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need encouragement, feeling very frustrated right now


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Hi y'all,

 

I know my story doesn't fit in here as the tipical story, but I hope you will take me seriously regardless :/

 

In February I had surgery and was given Lorazepam (I think 1 mg) on two days. After I woke up from the surgery I was experiencing Derealization, which I never had before and it didn't seem to go away. Back then I thought it was due to hormone levels (as I'm on hormone replacement theraphy) but now that I know about Benzos I know that  all that I was experiencing seems to allign with Benzo withdrawal.

I was in for about 2 month of acute withdrawal symptoms, especially Derealization, anxiety attacks, heat waves, fatigue, brain fog, blurry vision, insomnia, back pains. After that I was experiencing my first window and got back into my regular life, which I could maintain mostly, even when a wave with low mood, fatigue, heat waves and insomnia hit me.

During the first two month I visited my doctor, because I didn't know what was going on with the sudden anxiety attacks (apart from thinking it had to do with the hormone levels) and was prescribed Lorazepam. I never took it during that time again. And sadly I also didn't know how bad of a drug it can be, I only found out about that a few weeks ago...

 

In May I was still struggeling with low energy and insomnia, so I thought I would try the Lorazepam to get to sleep :/ I only took it twice, 0,5mg and 1mg with about two weeks time in between. The last dosage was at the end of May. I haven't taken it since and don't plan to do so.... I know that sounds like nothing. But still, since then I've had the same withdrawal symptoms again, especially intense derealization and sudden anxiety (which feels like it's not my own and just comes on).

 

I've tried checking in with several doctors, but nobody took my symptoms serious and believed that I could experience withdrawal from so little usage of the drug... blood work has been done, but all is fine.

I've had depression and anxiety in the past, but have learned to cope with that fairly well. But at the moment I just feel like I'm going insane. :/

I'm just so scared that I will be stuck like this forever, I feel so frustrated that I took the Lorazepam again and am now experiencing these strong symptoms again...

 

I'm just really hopeless and overwhelmed right now. I just want my life back :( :( :( :(

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I believe you.

Back in 2013 I had an issue at a hospital and they gave me Ativan, I took it the next day too. Then on the third day I didn't take any....I had horrible panic and sense of Doom, cried like crazy and felt like it was the end of the world. I didn't know then, but I know now since my recent 6 moth Ativan and now awful rapid detox and post acute withdrawl nightmare....that this crap gave me symptoms within 2 days of use back then. I just didn't know it then.

My best advice to you would be to NOT take anymore Ativan. If you have really only taken it on 3 occasions.  Talk to a doctor about alternative things for the anxiety you  have and natural supplements, different therapies etc. Do NOT come down this road with the rest of us!

I mean, I'm not a doctor, just saying that's what I would do. I would talk to a doc about helping you with what you are dealing with now.

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Now that I am well educated on this subject, I realize that this whole cycle of anxiety was caused by the nurses at the hospital when I went into labor with my daughter 17 years ago. The doctor on call was not available so they wanted me to calm down.  They gave me Ativan.  And the rest is history ... so sorry for all of us.  Stay off the Benzos and your brain and body will normalize. Mine did.
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Benzos are powerful drugs, more so than you might think. I feel the same way about ADs now, too. Especially SSRIS.

 

People, be very careful about what you choose to read and believe. It is dangerous to give firm advice, because NONE of us truly know the entire truth about benzos and withdrawal. Giving advice is risky. You have to always remember that you do not know it all. None of us do. There is no hard research on this, so we are all just guessing. Please be careful.

 

There are some people out there who try to make money by advising us. This is basically wrong. We are here to help each other, not to make money. Consider Baylissa, who has voluntarily advised thousands of benzo people over the years. She really cares. She might charge a fee for intensive on line counselling, but that is a voluntary thing to do. She has a LOT of experience and knowledge, something most of US do not have. Think about Colin. He started this web site, and charged nothing. He cared about us. Be VERY wary of giving money to

someone who claims they can really advise or help you.

My thought for today. Think about it, please.

east

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I believe you.

Back in 2013 I had an issue at a hospital and they gave me Ativan, I took it the next day too. Then on the third day I didn't take any....I had horrible panic and sense of Doom, cried like crazy and felt like it was the end of the world. I didn't know then, but I know now since my recent 6 moth Ativan and now awful rapid detox and post acute withdrawl nightmare....that this crap gave me symptoms within 2 days of use back then. I just didn't know it then.

My best advice to you would be to NOT take anymore Ativan. If you have really only taken it on 3 occasions.  Talk to a doctor about alternative things for the anxiety you  have and natural supplements, different therapies etc. Do NOT come down this road with the rest of us!

I mean, I'm not a doctor, just saying that's what I would do. I would talk to a doc about helping you with what you are dealing with now.

 

thank you so much for believing my story. I'm so sorry that something similar happened to you. I too didn't know what was happening when I woke up after surgery and experienced depersonalization and it didn't seem to go away...

So far I haven't found a doctor who could/would help me and I'm very vary of trying and being dismissed. And I guess the only real thing that helps is time :/

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Benzos are powerful drugs, more so than you might think. I feel the same way about ADs now, too. Especially SSRIS.

 

People, be very careful about what you choose to read and believe. It is dangerous to give firm advice, because NONE of us truly know the entire truth about benzos and withdrawal. Giving advice is risky. You have to always remember that you do not know it all. None of us do. There is no hard research on this, so we are all just guessing. Please be careful.

 

There are some people out there who try to make money by advising us. This is basically wrong. We are here to help each other, not to make money. Consider Baylissa, who has voluntarily advised thousands of benzo people over the years. She really cares. She might charge a fee for intensive on line counselling, but that is a voluntary thing to do. She has a LOT of experience and knowledge, something most of US do not have. Think about Colin. He started this web site, and charged nothing. He cared about us. Be VERY wary of giving money to

someone who claims they can really advise or help you.

My thought for today. Think about it, please.

east

 

yeah I wish I had known how strong they are. I really don't want to take any Benzos or psychoactive drugs ever again if I can help it. I just want to get through this and get my life back.

Thank you for caring and for your message, I am really so grateful that this forum exists!

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I am an RN and I did know either. I had NO IDEA how benzos would affect me over thirty years. DUH, they almost killed me. Well, now I do know, and so do you.

I used to think SSRIs were great drugs, and now I think they just make a lot of money for someone. They don't seem to help anyone except with the "placebo effect." This is just a person opinion.

You can do this, star. May I ask how you chose your name? Its so pretty!

east

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I am an RN and I did know either. I had NO IDEA how benzos would affect me over thirty years. DUH, they almost killed me. Well, now I do know, and so do you.

I used to think SSRIs were great drugs, and now I think they just make a lot of money for someone. They don't seem to help anyone except with the "placebo effect." This is just a person opinion.

You can do this, star. May I ask how you chose your name? Its so pretty!

east

 

yeah I feel the same way now. I'm sorry you went through hell with benzos. how are you doing these days?

thank you! my name is inspired by a legend about the rainbow fish, that username was taken so I kind of got the idea then :)

 

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I'm posting again to give a little update, and I hope somebody might be reading this and have some words of encouragement.

 

The worst of the worst seems to be over. And I'm very glad about that. And that also makes me feel like I don't really have the right to complain, since I've seen how many here struggle so much and for so long. But at the same time, I'm struggling right now too, even if it's objectively less than before.

 

From searching the forum I've learned that I'm experiencing anhedonia at the moment. I just feel emotionally flat, like there is a cover of snow over my emotions and they are muted a lot. My emotions (but also people and things that happen) feel so distant, like when something touches me for example, it feels not like an emotion in my body, if that makes sense. Though that could also be the DP/DR I still have. My memory is not good, I also still have brain fog.

 

At the moment, I'm frustrated again and fed up and I just want it to be over. There is an echo of emotions inside me, like the need to cry (which might bring some relief), but I can't really reach it and it just doesn't happen.

So much of this year has been taken over by this drug, from 5 small pills.... and I can't really remember a lot of it anyway, even the good party in between :/

I just miss normalcy. I miss every day live. I miss me.

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I am fine now, and so much healthier and happier now. It took me just over three years to heal but the pay off was simply wonderful.

Everyone thinks their wd is the worst ever know. I sure did but I have met others who had it even worse!

Living day to day with benzo wd IS challenging for anyone. I am sure many people reinstate and just give up, as it can be that awful. We who made our way to BB are the truly lucky ones.

Star, YOU will return, once you heal from this. I am now the ME from years before, but even better sans benzos. And ADs. I took benzos for thirty years, and went CT. Unholy hell ensued, as you can imagine. But once I healed from this, I feel really GOOD, both mentally and physically. I am not young now. I am 69. That alone is daunting! But at least I am facing my next years without brain affecting drugs.

 

Hang on and don't give up. You will heal from this and you will feel wonderful again.

east

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With that little usage doesn't sound like benzo withdrawal. I might get yelled at for this opinion, but that's what I believe.
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I am fine now, and so much healthier and happier now. It took me just over three years to heal but the pay off was simply wonderful.

Everyone thinks their wd is the worst ever know. I sure did but I have met others who had it even worse!

Living day to day with benzo wd IS challenging for anyone. I am sure many people reinstate and just give up, as it can be that awful. We who made our way to BB are the truly lucky ones.

Star, YOU will return, once you heal from this. I am now the ME from years before, but even better sans benzos. And ADs. I took benzos for thirty years, and went CT. Unholy hell ensued, as you can imagine. But once I healed from this, I feel really GOOD, both mentally and physically. I am not young now. I am 69. That alone is daunting! But at least I am facing my next years without brain affecting drugs.

 

Hang on and don't give up. You will heal from this and you will feel wonderful again.

east

 

I'm just so scared at the moment. I know my withdrawal is not the worst there is and that hopefully the really really rough parts are over. But it is still hard. And I can't help but get scared when reading how long some people need to heal. I know only time can help and tell how long my journey will go... but I wish it were just over. I just want to know what it is like being me again. Not this roalercoaster of symptoms and weird feeling.  :'(

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I am fine now, and so much healthier and happier now. It took me just over three years to heal but the pay off was simply wonderful.

Everyone thinks their wd is the worst ever know. I sure did but I have met others who had it even worse!

Living day to day with benzo wd IS challenging for anyone. I am sure many people reinstate and just give up, as it can be that awful. We who made our way to BB are the truly lucky ones.

Star, YOU will return, once you heal from this. I am now the ME from years before, but even better sans benzos. And ADs. I took benzos for thirty years, and went CT. Unholy hell ensued, as you can imagine. But once I healed from this, I feel really GOOD, both mentally and physically. I am not young now. I am 69. That alone is daunting! But at least I am facing my next years without brain affecting drugs.

 

Hang on and don't give up. You will heal from this and you will feel wonderful again.

east

 

but, east, I am so happy for you that you are doing well. I'm sorry you had to go through all this but at least you made it out the other side and can make the best of the time you have now!  :)

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Star, this could easily happen for you too. We CT people ARE different from taper people. In many ways. 

Benzo wd can be truly awful. Please do not  give up, because YOU matter. You have so much to give.

I would talk more but my adorable cat Bear, needs attention.

Never give up when it comes to benzos.

east

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Star, this could easily happen for you too. We CT people ARE different from taper people. In many ways. 

Benzo wd can be truly awful. Please do not  give up, because YOU matter. You have so much to give.

I would talk more but my adorable cat Bear, needs attention.

Never give up when it comes to benzos.

east

 

I really hope you are right about that. I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful. Thank you and give your cat some cuddles from me  :smitten:

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Star, I KNOW I am right. I went through the WD from hell and managed to not only survive it, but THIVE because of it. I kinda consider myself the Benzo Poster Child. I took benzos nightly for thirty long years and  went off them cold turkey in 2012. My WD was really bad.

It was a nightmare that lasted three years. Bur I am SO  glad I stuck it out. My overall health is now so much better. My depression is GONE, and almost all of my old anxiety is gone too. I sleep well now. I consider myself basically a normal but flawed person. Because of certain childhood events I now cannot change, I will always bear some scars of emotional abuse. That stuff did happen. But I cannot change this now, I just have to LIVE with it now. And learn to forgive.

You  can and will get through this. If I can, anyone can. I am not special and not some super woman type. Just an ordinary woman of 69 years who used benzos FAR too long.

Hang tight and keep on going, please. You are so worth saving.

east

 

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Star, I KNOW I am right. I went through the WD from hell and managed to not only survive it, but THIVE because of it. I kinda consider myself the Benzo Poster Child. I took benzos nightly for thirty long years and  went off them cold turkey in 2012. My WD was really bad.

It was a nightmare that lasted three years. Bur I am SO  glad I stuck it out. My overall health is now so much better. My depression is GONE, and almost all of my old anxiety is gone too. I sleep well now. I consider myself basically a normal but flawed person. Because of certain childhood events I now cannot change, I will always bear some scars of emotional abuse. That stuff did happen. But I cannot change this now, I just have to LIVE with it now. And learn to forgive.

You  can and will get through this. If I can, anyone can. I am not special and not some super woman type. Just an ordinary woman of 69 years who used benzos FAR too long.

Hang tight and keep on going, please. You are so worth saving.

east

 

thank you for always replying to me when I'm hopeless. this really means a lot.

What has helped you the most to don't give up hope? What did you do, when you felt like you were not really "you"?

I hope you have an amazing day, thank you for being on this forum and spreading hope!

 

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Star, the thing that helped me the most is what I call "faking it." My old CBT therapist told me about this but because I had such bad benzo brain then, I dissed that information off. But several months into bwd, it came back to me and very dimly I knew I had to try to do that. I started to fake it on BB, and if you read my very first few posts, you will be able to see how I did it. My old posts sound totally sane, and totally in control. I was NOT at all like that! My CT was truly one of the worst, and I had just about every possible symptom that awful first year. But my posts do NOT reflect that. THAT was faking it. How do I describe living an entire year in utter hell? I cannot and I doubt you can either. This stuff IS hard to describe.

Okay. Faking it means that you try to tell yourself you are NOT as bad as you think. I tell people to try to reverse all their negative statements. "I feel so awful, I must be the worst case known on BB" becomes "I WILL heal and others feel just as bad." "I want to give up" becomes "I will keep hanging on because some wise people on BB told me to." Get it? It takes practice and determination to do this all of the time, but I can tell you it does work. I was always a negative person and being on benzos just made that worse. Benzos CAUSED much of that, including my deep dark depression that lasts years. Well, Star, I have been "faking it" for 7 years now and I have to let you know that NOW, I AM a positive person! This technique really does work and so few people on BB " GET THIS". And I don't know why.

You will get through this, Star. No matter what, try to be positive and have hope, because you WILL eventually heal from this. I am now a much happier and healthier person. I am so glad I had to CT off benzos and SSRIs.

east

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Star, the thing that helped me the most is what I call "faking it." My old CBT therapist told me about this but because I had such bad benzo brain then, I dissed that information off. But several months into bwd, it came back to me and very dimly I knew I had to try to do that. I started to fake it on BB, and if you read my very first few posts, you will be able to see how I did it. My old posts sound totally sane, and totally in control. I was NOT at all like that! My CT was truly one of the worst, and I had just about every possible symptom that awful first year. But my posts do NOT reflect that. THAT was faking it. How do I describe living an entire year in utter hell? I cannot and I doubt you can either. This stuff IS hard to describe.

Okay. Faking it means that you try to tell yourself you are NOT as bad as you think. I tell people to try to reverse all their negative statements. "I feel so awful, I must be the worst case known on BB" becomes "I WILL heal and others feel just as bad." "I want to give up" becomes "I will keep hanging on because some wise people on BB told me to." Get it? It takes practice and determination to do this all of the time, but I can tell you it does work. I was always a negative person and being on benzos just made that worse. Benzos CAUSED much of that, including my deep dark depression that lasts years. Well, Star, I have been "faking it" for 7 years now and I have to let you know that NOW, I AM a positive person! This technique really does work and so few people on BB " GET THIS". And I don't know why.

You will get through this, Star. No matter what, try to be positive and have hope, because you WILL eventually heal from this. I am now a much happier and healthier person. I am so glad I had to CT off benzos and SSRIs.

east

 

 

thank you east, I've already tried it out today when I woke up in a really bad wave. I will try practising.

I have trouble making my mind accept the current state, my ego wannt's to make sense of this and desperately searches for a timeline, even though I know there isn't one. This uncertainty is the hardest for me.

But you told me I will get there and I will just hope I will soon.

 

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Star, faking it just takes practice. It was "foreign" to me too back then. At first it just felt really FAKE and I almost wrote it off. Some small rational part of my bad "benzo brain" told me to keep trying. I started by repeating positive self affirmations. I will give you a small example: My real thought was perhaps "I am going to fail and reinstate." I consciously turned  that around to "I will succeed and never go on benzos again." I did this over and over. Many negative thoughts filled my mind back then, and I slowly dealt with almost all of them.

 

Yes, the uncertainty off benzo wd is a huge issue for us all. We just have to keep going, hoping that what we learn on BB is correct. Most humans except normalcy, we want things to be as they used to be, and benzo wd ruins that whole concept for a while. We have to blindly put our faith in an online community like BB, and just pray they are correct. I can tell you that for me, BB was absolutely correct. I had a wicked bad withdrawal. Jeez, I hallucinated for several months! But slowly and surely, I did heal. I am now a lot older but Star? I am so much happier now. I will never take benzos again, because all they do is cause hurt and damage.

 

What you described is totally normal. Our brains want to understand what is happening, but because benzo wd is SO out of our  normal knowledge, it comes as a hue shock. How can this happen??? Why do we feel SO bad? Most people assume perhaps they have gone insane, pushed over the edge. That thought is so horrifying, we try to hide exactly how bad we feel. I know I felt just like that and all; my early posts sound so rational and sane and I was NONE of those things. Star, I was just faking it, because I somehow knew it would help. Well, I was right.

 

Just keep on going, and try to trust that what you read here is true. It was for me. I could not have gotten through BWD without BB

east.

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Star, faking it just takes practice. It was "foreign" to me too back then. At first it just felt really FAKE and I almost wrote it off. Some small rational part of my bad "benzo brain" told me to keep trying. I started by repeating positive self affirmations. I will give you a small example: My real thought was perhaps "I am going to fail and reinstate." I consciously turned  that around to "I will succeed and never go on benzos again." I did this over and over. Many negative thoughts filled my mind back then, and I slowly dealt with almost all of them.

 

Yes, the uncertainty off benzo wd is a huge issue for us all. We just have to keep going, hoping that what we learn on BB is correct. Most humans except normalcy, we want things to be as they used to be, and benzo wd ruins that whole concept for a while. We have to blindly put our faith in an online community like BB, and just pray they are correct. I can tell you that for me, BB was absolutely correct. I had a wicked bad withdrawal. Jeez, I hallucinated for several months! But slowly and surely, I did heal. I am now a lot older but Star? I am so much happier now. I will never take benzos again, because all they do is cause hurt and damage.

 

What you described is totally normal. Our brains want to understand what is happening, but because benzo wd is SO out of our  normal knowledge, it comes as a hue shock. How can this happen??? Why do we feel SO bad? Most people assume perhaps they have gone insane, pushed over the edge. That thought is so horrifying, we try to hide exactly how bad we feel. I know I felt just like that and all; my early posts sound so rational and sane and I was NONE of those things. Star, I was just faking it, because I somehow knew it would help. Well, I was right.

 

Just keep on going, and try to trust that what you read here is true. It was for me. I could not have gotten through BWD without BB

east.

 

Dear east,

thank you for always coming back with more encouragement. I will keep on pushing. At the moment, my mind still goes a lot to thoughts like "oh I wish this was already over" but I'm slowly getting better with affirmations and changing negative catastrophizing thoughts :)

This is such a strange experience. Because most of my symptoms are mental, most people don't even "get" that there is anything happening to me. I can be in great mental discomfort, feeling very derealized and brain foggy and when I speak with someone, when I don't tell them, they just never get to know, they don't seem to notice anything while it's all so real and weird and intense in my head.

I'm so glad I found this forum, otherwise I would have been so alone with all of this, not knowing what was going on and if I was just going insane. I owe you and so many of the good people here my sanity.

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Star, I wish I could PM you but I cant, for reasons I wont go into. Please just know that THIS old benzo warrior cares about you very much and wishes she could help you a bit better.

What you are experiencing is totally normal for bwd. Once you just accept that fact, and attempt to relax even a bit, things might get a bit easier. SO much of benzo wd IS strange and weird and unsettling, and no one warned you this could happen. I have been an RN since 1982 and I did not know it could be this bad! I used to pride myself, thinking I had a good grip on things like this. I worked in a detox for a year and on an acute psych ward for over 3 years. Never once did I hear, from patients OR staff that benzo wd could be this awful.

Well, Now this old nurse sure does know.

Most of my worst symptoms were mental, too. I had extreme fear for several years, and that first year off I had many panic attacks. You are doing everything right. Positive affirmations DO work. I began "faking it" so early on that even now I cannot believe I sounded so damn sane in my first few posts here. I faked it damn well, but in the end, this seemed t o help me more than anything, as it does slowly retrain your mind to BE more positive. This is such a simple concept but one most people just don't get. I hope you do.

I have a small suggestion for you. We have a member named Welchie. She sort of runs the "Under the Rug" thread. Let her know about our conversations, please. We all need friends and support to get through this. No one can do this without help! BWD is possibly the most lonely thing one can endure.

east

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Star, I wish I could PM you but I cant, for reasons I wont go into. Please just know that THIS old benzo warrior cares about you very much and wishes she could help you a bit better.

What you are experiencing is totally normal for bwd. Once you just accept that fact, and attempt to relax even a bit, things might get a bit easier. SO much of benzo wd IS strange and weird and unsettling, and no one warned you this could happen. I have been an RN since 1982 and I did not know it could be this bad! I used to pride myself, thinking I had a good grip on things like this. I worked in a detox for a year and on an acute psych ward for over 3 years. Never once did I hear, from patients OR staff that benzo wd could be this awful.

Well, Now this old nurse sure does know.

Most of my worst symptoms were mental, too. I had extreme fear for several years, and that first year off I had many panic attacks. You are doing everything right. Positive affirmations DO work. I began "faking it" so early on that even now I cannot believe I sounded so damn sane in my first few posts here. I faked it damn well, but in the end, this seemed t o help me more than anything, as it does slowly retrain your mind to BE more positive. This is such a simple concept but one most people just don't get. I hope you do.

I have a small suggestion for you. We have a member named Welchie. She sort of runs the "Under the Rug" thread. Let her know about our conversations, please. We all need friends and support to get through this. No one can do this without help! BWD is possibly the most lonely thing one can endure.

east

 

Dear east, thank you for all the time you take to respond to me (and others) on here, it really means a lot.

I've actually started to see small changes since using the affirmations constantly. It helps me stay a bit more grounded and not catastrophize all of the time.

I will contact Welchie, thank you for the suggestion :) yes this truly is very isolating and weird, even though I've been on this forum so often over the last month and have read so much about BWD, a lot of the time my mind still starts to question "what is going on? am I making this up? am I going crazy?" when symptoms start to (re)appear.

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Star, I felt just as you do now. The fear, the worry, the wondering if you've gone stark raving mad...it is all so much to bear.

Please read my new Success Story. I felt I had to write a new one as so much as improved over the years.

 

I think BWD is the lonliest thing one can go through. You just feel so lost, so isolated, and so darn crazy and unpleasant. Having a lot of symptoms can be really uncomfortable, even downright unbearable.

 

Positive affirmations felt so fakey to me. I kept thinking of an old Saturday Night skit from the 70's. This guy was supposed to be on TV with a short "daily affirmation" skit. He used all the "right" (and silly) words, and it all came off as so fakey and silly and really funny. But I did find that that sort of affirmation did work, no matter what I assumed. I had several I would repeat over and over when things were really bad.

 

You can also contact Chinchuck. I have several good friends here on BB, and we hang out a bit. Sara Sue is one of them as well.

 

What you are experiencing is normal bwd stuff. Awful, isn't it? It feels so final and you do wonder if things will ever get better. I can tell you that it does, but you wont believe me until YOU start to heal.

Never give up, Star. I don't know your real story yet, but I do know we share a lot of things. If I can manage to heal, anyone can. Thirty darn years on benzos is far too long and yet I am still alive.

east (Annie)

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Star, I felt just as you do now. The fear, the worry, the wondering if you've gone stark raving mad...it is all so much to bear.

Please read my new Success Story. I felt I had to write a new one as so much as improved over the years.

 

I think BWD is the lonliest thing one can go through. You just feel so lost, so isolated, and so darn crazy and unpleasant. Having a lot of symptoms can be really uncomfortable, even downright unbearable.

 

Positive affirmations felt so fakey to me. I kept thinking of an old Saturday Night skit from the 70's. This guy was supposed to be on TV with a short "daily affirmation" skit. He used all the "right" (and silly) words, and it all came off as so fakey and silly and really funny. But I did find that that sort of affirmation did work, no matter what I assumed. I had several I would repeat over and over when things were really bad.

 

You can also contact Chinchuck. I have several good friends here on BB, and we hang out a bit. Sara Sue is one of them as well.

 

What you are experiencing is normal bwd stuff. Awful, isn't it? It feels so final and you do wonder if things will ever get better. I can tell you that it does, but you wont believe me until YOU start to heal.

Never give up, Star. I don't know your real story yet, but I do know we share a lot of things. If I can manage to heal, anyone can. Thirty darn years on benzos is far too long and yet I am still alive.

east (Annie)

 

Dear Annie (and Bear),

 

thank you for your kindness. I've read your updated success story, it's so great that you are sharing your journey with us. So glad you came out the other side and survived this hellish trip, congratulations for making it and staying strong!

I've used BB less and less over the past month, I think that means I'm getting a bit better. But today I need the encouragement again. I am glad this forum exists. Without it I would feel totally alone.

You said "I can tell you that it does, but you wont believe me until YOU start to heal.", that is so true for me right now. it just seems so impossible when there is a bad day that the future will ever be different - even if I know it will. but benzo brain is very persistent. it keeps asking "is this WD real? can a few pills really cause all of this? what even is real anymore?"

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