Is this your typical anxiety/benzo brain?

I was discussing this with another buddy that has very similar symptoms as myself and I wanted to get a little more insight on this symptom and whether or not it's a common one. Ever since going through both tolerance and withdrawal, my brain fixates on things and gets "stuck." It's like I become hyper-aware of the fact that I am thinking and what I am thinking about. It could be anything. Let's say I glance over at a flower and have a brief thought about them. My brain suddenly makes me aware that I am thinking and it immediately causes stress and fear. It makes no sense. The anxiety strikes because my brain wants me to be aware that I'm thinking about a flower. But the flower isn't the issue, it's the fear and the forced awareness. Then my mind has a tendency to fixate or ruminate, but it's never about the flower, it's about the fact that I've become aware of my thinking and that I can't stop thinking about thinking. Hyper-awareness of thoughts. It's the most bizarre thing.

 

Is this typical for a primal benzo brain? Is this just what happens when your glutamate riddled brain reacts with fear to everything? I'm very rational and able to be logical with myself about how irrational the fear is, but I'm left with this chemical brain feeling like my mind is "stuck." Anyone else experience this?

Yes, absolutely I had that bad until a few months ago but it’s getting better now. My mono phobia has disappeared over the winter but what you described Liveaboutit I had bad but it’s fading. Your not alone with that symptom. Take care and I hope you find complete recovery soon.

Thanks Ben, I appreciate that buddy. It's really comforting to hear that I'm not alone and that you also got better as far as that symptom goes.

We’re all in this together and I can definitely say that although I’ve come a long ways I still have a little ways to go. My symptoms are fading and I know this unpleasant journey will eventually fade away someday. This isn’t forever but at times it feels like it.

Liv,  You have described this symptom so incredibly well.  I had it big time and it is just about gone at 12 months but others who I am supporting have this right now. I am sorry you are struggling with this as well. We have called this intrusive thoughts or rumination but it is really exactly what you have stated: fear of not the flower but the hyper-focused awareness of our thoughts.  I look forward to being completely symptom free of this but it is much easier for me and hopefully others to deal with it knowing it is what you explained.  Nothing more.  Thank you.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one and that a good chunk of you have healed from this symptom. The fear is killing me. Once this most recent wave hit, it feels like my mind is just going to do what it wants. It's stuck in this state of fear of damn near everything. I keep having fearful thoughts about pretty much everything. I don't really know why it got so bad all of a sudden, because I felt like I was close to healed in month 23 or so. But then a switch flipped when I hit month 24 and now I feel like I'm losing my mind and the anxiety/fear and intrusive, racing thoughts have pretty much taken over.

Yes LiveAboveIt, I've had the awareness, of the awareness, of the awareness. 

 

It's improving.

 

Does this mean I'm less aware? 

 

Only kidding, it's very taxing, stressful,  I know. 

 

Dee

Haha, less aware of being aware of being aware of being aware, eh?

I'm really not sure why I'm having all this mental crap at 25 months out. Makes it tough to continue faith in the healing, even though I know that it's happening. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm fighting my thoughts constantly. I almost feel like 'physical sensation' in my brain, that brain block/mind stuck feeling that I was talking about. It's like life and time isn't flowing smoothly and something is pushing me through, forcing awareness and intrusive thoughts combined with anxiety at me on an hourly basis. I just can't relax or let my mind go, I've tried, it just continues and seems to make it worse when I try to relax.