing my memory or losing my mind. I had ECT between 2012-2014 which greatly affected me memory, and of course benzos did as well, though I didn't know it was them until this year.

Withdrawal has greatly exacerbated these phobias. I am physically sick, I'm mentally sick, and I'm really forgetful. I'm terrified something is deadly wrong with my brain. I'm so detached, don't feel normal, feel very strange. Some normal tasks feel disconnected, if that makes any sense. I can barely eat. The Seroquel makes me so drugged that I feel paralyzed in my sleep and now I'm convinced I'll die in my sleep. I don't know how to accept that I'm going to be ok. I've had countless perfect blood tests, EKG's, and checkups. The nuerologist today didn't seem worried but I'm still convinced something is seriously wrong with my brain. :(
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[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2019, 01:06:03 am »
Hi there,
I can relate to you in some ways, with regards to feeling like I could be going insane and what not.
Not sure if this will be of any comfort, but I can say that I have been to drs just like you, where they have performed countless tests and were not able to find anything wrong with me....even though I was convinced that there was. For me, I noticed these fears of having something seriously wrong with me did get better with time. The positive way to look at this is that the neurologist didn't seem to be too worried. Withdrawal can often times make some people feel this way, you really are not alone even though it may feel that way sometimes.

[...] of luck to you and I truly believe things will get better with time,
-Mark
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2019, 02:51:36 am »
There is a link I saw at the lower end of a signature of a member here that I think was begood.  Pretty sure it's at the bottom of begood's  signature called "breathe "

Excellent exercise that takes you through doing proper rate of breathing for improving one's state of mind slightly.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2019, 07:23:27 am »
[...],

My phobias are different from yours, but I know how you feel. It's awful, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand the terror and feeling broken and so hopeless.

You are right that the phobias are made hugely worse by withdrawal. You've ruled out medical issues, so you can be sure that you truly are safe. Your brain is fine -- it is just struggling to heal. What you are experiencing is withdrawal, almost a form of intrusive thoughts + health anxiety. You are definitely not going insane and there's nothing wrong with your brain.

I'd just like to mention that Seroquel might be adding greatly to your feelings of disconnect and confusion. It is known to do that. It's something to take into consideration.

As Mark says, you're not alone, and you will heal from this.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2019, 07:55:32 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2019, 01:24:22 am »
Thank you. I'm only on 25mg of Seroquel for sleep and hope to get off of that as soon as I'm able to. I've been taking Benadryl to help myself get tired, as well. I was using CBD but I think it was making me more detached so I quit that a few days ago. Just wishing I could get over my fear of dying. It rules my entire life. It's making withdrawal 1000 times worse.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2019, 04:32:21 pm »
I, too, suffer from health anxiety, fear of dying.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in 2003.
In 2014, I had my first panic attack and thought I was dying ... right then and there.
The fears and thoughts are always there (stroke, heart attack, aneurysm).

Currently, from what I hope is WD, I have neck discomfort.  I have reached out and others on BB say
it's common in WD.  I remember it starting in February - it's now July.  I am certain it is major -
throat cancer.  My fears and thoughts exhaust me.

I had a panic attack last night and was sure it was the end for me.  Seemed like it lasted hours.
Better this morning.
I explained to my husband... in the past, when I would get those thoughts, I would take a Xanax (makes sense, right?). NOW, when the thoughts arise, my mind + body is saying, "GIVE ME THE XANAX!".  While my current/ WD body and thoughts are saying, "NO WAY - No Xanax for this girl". It's like a battle.  It's WD. 

I can certainly relate and hope that you find relief.

Be well.
-Believe.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2019, 12:58:36 pm »
I get this completely. I have some reason to worry, as my mom had early onset dementia. That said, I was fooled by withdrawal the last time when I got to lower doses (would try to remember a name and then immediately forget it). The constant head and ear pressure, which has come back again (at the same dosage) doesn't help. One thing to keep in mind is that there is something seriously wrong with your brain, but it is probably temporary. Adjustment back to homeostasis is hard for a lot of us. Also, the things we might fear about our brains typically get progressively worse and oftentimes we can say to ourselves, well, it doesn't seem to be getting worse. That said, I understand the health anxiety and, remember, anxiety forms a powerful mental block on its own, it's designed to do that (fight or flight .... don't think). I think there is some relief in living in the moment, but it is hard to find when your moments are always bringing something new to you or make you feel physically uncomfortable.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2019, 04:24:53 pm »
Yes, I do suffer from this too.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2019, 07:23:18 am »
Does anybody else suffer from a phobia about dying? I have a severe fear of traumatic death. Not really of cancer or long term illness, but of sudden, tragic incidents. Mainly heart attack, stroke, or aneurysm. It developed during my first panic attack in 2012. I was completely fine and suddenly believed I was dying. It's gotten worse since then. I've been to the ER countless times thinking I was having a stroke or heart attack. I also have a huge fear of losing my memory or losing my mind. I had ECT between 2012-2014 which greatly affected me memory, and of course benzos did as well, though I didn't know it was them until this year.

Withdrawal has greatly exacerbated these phobias. I am physically sick, I'm mentally sick, and I'm really forgetful. I'm terrified something is deadly wrong with my brain. I'm so detached, don't feel normal, feel very strange. Some normal tasks feel disconnected, if that makes any sense. I can barely eat. The Seroquel makes me so drugged that I feel paralyzed in my sleep and now I'm convinced I'll die in my sleep. I don't know how to accept that I'm going to be ok. I've had countless perfect blood tests, EKG's, and checkups. The nuerologist today didn't seem worried but I'm still convinced something is seriously wrong with my brain. :(
[...], I know exactly how you feel, and I sympathise so much. I'm very much in the same boat - fear of dying, brain loss or going insane. I'm a relatively healthy 31 year old man, tough as guts, nothing really phased me too much before this, apart from the odd panic attack here and there. During this withdrawal process, I am reduced to tears many times because I think that I'm going to die.
I think what you're experiencing is more health anxiety, and I suffer the same thing. You are not alone.
You will get better. Time is our [...] healer.
[...].
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Fear of death or of going insane
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2019, 01:07:05 am »
I so understand your pain ..  mine is more of an incredible sadness that death eventually will come to everyone... death is so hard to accept as part of life. Thinking of it constantly robs us of the present moment when we actually are not dying.
The drugs I used to fight anxiety and sleepless nights just quit working, they numbed me so long but I was still fearful. Making a new life without drugs is sometimes unbearable but so much better. .  I hope you can ditch all the drugs soon as I hope for myself ..... you sound like a wonderful caring person and I send all my love to you in your recovery.


Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.