One Year Anniversary - My Success Story?

It has been one (1) year since I jumped off Clonazepam (Klonopin) after doing a very foolish eight day ( rapid detox by myself.  I am celebrating both my sobriety (I stopped drinking alcohol in that same period) and my recovery.  And while this is a Success Story; I am hesitant to post it there as there is really no guarantee that I will not continue to have setbacks and waves.  But I am no longer sick, getting very healthy both physically and mentally, and have made such progress from that day in 2018 that I am overjoyed and want to share this with the people who helped me get here.

 

On that day in 2018; I lost consciousness and am not sure how long I was out but I had made a frantic call to my husband at some point before and he was there when I came to. We are pretty sure it was at least a day later but my memory of that whole time is toast.  The only way to describe the hell I went through that week and the weeks after is to say that I that I would have preferred to die.  I had NO idea what I had done to myself.  I got NO support from the doctor who had prescribed these meds other than “you should be fine”. I found Benzo Buddies and then my Aunt confirmed that I had a brain injury and the slow healing process began… and I found hope from others posting here and learned a very important concept: ACCEPTANCE.  Not that I was OK with being bedridden in extreme pain and having extreme fear of everything as well as being so cognitively impaired that talking wore me out but I had to accept that I need time, rest, and good nutrition to heal. 

 

Acute lasted about six (6) weeks and I was able to take care of myself again at about 2 ½ months. I started exercising with cardio at 3 ½ months and went back into an Acute wave for another six (6) weeks in month Four (4). By the time that Month Seven (7) hit; I was still spending most of my time laying down but I was active in my recovery using mindfulness techniques that my Aunt was teaching me to do.  It took lots of practice but it paid off and continues to help me build the resiliency that I completely lost during withdrawals.  It was like I had no skin or buffer to the outside world and everything overstimulated me.  I am SOOO much better now but still need to be careful of too much activity, lights, crowds and especially toxic cleaning smells.

 

    In this time since the jump that almost ended my life; I moved out of my family’s home in order to get the peace to heal (have since moved back), I traveled to Colorado to take care of my son while he was skiing (I did 4 runs), I wrote a book called Through Benzo Hell (still editing it with evidence of the protocol that helped me heal), found out SO much about myself after not really paying attention to anything for years on Benzos, was able to reconnect with my kids after becoming a walking robot, started rebuilding other relationships that I had destroyed with my raging and complete emotional numbness, learned the power of love (I would not be here if my Aunt had not been there for me),  completed a Health Coaching certification online and have started with practice clients.  I look at these accomplishments and know the person I was before Benzos would be like ….”WHAT?!”. I never even knew what I was missing or that there was anything wrong with my priorities while I was on Benzos which differ so greatly that I have a hard time even relating to them.  I am not the person I was before getting off Benzos; I am SO MUCH better.  And I wanted my life to end a year ago today.  So PLEASE, keep the belief that you will heal and ACCEPT the process if you are just starting this journey knowing that EVERYONE’s recovery is different. 

 

Wow, you are amazing! kudos to you, reading this today has given me some hope back.

Congratulations Leslie!

 

I’m hoping I heal within a year!!

 

Sara 

What a journey Leslie!  No question...you have made it to the other side.  Congrats on your new self and life.

Congrats Leslie, that's really impressive.

So happy for you Leslie! I remember your aunt told you to bounce a ball back and forth in your hands. I tried this while sitting in my recliner would bounce a tennis ball from hand to hand and it helped me. Maybe when you have time you can share some other tips your aunt taught you. Hope I can write my success story soon and thank you!

 

PG

Forgot to mention can you ask your aunt about the best way to overcome the fear of driving on the interstate. I can drive coming BACK but cannot drive GOING to the destination. I know it makes no sense LOL.

 

PG

Well done Leslie.

What an amazing story.

You have achieved so much in a year. I must read your book when you publish it, and well done on your health coaching certification 

It sounds as if you Aunt is very special to you.

 

 

 

Jen

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for all the nice replies! My aunt was instrumental in my recovery and that is why I am dedicated to helping others.  PG - as far as driving; I had such bad anxiety that I stayed on back roads until I felt safe enough for the main highway... if I recall that took about 2 months of driving around consistently.  I then started on the Interstate when I reached 7 months only out of absolute necessity... but given the very good coping strategies that I had learned - I actually made HUGE progress very quickly after that exposure to interstate driving. It was like I finally got past the driving anxiety by confronting my worst fears. So the exposure strategy works in that you drive a certain distance and drive back. Sit and acknowledge the achievement.  Go further next time.  Use your controlled breath through the nose to keep yourself grounded in the moment so that panic is not an option.  Repeat and go further next time.  I had to get past the overstimulated feelings before I attempted to do this or else I would go into a state of instant DR.... it is a matter of time, accepting where you are and KNOWING that your CNS will be able to handle driving both TO and BACK from a destination.  Which, by the way, makes total sense that you are more comfortable driving back from some place as that is what I had to do when I had to drive on the Interstate - I was driving to my condo from the Denver airport. 

Leslie,

Could I borrow your aunt?  Lol.  I’m so happy she was there for you!

 

SaraSue

Thank you for your update you are a smart cookie not writing a success story you’re being realistic that the hell might return but we have to stay positive and have acceptance that’s what I’ve learned even though I’ve gotten better I know it could be waiting for me just around the corner again. I followed you throughout your journey as we both started about the same time I’m 14 months off maybe I can learn something from you .

Yay Leslie!!!  That's amazing that you have a book written!  We definitely need more stories out there about this.  I often think that books and stories are way more effective in spreading a message than just PSAs.  Glad to hear you are feeling well again.  :smitten:

Huge congratulations, Leslie!!  It is wonderful to that you survived that night, my goodness. I’m so sorry that happened to you.  Also so wonderful to read about your healing happening    I’m so happy for you and wishing you smooth sailing into complete recovery.  Bless your Aunt for being there.  So so inspiring! 

 

Love,

 

Uni ❤️