What do you long for, but can't do now?

 

Enjoy my MC

Bake

Cook

Go to restaurant

Walking in the forest

 

But in the future we will do it! 

Travel the world?

 

I can do basic travel but I don't think I would do well with crossing a bunch of time zones dealing with jet lag.

 

Not just that, but I don't foresee having enough money to do a lot of traveling in the near future.

Being able to the leave the house when I want to . really miss being able to hop on a bus (not a car owner), going to the shops, meeting friends, basically just having  the freedom to go where I want when I want. 

 

Instead I have to order (expensive) taxis, and can really only manage about an hour or two out of the house .. before getting too tired and having to come home again.

 

Makes me very sad.

 

I really miss not being able to read books, magazines etc.

Having an everyday exercise routine - how I miss that! It seems that something always happens to stand in the way, and I get scared and back off.

 

Going away from home, visiting other areas, feeling confident about this. My head is a swirling mess, and I'm so dizzy from worry that I can't enjoy the experience fully.

 

Drinking coffee every day.

 

Making meals for my son. I used to do this a lot before benzos, but with my lack of motivation and somewhat still-blunted outlook, I don't do it.

I haven't been able to travel, or campout in the wilderness I'm surrounded by due to stress intolerance.  I already do house sitting gigs and they upset me for days during and after.

 

And yeah, I miss coffee and chocolate.

Lie down in any comfort.

Enjoy the feel, taste of food.

Feeling full when eaten.

Not being terrified of my own living space.

Enjoying being touched.

Having normal sensation in my body.

...one whole day without a headache or head pressure.

This is sad but the real list would be too long. 

 

Be able to sit in the stylist's chair and get all the highlights I am used to having, but 3 hours is just too long right now.  When I do get to go, I am going to have at least one purple one mixed in with the rest 

Eat without fear

Eat without pain and bloat

Do what I am doing in my avatar , that was life long and as an adult got paid for it . You cannot do that with POTS

 

Eat without fear

Eat without pain and bloat

Do what I am doing in my avatar , that was life long and as an adult got paid for it . You cannot do that with POTS

 

What an exciting career.  You will get back to it one day 

To wake up without ringing ears and that sickening despair mixed with fatigue. To actually have interest in my hobbies - guitar, fly fishing, reading, nature, music, etc.

Everything/Anything I used to do ~ Longings have been murdered.  Acceptance/resignation has set in, as otherwise, the situation only causes further upset.  So debilitated for so long now.

 

Walk

Drive

Be able to stand on feet w/out being in pain.

Being able to be comfortable, physically; not usually asleep from the exhaustion of overwhelming pain or being awake w/numerous ice-packs on.

Leave house, beyond neighbor & mailbox.

Mingle/socialize

 

Travel the world?

 

I can do basic travel but I don't think I would do well with crossing a bunch of time zones dealing with jet lag.

 

Not just that, but I don't foresee having enough money to do a lot of traveling in the near future.

 

And the fear of losing the meds at the airport check up. That's what keeps me from traveling mostly.

Travel to foreign countries with my daughter.

Everything/Anything I used to do ~ Longings have been murdered.  Acceptance/resignation has set in, as otherwise, the situation only causes further upset.  So debilitated for so long now.

 

Walk

Drive

Be able to stand on feet w/out being in pain.

Being able to be comfortable, physically; not usually asleep from the exhaustion of overwhelming pain or being awake w/numerous ice-packs on.

Leave house, beyond neighbor & mailbox.

Mingle/socialize

 

This makes sense, when I long for much I seem to accomplish things (maybe) at the expense of a lot... to “break free.”

 

Sometimes it’s just a big mess, but usually it turns into a beautiful mess if I give up and let go of the outcome finally. The mess isn’t looking all the way beautiful to me right now; it’s been looking really scary and ugly.

 

But without the strange adaptations I’ve made in this experience, I really don’t think I’d be alive. Seen many perspectives just from my own path in this injury.

 

I don’t know if this makes any sense to dream, but it’s been so integral to my life and survival. I just don’t know, the Castaway character... makes so much sense to me—I could be him.

 

I really don’t know... tried giving in and giving up, tried the opposite, tried resignation and/or detachment, blocking out thoughts and feelings and pain, numbing (without a substance) and distracting. I don’t know—I’m caught out.

 

I think I don’t know what to do but let go and let God (my Higher Power,) by now.

 

 

  ^ I hope I can even do this 😔

 

There are signs of hope... but some of you know how it is, seems like. I am a “positive,” person. Realistically positive and I do all the tricking of my thinking into an affirmative stance about life that I can do so that I may maintain calm and composure. Try to make changes, I just don’t know.

 

I see what I imagine are signs of healing, small signs and what I feel are big ones sometimes.

 

This has been feeling pretty bad and so scary though, for so long.

What is an MC?

 

The walk in the forest, yes, I would love that.

Being able to the leave the house when I want to . really miss being able to hop on a bus (not a car owner), going to the shops, meeting friends, basically just having  the freedom to go where I want when I want. 

 

Instead I have to order (expensive) taxis, and can really only manage about an hour or two out of the house .. before getting too tired and having to come home again.

 

Makes me very sad.

 

I really miss not being able to read books, magazines etc.

 

Yes, not being sure of self enough to get out and do normal stuff.  You don't realize how many little errands and outings a 'normal' person runs until... this.  Yes, and get tired so easily.  And I don't read either!  What is that about?? 

 

I'm sad about it all, too

Travel the world?

 

I can do basic travel but I don't think I would do well with crossing a bunch of time zones dealing with jet lag.

 

Not just that, but I don't foresee having enough money to do a lot of traveling in the near future.

 

And the fear of losing the meds at the airport check up. That's what keeps me from traveling mostly.

 

If you have a rx won't they let you take it along?

Enjoyment...

i.e. a day of glorious weather; being able to be outside & appreciate it.

 

Sleep...

8 - 10 hours uninterrupted.  No vivid, disturbing dreams.  No looping, intrusive thoughts as a prequel.

 

Feeling happy.

Eat what ever I want

Marry Ryan Gosling. I probably won't be able to do that even if I finally get off the meds, but when the time comes I'll let him know, just in case.

Valium! Double wedding? My new husband is "Wild Bill" Deadliest Catch!   

 

 

 

 

 

 

Valium! Double wedding? My new husband is "Wild Bill" Deadliest Catch! 

 

Aaaaaaahahaha, I hadn't seen this. Yes, let's have a double wedding on a Cruise through the Caribbean. I think Ryan will like that.

Valium! Can I marry two guys? "Wild Bill" AND Dr Evan Antin, a very sexy vet. Han saves animals, so he’s perfect! Maybe too young? We forget that! 

 

 

alt=Image result for Dr Evan Antinhttps://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcREB0bY5R9evTbm3CihuDvhoEZwnKDpWzqBbOeYsM4WfA2iSobV[/img]

Valium! Can I marry two guys? "Wild Bill" AND Dr Evan Antin, a very sexy vet. Han saves animals, so he’s perfect! Maybe too young? We forget that! 

 

 

alt=Image result for Dr Evan Antinhttps://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcREB0bY5R9evTbm3CihuDvhoEZwnKDpWzqBbOeYsM4WfA2iSobV[/img]

 

Aaaaaaaaaaahahaha your vet does look a little young but he might be happy to marry an experienced lady who can teach him the joys of life after benzo withdrawal? I approve of your polygamic marriage because some old matriarchal tribes did that. I also think my future hubbie Ryan will like the ceremony as it promises to be exotic enough for the celebrity standard. Also, as Ryan is well know for always dating and marrying older ladies (like Eva Mendes and Sandra Bullock), I don't think he'll find any problem in our age difference. I think we'll have a happy double or triple wedding