10 months out c/t 4mg xanax for 20 years still pure living hell

I don't think I going to make it through this as I am 60 years old and have numerous medical conditions. As long as it is taking everyone to recover it seems hopeless and suicide is not an option. The only thing left is waiting to die as my life is in shambles, my house is falling apart, my car is 18 years old and on its last leg, finances are depleted, the mental and physical pain is unbearable, I ask god to take me every night then I wake up and its groundhog day all over again. please help as it is impossible to live like this.

Bandit,

 

I’m so sorry.  I’m 5+ months post CT and it is painful and miserable.  However, I do see healing.  I’m not going to think I’m not going to heal sooner.  I’m also 60 years old.  Each new day is a challenge.

 

Hold on.

 

SaraSue

SaraSue, hope your doing better than me as I know I will not make it through this cause too many medical problems. I'm losing my wife of 40 years because of this, my best friend my cat bandit who is only 7 years old has no white blood cells cause of FIV and the vet doesn't know how he is still alive(by the hands of God) I pray he stays with me cause it seems like he is the only one who understands and we rely on each other, he was a stray and the only cat I had that comes when I call him. Looking for a painless way for suicide. Below is a list of my medical problems.

 

Parkinson's

stage 3 kidney failure

peripheral neuropathy

peripheral vascular disease

hasimoto's chronic thyroiditis(now have a tumor on my parathyroid gland) symptoms are like the withdrawal symptoms and make me feel 10x's worse as if its not bad enough

anemic

depression

fibromyalgia

illiionguinal-genital femoral nerve damage

hypertension

Keep the faith banditcat.

 

We are healing, day by day. Don't give up, please. 

 

Besides, Bandit needs you too. 

 

Dee

I don't think I going to make it through this as I am 60 years old and have numerous medical conditions. As long as it is taking everyone to recover it seems hopeless and suicide is not an option. The only thing left is waiting to die as my life is in shambles, my house is falling apart, my car is 18 years old and on its last leg, finances are depleted, the mental and physical pain is unbearable, I ask god to take me every night then I wake up and its groundhog day all over again. please help as it is impossible to live like this.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through all this, banditcat.  I know exactly how it feels to be ct'd from a high dose of xanax, which i was 10 years ago in a hospital detox.  I was 59 then, and am 69 now.  In my case the symptoms were overwhelming, and I eventually reinstated.  At 62 I tapered off successfully, and am now 7 years off and fully healed.  It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, by far, and my healing took over two years.

 

This forum has many members with similar stories, who were at the end of their ropes, but all the same went on to eventually heal. Many are in their 50s and 60s. Some of the stories are truly inspiring.  You can find them on our Success Stories Board.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=89.0

 

Your cat sounds wonderful.  My cat Artie, a gray and white 6 year old, is a wonderful companion, and an angel.  I had two purebred cats in the past who suffered from FIP, mother and son, and they did not survive.  After that tragedy I thought I'd never have such wonderful companions again, but then I adopted Artie, and though he's not beautiful, his personality makes up for that.

 

I know Pianogirl posted to you on another thread about your ideation.  Remember, as bad as things may seem now, they can and will get better.

 

Megan

Hang in there banditcat! Continue to fight the good fight and see what the end will be. There are many our age and older that have recovered. I am 67 years old today and refuse to give up. You can do this and I am praying for you buddy! PM me any time you wish and I promise you I will be honored to reply.

 

 

PG

Welcome Banditcat:

 

You are not alone.  I'm glad you are here and I for one can give you hope that there is a good possibility with the right help you can get surely get better.

 

I can so related to you and your symptoms.  I have experienced most of your symptoms except that I was just diagnosed with hypothroidism which was the cause of

so many of my symptoms.  I know the benzo caused the thyroid experience.  I thought for years I had fibromyalgia (sp?) but it was actually RLS so I wasn't getting

REM sleep. 

 

It would help me if you could add a medical history to your signature so I could see what other parallels there are.  I think you can click on "Profile" and add

drugs, including antibiotics that might have interacted with your benzo, duration of use and how you quit them.  .

 

You are a long time out but I am wondering if you have thought about reinstating your benzo and tapering off slowly this time?  Surely not say you should try this

just curious if you have entertained the idea. 

 

Here for you any time. PM or forum.

 

Klonkar

Yes, I just turned 61 and wishing I could see light at this long dark tunnel. I feel it's a little late for me, given my status, but if there was a "Truth" I could impart to anyone else going through this or any sort of mental anguish is something other than "It is required that you suffer" type of thing. I mean it's as if those "intrusive thoughts" bids that you do suffer - like a guilt trip in pill form! I would hope with certainty, I could state quite to the contrary. Otherwise, as far as answers go - I got nothing.

You're young! 60 is a good age. Cheer up, hold on! You can go this way with God's help. God does not give trials beyond our ability. It's okay! Hold on!