Depression during crossover

Hey all,

 

It’s been a while since I posted last cuz things seemed to be going tolerably albeit not functioning at my best.

 

I’m on the second stage of my doctor imposed crossover (see my signature) and it was going ok, had a pretty good week last week made it to the gym for an hour mon, tues, wed and then Thursday things started going downhill. 

 

I don’t believe I’ve ever had depression so I can’t say it’s what I’m feeling but by what I read it is.

 

I’m sore all over, no emotions at all other than negative thoughts, no appetite at all, can’t nap cuz I get into this state where I have weird daydreams that make no sense at all, brain wont shut off.

 

I get out of the house at least once a day.  Making a meal is a gargantuan effort and i just don’t feel like doing anything except watching tv. 

 

I guess what I’m reaching out for is some guidance and hope this will pass...I’ve had this a bit during first step of crossover but never this bad.  Also, I feel little to no relief after dosing.

 

Anyone with experience or any kind of help would be appreciated.

 

Thank you for the bottom of my emotionless heart ❤️

Monkeypig,

 

I had the exact same sx during one week of my c/o.  I can't explain it, I can only remember it lasted about a week and went away as fast as it came on.  Hopefully your's will too.

 

I know you are dosing 4 tid while I dosed 3x a day.  I don't know what kind of c/o your Dr. has you on, but I followed the Ashton c/o to the letter and had little problems, except for that one week.  I think it may have been the ativan leaving my system while my body was getting use to the valium.  Once I was on all valium, I felt better than I had in years.

 

Remember that valium is a muscle relaxer, which is going to cause sedation and little motivation.  At first , I was like you and did not want to do anything but lay around and watch tv.  I did as little as possible and didn't care that my normal chores were not getting done, but after a few weeks this passed.  I have been on all valium for 3 months and I can say I seem to feel better each day.  Now don't be confused that the sedation does not creep up now and then on me, but I remind myself that I am still at 13 mg of valium, which I consider no small amount.  It is going take a while for me to start gaining energy until my dose gets lower.

 

Hang in there until you get totally c/o to all valium, but be prepared to get tired very easily.  Don't let this discourage you, because to me, this sx is 99% better than the sx I had while on ativan.  I can actually function during the day now and enjoy activities and my family that the ativan prohibited.  I think once you get to dosing valium 2 tid, you will notice a big difference.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well.  This too shall pass, though--I promise. This is a very common experience, and one that affected me when I was crossing over/coming off. As jojo said, Valium works a bit differently than the other benzos.  Many, many people experience more depression when they go on it, because it's SO sedating.  This will probably dissipate as you cut, but I would also suggest trying talk therapy if you can manage it--it helped a lot when I was coming off. Hang in there!

Hey MP, always glad to talk to you . You might try slowing the crossover down, Valium is known to cause sedation and depression.  To me, it was nothing like Xanax.  I had no idea benzo's could be so different.  Give your body and brain an opportunity to adapt.  Hope things change for you soon .

Love, Mary 💜

Thanks Mary and Gogo for responding, feels so good to have input from people who have been where I am.

 

Well, it’s been another good few days, good meaning I’ve been eating more lately, I’m not thinking about my situation 24/7, the interdose feelings are diminishing as well as the heightened anxiety a few hours after dosing Valium...no more Ativan now.  I presume this is what’s causing the anxiety a couple hours after a dose...body is used to getting A not V.  It’s only been 9 days since total crossover and I’m feeling optimistic.

 

My husband’s mom passed (doctor assisted dying and it went horribly wrong) the day before I started last step of crossover so I’m sure this contributed to the difficulty.  Had funeral yesterday and I was surprisingly calm and actually felt quite peaceful throughout the day. 

 

Today I awoke a bit later than usual (6.5 hours) which I find good as Ativan would let me sleep about 5 hours max, mostly 4. I also had a REAL nap of about an hour which I could never do on A.  Haleluja!

 

Thanks for letting me vent as my hubby has enough on his plate at the moment though he’s been wonderful and has assured me he will never leave me.  He calls me his chicken shit lol.

 

Best of everything to each of you and thank you for being so considerate and comforting.

 

Cheers 😜

Solid sleep is the "canary in the mine," so to speak. If you're getting solid sleep and napping, you're definitely on the right track!  -gogo

Thanks Mary and Gogo for responding, feels so good to have input from people who have been where I am.

 

Well, it’s been another good few days, good meaning I’ve been eating more lately, I’m not thinking about my situation 24/7, the interdose feelings are diminishing as well as the heightened anxiety a few hours after dosing Valium...no more Ativan now.  I presume this is what’s causing the anxiety a couple hours after a dose...body is used to getting A not V.  It’s only been 9 days since total crossover and I’m feeling optimistic.

 

My husband’s mom passed (doctor assisted dying and it went horribly wrong) the day before I started last step of crossover so I’m sure this contributed to the difficulty.  Had funeral yesterday and I was surprisingly calm and actually felt quite peaceful throughout the day. 

 

Today I awoke a bit later than usual (6.5 hours) which I find good as Ativan would let me sleep about 5 hours max, mostly 4. I also had a REAL nap of about an hour which I could never do on A.  Haleluja!

 

Thanks for letting me vent as my hubby has enough on his plate at the moment though he’s been wonderful and has assured me he will never leave me.  He calls me his chicken shit lol.

 

Best of everything to each of you and thank you for being so considerate and comforting.

 

Cheers 😜

 

Oh MP, I am so sorry your mil passed away and that there were problems.  I'm sure that was a big part of your anxiety  .  However, glad to hear you are feeling some better!  Love ya, Mary 💜

Love ya too Mary!

 

Today not feeling so good but it’s Canada Day and everything is closed so not much to do and I’m pooped anyway. I have to resign myself to the fact that I can just read, go for a walk or bike ride and not have to prove to myself I need to keep busy.  It’s an up and down process.  I have errands tomorrow and an anxiety talk group meeting I’ve started going to, just to get comfortable being around strangers and sharing what I’m going through...so looking forward to it 👍. Tomorrow is also housework day and strangely enough I enjoy it.  Wednesday having friends over for supper and fireworks on our rooftop terrace at 10pm.

 

Ok I’ve blabbed enough.  Hugs to you and hope you have an enjoyable day dollface!

 

MP

Love ya too Mary!

 

Today not feeling so good but it’s Canada Day and everything is closed so not much to do and I’m pooped anyway. I have to resign myself to the fact that I can just read, go for a walk or bike ride and not have to prove to myself I need to keep busy.  It’s an up and down process.  I have errands tomorrow and an anxiety talk group meeting I’ve started going to, just to get comfortable being around strangers and sharing what I’m going through...so looking forward to it 👍. Tomorrow is also housework day and strangely enough I enjoy it.  Wednesday having friends over for supper and fireworks on our rooftop terrace at 10pm.

 

Ok I’ve blabbed enough.  Hugs to you and hope you have an enjoyable day dollface!

 

MP

 

Wow, you have started an anxiety talk group, that's great and will help others as you help yourself, you are pretty cool, MP!  You are keeping plenty busy, your body actually needs some rest time to heal, so never feel bad when it says, " hey, MP, let's take a break ".