Learned the hard way and seriously feel I damaged myself beyond repair.Now what?

I broke from unrelenting severe insomnia for months. Gave all the supplements a chance. I desperately tried Remeron again 2 months ago with 3 stretches of 4 days each. It would work only the first night each time. I stopped after 4th nights and would try again a week later. 

 

The zero nights caught up with me and I stupidly went back on twice a week 2mg Ativan for 4wks.  Realized sleeping twice a week and feeling horrific withdrawal the rest of the time was no way to live.  I have been off for a week now and have not slept in 7 days.  Head pressure and brain burning is another level as is dp/dr. I don't know how I am gonna get out of this and the sleep deprivation has been going on now already for so long.  It is like my sleep center in my brain is damaged. There is just no break or relief. 

 

I am really just hanging on.  Thank you to all of you who have offered advice.  I really need to hear from people who made it to the other side from horrific insomnia with long stretches of zero nights. 

Oh wow, I remember this phase all too well, including the Remeron working the first time like a miracle, and then having only spotty or bad effects after that, as well as not sleeping for a week at a time, ugh.

 

I’m just going to cut to the chase, and tell you that as bad as that was, the terrible damage caused by the benzos finally began to reverse itself in a big way, and some days now I can sleep 14 hours. Other days only 6-7, but that’s usually following two days of 12 hours of sleep each.

 

So please know that this will pass eventually, and that even though benzos do make horrific changes to the nervous system, your body will always be looking for homeostasis, and everything will eventually be recalibrated properly.

   

I took one pill of remeron several years ago for sleep issues and got the most weird sleep imaginable. I swore I would never take it again and I have not.

Oh wow, I remember this phase all too well, including the Remeron working the first time like a miracle, and then having only spotty or bad effects after that, as well as not sleeping for a week at a time, ugh.

 

I’m just going to cut to the chase, and tell you that as bad as that was, the terrible damage caused by the benzos finally began to reverse itself in a big way, and some days now I can sleep 14 hours. Other days only 6-7, but that’s usually following two days of 12 hours of sleep each.

 

So please know that this will pass eventually, and that even though benzos do make horrific changes to the nervous system, your body will always be looking for homeostasis, and everything will eventually be recalibrated properly.

 

 

So encouraging thank you for all you do to restore our hope in healing.

 

PG

I made it through a long protracted period of insomnia, but I did it by throwing out all the z-drugs and benzos that somehow collected in my drawer. Had I not done that I very well may have caved and taken some for relief and that probably would have started a cycle that would have greatly prolonged my healing.

Like so many on here, I have suffered at the hands of insomnia. I felt like I could not go another night or day without sleep, but I did and it does get better.

The brain fog that was with me in the last stages of kindling with clonazepam is long gone. What I learned on this sordid journey is to not take anything even supplements, for sleep. It only makes things worse which I didnt think was possible. I finally realized that those who said, "let nature take its course" are right.

I wish you well uncomfortablynumb1.

 

I am so desperate for sleep.  Cannot fall asleep at all. Never feel sleepy.  I cannot function like this. How long can it last at such an extreme level without improving?  My head burning pain is so bad now. Don't know if sleep will alleviate it.

Can depression and anxiety cause such horrific insomnia? Or another biochemistry issue? If this is withdrawal like last time it was a matter of really waiting it out to get better.  I am worried about waiting and suffering in vain if something else is driving this.

Can depression and anxiety cause such horrific insomnia? Or another biochemistry issue? If this is withdrawal like last time it was a matter of really waiting it out to get better.  I am worried about waiting and suffering in vain if something else is driving this.

 

From what I learned, depression and anxiety can make insomnia worse while insomnia does the same thing for depression and anxiety. However, I think that in most cases of withdrawal, the insomnia may be primary. In reading your signature, it looks like you brain was used as a chemical testing lab for a while so it is not unreasonable to assume that your recovery can have a long tail attached to it. Your recent bout with alcohol could have added to your current set back since booze hits GABA receptors and yours probably were pretty sensitive following your previous medication usage.

 

It is apparent that you had a legitimate complaint that led you down the pathway toward all of these medications so yes, you very well may still be suffering from that, but it may have been made worse by the mix of meds and alcohol. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time of it.

I definitely think that depression and anxiety is a significant factor, UN, it this current tsunami wave you're having. That's why I think some form of counseling would be helpful. Just telling our stories in a setting where we are seen, heard, and understood begins to rewire the brain.

I am right there with you in insomnia hell.  I was about 14 months off Klonopin, when I started getting horrible insomnia after sleeping pretty well for awhile. At first I thought I was in some kind of wave or setback, but the insomnia kept worsening. I found a good doctor and had blood work done and tested positive for reactivated Epstein-Barr virus. I never knew that a virus could cause such horrible insomnia, and for some reason that was my only symptom. I joined an online Facebook group for others suffering from EBV, and sure enough, found lots of people who were suffering from the same type of insomnia. Anyways, I gave in to the lack of sleep, and stupidity started taking Klonopin again. I was only taking it once a week, but it was a very large dose.  I took it for about three months and stopped about a week ago, and haven’t slept since then. These drugs are like making a deal with the devil. They are great for a while, but in the end they’ll make you pay greatly in return. Unfortunately, I think that the EBV virus was probably reactivated, by my previous benzo withdrawal, because it really took a toll on my body and overall health.