Seeking Help Possibly reversing damage done by benzos

I stopped taking valium after a complicated history with benzos. Now I feel I have damaged my brain. There is evidence that restarting a taper within a month of stopping can reverse some of the damage. I have taken ativan for 4 months, cold turkeyed and reinstated with valium because of my fear of brain damage. I feel worse and am seeking advice.

I've been off of Valium for a week and am having massive depersonalisation, coordination and cognitive issues. I'm failing to do simple tasks. I am wondering if restarting on a low dose could remedy this. I have read that if you restart within a month to do a slower taper, some of the damage can be undone.

I took Ativan from november 2018 to february 2019, 2-3 mg a day(average 2) and cold turkeyed. Withdrawal was over in 2 days but the cognitive issues persisted and I began taking them again after 3 weeks. Helped somewhat and I began to taper with Valium over 6 weeks from 6 mg. I would dose less a few days of the week to test if I could stop.

Around 4 mg I was feeling fine so I stopped. After 5 days I began having withdrawal symptoms which I assumed were just panic, so I was drinking for 2 days before I realized. I felt dizzy, derealized and just felt like passing out on exertion most of the day.

Over the past week I've had severe derealisation and trouble coordinating, not sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time, and mostly not being able to simple stuff like find my keys. The symptoms come and go but seem to be tied to exertion as well? Speaking for too long makes me dizzy and makes my ears plug up. My pulse feels odd, like its vibrating. my heart just feels off- it can be slow at 45 bpm before bed and 130bpm while walking.

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  Your symptoms, though severe, are normal for someone who has ct'd benzos.  Some do reinstate and taper after a ct with positive results, but those are not guaranteed.

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.  Chapter III contains excellent descriptions of common symptoms such as muscle issues, anxiety, and hyper-awareness

Cold Turkey, Detox Board

Once again, welcome!